Trick-or-Treat for selenak!
Because she said she wanted to read something like this, and I live but to serve:
Entry #1: Have decided to keep a diary. Doctor is moping. All right, end of the Time War, all other Time Lords and TARDISes gone, etc., but I do wish he'd just do something.
Entry #2: Doctor did something. Gave me sort of a Goth makeover in my control room. Not sure I approve.
Entry #3: That does it. Doctor made himself a new sonic screwdriver and just keeps piling on the special features. Time to do something drastic before the man goes totally nutters.
Entry #4: Redirected Doctor's latest jump to Earth. He likes Earth. Maybe he can find nice girl to take his mind off matters.
Entry #5: *Yawn* Hopping around to various points in history. Quite boring. Nobody new on board yet. Wish the man would stop dithering and ask someone to come along. Don't much care who.
Entry #6: Finally getting somewhere! Autons intent on taking over Earth (again), and Doctor has found nice girl. Have high hopes he's found new Companion.
Entry #7: What is wrong with him? Letting her go that easily? Now he's moping about on Abraxas IXX. Must nag him into going back. Idiot!
Entry #8: Went back, picked up girl. I knew it'd only take a little push. Must make up room for her.
Entry #9: Played with Rose a little today. Not sure she appreciated my old "disappearing corridor" game, but at least I'm amused, which is more than I can say Doctor Crankypants does for me. Threw the two of them against each other at opportune moment, too. I think there's chemistry. Good. He needs a shag in a desperate way.
Entry #10: Back to early-21st century Earth? Is he trying to get rid of her? Bugger that--let's see how they feel about hitting the wrong year!
Entry #11: Rose back on board after alien invasion of planet. Doctor confessed to me after she'd gone to bed that he hesitated to save the planet on account of her. Aww! Must try re-routing Rose to Doctor's bedroom.
Entry #12: Bollocks! Doctor more broody than ever thanks to stinking Dalek, and Rose has brought toy on board. Toy keeps giving my console looks I don't like. He'll end up on his ass if he gets grabby. Must keep him away from Rose's bedroom.
Entry #13: Toy gone, thank Rassillon. Rose wants to meet father. Excellent! This is exact sort of thing that will lead to crying and cuddling and, if all goes well, comfort sex.
Entry #14: . . . that was weird.
Entry #15: Stuck in London Blitz with ringing telephone, and Rose and Doctor severely disappointed me. Crying and cuddling, no shagging. Think they're both idiots. With defective sex drives.
Entry #16: Doctor out of mind with happiness. Nice to see, possible shag inducer. But no, we're taking off (stupid!) and lodging on small warship with big explosive, and . . . hel-LO, Handsome! Oh, this has potential! Doctor dancing with Rose, gorgeous newcomer looking at both with undisguised envy and practically leaking sexuality all over my deck--Captain Jack, you and I shall get along just fine.
Entry #17: Doctor still thick. Flirts back well enough, but not taking anything seriously. Perhaps am going about this wrong. I should--oh, hello, Captain Jack taking shower. Back later.
Entry #17, cont.: That was nice. Very nice. *Sigh* Think perhaps Rose is key. If can get her and Captain Jack together, the two of them couldn't fail to get my dear, stupid Doctor to do what's good for him. Must make strategem.
Entry #18: Routed Captain Jack to Rose's room just as she was stepping out of shower. Results not all I hoped for, but not bad. Got them talking about sex and Doctor. All is going well.
Entry #19: Why do I even try? Back to year 2006 Great Britain, and Rose has summoned oafish boyfriend who clearly doesn't fancy the Doctor. Useless! Must figure out how to block that cell phone signal. But wait--perhaps blessing in diguise if Doctor gets jealous and broody. Am certain my darling Captain Jack could work seduction.
Entry #20: Oh, HELL no! There is NOT a Slitheen in my control room making hash of my plans!
Entry #21: Turned Slitheen into egg after she tried to split me apart. Doctor seems pleased, and oafish Rose boyfriend gone. Unfortunately, Rose is sulking. Must have had tiff with oaf. Come on, Rose--rebound!
Entry #22: It was going to work. I swear it was going to work! Dropped off egg, Rose was out of sulk, Captain Jack was teaching her to tango while Doctor quietly fumed--beautiful situation. Until some bitch with a transmat beam ruined it all! Am currently locked in white room while Doctor, Rose, and Captain Jack do something other than shag. Annoyed now, and bored. Perhaps some Tetris would take mind off matters until Doctor figures out where I am. Pooh!
Entry #23: My beloved Captain Jack found me! Has also determined that Rose isn't dead, which Doctor apparently thought. Couldn't be better. Horror of apparent death, joy at discovery she's alive, run to the rescue, and when she's safe in his (their?) arms again, who is to say what might happen?
Entry #24: There is a dead Dalek in my control room. Granted, Captain Jack was thrillingly manly at shooting it, but will someone please clean up the mess? Also, Rose and Doctor did not immediately go to shagging, which is understandable due to current crisis (how do these confounded Daleks do it?), but disappointing all the same. Later, perhaps. One must hold out hope.
Entry #25: OH, NO, HE DIDN'T!!!!!
Entry #26: Fantastic. Am stuck in London with emo Rose thanks to Doctor's thick-headedness. "Let the TARDIS die," he said. What I would do to him if he weren't 500,000 years in future . . . *Sob!* Captain Jack! You were too young and beautiful to die.
Entry #27: Rose, sweet Rose, you figured it out! Lovely. I'll load her up with the Time Vortex (what's the worst that could happen?), and we'll go back to the Game Station, disassemble those stinking Daleks, save our boys, and have a nice celebratory orgy after it's over. Right? Right!
Entry #28: Captain Jack dead. Oops, not anymore! Ha! Oh, Rose, you've got our Doctor on his knees now. You go, girl!
Entry #29: Okay, perhaps loaded Rose up with too much power. Poor girl's complaining of a headache. Not good for sex.
Entry #30: . . . What was that? One spectacular kiss, and now we're leaving? No! Captain Jack is out there! Why are we rushing off, aside from impending regeneration? There he is! Oh, Captain, my Captain. There he goes. Why is it always the spectacularly good-looking ones?
Entry #31: Perhaps all is not lost, if the Doctor's not too stupid. Are you going to tell her? Tell her. Tell her, you idiot! Regeneration in five, four, three . . .
. . . she was "fantastic"? That's all you've got to say?
His next incarnation had better be smarter.
Entry #1: Have decided to keep a diary. Doctor is moping. All right, end of the Time War, all other Time Lords and TARDISes gone, etc., but I do wish he'd just do something.
Entry #2: Doctor did something. Gave me sort of a Goth makeover in my control room. Not sure I approve.
Entry #3: That does it. Doctor made himself a new sonic screwdriver and just keeps piling on the special features. Time to do something drastic before the man goes totally nutters.
Entry #4: Redirected Doctor's latest jump to Earth. He likes Earth. Maybe he can find nice girl to take his mind off matters.
Entry #5: *Yawn* Hopping around to various points in history. Quite boring. Nobody new on board yet. Wish the man would stop dithering and ask someone to come along. Don't much care who.
Entry #6: Finally getting somewhere! Autons intent on taking over Earth (again), and Doctor has found nice girl. Have high hopes he's found new Companion.
Entry #7: What is wrong with him? Letting her go that easily? Now he's moping about on Abraxas IXX. Must nag him into going back. Idiot!
Entry #8: Went back, picked up girl. I knew it'd only take a little push. Must make up room for her.
Entry #9: Played with Rose a little today. Not sure she appreciated my old "disappearing corridor" game, but at least I'm amused, which is more than I can say Doctor Crankypants does for me. Threw the two of them against each other at opportune moment, too. I think there's chemistry. Good. He needs a shag in a desperate way.
Entry #10: Back to early-21st century Earth? Is he trying to get rid of her? Bugger that--let's see how they feel about hitting the wrong year!
Entry #11: Rose back on board after alien invasion of planet. Doctor confessed to me after she'd gone to bed that he hesitated to save the planet on account of her. Aww! Must try re-routing Rose to Doctor's bedroom.
Entry #12: Bollocks! Doctor more broody than ever thanks to stinking Dalek, and Rose has brought toy on board. Toy keeps giving my console looks I don't like. He'll end up on his ass if he gets grabby. Must keep him away from Rose's bedroom.
Entry #13: Toy gone, thank Rassillon. Rose wants to meet father. Excellent! This is exact sort of thing that will lead to crying and cuddling and, if all goes well, comfort sex.
Entry #14: . . . that was weird.
Entry #15: Stuck in London Blitz with ringing telephone, and Rose and Doctor severely disappointed me. Crying and cuddling, no shagging. Think they're both idiots. With defective sex drives.
Entry #16: Doctor out of mind with happiness. Nice to see, possible shag inducer. But no, we're taking off (stupid!) and lodging on small warship with big explosive, and . . . hel-LO, Handsome! Oh, this has potential! Doctor dancing with Rose, gorgeous newcomer looking at both with undisguised envy and practically leaking sexuality all over my deck--Captain Jack, you and I shall get along just fine.
Entry #17: Doctor still thick. Flirts back well enough, but not taking anything seriously. Perhaps am going about this wrong. I should--oh, hello, Captain Jack taking shower. Back later.
Entry #17, cont.: That was nice. Very nice. *Sigh* Think perhaps Rose is key. If can get her and Captain Jack together, the two of them couldn't fail to get my dear, stupid Doctor to do what's good for him. Must make strategem.
Entry #18: Routed Captain Jack to Rose's room just as she was stepping out of shower. Results not all I hoped for, but not bad. Got them talking about sex and Doctor. All is going well.
Entry #19: Why do I even try? Back to year 2006 Great Britain, and Rose has summoned oafish boyfriend who clearly doesn't fancy the Doctor. Useless! Must figure out how to block that cell phone signal. But wait--perhaps blessing in diguise if Doctor gets jealous and broody. Am certain my darling Captain Jack could work seduction.
Entry #20: Oh, HELL no! There is NOT a Slitheen in my control room making hash of my plans!
Entry #21: Turned Slitheen into egg after she tried to split me apart. Doctor seems pleased, and oafish Rose boyfriend gone. Unfortunately, Rose is sulking. Must have had tiff with oaf. Come on, Rose--rebound!
Entry #22: It was going to work. I swear it was going to work! Dropped off egg, Rose was out of sulk, Captain Jack was teaching her to tango while Doctor quietly fumed--beautiful situation. Until some bitch with a transmat beam ruined it all! Am currently locked in white room while Doctor, Rose, and Captain Jack do something other than shag. Annoyed now, and bored. Perhaps some Tetris would take mind off matters until Doctor figures out where I am. Pooh!
Entry #23: My beloved Captain Jack found me! Has also determined that Rose isn't dead, which Doctor apparently thought. Couldn't be better. Horror of apparent death, joy at discovery she's alive, run to the rescue, and when she's safe in his (their?) arms again, who is to say what might happen?
Entry #24: There is a dead Dalek in my control room. Granted, Captain Jack was thrillingly manly at shooting it, but will someone please clean up the mess? Also, Rose and Doctor did not immediately go to shagging, which is understandable due to current crisis (how do these confounded Daleks do it?), but disappointing all the same. Later, perhaps. One must hold out hope.
Entry #25: OH, NO, HE DIDN'T!!!!!
Entry #26: Fantastic. Am stuck in London with emo Rose thanks to Doctor's thick-headedness. "Let the TARDIS die," he said. What I would do to him if he weren't 500,000 years in future . . . *Sob!* Captain Jack! You were too young and beautiful to die.
Entry #27: Rose, sweet Rose, you figured it out! Lovely. I'll load her up with the Time Vortex (what's the worst that could happen?), and we'll go back to the Game Station, disassemble those stinking Daleks, save our boys, and have a nice celebratory orgy after it's over. Right? Right!
Entry #28: Captain Jack dead. Oops, not anymore! Ha! Oh, Rose, you've got our Doctor on his knees now. You go, girl!
Entry #29: Okay, perhaps loaded Rose up with too much power. Poor girl's complaining of a headache. Not good for sex.
Entry #30: . . . What was that? One spectacular kiss, and now we're leaving? No! Captain Jack is out there! Why are we rushing off, aside from impending regeneration? There he is! Oh, Captain, my Captain. There he goes. Why is it always the spectacularly good-looking ones?
Entry #31: Perhaps all is not lost, if the Doctor's not too stupid. Are you going to tell her? Tell her. Tell her, you idiot! Regeneration in five, four, three . . .
. . . she was "fantastic"? That's all you've got to say?
His next incarnation had better be smarter.