(no subject)
'Tis a good day. The morning's going by nice n' slow, and I finally put the lovely banners kitcat72 and frodosweetstuff had made for Tahitian into the story posts. I'd always meant to do that, so it feels nice to put the pretty in. :)
And I've had some nice writing time. :)
(banner by frodosweetstuff with manip-cred to aliensouldream)
Title: Geek Out: Moonlight
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: Casey wants 'out'.
Previous Parts:
Central Force
Solar Radii
Magnification
Nebula
Pale Blue Dot
Orbital Path
Rosette
When Casey woke to find Zeke gone, he almost panicked. ‘He wouldn’t just leave, would he?’ he thought, then felt stupid for it. As he curled his legs up to his chest, he tried to smile.
He still wasn’t sure what had made him return the ‘I love you’ from the night before, seeing as he wasn’t sure if he was in love with Zeke just yet. He tried rationalizing everything, from being in love with Zeke’s mind to figuring that he was just caught up in the moment. He’d expected Zeke to laugh at him after the debacle, and he hadn’t. Casey realized now how unfair that assumption was. Zeke cared about him; to think that he’d ridicule him wasn’t right.
But what did Zeke love about him? His brains? Casey knew that he’d felt flutters in his own stomach in watching Zeke scrawl on chalkboards, or when he’d wear his dorky dark-rimmed glasses when his contacts made his eyes ache. He always figured it was admiration, not a sexual attraction.
‘He called me pretty,’ his next thought blared into his mind. He swallowed and closed his eyes. Even if it WAS a girly sort of description, it was a definite compliment.
“Jesus Christ!”
The sudden booming voice had Casey jump into a sitting position on the bed. He found Zeke standing in the doorway--rather stumbling through it, one hand fighting to get the door closed, the other holding something wrapped in a napkin. Casey blinked in confusion as Zeke finally shut the door and turned around to face him. “It is cold as fuck out there!”
Casey smiled and leaned back on the headboard. “What were you doing out there?”
“Continental breakfast. And it ain’t half bad… brought you back some danishes and stuff.”
“Oh… you didn’t have to do that, I could walk there.”
“I got you a coffee, but I slipped on some ice. Almost took a huge shitter, but I caught myself… had to drop the cup, though.”
Cooing in sympathy, Casey smiled wider. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Nice enough of you to bring me something.”
“Here,” Zeke said, unwrapping the pastries. He took the one on the top and handed Casey the two left over. They did look delicious; one was cheese, the other apple.
“Might have to go for coffee and even more of these,” Casey said, sinking his teeth into the apple one. “Mmm… damn.”
Zeke flopped on his bed and started eating his own. “I scarfed one of these down before I left the lobby. They were out of everything else; we’ll pick something up on the way home.”
The next few minutes were spent eating and watching TV. Casey felt content, until he recalled his ‘pre-maturity’. “I, um…” Casey started. “Last night, when I… y’know. I got overexcited, and…”
“Case, seriously. I kept telling you that it was okay,” Zeke interjected. His smile grew as he took the last bite of his danish. “I take it as a compliment, getting you that riled up.”
Casey blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’m sorry about it. I’m pretty fucking embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.”
“But I am.”
Zeke sighed, slapped his thighs then stood up. He walked over to Casey and plopped down next to him. “I just have that effect with people.”
“Right. Has it ever happened to you?”
“Once.”
Raising his eyebrows, Casey sat up to get a good look at him. “When?”
“The only other time I’ve been with a guy.”
The idea that Zeke had been with another boy piqued Casey’s curiosity further. He turned, crossed his legs and leaned onto his knees. “Who was it?”
Zeke sucked his tongue a moment before answering, “You don’t know him. He was one of my mom’s friend’s kids. He went to school in Akron.”
“What was his name?”
“Dale,” Zeke said with an uncomfortable-looking shrug. “Nice enough guy.”
Casey smiled, though he felt a bit--jealous? “Who topped?” he blurted, regretting it immediately. Zeke gave him a strange smile, which made him go hot with embarrassment. “Sorry…”
“It was only one night. I topped, but… we had to wait a bit for the fucking, after I lost it in two swoops of his tongue,” Zeke admitted. “He thought it was funny, until I got rock fucking hard again and screwed him through the mattress.”
Zeke wasn’t just experienced with the ladies. It made Casey go even hotter. “Just one night though, huh?”
“My dad caught us, so yea.”
“Ohh…” Casey drawled. “Shit.”
“Mmhmm.”
“What’d he do?”
“He left.”
“What?”
“He left... four months later, but he left. Why do you think my dad isn’t around?” Zeke asked. Casey blinked in confusion; Zeke sighed and sat back further on the pillows. “It wasn’t the whole reason, but one of ‘em. He tried putting me in therapy, but I refused to go. By the time I turned eighteen, he’d had it. The last argument between me and Dad involved me being a ‘fucking fairy’. I haven’t seen him since.”
“What about your mom? You’ve said before that she’s gone to Europe or something,” Casey asked. The strange smile Zeke now wore made him frown. “What?”
“That’s what I tell people, yea.”
“What you tell people…?”
“She’s in a halfway house for addicts--has been for about ten months now.”
This new information made Casey flinch. “Huh?”
“Meth.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Believe me, wish I was,” Zeke grunted as he stood up and walked over to the bathroom. He kept the door open as he started washing his face.
“That’s terrible,” Casey said. “Zeke… that’s really terrible.”
“Eh, she’s getting better. I don’t expect her to come home, though. Last time I visited her, she was rooming with another chick. She’s happy. I think I remind her of everything that went wrong in her life--I wasn't a part of the ‘plan’,” Zeke explained while toweling his face. “Don’t worry about it.”
These stories had Casey’s mood drop, hard. As much as his parents annoyed him, he couldn’t imagine them gone. Then again, he hadn’t told them that he was gay just yet; that was a bridge he wasn’t eager to cross. Still, nothing could compare with Zeke’s situation. Casey stood up and walked over to the opened doorway. “I’m sorry.”
“Casey…”
“No, let me say that. I wish you had a better family.”
Zeke smiled and faced Casey. “I’ve got science and you. That counts for something,” he said. The words were so wonderful for Casey to hear that he didn’t flinch one bit when Zeke leaned down and gave him a small kiss.
~*~
On Sunday morning, Casey awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs. It perked him up immediately and made him smile. It was a sure bet that his mother was making her special recipe, ‘Pink Pancakes’, along with sausage and eggs. Such was life in the Connor household, where parental comfort was easy to find.
Casey yawned his way to the bathroom, emptied his bladder and headed downstairs. Upon arriving in the kitchen, he hissed and turned his head away from the sight of his parents sharing a few kisses. “Ew,” he exclaimed.
“Humph. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too,” his mother scoffed.
Casey rolled his eyes but smiled. “Pancakes?” he said, getting on tiptoe to see past her shoulder.
“Eh, eh… those are for romantic people only… people who think that their parents kissing is cute,” Mrs. Connor replied.
“Cut it out,” Casey whined.
After finishing up in the kitchen, the three of them settled in the dining room, passing plates and pouring drinks. With their plates full, Mrs. Connor raised her eyebrows at the men of the house starting to dig in. “Ahem,” she said. Casey looked up to see her folding her hands.
“Oh,” Mr. Connor said. He cleared his throat and followed suit. “Thank you Lord, for this wonderful meal, and for our family…”
Casey had no choice but to follow along. They hadn’t been to church in a while, but these sorts of things were insisted upon. He didn’t have the heart to say, ‘I’m not going to pray, seeing as I’m an atheist and all’. He simply followed along; there was no harm in pretending and giving general thanks, anyway.
Once they said Amen, Casey and his father began eating immediately, while Mrs. Connor sighed and put her napkin in her lap. “I’ll take your horrible table manners as a compliment, I suppose,” she said.
“My elbows aren’t on the table,” Mr. Connor said with his mouth full.
“Casey’s are, and that’s just gross, Frank,” she chided them both at the same time.
“So, Casey… anyone special you’re going to go out with today?” Mr. Connor asked. Casey swallowed his bite of sausage, though it felt more like a rock.
“No… I guess… well, Zeke’s stopping by later.”
“I’d meant a special girl,” Mr. Connor jovially replied.
“Um… no.”
“Aw,” Mr. Connor said. He winked and continued. “I’d be willing to bet Delilah’s still single, unable to get over you. Why don‘t you give her a call?”
“She’s dating one of the linebackers, Dad,” Casey said while trying his best to smile.
“Oh.”
“Leave Casey alone, Frank. Geez,” Mrs. Connor chimed in.
“What? He’s a catch. Girls are going for the brainy type nowadays, aren’t they?”
“Lord knows I didn’t.”
“Well still, I… hey!”
Casey chuckled, but his good mood had slipped; much like when Zeke had revealed his family history. He looked between his parents, wondering how they themselves would take it if they walked into his bedroom unannounced and found he and Zeke kissing. He wanted to tell them so badly that the words climbed up his throat, only to stick there, unwilling to come out. Come out.
“We’ll be going out tonight… if you want, have some friends over.” Mrs. Connor interrupted his thoughts.
“Stan and Stokes are probably going out, too. It’ll just be me and Zeke,” he answered.
“Doesn’t Zeke have a girlfriend?” Mr. Connor asked. The lump in Casey’s throat got tighter.
“No. He doesn’t.”
“He’s not bad either. You two should go girl-hunting or something.”
“Frank!”
“What? They should!”
Breakfast went on like this, with Casey feeling more nervous with every word. After what seemed like a century, his father stood up and began clearing the table. “Let me get this, darling,” he told his wife, then dipped down to kiss her again. Casey cringed, but said nothing.
“Thank you, dear,” Mrs. Connor said.
The man left the room; Casey watched him go, plates, platters and silverware in hand. He began humming as he filling the sink with water. Casey turned back to his mother, who wore a big smile while stirring her coffee.
“Are you and Zeke going to go stargazing again?” she asked.
Casey shrugged and starting sipping his juice. “Maybe. Kinda cold out now, though.”
“Oh, it’s terrible. I almost had to get the axe out of the garage to get the car door open yesterday, so much ice…”
Whatever else his mother was saying was getting drowned out by Casey’s thoughts. Wasn’t it obvious? Couldn’t his parents see what was going on? Perhaps Casey had thrown them off in dating Delilah, but that had only been for a few days, and nothing had gone on between them. That was one of the reasons they weren’t dating anymore to begin with.
“You’re too damned slow, Casey. Every time I kiss you, you turn into a dead fish.”
“I’m going to have to pick up some de-icer or something. It’s ridiculous--”
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
Casey looked up from his crossed arms. “I’m gay.”
~*~
Judging by the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, Casey’s mother had divulged the information to her husband. To be fair, he hadn’t told her not to tell. Casey sat still in his beanbag chair, feeling blank and numb. He flinched when the loud knock fell on his door; he didn’t answer, but Mr. Connor walked in anyway.
“Son…” he started. He looked flustered; not mad, but Casey was having a hard time with his own emotions, never mind gauging someone else’s. The man spluttered a bit and put a hand through his hair. “Are you kidding around? Your mother just told me that you told her… are you joking?”
Casey gnawed his lower lip, his fingers twisting around and over each other. “I’m not,” he softly replied.
“Not kidding, or not…?’
“No, I’m gay, Dad,” Casey snapped. He hoped he didn’t sound angry, though the questioning made him squirm. “I am.”
The man fell silent again, looking around as if searching for answers; perhaps clues to how he’d missed this. “Why are you telling us now?” he finally asked.
“When would you have liked me to--”
“But you dated Delilah!” Mr. Connor interrupted. Casey closed his eyes and put his arms around himself while his father scoffed, over and over again. “I don’t see how you could do that and be gay!”
“Yea, for like, a DAY. I didn’t KNOW I was back then.”
“‘Back then’? It was only a month ago!”
“That’s enough.”
“Okay, so how did you come across this ‘revelation’? What, did you see stuff on TV and it made you think--”
“No,” Casey interrupted. “I’m not that impressionable.”
“What IS it then? Is someone gay at your school…” he paused. “That’s it, isn’t it? Casey are you actually going to tell me that you’re dating someone??” he asked. Casey’s own pause seemed to serve the answer enough. “Oh my god.”
“I haven’t done anything… no sex, I don’t know if I even want that yet,” Casey blurted; he noticed the man flinch at the word ‘sex’, knowing what it implied to him. “I--”
“Who is it?” Mr. Connor asked in a rough voice.
“You sound mad… I don’t want to tell you,” Casey answered, trying to gather up as much courage as he could.
“I’m not--I don’t KNOW what I am right now! I don’t want to be mad, but… what do you want me to do? I’ve just learned that my son’s… that you’re…”
“Gay, Dad. Yes.”
“Tell me who you’re seeing. I have the right to know, you’re my son.”
“You can’t guess already?” Casey said. His father remained blank faced; Casey groaned and curled into himself. “Who am I always with, Dad? Like, all the time?”
“Oh my god…” Mr. Connor said again. “But I thought he was dating Stokely!”
The incredulous look Casey put on hurt. “Wha--Stan? You think it’s Stan?”
“Then WHO?”
“I can’t believe you’d think--”
“Not Zeke.”
Casey closed his eyes. “Yes, Dad. Zeke.”
“Wha…” Mr. Connor breathed out. He seemed to choke on words a moment, shaking his head. “That’s impossible. More impossible than YOU being gay.”
“Why?”
“He doesn’t look it, doesn’t act it…”
“Really? How are ‘we’ supposed to act or look?” Casey asked. He finally gave his father a firm gaze, holding it. “Have I been walking around wearing rainbowed halter tops yelling, ‘You go, girl!’ and stuff? Do I dress like the Chiquita Banana Lady and march in gay pride parades?”
“You know what I mean,” Mr. Connor said.
“Yea, I do--that’s the problem,” Casey said. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “I’m not running around town, picking up guys and fucking--”
“Watch your mouth!”
Casey groaned. “But I’m not! Like I said, I don’t even know how to BE with anyone, gay or straight. I’m not like that.”
“Then how do you know you’re gay in the first place?” Mr. Connor asked.
“Because when it comes to how I feel or what I like, it feels right. Okay? I’m still trying to figure it out myself… and I didn’t want to hide it from you, that’s all,” Casey said in a softer voice.
Mr. Connor pursed his lips in a thin line and stared at Casey, his face blank. He then relaxed his mouth and hissed out a breath. “You’re not to spend any more nights over at Zeke’s, then.”
Casey dropped his jaw and sat straighter. “What?? Dad, you can’t BAN me from seeing him--”
“I didn’t say that! I would love to, but it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good!” Mr. Connor interrupted. “If you want to have a--relationship with a guy, I’m gonna hold you to the same rules as if you were dating a girl. I don’t need to worry about you over there, having--doing things with him.”
All Casey wanted to retort with was that sex wasn’t strictly for evenings; that he and Zeke could decide to fuck under the bleachers at lunch, if they wanted. He didn’t quite believe it himself, however--not now. It sounded as if his father wasn’t going to take a baseball bat to Zeke’s head, anyway. “Fine,” Casey said.
Mr. Connor nodded slowly, staring down at his son with a firm gaze. “I’m not happy about it. I don’t know what to think, at all--but there’s not much I can do,” he said.
“So… you hate me now?” Casey asked.
“Ugh… no, for god’s sake…” Mr. Connor scoffed out. He then walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Casey sat back, trying to relax. He found that he couldn’t; out of everything, he should have warned Zeke. “Shit,” Casey muttered aloud, looking to the clock on his desk. Zeke was due to show up in around an hour, while Casey’s parents were still at home.
~*~
It was another chilly day, but Casey braved it to sit on the porch. His father had headed into the bathroom and his mother was in the kitchen on the phone, giving him the opportunity to wait for Zeke and slip away before they knew where he’d gone. They knew he was going out--they just didn’t have to see him off.
He heard the GTO before seeing it; he looked back at the house as he stood and went down the stairs. Zeke came around the corner and approached Casey’s house. Just as Casey reached the curb, he heard the screen door clack open behind him.
“Casey?”
‘Oh fuck no…’ he thought, then turned back towards the house. Mr. Connor stood at the top step, looking stern. “Yea?”
The GTO pulled up next to Casey, and Zeke looked through the passenger side. He gave a tiny wave, but Casey cringed and looked back at his father, who was now coming down the walk. “No, Dad… please, I’ll be back by curfew, all that…”
“I’m just going to talk to him,” Mr. Connor replied.
All the blood in Casey’s body fell to his feet. His head spun lightly, panic making him dizzy. Looking through the window to Zeke, Casey saw him rolling down his window to speak with the serious-looking man. Casey had no idea what to do; he could run back to the house and wait for this to be over, but he’d look like a coward. If he chose to get in the car and wait, he’d have to listen on in discomfort. After getting a small, pointed look from his father, he sighed and got in the car.
“Casey told us about you guys,” Mr. Connor started. Casey set his eyes on the dashboard, not wanting to see Zeke’s face.
“Uh huh,” was Zeke’s muttered reply.
“I let him know that there are gonna be rules when it comes to this. He’s not spending anymore overnights at your house, and he needs to be home on time when you go out. I don’t want you two pushing it with me,” he explained, sounding a bit flustered as he spoke. “And you two had better be careful. I have no idea why you’d want to do something like this, but I won’t be having any trouble come from it. Understand?”
“Yup,” Zeke said, then straightened. “Yes, Sir.”
Mr. Connor pursed his lips a moment then nodded. “I want him home by ten. It’s a school night--that’s most important. He needs to do his best before heading to MIT--”
“Dad, please…” Casey interjected. He couldn’t help the desperate look on his face as he looked past Zeke to the man. “You don’t have to worry about that. At all.”
“I’m just saying, Casey, because it needs to be said.”
“He’s right, though. Believe me, I’m pretty fu--proud that he got in. I wish I’d done better for something like that,” Zeke said in a calm, even voice. Casey almost snorted in hearing Zeke catch the ‘fuck’ he’d meant to say.
“Then work hard, boy. See what you can do,” Mr. Connor advised.
Zeke nodded slowly. “We’ll see.”
“Good. Now… back by ten. We clear?”
“Crystal,” Zeke said.
Another nod came as Mr. Connor stepped back. He then gave a long look to the car. “What… kind of car is this, anyway? GTO?”
“Yup. 1970.”
“Wow. Pretty sweet.”
As much as it was nice to hear the switch of subject, Casey cleared his throat. “Bye, Dad. Ten o’clock.”
“All right. Have… a good time,” he faltered in speech a moment and cleared his throat before heading back to the house.
It was silent a moment as Zeke pulled away, going slower than normal. Casey closed his eyes, sank into his seat further and groaned as they left his block. “I’m so… so sorry. I should’ve called to warn you…”
“What made you brave it?”
“I dunno. They were just talking… about Val-Day, wondering if I was gonna call Delilah, of all people,” Casey explained. Zeke chuckled lightly, which made Casey blush. At least he didn’t sound annoyed. “I may not know everything going on right now… with us… but I know I’m not straight, at this point.”
“Oh yea?”
“Yea. What was your first hint?”
Zeke grinned. “Probably when I kissed you and you didn’t deck me. Wasn’t one-hundred percent, but it was something.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“For what?”
“For what? My dad, for fuck’s sake…” Casey said. Zeke shrugged.
“Eh, he’s your dad. He’s gotta do shit like that. I’d take it as a compliment.”
“Oh yea?”
Sunglasses were then pulled over Zeke’s eyes. Casey looked over and bit his lip. Zeke looked nice today; very nice. Thinking on how they truly were together made him suddenly flush all over his body. “You growing your hair out?”
“A little. I was kinda stupid to try and cut it myself, so…” Zeke said.
Casey finally grinned away his apprehension and embarrassment. “I always wondered about that. You really chopped the shit out of it, huh?”
“Hmm… yep,” Zeke said, smiling around his cigarette and fluffing the side of his hair, making it go into disarray.
“It looks nice,” Casey remarked. After another quiet moment with him staring at the out-of-place strands, Casey found himself bringing his fingers up to tuck them behind Zeke’s ear. It seemed like a ‘boyfriend thing’ to do. He sat back, feeling giddy all of a sudden. “So, uh… where we goin’?”
“We could see a movie. Or have dinner. Do you like lobster?”
Casey puffed out a laugh. “What, like go to some classy restaurant? Pfft… the only place I know of is ‘The Tavern’, and like we need to be seen getting cozy under candlelight.”
“Who says we have to hang out in this hellhole? We’ve got ‘til ten,” Zeke said, shooting a sly glance his way.
“But…” Casey started, feeling light shock. Zeke actually wanted to go out on a date? “I’m… jeans and a t-shirt, aren’t there dress codes…?”
“So let’s get you something nice.”
“Zeke, you--spending money on me like this, I… but--” The words couldn’t come out, it seemed.
“I’m not talking about a three-piece suit. Just might be nice.”
“What might be nice?”
Zeke shrugged, but didn’t answer. He just kept smiling.
~*~
“When did you change…?” Mrs. Connor asked in a suspicious tone when Casey came in the house at ten-of-ten.
“Um,” Casey murmured, looking down on the black silk button-down. He looked back at his mother and shrugged. “Val-Day gift, that’s all.”
Mr. Connor glanced over his paper at him but said nothing, but the smile that grew on Mrs. Connor’s face was reassuring. “Did you do anything fun?” she inquired further.
“Dinner.”
“Where?”
Casey chuckled nervously. “Just… a place.”
“Mmhmm. Where?”
Her nosiness made Casey blush. “Out in the next town over… nice place, um--I think it’s called ‘D’Agostino’s’.”
Mrs. Connor’s jaw dropped a little. She then shot a look to Mr. Connor, who looked back and blinked furiously. “What?”
“Our eighteen-year old son goes out to a classy restaurant and you take me to ‘Applebee’s’?” she scoffed.
“I… Jesus, what the hell does Zeke DO for a living, sell black-market babies?” Mr. Connor blurted.
“No, he just… his parents have him set up,” Casey said. He couldn’t go on, unsure of how they’d react to his family history. He’d told them enough already. “I’m gonna head to bed.”
Mr. Connor kept grumbling, turning back to his paper as if trying to hide. Casey’s mother flashed him a smile. “All right, honey. Good night.”
Casey smiled back then headed upstairs. Truth be told, he was pretty tired. He went into his room, put his bag on the floor and stopped to look in his mirror. Perhaps for the first time in his life… ‘You look good,’ he thought. This was the nicest piece of clothing he owned, at this point. To think that Zeke had gotten it for him was making him warm all over again.
He hated taking it off, still unimpressed with his slight form as it was revealed. He looked down at his hips and bit his lip, then turned to get a side-view. Whatever Zeke saw in this was a mystery, but he saw it. That was what was important, Casey figured. He’d secretly enjoyed the downward glances Zeke had taken, his eyes obviously set on the undone buttons at Casey’s collarbone.
Casey had gotten high on his lobster, not needing the wine they’d both lamented about wanting. The sparkling cider had been enough to make Casey smile; he could still taste the sweetness of it, making him lick his lips.
“Damn moon’s out…”
“I like the moon.”
“But you can’t see shit.”
Casey changed into a pair of sweats and left his room to brush his teeth, letting the memory of tonight run through his mind. After finishing up all of his ‘bathroom business’, he went back to his room, shut off the light and crawled into bed.
“Have you always been Mr. Romance, or something?”
“Pfft, no. Still ain’t.”
“You bought me fuckin’ LOBSTER, Zeke. That’s Valentino material.”
“Eh, I saw it as an excuse to get some for myself.”
“You’re such a brat.”
Casey cuddled under the covers even more and stared out the window, glistening moonlight streaming in and making everything light blue.
“See you at school.”
“Yea. Sucks.”
“One more week ‘til break, though.”
“Yea, can’t fuckin’ wait, I’m telling--”
Casey shuddered. The kiss that Zeke had surprised him with had almost--almost--had him recoil, but he’d found himself melting into it, even if he’d worried that his dad was watching them through the front window.
For once, Casey felt like he didn’t have to use a star map to find his way to who he was.
~*~
And I've had some nice writing time. :)
(banner by frodosweetstuff with manip-cred to aliensouldream)
Title: Geek Out: Moonlight
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: Casey wants 'out'.
Previous Parts:
Central Force
Solar Radii
Magnification
Nebula
Pale Blue Dot
Orbital Path
Rosette
When Casey woke to find Zeke gone, he almost panicked. ‘He wouldn’t just leave, would he?’ he thought, then felt stupid for it. As he curled his legs up to his chest, he tried to smile.
He still wasn’t sure what had made him return the ‘I love you’ from the night before, seeing as he wasn’t sure if he was in love with Zeke just yet. He tried rationalizing everything, from being in love with Zeke’s mind to figuring that he was just caught up in the moment. He’d expected Zeke to laugh at him after the debacle, and he hadn’t. Casey realized now how unfair that assumption was. Zeke cared about him; to think that he’d ridicule him wasn’t right.
But what did Zeke love about him? His brains? Casey knew that he’d felt flutters in his own stomach in watching Zeke scrawl on chalkboards, or when he’d wear his dorky dark-rimmed glasses when his contacts made his eyes ache. He always figured it was admiration, not a sexual attraction.
‘He called me pretty,’ his next thought blared into his mind. He swallowed and closed his eyes. Even if it WAS a girly sort of description, it was a definite compliment.
“Jesus Christ!”
The sudden booming voice had Casey jump into a sitting position on the bed. He found Zeke standing in the doorway--rather stumbling through it, one hand fighting to get the door closed, the other holding something wrapped in a napkin. Casey blinked in confusion as Zeke finally shut the door and turned around to face him. “It is cold as fuck out there!”
Casey smiled and leaned back on the headboard. “What were you doing out there?”
“Continental breakfast. And it ain’t half bad… brought you back some danishes and stuff.”
“Oh… you didn’t have to do that, I could walk there.”
“I got you a coffee, but I slipped on some ice. Almost took a huge shitter, but I caught myself… had to drop the cup, though.”
Cooing in sympathy, Casey smiled wider. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Nice enough of you to bring me something.”
“Here,” Zeke said, unwrapping the pastries. He took the one on the top and handed Casey the two left over. They did look delicious; one was cheese, the other apple.
“Might have to go for coffee and even more of these,” Casey said, sinking his teeth into the apple one. “Mmm… damn.”
Zeke flopped on his bed and started eating his own. “I scarfed one of these down before I left the lobby. They were out of everything else; we’ll pick something up on the way home.”
The next few minutes were spent eating and watching TV. Casey felt content, until he recalled his ‘pre-maturity’. “I, um…” Casey started. “Last night, when I… y’know. I got overexcited, and…”
“Case, seriously. I kept telling you that it was okay,” Zeke interjected. His smile grew as he took the last bite of his danish. “I take it as a compliment, getting you that riled up.”
Casey blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’m sorry about it. I’m pretty fucking embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.”
“But I am.”
Zeke sighed, slapped his thighs then stood up. He walked over to Casey and plopped down next to him. “I just have that effect with people.”
“Right. Has it ever happened to you?”
“Once.”
Raising his eyebrows, Casey sat up to get a good look at him. “When?”
“The only other time I’ve been with a guy.”
The idea that Zeke had been with another boy piqued Casey’s curiosity further. He turned, crossed his legs and leaned onto his knees. “Who was it?”
Zeke sucked his tongue a moment before answering, “You don’t know him. He was one of my mom’s friend’s kids. He went to school in Akron.”
“What was his name?”
“Dale,” Zeke said with an uncomfortable-looking shrug. “Nice enough guy.”
Casey smiled, though he felt a bit--jealous? “Who topped?” he blurted, regretting it immediately. Zeke gave him a strange smile, which made him go hot with embarrassment. “Sorry…”
“It was only one night. I topped, but… we had to wait a bit for the fucking, after I lost it in two swoops of his tongue,” Zeke admitted. “He thought it was funny, until I got rock fucking hard again and screwed him through the mattress.”
Zeke wasn’t just experienced with the ladies. It made Casey go even hotter. “Just one night though, huh?”
“My dad caught us, so yea.”
“Ohh…” Casey drawled. “Shit.”
“Mmhmm.”
“What’d he do?”
“He left.”
“What?”
“He left... four months later, but he left. Why do you think my dad isn’t around?” Zeke asked. Casey blinked in confusion; Zeke sighed and sat back further on the pillows. “It wasn’t the whole reason, but one of ‘em. He tried putting me in therapy, but I refused to go. By the time I turned eighteen, he’d had it. The last argument between me and Dad involved me being a ‘fucking fairy’. I haven’t seen him since.”
“What about your mom? You’ve said before that she’s gone to Europe or something,” Casey asked. The strange smile Zeke now wore made him frown. “What?”
“That’s what I tell people, yea.”
“What you tell people…?”
“She’s in a halfway house for addicts--has been for about ten months now.”
This new information made Casey flinch. “Huh?”
“Meth.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Believe me, wish I was,” Zeke grunted as he stood up and walked over to the bathroom. He kept the door open as he started washing his face.
“That’s terrible,” Casey said. “Zeke… that’s really terrible.”
“Eh, she’s getting better. I don’t expect her to come home, though. Last time I visited her, she was rooming with another chick. She’s happy. I think I remind her of everything that went wrong in her life--I wasn't a part of the ‘plan’,” Zeke explained while toweling his face. “Don’t worry about it.”
These stories had Casey’s mood drop, hard. As much as his parents annoyed him, he couldn’t imagine them gone. Then again, he hadn’t told them that he was gay just yet; that was a bridge he wasn’t eager to cross. Still, nothing could compare with Zeke’s situation. Casey stood up and walked over to the opened doorway. “I’m sorry.”
“Casey…”
“No, let me say that. I wish you had a better family.”
Zeke smiled and faced Casey. “I’ve got science and you. That counts for something,” he said. The words were so wonderful for Casey to hear that he didn’t flinch one bit when Zeke leaned down and gave him a small kiss.
~*~
On Sunday morning, Casey awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs. It perked him up immediately and made him smile. It was a sure bet that his mother was making her special recipe, ‘Pink Pancakes’, along with sausage and eggs. Such was life in the Connor household, where parental comfort was easy to find.
Casey yawned his way to the bathroom, emptied his bladder and headed downstairs. Upon arriving in the kitchen, he hissed and turned his head away from the sight of his parents sharing a few kisses. “Ew,” he exclaimed.
“Humph. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too,” his mother scoffed.
Casey rolled his eyes but smiled. “Pancakes?” he said, getting on tiptoe to see past her shoulder.
“Eh, eh… those are for romantic people only… people who think that their parents kissing is cute,” Mrs. Connor replied.
“Cut it out,” Casey whined.
After finishing up in the kitchen, the three of them settled in the dining room, passing plates and pouring drinks. With their plates full, Mrs. Connor raised her eyebrows at the men of the house starting to dig in. “Ahem,” she said. Casey looked up to see her folding her hands.
“Oh,” Mr. Connor said. He cleared his throat and followed suit. “Thank you Lord, for this wonderful meal, and for our family…”
Casey had no choice but to follow along. They hadn’t been to church in a while, but these sorts of things were insisted upon. He didn’t have the heart to say, ‘I’m not going to pray, seeing as I’m an atheist and all’. He simply followed along; there was no harm in pretending and giving general thanks, anyway.
Once they said Amen, Casey and his father began eating immediately, while Mrs. Connor sighed and put her napkin in her lap. “I’ll take your horrible table manners as a compliment, I suppose,” she said.
“My elbows aren’t on the table,” Mr. Connor said with his mouth full.
“Casey’s are, and that’s just gross, Frank,” she chided them both at the same time.
“So, Casey… anyone special you’re going to go out with today?” Mr. Connor asked. Casey swallowed his bite of sausage, though it felt more like a rock.
“No… I guess… well, Zeke’s stopping by later.”
“I’d meant a special girl,” Mr. Connor jovially replied.
“Um… no.”
“Aw,” Mr. Connor said. He winked and continued. “I’d be willing to bet Delilah’s still single, unable to get over you. Why don‘t you give her a call?”
“She’s dating one of the linebackers, Dad,” Casey said while trying his best to smile.
“Oh.”
“Leave Casey alone, Frank. Geez,” Mrs. Connor chimed in.
“What? He’s a catch. Girls are going for the brainy type nowadays, aren’t they?”
“Lord knows I didn’t.”
“Well still, I… hey!”
Casey chuckled, but his good mood had slipped; much like when Zeke had revealed his family history. He looked between his parents, wondering how they themselves would take it if they walked into his bedroom unannounced and found he and Zeke kissing. He wanted to tell them so badly that the words climbed up his throat, only to stick there, unwilling to come out. Come out.
“We’ll be going out tonight… if you want, have some friends over.” Mrs. Connor interrupted his thoughts.
“Stan and Stokes are probably going out, too. It’ll just be me and Zeke,” he answered.
“Doesn’t Zeke have a girlfriend?” Mr. Connor asked. The lump in Casey’s throat got tighter.
“No. He doesn’t.”
“He’s not bad either. You two should go girl-hunting or something.”
“Frank!”
“What? They should!”
Breakfast went on like this, with Casey feeling more nervous with every word. After what seemed like a century, his father stood up and began clearing the table. “Let me get this, darling,” he told his wife, then dipped down to kiss her again. Casey cringed, but said nothing.
“Thank you, dear,” Mrs. Connor said.
The man left the room; Casey watched him go, plates, platters and silverware in hand. He began humming as he filling the sink with water. Casey turned back to his mother, who wore a big smile while stirring her coffee.
“Are you and Zeke going to go stargazing again?” she asked.
Casey shrugged and starting sipping his juice. “Maybe. Kinda cold out now, though.”
“Oh, it’s terrible. I almost had to get the axe out of the garage to get the car door open yesterday, so much ice…”
Whatever else his mother was saying was getting drowned out by Casey’s thoughts. Wasn’t it obvious? Couldn’t his parents see what was going on? Perhaps Casey had thrown them off in dating Delilah, but that had only been for a few days, and nothing had gone on between them. That was one of the reasons they weren’t dating anymore to begin with.
“You’re too damned slow, Casey. Every time I kiss you, you turn into a dead fish.”
“I’m going to have to pick up some de-icer or something. It’s ridiculous--”
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
Casey looked up from his crossed arms. “I’m gay.”
~*~
Judging by the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, Casey’s mother had divulged the information to her husband. To be fair, he hadn’t told her not to tell. Casey sat still in his beanbag chair, feeling blank and numb. He flinched when the loud knock fell on his door; he didn’t answer, but Mr. Connor walked in anyway.
“Son…” he started. He looked flustered; not mad, but Casey was having a hard time with his own emotions, never mind gauging someone else’s. The man spluttered a bit and put a hand through his hair. “Are you kidding around? Your mother just told me that you told her… are you joking?”
Casey gnawed his lower lip, his fingers twisting around and over each other. “I’m not,” he softly replied.
“Not kidding, or not…?’
“No, I’m gay, Dad,” Casey snapped. He hoped he didn’t sound angry, though the questioning made him squirm. “I am.”
The man fell silent again, looking around as if searching for answers; perhaps clues to how he’d missed this. “Why are you telling us now?” he finally asked.
“When would you have liked me to--”
“But you dated Delilah!” Mr. Connor interrupted. Casey closed his eyes and put his arms around himself while his father scoffed, over and over again. “I don’t see how you could do that and be gay!”
“Yea, for like, a DAY. I didn’t KNOW I was back then.”
“‘Back then’? It was only a month ago!”
“That’s enough.”
“Okay, so how did you come across this ‘revelation’? What, did you see stuff on TV and it made you think--”
“No,” Casey interrupted. “I’m not that impressionable.”
“What IS it then? Is someone gay at your school…” he paused. “That’s it, isn’t it? Casey are you actually going to tell me that you’re dating someone??” he asked. Casey’s own pause seemed to serve the answer enough. “Oh my god.”
“I haven’t done anything… no sex, I don’t know if I even want that yet,” Casey blurted; he noticed the man flinch at the word ‘sex’, knowing what it implied to him. “I--”
“Who is it?” Mr. Connor asked in a rough voice.
“You sound mad… I don’t want to tell you,” Casey answered, trying to gather up as much courage as he could.
“I’m not--I don’t KNOW what I am right now! I don’t want to be mad, but… what do you want me to do? I’ve just learned that my son’s… that you’re…”
“Gay, Dad. Yes.”
“Tell me who you’re seeing. I have the right to know, you’re my son.”
“You can’t guess already?” Casey said. His father remained blank faced; Casey groaned and curled into himself. “Who am I always with, Dad? Like, all the time?”
“Oh my god…” Mr. Connor said again. “But I thought he was dating Stokely!”
The incredulous look Casey put on hurt. “Wha--Stan? You think it’s Stan?”
“Then WHO?”
“I can’t believe you’d think--”
“Not Zeke.”
Casey closed his eyes. “Yes, Dad. Zeke.”
“Wha…” Mr. Connor breathed out. He seemed to choke on words a moment, shaking his head. “That’s impossible. More impossible than YOU being gay.”
“Why?”
“He doesn’t look it, doesn’t act it…”
“Really? How are ‘we’ supposed to act or look?” Casey asked. He finally gave his father a firm gaze, holding it. “Have I been walking around wearing rainbowed halter tops yelling, ‘You go, girl!’ and stuff? Do I dress like the Chiquita Banana Lady and march in gay pride parades?”
“You know what I mean,” Mr. Connor said.
“Yea, I do--that’s the problem,” Casey said. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “I’m not running around town, picking up guys and fucking--”
“Watch your mouth!”
Casey groaned. “But I’m not! Like I said, I don’t even know how to BE with anyone, gay or straight. I’m not like that.”
“Then how do you know you’re gay in the first place?” Mr. Connor asked.
“Because when it comes to how I feel or what I like, it feels right. Okay? I’m still trying to figure it out myself… and I didn’t want to hide it from you, that’s all,” Casey said in a softer voice.
Mr. Connor pursed his lips in a thin line and stared at Casey, his face blank. He then relaxed his mouth and hissed out a breath. “You’re not to spend any more nights over at Zeke’s, then.”
Casey dropped his jaw and sat straighter. “What?? Dad, you can’t BAN me from seeing him--”
“I didn’t say that! I would love to, but it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good!” Mr. Connor interrupted. “If you want to have a--relationship with a guy, I’m gonna hold you to the same rules as if you were dating a girl. I don’t need to worry about you over there, having--doing things with him.”
All Casey wanted to retort with was that sex wasn’t strictly for evenings; that he and Zeke could decide to fuck under the bleachers at lunch, if they wanted. He didn’t quite believe it himself, however--not now. It sounded as if his father wasn’t going to take a baseball bat to Zeke’s head, anyway. “Fine,” Casey said.
Mr. Connor nodded slowly, staring down at his son with a firm gaze. “I’m not happy about it. I don’t know what to think, at all--but there’s not much I can do,” he said.
“So… you hate me now?” Casey asked.
“Ugh… no, for god’s sake…” Mr. Connor scoffed out. He then walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Casey sat back, trying to relax. He found that he couldn’t; out of everything, he should have warned Zeke. “Shit,” Casey muttered aloud, looking to the clock on his desk. Zeke was due to show up in around an hour, while Casey’s parents were still at home.
~*~
It was another chilly day, but Casey braved it to sit on the porch. His father had headed into the bathroom and his mother was in the kitchen on the phone, giving him the opportunity to wait for Zeke and slip away before they knew where he’d gone. They knew he was going out--they just didn’t have to see him off.
He heard the GTO before seeing it; he looked back at the house as he stood and went down the stairs. Zeke came around the corner and approached Casey’s house. Just as Casey reached the curb, he heard the screen door clack open behind him.
“Casey?”
‘Oh fuck no…’ he thought, then turned back towards the house. Mr. Connor stood at the top step, looking stern. “Yea?”
The GTO pulled up next to Casey, and Zeke looked through the passenger side. He gave a tiny wave, but Casey cringed and looked back at his father, who was now coming down the walk. “No, Dad… please, I’ll be back by curfew, all that…”
“I’m just going to talk to him,” Mr. Connor replied.
All the blood in Casey’s body fell to his feet. His head spun lightly, panic making him dizzy. Looking through the window to Zeke, Casey saw him rolling down his window to speak with the serious-looking man. Casey had no idea what to do; he could run back to the house and wait for this to be over, but he’d look like a coward. If he chose to get in the car and wait, he’d have to listen on in discomfort. After getting a small, pointed look from his father, he sighed and got in the car.
“Casey told us about you guys,” Mr. Connor started. Casey set his eyes on the dashboard, not wanting to see Zeke’s face.
“Uh huh,” was Zeke’s muttered reply.
“I let him know that there are gonna be rules when it comes to this. He’s not spending anymore overnights at your house, and he needs to be home on time when you go out. I don’t want you two pushing it with me,” he explained, sounding a bit flustered as he spoke. “And you two had better be careful. I have no idea why you’d want to do something like this, but I won’t be having any trouble come from it. Understand?”
“Yup,” Zeke said, then straightened. “Yes, Sir.”
Mr. Connor pursed his lips a moment then nodded. “I want him home by ten. It’s a school night--that’s most important. He needs to do his best before heading to MIT--”
“Dad, please…” Casey interjected. He couldn’t help the desperate look on his face as he looked past Zeke to the man. “You don’t have to worry about that. At all.”
“I’m just saying, Casey, because it needs to be said.”
“He’s right, though. Believe me, I’m pretty fu--proud that he got in. I wish I’d done better for something like that,” Zeke said in a calm, even voice. Casey almost snorted in hearing Zeke catch the ‘fuck’ he’d meant to say.
“Then work hard, boy. See what you can do,” Mr. Connor advised.
Zeke nodded slowly. “We’ll see.”
“Good. Now… back by ten. We clear?”
“Crystal,” Zeke said.
Another nod came as Mr. Connor stepped back. He then gave a long look to the car. “What… kind of car is this, anyway? GTO?”
“Yup. 1970.”
“Wow. Pretty sweet.”
As much as it was nice to hear the switch of subject, Casey cleared his throat. “Bye, Dad. Ten o’clock.”
“All right. Have… a good time,” he faltered in speech a moment and cleared his throat before heading back to the house.
It was silent a moment as Zeke pulled away, going slower than normal. Casey closed his eyes, sank into his seat further and groaned as they left his block. “I’m so… so sorry. I should’ve called to warn you…”
“What made you brave it?”
“I dunno. They were just talking… about Val-Day, wondering if I was gonna call Delilah, of all people,” Casey explained. Zeke chuckled lightly, which made Casey blush. At least he didn’t sound annoyed. “I may not know everything going on right now… with us… but I know I’m not straight, at this point.”
“Oh yea?”
“Yea. What was your first hint?”
Zeke grinned. “Probably when I kissed you and you didn’t deck me. Wasn’t one-hundred percent, but it was something.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“For what?”
“For what? My dad, for fuck’s sake…” Casey said. Zeke shrugged.
“Eh, he’s your dad. He’s gotta do shit like that. I’d take it as a compliment.”
“Oh yea?”
Sunglasses were then pulled over Zeke’s eyes. Casey looked over and bit his lip. Zeke looked nice today; very nice. Thinking on how they truly were together made him suddenly flush all over his body. “You growing your hair out?”
“A little. I was kinda stupid to try and cut it myself, so…” Zeke said.
Casey finally grinned away his apprehension and embarrassment. “I always wondered about that. You really chopped the shit out of it, huh?”
“Hmm… yep,” Zeke said, smiling around his cigarette and fluffing the side of his hair, making it go into disarray.
“It looks nice,” Casey remarked. After another quiet moment with him staring at the out-of-place strands, Casey found himself bringing his fingers up to tuck them behind Zeke’s ear. It seemed like a ‘boyfriend thing’ to do. He sat back, feeling giddy all of a sudden. “So, uh… where we goin’?”
“We could see a movie. Or have dinner. Do you like lobster?”
Casey puffed out a laugh. “What, like go to some classy restaurant? Pfft… the only place I know of is ‘The Tavern’, and like we need to be seen getting cozy under candlelight.”
“Who says we have to hang out in this hellhole? We’ve got ‘til ten,” Zeke said, shooting a sly glance his way.
“But…” Casey started, feeling light shock. Zeke actually wanted to go out on a date? “I’m… jeans and a t-shirt, aren’t there dress codes…?”
“So let’s get you something nice.”
“Zeke, you--spending money on me like this, I… but--” The words couldn’t come out, it seemed.
“I’m not talking about a three-piece suit. Just might be nice.”
“What might be nice?”
Zeke shrugged, but didn’t answer. He just kept smiling.
~*~
“When did you change…?” Mrs. Connor asked in a suspicious tone when Casey came in the house at ten-of-ten.
“Um,” Casey murmured, looking down on the black silk button-down. He looked back at his mother and shrugged. “Val-Day gift, that’s all.”
Mr. Connor glanced over his paper at him but said nothing, but the smile that grew on Mrs. Connor’s face was reassuring. “Did you do anything fun?” she inquired further.
“Dinner.”
“Where?”
Casey chuckled nervously. “Just… a place.”
“Mmhmm. Where?”
Her nosiness made Casey blush. “Out in the next town over… nice place, um--I think it’s called ‘D’Agostino’s’.”
Mrs. Connor’s jaw dropped a little. She then shot a look to Mr. Connor, who looked back and blinked furiously. “What?”
“Our eighteen-year old son goes out to a classy restaurant and you take me to ‘Applebee’s’?” she scoffed.
“I… Jesus, what the hell does Zeke DO for a living, sell black-market babies?” Mr. Connor blurted.
“No, he just… his parents have him set up,” Casey said. He couldn’t go on, unsure of how they’d react to his family history. He’d told them enough already. “I’m gonna head to bed.”
Mr. Connor kept grumbling, turning back to his paper as if trying to hide. Casey’s mother flashed him a smile. “All right, honey. Good night.”
Casey smiled back then headed upstairs. Truth be told, he was pretty tired. He went into his room, put his bag on the floor and stopped to look in his mirror. Perhaps for the first time in his life… ‘You look good,’ he thought. This was the nicest piece of clothing he owned, at this point. To think that Zeke had gotten it for him was making him warm all over again.
He hated taking it off, still unimpressed with his slight form as it was revealed. He looked down at his hips and bit his lip, then turned to get a side-view. Whatever Zeke saw in this was a mystery, but he saw it. That was what was important, Casey figured. He’d secretly enjoyed the downward glances Zeke had taken, his eyes obviously set on the undone buttons at Casey’s collarbone.
Casey had gotten high on his lobster, not needing the wine they’d both lamented about wanting. The sparkling cider had been enough to make Casey smile; he could still taste the sweetness of it, making him lick his lips.
“Damn moon’s out…”
“I like the moon.”
“But you can’t see shit.”
Casey changed into a pair of sweats and left his room to brush his teeth, letting the memory of tonight run through his mind. After finishing up all of his ‘bathroom business’, he went back to his room, shut off the light and crawled into bed.
“Have you always been Mr. Romance, or something?”
“Pfft, no. Still ain’t.”
“You bought me fuckin’ LOBSTER, Zeke. That’s Valentino material.”
“Eh, I saw it as an excuse to get some for myself.”
“You’re such a brat.”
Casey cuddled under the covers even more and stared out the window, glistening moonlight streaming in and making everything light blue.
“See you at school.”
“Yea. Sucks.”
“One more week ‘til break, though.”
“Yea, can’t fuckin’ wait, I’m telling--”
Casey shuddered. The kiss that Zeke had surprised him with had almost--almost--had him recoil, but he’d found himself melting into it, even if he’d worried that his dad was watching them through the front window.
For once, Casey felt like he didn’t have to use a star map to find his way to who he was.
~*~