Seeking Guidance, chapter 5
Author: honey_mellon
Title: Seeking Guidance
Rating: R
Pairing: Ukitake Juushiro, Abarai Renji
Warnings: Nothing you wouldn't expect from an R-rated yaoi fiction
Summary: Juushiro watched the swirling tattoos come to life as the young man flexed his arms and snapped his whip-like zanpakutou forward. He saw the anger that saturated every thrust of those muscular arms and the strain in those narrow, tired brown eyes. Juushiro had a good idea where these hurtful feelings came from, and he wanted to help.
COMMUNITY DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.
The sea of pain parted, and a new sensation-something wet and very soft-enveloped him like a blanket. With a gasp of relief, Renji welcomed the comfort. The flames on his skin flickered and protested, determined to continue their torment, but they were no match against this newcomer. After a final, weak attempt to reignite, the fire died.
But with that came a sudden flood of stinging chill, as though he had fallen through a sheet of ice into a frigid lake. Pain that had been blissfully absent for barely a heartbeat rushed back immediately, but almost just as quickly, the same blanket radiated warmth-soothing, glorious warmth-and Renji stopped struggling.
And then there was just darkness.
Juushiro felt Renji fall limp in his arms, and he finally lifted his head, breaking the kiss. The sudden loss of contact on his lips jolted him out of his daze.
He's not moving!
Suddenly frantic again, Juushiro ran his hand over the lieutenant's face, chest, and arms, checking for signs of life. There it was, just barely, the slow but steady rise and fall of the tattooed chest. Relieved, Juushiro began to brush the damp strands of hair away from Renji's sweat-slicked face. Renji was still deathly pale, but at least he wasn't screaming and thrashing anymore.
What stopped it? Juushiro would like to think it was because of his kiss, but was it?
Oh.
Juushiro's hand shot to his mouth. What have I done?
He had just kissed his subordinate! He kissed a man who was unconscious and defenseless! His hands slipped and he nearly dropped Renji. He caught the man in time, but he suddenly dared not touch him anymore. He was a monster-a despicable man who took advantage of a young man when he was most vulnerable, and he needed to get Renji as far away from him as possible.
With trembling hands, Juushiro gently lay Renji onto his back on the mat. Then, he stood up and found a thin blanket and draped it over the lieutenant's body. Standing next to Renji, Juushiro stared at the man-his features were soft in sleep, the frown and ever-present scowl gone. He looked impossibly young to be one of the most powerful vice captains in the Gotei 13.
Juushiro clenched his fists. Not only had he presented himself as a senior officer to Renji, he had invited the man into his home and volunteered tohelp. And now what had he done?
Suddenly thirsty and in need of something to calm his nerves, Juushiro went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of tea. But the tea somehow tasted bitter, and with a sudden flare of rage at himself, Juushiro slammed the cup down on the tiled countertop. The cup shattered.
Renji was confused when he opened his eyes. The pattern on the ceiling looked foreign, the walls blank, and there was the unmistakable scent of herbs and chemical around him.
"You're finally awake! Took you long enough," a cheerful female voice said. Then the familiar form of his childhood friend appeared next to his bed.
"Rukia!" Renji sat up immediately. Of course! This was the Fourth division infirmary!
"Yamada-kun said that you would be thirsty when you wake up. Here." Rukia held up a steaming hot mug of herbal tea, and Renji accept it with a grateful smile. The strong smell of herbs would have deterred him normally, but he gulped down every drop.
Renji handed the empty cup to Rukia. "How'd I get here?" he asked curiously.
"Ukitake-taicho sent you here," Rukia said. "What were you doing at his house? He wouldn't tell us anything."
Renji blinked in confusion for a few seconds, then his eyes suddenly widened as his memory rushed back. He had been doing the exercise, trying to prepare his mind for the next step. From the looks of things, he had obviously failed, again. But how...?
He closed his eyes and tried to remember what happened after he closed his eyes during the exercise. Ukitake-taicho had used the walk-in-the-forest approach that day, and he had been walking along, listening to the captain's voice. But after that, he drew a blank.
What happened?
Rukia noticed the confusion on her friend's face and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Don't think about it now," she said. "You need to rest first, then we can figure out what happened."
Renji nodded numbly. Despite Rukia's words, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. But he let Rukia tuck him back into the covers. She stayed around for a few more minutes, mostly to make sure that he had everything he needed within reach, then she bid him goodbye.
Before she left, she leaned in and gave him a chaste peck on the forehead.
The closeness of Rukia's body and the brief warmth of her lips on his face sent a jolt of déjà vu through his mind, but before he could grasp it, it was gone.
After Rukia left, Renji stayed awake, staring blankly at the ceiling. Inside, his mind churned, struggling to replay what had happened during the day. Was it just today? He forgot to ask Rukia what day it was. He would just have to assume that it was the same day.
He was walking down the path in the woods, he remembered. Ukitake-taicho was saying that he was approaching a clearing, the trees had begun to thin out as he moved forward. Then...it was blank. Did he even reach the clearing?
His mind reran the same thoughts over and over again, and eventually, his eyes grew heavy. Despite his reluctance to sleep, his exhausted body won the battle, and he slipped into unconsciousness.
"Your fangs will never reach me."
Renji groaned. Not again. Please...not again.
He reached for his sword even though he knew the sheath would be empty-it was always empty. He began the incantation for hado no 31, but he already knew it was too late.
His vision began to blur, and he braced himself for the pain. Not again! Leave me alone!
It struck him from every direction and he fell onto his knees, gasping for breath like he always did. Experiencing the same pain repeatedly did not help dull the agony-he still felt as though his body was on fire, he still felt the sting of every cut from the deceptively delicate petals.
Stop! Stop!
Suddenly, he was wrapped in a gentle, cool embrace. Instinctively, he clung to it even though he couldn't see it. He had no idea what it was, but it felt familiar. As the searing pain began to subside, he sobbed out loud in relief.
With a breathless gasp, Renji sat up abruptly. His heartbeat echoed in his temples, and he groaned as his body finally registered the splitting headache he was having. It was unbelievable; he was getting these visions of Kuchiki-taicho more and more often-
His eyes widened. He remembered now: he had stepped into the clearing. Everything around him had begun to fade away, and then he had heard Kuchiki-taicho's voice. He'd reached the semi-conscious state! But...but then he must've failed to confront his vision, otherwise he would not be in the infirmary now.
As his mind began to fill in the blanks, he realized that the nightmare he just had was different from the ones he had always had-this one included something that stopped the pain. With that realization came another rush of memories, but they were vague to the point that he couldn't be certain whether they were real memories or pieces from his dream.
There had been the reassuring warmth of a body next to him-no, not just next to him, it was pressed firmly against him. There had been...Rukia's lips on his forehead flashed in his mind...there had been the soft and wet sensation of someone's lips on his face. Or was it just someone's hand?
Renji shook his head. The more he tried to remember, the more confused he became. But either way, whatever those memories may be, he was surethat he'd had one of his visions while he was at Ukitake-taicho's house.
So why wasn't the captain here?
Juushiro winced as he washed the dishes. The detergent stung the cuts on his hand-there were some shallow ones on the back of his hand, and there was a particularly deep gash at the side of his palm. All because he couldn't control his emotions. He had never been so impulsive before, and he had never lost his temper like this. Shunsui had always teased him for it, going as far as saying that he would dance naked during a captain's meeting if Juushiro lost his temper one day. Oh, Shunsui...
Some of Renji's hotheadedness must've rubbed off on him.
The thought of the lieutenant made him lose the grip of the small plate he was washing, and it fell into the sink and landed with a sickening crack. With a dejected sigh, Juushiro carefully picked up the jagged shards and dropped them into the wastebasket.
As the broken remains of the plate hit the bottom of the basket with a crunch, he felt the familiar reiatsu of the one person he did not want to see.
Mental image of Shunsui dancing naked? :p
I hope this doesn't count as a cliffy, I certainly don't mean for it to be. I tend to write things in blocks that switch between the POVs of the different characters, and this happens to be one of those switching points.