Fic: The Hedgehog's Dilemma part 2 (Chuck/Dan, PG-13)
Title: The Hedgehog's Dilemma part 2
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Dan, Bart, Vanessa
Rating: PG-13
Series: 5th installment in the Game verse, Sequel to Damage Control,The Game of You part a, part b, and The Corrupt and the Corrupted part a, part b, part c, and The Hedgehog's Dilemma part 1
Warning: mentions of dubious consensual sex, semi prostitution... same as always.
Spoilers: General s2 spoilers. Bonfire of the Vanity.
Summary: There are some things more important than winning... And there are far worse things to be than Chuck Bass' bitch.
Word: 5788
Disclaimer: I don't in anyway own Gossip Girl.
Thank you again to Author07 who beta read so many of my fics and stuck by this one. Thank you!
The Hedgehog’s Dilemma
By Hollywood Recycle Bin
Part 2: Choices
“Humphrey!” Vanessa called again, waving her hand in front of Dan’s face. “Are you with me?”
“Oh, sorry, I’m just, distracted today,” Dan said lifelessly as Vanessa sat down next to him.
“Today? Dan, you’ve been ‘distracted’ for months.” Vanessa gave him a look that was part concern, part annoyance and it was so normal, so achingly familiar that it made Dan nostalgic.
“You noticed huh?” Dan said before stabbing at the food in front of him again. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to stab Chuck, himself or the world in general.
“Dan.” she called his name again, trying her best to catch his eyes. She sighed when Dan kept on torturing the food and refused to look her in the face.
“Listen, Dan, I know I haven’t been the best BFF lately, what with Nate living with you and me avoiding him before and all, but... you know I’m still here for you right?”
That got Dan’s attention, and he finally turned to face her. He gave her a tired smile.
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just... Things have been... complicated, lately.”
“Complicated? Sounds Upper East Side related,” she said with a half smile, urging him to continue.
Dan sighed and finally caved. He’d been keeping this whole thing to himself for far too long and it showed. He was worn around the edges, cracked and maybe even broken. He was in so completely over his head and the weight of it all was becoming too much for him. Having someone around, someone who knew the whole story, no matter how shameful it is, might actually do some good. And hey, it was Vanessa! His Vanessa, his best friend since kindergarten, the one before Serena, before the Upper East Side and all of that mess; the one who stood by him for years, no matter what happened. If there was one person in the world he could share all this mess with, it was her.
“Alright,” he decided, “I’ll tell you what’s going on, but we gotta get drinks first because the conversation we’re about to have is not one I can do sober.”
***
“Have you ever been in a relationship where you hurt the person you’re with, and then they hurt you and then you hurt them again and it never ends even though you think that maybe one of you cares about the other but somehow can’t help yourself?” The question was asked in Dan’s usual, confusing, run-on-sentence style of speech. He had had a few drinks in him and unlike most of the Upper East Side; Vanessa knew that Dan was never one who could hold his liquor very well.
Still, the style of the speech was familiar, and Vanessa felt a small wave of nostalgia hit her. It had been a while since she and Dan had a heart to heart.
The topic of the speech was different than usual though.
“I can’t say I’ve ever been in a relationship like that,” she answered. “But it sounds very ‘Chuck and Blair’”
That got Dan laughing for some reason.
“Sorry, it’s just ironic, that’s all.” he explained without really explaining. Then a thought occurred to her.
“Oh my god! Dan, you’re not sleeping with Blair are you?”
“No!” he denied before taking another swig of his drink.
He didn’t give Vanessa much time to be relieved by his answer though for as Vanessa took a sip of her own drink, he finally blurted out, “I’m sleeping with Chuck.”
There was a spray across the kitchen counter. Dan resisted the urge to laugh but couldn’t hold back a smile. This may not be the easiest conversation to have, but it was still sort of a ridiculous one.
His smile disappeared when Vanessa finally turned to face him, grey eyes dark and serious.
“I know. It’s repulsive,” Dan said and she could see shame written in the way his shoulders slouched and he avoided her eyes.
“No! Dan, it’s not repulsive,” she said almost automatically, trying her best to sound comforting. “It’s just a little bit.”
“Vile? Revolting? Abhorrent? Odious?”
“Ok, fine! We’ll stick with repulsive.” She said as she rolled her eyes. There was a small smile on her face but she knew a diversion when she saw one. Dan was doing that whole, hiding behind a joke thing again but he should know better than anyone how easily she saw through it.
Maybe that was why it’s her he was talking to now. Because out of everyone he knew, she’s the one that knew him best, the one that can hear all the things he didn’t say, even when he’s saying a million things at once.
“It’s not that bad.” she said again, hoping that it sounded more sincere this time; not that she didn’t mean it of course; this was Dan after all, her best friend in the whole wide world. There was nothing he could do that can make her reject him or think he was disgusting.
Even if he was sleeping with Chuck Bass.
“That’s good to know,” Dan said, sounding serious again. “Cause that’s not the bad part.”
Vanessa steeled herself with another drink. Then she opened Pandora’s Box.
“So what is ‘the bad part’?”
***
“Wow!”
“I know”
“Seriously... Wow!”
“Yeah... I know...its bad...”
“Bad? Dan! I leave you alone for three months and you become a prostitute for a guy who’s probably one of the biggest STD risks in the city and spying on his father whose one of the most powerful men in the country! Not to mention this whole vendetta against the school...”
“Ok, so maybe ‘bad’ doesn’t quite cover it,” Dan concluded and they both took another drink.
He was right about this not being a conversation they can have while sober.
“I know this probably isn’t something you want to hear right now Dan, but Oh my god! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“Apparently I wasn’t.” Dan admitted. “Chuck has that effect on me.”
“I’ll say... I mean, did you even think about what would happen to the Van Der Woodsens if whatever it is you have on Bart Bass gets out?”
That got a long pause from Dan. He wasn’t sure how it had happened but, Serena, Eric, Lily...They all slipped out of his mind. He wasn’t thinking about them at all, even though he’d only seen Serena a week ago, she still didn’t register. Somehow he didn’t see them, he didn’t notice them, they just didn’t occur to him...not in his grand plan to bring down the Basses.
They were a part of the Basses’ world, an integral part too since they are the same family but... They weren’t a part of his and Chuck’s world.
Their world. The sick and twisted one he’d been so caught up in that he couldn’t see anything else.
Chuck blinded him. And the Van Der Woodsens almost became collateral damage.
“Oh my god! What was the hell was I thinking? I’m gonna destroy their family!” It finally hit him and Dan hid his face in his hands. “And then if Bart goes to jail Bass Industries could get taken over. And then stocks will go down and then there’ll be a takeover and who knows how many innocent people will get laid off in the crossfire! I won’t just be destroying one family, but maybe hundreds of families, and over what? A grudge against Chuck Bass? What the hell is wrong with me?!”
“Dan... Breathe.” Vanessa’s hands were rubbing against his back again, soothing him. His head dropped to the kitchen counter.
“You know that first night we were together, Chuck told me I was turning into one of them.” he said, sounding tired now. “He was wrong of course. Blair might be evil in her own way but she’d never do something like this.”
“Ok Dan, before you start on your guilt trip, I have to remind you, as bad as you feel right now, you haven’t done anything. And you’re not going to either.”
“Yeah, now that you’ve snapped me out of it! Which, thank you, by the way, god knows what would have happened if you’d left me alone a day longer. I mean, what was happening with me and Chuck was seriously messed up but-”
“No, Dan,” she interrupted him again, this time turning him to face her. “I know you, and I meant what I said; you wouldn’t have gone through with it. Even if I wasn’t here, you still wouldn’t have gone through with it.”
Dan sighed and there was a grateful smile on his face. He didn’t believe a single thing she said.
“Thank you, for the vote of confidence V, but, you weren’t there. You didn’t see how messed up I was, all those mind games with Chuck. I wanted to destroy everything about him. I didn’t even care who I hurt.”
“Yes you do Dan!” Vanessa said again, trying to catch him before he went off on another tangent about how horrible he is. Dan might be a pretty amiable guy, but he could get very stubborn when he was being judgemental and that applied both to other people and himself.
He also had a tendency to get stuck inside his own head, over thinking things. Sometimes that kept him from seeing the answer that was staring at him in the face.
Thankfully, that’s what she was here for.
“Dan,” she started again, this time appealing to reason. “You remember when you told me about you spying on Bart Bass? You said that you’d found something that you could use against him, and you told me that you’d somehow even gotten a confession out of him... Well, you never told me what that ‘something’ you found is Dan. And its ok, I’m not telling you this because I want to know, but, Dan, if you can’t tell me, your best friend about what Bart Bass did, what makes you think you can tell a room full of reporters?”
That got Dan quiet again.
“I think you care who you hurt, Dan. I think you care a lot.”
Dan thought back again to that night. That night that started it all, the first night that Dan saw Chuck as human; vulnerable, desperate and lost and hiding it all where the world wouldn’t find it. He would have never denied that he cared about Chuck then, when his pain was laid out right in front of him. He told himself that he’d stopped caring the moment Chuck started their ‘arrangement’. He couldn’t afford to care after all, not about the monster that hurt him, twisted him up in fingers and played him until turned him into something he can’t even face.
But was that even true?
Chuck gave him a choice that first night. He squeezed him into a corner so small he could barely breathe but he still gave him a choice. Dan was the one who chose to play his game rather than tell his father the truth, and it was also Dan who punched that guy and got them both in jail in the first place that gave the school a reason to drop his scholarship. It was also Dan who let Shapiro talk him into exploiting someone else’s pain for a good story.
Chuck might have hurt him in the worst of ways, but, wasn’t he the one who decided to retaliate by doing something even worse? And if what Vanessa said was true (which, now he can admit, it is) then it was also him who couldn’t go through with it.
Victim or not, it was all his own choices, and apparently, despite everything, he still couldn’t deliberately hurt Chuck Bass.
Even if he really wanted to.
Or did he?
He thought back to Chuck’s smile, the one that looked a lot like his usual mocking one but wasn’t; the crinkle near his eyes when he laughed at an insult (that Dan didn’t mean) during dinner; the feel of his hair, still slick but soft and wet after a shower before he goes to sleep. Little things that most people didn’t notice about Chuck, small glimpses of the real him that he kept hidden behind closed doors but that Dan always seem to have the keys to. He can’t deny that he liked them.
Maybe he didn’t want to hurt Chuck after all. Maybe he just thought he needed to.
And didn’t that sound even more fucked up?
Still, it was true. Chuck had hurt him, took complete advantage of him when he was at his most vulnerable, used his greatest fears and insecurities to bring him to his knees and claim ownership of him over and over again. Made him feel dirty and disgusted with himself. Made him feel helpless.
Dan had needed to hurt him. Or thought he needed to hurt him because... what kind of person would he be if he didn’t?
The kind of person who let Chuck used him; let him get away with using him and hurting him. The person who was owned by Chuck.
His whore. Permanently.
Willingly.
Dan’s hand instinctively went to his neck. He could feel the familiar softness of cashmere there. He didn’t even remember putting the scarf on... Oddly enough, having it there now comforted him more than anything.
He supposed there are worse things to be than Chuck Bass’ bitch. After all, what kind of person would he be if he did go through with his plan of total annihilation?
Apparently not Dan Humphrey. It was actually something of a relief to know that despite everything that happened to him, he still wasn’t someone who could destroy another person. Especially not someone he actually cared about.
“Thank you.” he finally said to the guardian angel sitting next to him after the long moment of silence.
“Hey, what are friends for if not fast forwarding through weeks if not months, of inner turmoil and angst?” she replied with a smile, then looked at him calculatingly again.
“You really like him don’t you?” She asked again, even though she already knew the answer. It was still hard to believe after all. Harder still when you took in the full situation.
“I don’t think ‘like’ is the right word for it, but I certainly really something him.” Dan answered, feeling strangely light now that everything was off his chest. There was a weird sense of freedom in finally being able to admit, whatever it was he was admitting to.
“Does that make me sick? I mean, after everything he did, that I still...”
“No,” Vanessa answered before Dan could finish. “It makes Chuck a sick and twisted bastard who’s going to get a kick in the crotch the next time I see him... but you? It just makes you complicated.”
“Complicated huh?” Dan said like he was trying it on for size. “I think I can live with complicated.”
***
The clock no longer ticked.
It was thirty eight minutes past two AM and twenty three seconds when Chuck had gotten sick of the incessant ticking in the still silence of his bedroom and taken a nine iron to his clock and five thousand dollar watch.
He wasn’t entirely sure how long ago that was. Only that it wasn’t very satisfying, even if it did stop the tick-tick-tick sounding in his head. That countdown of his life seemed like it both slowed and sped up at the same time as it moved towards... something. He didn’t know what it was yet, that first sign.
A sign of his world crashing down around him.
It could be a knock on the door. The magazine being delivered and sold. Maybe even something as dramatic as the police showing up; their handcuffs open and ready to take his father away from him.
Or a phone call. Even a text message. Upper East Sider’s so often have their social lives decimated that way. Why not the Basses too? Of course, knowing his father, first sign would be him, not being here. Like always. Seemed as normal as any day where he wasn’t here either. And then that day would turn to weeks. Then months. Then years.
Lily would be heartbroken. Or maybe she wouldn’t. This was her third marriage after all.
Without the clock, (or maybe even with the clock) time seem to have slipped away from him, like a small stream of water he couldn’t catch, couldn’t even feel through the numbness of his fingers as it flowed down the drain.
His life would probably be joining it soon enough.
So much for trying not to think about it.
Dan Humphrey. The bane of his existence.
Why didn’t he stop him before he got on that elevator? What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he break down like that? That couldn’t really be him! He was Chuck Bass for fuck’s sake! Chuck Bass did not grovel, didn’t need to. He had every opportunity to grab Dan. Maybe even strip search him and give him one last painful reminder of exactly what he is and what he means to him.
Which was ‘nothing’. Or supposed to be nothing anyway, even if that would clearly be a lie.
Dan isn’t ‘nothing’ to him.
And isn’t that what started this whole mess in the first place?
He didn’t quite understand it himself. Before that night Dan really was nothing to him. He was nothing to a lot of people. But then that changed; he wormed his way in and then somehow everything he does, good, bad, painful...all of it affected him and he just couldn’t let go, couldn’t leave Dan alone. He had to drag him, kicking and screaming into his life, and keep him there!
Of all the ways he could’ve punished Dan for hurting him, for humiliating him and betraying him, he chose the one that would keep Dan closest to him.
What kind of idiot does that? Clearly, he wasn’t thinking straight. He never could around Dan...
And now it was going to ruin him.
Him and his family.
A knock on his door broke him from his stupor.
“Can I come in?” His father asked, door already partially open. His usual unreadable expression on his face.
“Can’t stop you,” Chuck replied feigning nonchalance. Inside, he braced himself for the worse.
Maybe this was the first sign of the Bass apocalypse; his father actually volunteering to talk to him. His first sentence confirmed Chuck’s suspicions.
“I want to apologize, son.” he said.
Chuck hadn’t heard him say that in a very long time. He hadn’t heard it since he was little, back when missing Christmas dinner and parent/teacher nights were still new to him. Not that he wasn’t distant back then but at least then, he used to notice.
If Bart Bass was going to apologize to him for being a bad father, and that was going to be the last thing he said to him before he goes to jail?...Chuck wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.
“I never blamed you for your mother’s death.”
The words sent Chuck spinning. Of all the things he expected to hear from his father right now, that really wasn’t one of them. He finally looked his father in the face and for the first time, the emotions in them were written clear as day and it wasn’t disappointment.
It was regret.
“I read that short story that Dan Humphrey wrote about you and your mother. I had no idea you felt that way.”
Chuck stiffened at that, eyes still disbelieving as he looked at his father.
The man turned away, like he didn’t want to face him. Couldn’t stand to look him in the eye. For a moment Chuck thought he’d stopped, that this conversation was too much for him, too raw and too real... but then he turned back and pushed forward.
“It’s my fault,” he started again. “I know I’ve had trouble being close to you, but it’s not for the reasons you think.”
Finally he moved over from where he stood awkwardly at the door and sat down next to him on the bed. His eyes were distant again but instead of the usual coldness there was pain, and sadness and joy. His father was remembering something, someone, from a very long time ago.
“Every time I look at you, I see her,” he said, still lost in memories.
Chuck’s eyes followed his father’s to the photograph on his bedside table. Since he was a child, he had memorized every line of that picture, every light and shadow that played across the texture of her skin, every sparkle of her large diamond earring. This is the woman he will never know, but who will always haunt him. The woman he owed his life to, and to whom a life is owed to him, a life he’ll never know and pretended he didn’t crave.
Mum.
He didn’t know what she was like, or what she would have been like; an ideal mum who comforts him when his father missed his birthdays, an aging beauty queen who drowns herself in a bottle to relive her glory days, a cold and distant figure who tried to control him... He’ll never know her, this woman whom even in death has his father so completely wrapped up in her.
All he’ll know of her is her hair, her nose, her eyes... the same ones that stare out at him every time he looked into a mirror.
He really did look like her.
“You miss her,” Chuck stated. Even after all these years, after hundreds of supermodels and one night stands with countless socialites. Even after marrying Lily... Bart Bass was still in love with her. Still devoted to her.
Chuck wondered if he was capable of love like that. Or if the upbringing he had, the life he led, had already squashed it out of him.
He didn’t know if that’d be a good thing or a bad one.
“Son,” his father started again, this time he was back in reality. “I made some terrible mistakes in my life, but I don’t want to make another.”
“I want to know my son.”
He was looking Chuck straight in the eye this time, blue eyes serious, more intense than he’d ever seen them.
He said it. His father... His father wanted to be his father. He wanted to know him. It was something he’d given up on a long time ago. Something he pretended he never wanted in the first place. A child’s secret Christmas wish, back when he still believed the maids about Santa Claus. Back when he had dreams and something that vaguely resembled innocence.
And Dan Humphrey made it come true. The same Dan Humphrey that almost destroyed him.
The same Dan Humphrey that he’d hurt so badly, but never could break.
He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Like all the oxygen had left him and he was gasping and grasping at something he can’t reach and can’t name.
He’d never been good at handling strong emotions.
There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder. It was slightly warm, familiar if not for the sentiments behind them. His father had never been one to offer human touch for comfort. He only touch him to guide him, come here, go there, ‘how could you possibly do this?’ those were the words that went with the touch.
Not exactly Hallmark moments.
Still, he gave his father a look that said thank you, and he gave him a small smile in return.
“You know, that Dan kid may have a vicious streak in him but he seems to really care about you.”
The non sequitur threw Chuck off. He gave his father a look.
“You knew about me and Dan?”
He gave Chuck a look in return. “Of course I do Charles. Did you really think I’d let some kid follow me around at work? I knew you were with him. I wanted to check him out. There are some things you just can’t tell from private investigator’s photographs and phone records.”
Chuck was slightly stunned. “You never did that with anyone else I’ve been involved with.”
“Most of the people you’ve been involved with don’t last more than a night... Anyway, other than the whole business with the news magazine, which he didn’t go through with, he seems like a good kid. You could do a lot worse than him... In fact you have done a lot worse than him... Just uh, try not to make him so angry again next time, and if you do, keep him away from any family secrets. I’m not sure my company can handle it.”
Despite himself Chuck smiled again. The surrealism of the conversation aside, this was probably the most his father ever said to him without being angry. Still... something nagged at him.
“So that’s it, you’re not even going to tell me to be discreet?”
Bart sighed. “Son, I may not know you as well as I should, but I do know you enough to know that if I force you to hide your relationship, the first thing you’ll be tempted to do the next time you’re under the influence is to make a pornographic video of yourself and Dan and leak it to the press. I’d rather not risk being the father of the next Paris Hilton... And besides, it’s not like you’ve never been caught with another boy before on that ridiculous website.”
“Wait, you check Gossip Girl?” Chuck asked. Seems this day was all about throwing Chuck off.
His father’s face turned stoic. “Don’t be ridiculous son. I have people who do that for me.”
And then he gave him a smirk.
Apparently his father had a sense of humour. Who’d have thought?
***
Monday. Back at school.
Chuck has History with Dan, first period. In a normal week he would have simply skipped it even if he wasn’t trying to avoid the other teen but somehow, with his father and him on good terms for the first time, he was reluctant to do anything to piss him off so soon after their little talk.
It wasn’t like he was going to change who he was just because his father decided that now would be the time for him to start acting like a father, but still, he’s Chuck Bass and if he was going to rock the boat, it wouldn’t be over something as stupid as missing first period History.
Which is why he was sitting here right now, pretending to look bored even as his thoughts constantly swam back to the brunette sitting two rows in front of him.
He was not staring at Dan Humphrey.
Chuck Bass did not stare at Dan Humphrey!
Because Chuck Bass was not an 8th grader with a crush and this wasn’t fucking High School Musical! He didn’t need to know why Humphrey did what he did. He doesn’t need to know what kind of twisted game he’s playing or not playing with him and his father. And most of all he didn’t care that he didn’t know where he stood with him right now because Chuck Bass always knew where he stood when it came to arrogant, goody two shoes, nobodies like Dan Humphrey!
Apparently Chuck Bass was also not as good at denial as he thought he is because even he didn’t believe that...
Dan Humphrey had him right in the palm of his hands. He had the upper hand completely! He could have done anything he wanted. He was free from him. Free from being under him. He could’ve taken his revenge and watched Chuck fall for all that he’s done to him, and even if he didn’t do that he could still cut a deal with him and his father. He could’ve gotten out from under Chuck; got the money he’d need for school and for college. He could’ve gotten anything he wanted.
Instead he didn’t.
Instead he decided that rather than worrying about his own future and saving his own ass, that he should instead try and fix Chuck’s relationship with his father, like he was following some twisted code of chivalry.
Maybe that’s what he was going for.
Maybe Dan thought that if he did something so painfully, annoyingly and undeniably good that that would somehow change Chuck. Take him away from his sinful, corrupted ways and into the light.
Maybe that was how people with morals manipulated each other.
And wasn’t that an unsettling thought?
Well, if that was what Dan was trying to do then he obviously hadn’t learnt from all those times they were together. Chuck Bass didn’t respond to chivalry, didn’t respond to morality or decency. He responded to lust, to anger, to the need for power and control.
Dan should know that better than anyone.
As if sensing Chuck’s thoughts, Dan’s shoulder shifted and he turned away from his notes. Chuck knew exactly where he would be looking and quickly turned away. It was one thing to be staring at Dan Humphrey and be in denial about it; it was another thing entirely to get caught doing it.
For a while Chuck stared at his note book. The pen was clutched in his hand but the paper remained as blank as it had been when he entered the class. He felt eyes boring into him, curious and intense and he idly wondered if even the teacher was paying attention to what he was teaching. Surely he would have noticed by now that one of his best students wasn’t even looking in his general direction.
Eventually Chuck couldn’t take it anymore and looked up. Dan had probably figured out by now that Chuck had been looking at him before and Chuck wasn’t so much a coward that he couldn’t even look at the other teen in the face.
Two dark pair of eyes met for a brief second. Their intensity mirroring each other as they search the windows of the other’s soul with the questions that were burning inside both of them.
Dan looked away first, head bowed as if shamed to be caught staring. Apparently he hadn’t stared at Chuck because he felt Chuck staring at him so much, as he just felt the need to stare at Chuck too.
It’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic, Chuck thought to himself as he wondered again how on Earth he’d been reduced to this sort of middle school behaviour.
The rest of the class went on in more or less the same fashion. The teacher whose name Chuck could barely remember rattled on about the Civil War while Chuck and Dan took turns burning holes into each other’s heads with their eyes. Their gazes occasionally collided before they both turned away; only to gravitate slowly back to each other and then it started all over again.
The sighs of relief were unanimous when the bell finally rang. Unfortunately Chuck wasn’t the only one who felt the need to rush out of class.
You’d think a school this expensive could invest in some larger doors, Chuck thought as Dan finished putting away his books and headed towards him. There was a definite smirk on his face.
Saint or not, Dan obviously was still affected by his influence.
He didn’t say anything as he walked passed him though, and somehow, that grated against Chuck’s nerves even more than if he had said something.
Their next period wasn’t one they shared together but their classrooms were still adjacent. Chuck wished he could say that they steadfastly ignored each other like they usually do all the way there but he still couldn’t resist giving Dan curious looks.
On the way they passed Nate and Serena. They were talking about something with serious expressions on their faces. When they noticed him they both turned to give him suspicious looks, that same ‘I’m watching you’ look that they’ve been giving him for the past week.
Chuck suspected he knew what it was about but he hadn’t really been in a mood to deal with them.
Finally they were reaching their destination. Dan was ready to enter his classroom when curiosity finally got the best of Chuck and he touched Dan subtly on the arm.
It was when he turned around that Chuck finally noticed it. He couldn’t feel it back when he was sitting two rows away but now that he’s faced to face with him and not trying to ignore him, Chuck can sense it. There was something different about Dan today. Different from the way he had been when their relationship was more defined; owner and pet, enemy and enemy; not that those categories had ever been truly clear and all that well defined but still... Dan was different now, standing here in front of Chuck. His shoulders were no longer slumped and he didn’t seem to avoid anyone’s eyes. And despite the curious uncertainty that was still on his face when he looked at Chuck, Dan still seemed more assured.
Like he wasn’t lost anymore.
Somehow that got Chuck even more curious.
“I just have to know,” he asked finally. “Why?”
The question seemed to amuse the other brunette, and a smile grew on his face. His dark eyes seemed to twinkle for a moment, but astonishingly enough there was no trace of mockery there.
Chuck never realized before how nice Dan’s smile was.
Or maybe he did but was usually on guard enough to stop himself before those stray thoughts actually formed.
Somehow, Dan was throwing him off even more than usual today.
“Because...” Dan started, and his smile shifted into a teasing smirk. It matched perfectly with the mischievous glint in his eyes when he leaned closer to Chuck, the heat of his body caressing him even with the barrier of clothing and air between them. Chuck held his body completely still as Dan’s breath touched his neck, kept his expression as stoney as possible as Dan whispered his answer.
“I’m Dan Humphrey.”
Then he pushed open the door and walked into the classroom, leaving Chuck frozen against the wall, legs not entirely steady as he tried to quell the heat that had started to grow inside of him. He clenched his fist out of frustration and tried to calm himself.
There was a strangely familiar fluttering inside his stomach. It took him a while before he recognised them, and when he finally did, he let out a curse.
Blair never did tell him how to kill those damn butterflies.
***
Continue: part 3
Hey guys... So I hope you're not too dissapointed by this chapter cause it's really not easy trying to reconcile a relationship like this. I'm trying to end the story well and soon and this is the only way I can think of to do it.
Notes: On Dan going to the papers, i know some people might want to see that since it would divert from the show but I just couldn't make it work and give Chuck/Dan the ending I wanted for this fic. For those who thinks the Bart Bass arsonist storyline should have been explored more... well I agree. I have some plans for exploring that aspect of the story for a sequel to the main storyline of the Game Verse, only this part took a lot of effort already so I don't know if or when I will write it... And for those who think that was too easy, the way Dan dealt with his issues in one go like that... well that was just an ephininy he needed. He still got plenty of issues, which will come up also if/once I write the sequel.
For the main story of the Game Verse though, this is the second to last chapter... for real this time. It's really close to being finished.
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Dan, Bart, Vanessa
Rating: PG-13
Series: 5th installment in the Game verse, Sequel to Damage Control,The Game of You part a, part b, and The Corrupt and the Corrupted part a, part b, part c, and The Hedgehog's Dilemma part 1
Warning: mentions of dubious consensual sex, semi prostitution... same as always.
Spoilers: General s2 spoilers. Bonfire of the Vanity.
Summary: There are some things more important than winning... And there are far worse things to be than Chuck Bass' bitch.
Word: 5788
Disclaimer: I don't in anyway own Gossip Girl.
Thank you again to Author07 who beta read so many of my fics and stuck by this one. Thank you!
The Hedgehog’s Dilemma
By Hollywood Recycle Bin
Part 2: Choices
“Humphrey!” Vanessa called again, waving her hand in front of Dan’s face. “Are you with me?”
“Oh, sorry, I’m just, distracted today,” Dan said lifelessly as Vanessa sat down next to him.
“Today? Dan, you’ve been ‘distracted’ for months.” Vanessa gave him a look that was part concern, part annoyance and it was so normal, so achingly familiar that it made Dan nostalgic.
“You noticed huh?” Dan said before stabbing at the food in front of him again. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to stab Chuck, himself or the world in general.
“Dan.” she called his name again, trying her best to catch his eyes. She sighed when Dan kept on torturing the food and refused to look her in the face.
“Listen, Dan, I know I haven’t been the best BFF lately, what with Nate living with you and me avoiding him before and all, but... you know I’m still here for you right?”
That got Dan’s attention, and he finally turned to face her. He gave her a tired smile.
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just... Things have been... complicated, lately.”
“Complicated? Sounds Upper East Side related,” she said with a half smile, urging him to continue.
Dan sighed and finally caved. He’d been keeping this whole thing to himself for far too long and it showed. He was worn around the edges, cracked and maybe even broken. He was in so completely over his head and the weight of it all was becoming too much for him. Having someone around, someone who knew the whole story, no matter how shameful it is, might actually do some good. And hey, it was Vanessa! His Vanessa, his best friend since kindergarten, the one before Serena, before the Upper East Side and all of that mess; the one who stood by him for years, no matter what happened. If there was one person in the world he could share all this mess with, it was her.
“Alright,” he decided, “I’ll tell you what’s going on, but we gotta get drinks first because the conversation we’re about to have is not one I can do sober.”
***
“Have you ever been in a relationship where you hurt the person you’re with, and then they hurt you and then you hurt them again and it never ends even though you think that maybe one of you cares about the other but somehow can’t help yourself?” The question was asked in Dan’s usual, confusing, run-on-sentence style of speech. He had had a few drinks in him and unlike most of the Upper East Side; Vanessa knew that Dan was never one who could hold his liquor very well.
Still, the style of the speech was familiar, and Vanessa felt a small wave of nostalgia hit her. It had been a while since she and Dan had a heart to heart.
The topic of the speech was different than usual though.
“I can’t say I’ve ever been in a relationship like that,” she answered. “But it sounds very ‘Chuck and Blair’”
That got Dan laughing for some reason.
“Sorry, it’s just ironic, that’s all.” he explained without really explaining. Then a thought occurred to her.
“Oh my god! Dan, you’re not sleeping with Blair are you?”
“No!” he denied before taking another swig of his drink.
He didn’t give Vanessa much time to be relieved by his answer though for as Vanessa took a sip of her own drink, he finally blurted out, “I’m sleeping with Chuck.”
There was a spray across the kitchen counter. Dan resisted the urge to laugh but couldn’t hold back a smile. This may not be the easiest conversation to have, but it was still sort of a ridiculous one.
His smile disappeared when Vanessa finally turned to face him, grey eyes dark and serious.
“I know. It’s repulsive,” Dan said and she could see shame written in the way his shoulders slouched and he avoided her eyes.
“No! Dan, it’s not repulsive,” she said almost automatically, trying her best to sound comforting. “It’s just a little bit.”
“Vile? Revolting? Abhorrent? Odious?”
“Ok, fine! We’ll stick with repulsive.” She said as she rolled her eyes. There was a small smile on her face but she knew a diversion when she saw one. Dan was doing that whole, hiding behind a joke thing again but he should know better than anyone how easily she saw through it.
Maybe that was why it’s her he was talking to now. Because out of everyone he knew, she’s the one that knew him best, the one that can hear all the things he didn’t say, even when he’s saying a million things at once.
“It’s not that bad.” she said again, hoping that it sounded more sincere this time; not that she didn’t mean it of course; this was Dan after all, her best friend in the whole wide world. There was nothing he could do that can make her reject him or think he was disgusting.
Even if he was sleeping with Chuck Bass.
“That’s good to know,” Dan said, sounding serious again. “Cause that’s not the bad part.”
Vanessa steeled herself with another drink. Then she opened Pandora’s Box.
“So what is ‘the bad part’?”
***
“Wow!”
“I know”
“Seriously... Wow!”
“Yeah... I know...its bad...”
“Bad? Dan! I leave you alone for three months and you become a prostitute for a guy who’s probably one of the biggest STD risks in the city and spying on his father whose one of the most powerful men in the country! Not to mention this whole vendetta against the school...”
“Ok, so maybe ‘bad’ doesn’t quite cover it,” Dan concluded and they both took another drink.
He was right about this not being a conversation they can have while sober.
“I know this probably isn’t something you want to hear right now Dan, but Oh my god! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“Apparently I wasn’t.” Dan admitted. “Chuck has that effect on me.”
“I’ll say... I mean, did you even think about what would happen to the Van Der Woodsens if whatever it is you have on Bart Bass gets out?”
That got a long pause from Dan. He wasn’t sure how it had happened but, Serena, Eric, Lily...They all slipped out of his mind. He wasn’t thinking about them at all, even though he’d only seen Serena a week ago, she still didn’t register. Somehow he didn’t see them, he didn’t notice them, they just didn’t occur to him...not in his grand plan to bring down the Basses.
They were a part of the Basses’ world, an integral part too since they are the same family but... They weren’t a part of his and Chuck’s world.
Their world. The sick and twisted one he’d been so caught up in that he couldn’t see anything else.
Chuck blinded him. And the Van Der Woodsens almost became collateral damage.
“Oh my god! What was the hell was I thinking? I’m gonna destroy their family!” It finally hit him and Dan hid his face in his hands. “And then if Bart goes to jail Bass Industries could get taken over. And then stocks will go down and then there’ll be a takeover and who knows how many innocent people will get laid off in the crossfire! I won’t just be destroying one family, but maybe hundreds of families, and over what? A grudge against Chuck Bass? What the hell is wrong with me?!”
“Dan... Breathe.” Vanessa’s hands were rubbing against his back again, soothing him. His head dropped to the kitchen counter.
“You know that first night we were together, Chuck told me I was turning into one of them.” he said, sounding tired now. “He was wrong of course. Blair might be evil in her own way but she’d never do something like this.”
“Ok Dan, before you start on your guilt trip, I have to remind you, as bad as you feel right now, you haven’t done anything. And you’re not going to either.”
“Yeah, now that you’ve snapped me out of it! Which, thank you, by the way, god knows what would have happened if you’d left me alone a day longer. I mean, what was happening with me and Chuck was seriously messed up but-”
“No, Dan,” she interrupted him again, this time turning him to face her. “I know you, and I meant what I said; you wouldn’t have gone through with it. Even if I wasn’t here, you still wouldn’t have gone through with it.”
Dan sighed and there was a grateful smile on his face. He didn’t believe a single thing she said.
“Thank you, for the vote of confidence V, but, you weren’t there. You didn’t see how messed up I was, all those mind games with Chuck. I wanted to destroy everything about him. I didn’t even care who I hurt.”
“Yes you do Dan!” Vanessa said again, trying to catch him before he went off on another tangent about how horrible he is. Dan might be a pretty amiable guy, but he could get very stubborn when he was being judgemental and that applied both to other people and himself.
He also had a tendency to get stuck inside his own head, over thinking things. Sometimes that kept him from seeing the answer that was staring at him in the face.
Thankfully, that’s what she was here for.
“Dan,” she started again, this time appealing to reason. “You remember when you told me about you spying on Bart Bass? You said that you’d found something that you could use against him, and you told me that you’d somehow even gotten a confession out of him... Well, you never told me what that ‘something’ you found is Dan. And its ok, I’m not telling you this because I want to know, but, Dan, if you can’t tell me, your best friend about what Bart Bass did, what makes you think you can tell a room full of reporters?”
That got Dan quiet again.
“I think you care who you hurt, Dan. I think you care a lot.”
Dan thought back again to that night. That night that started it all, the first night that Dan saw Chuck as human; vulnerable, desperate and lost and hiding it all where the world wouldn’t find it. He would have never denied that he cared about Chuck then, when his pain was laid out right in front of him. He told himself that he’d stopped caring the moment Chuck started their ‘arrangement’. He couldn’t afford to care after all, not about the monster that hurt him, twisted him up in fingers and played him until turned him into something he can’t even face.
But was that even true?
Chuck gave him a choice that first night. He squeezed him into a corner so small he could barely breathe but he still gave him a choice. Dan was the one who chose to play his game rather than tell his father the truth, and it was also Dan who punched that guy and got them both in jail in the first place that gave the school a reason to drop his scholarship. It was also Dan who let Shapiro talk him into exploiting someone else’s pain for a good story.
Chuck might have hurt him in the worst of ways, but, wasn’t he the one who decided to retaliate by doing something even worse? And if what Vanessa said was true (which, now he can admit, it is) then it was also him who couldn’t go through with it.
Victim or not, it was all his own choices, and apparently, despite everything, he still couldn’t deliberately hurt Chuck Bass.
Even if he really wanted to.
Or did he?
He thought back to Chuck’s smile, the one that looked a lot like his usual mocking one but wasn’t; the crinkle near his eyes when he laughed at an insult (that Dan didn’t mean) during dinner; the feel of his hair, still slick but soft and wet after a shower before he goes to sleep. Little things that most people didn’t notice about Chuck, small glimpses of the real him that he kept hidden behind closed doors but that Dan always seem to have the keys to. He can’t deny that he liked them.
Maybe he didn’t want to hurt Chuck after all. Maybe he just thought he needed to.
And didn’t that sound even more fucked up?
Still, it was true. Chuck had hurt him, took complete advantage of him when he was at his most vulnerable, used his greatest fears and insecurities to bring him to his knees and claim ownership of him over and over again. Made him feel dirty and disgusted with himself. Made him feel helpless.
Dan had needed to hurt him. Or thought he needed to hurt him because... what kind of person would he be if he didn’t?
The kind of person who let Chuck used him; let him get away with using him and hurting him. The person who was owned by Chuck.
His whore. Permanently.
Willingly.
Dan’s hand instinctively went to his neck. He could feel the familiar softness of cashmere there. He didn’t even remember putting the scarf on... Oddly enough, having it there now comforted him more than anything.
He supposed there are worse things to be than Chuck Bass’ bitch. After all, what kind of person would he be if he did go through with his plan of total annihilation?
Apparently not Dan Humphrey. It was actually something of a relief to know that despite everything that happened to him, he still wasn’t someone who could destroy another person. Especially not someone he actually cared about.
“Thank you.” he finally said to the guardian angel sitting next to him after the long moment of silence.
“Hey, what are friends for if not fast forwarding through weeks if not months, of inner turmoil and angst?” she replied with a smile, then looked at him calculatingly again.
“You really like him don’t you?” She asked again, even though she already knew the answer. It was still hard to believe after all. Harder still when you took in the full situation.
“I don’t think ‘like’ is the right word for it, but I certainly really something him.” Dan answered, feeling strangely light now that everything was off his chest. There was a weird sense of freedom in finally being able to admit, whatever it was he was admitting to.
“Does that make me sick? I mean, after everything he did, that I still...”
“No,” Vanessa answered before Dan could finish. “It makes Chuck a sick and twisted bastard who’s going to get a kick in the crotch the next time I see him... but you? It just makes you complicated.”
“Complicated huh?” Dan said like he was trying it on for size. “I think I can live with complicated.”
***
The clock no longer ticked.
It was thirty eight minutes past two AM and twenty three seconds when Chuck had gotten sick of the incessant ticking in the still silence of his bedroom and taken a nine iron to his clock and five thousand dollar watch.
He wasn’t entirely sure how long ago that was. Only that it wasn’t very satisfying, even if it did stop the tick-tick-tick sounding in his head. That countdown of his life seemed like it both slowed and sped up at the same time as it moved towards... something. He didn’t know what it was yet, that first sign.
A sign of his world crashing down around him.
It could be a knock on the door. The magazine being delivered and sold. Maybe even something as dramatic as the police showing up; their handcuffs open and ready to take his father away from him.
Or a phone call. Even a text message. Upper East Sider’s so often have their social lives decimated that way. Why not the Basses too? Of course, knowing his father, first sign would be him, not being here. Like always. Seemed as normal as any day where he wasn’t here either. And then that day would turn to weeks. Then months. Then years.
Lily would be heartbroken. Or maybe she wouldn’t. This was her third marriage after all.
Without the clock, (or maybe even with the clock) time seem to have slipped away from him, like a small stream of water he couldn’t catch, couldn’t even feel through the numbness of his fingers as it flowed down the drain.
His life would probably be joining it soon enough.
So much for trying not to think about it.
Dan Humphrey. The bane of his existence.
Why didn’t he stop him before he got on that elevator? What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he break down like that? That couldn’t really be him! He was Chuck Bass for fuck’s sake! Chuck Bass did not grovel, didn’t need to. He had every opportunity to grab Dan. Maybe even strip search him and give him one last painful reminder of exactly what he is and what he means to him.
Which was ‘nothing’. Or supposed to be nothing anyway, even if that would clearly be a lie.
Dan isn’t ‘nothing’ to him.
And isn’t that what started this whole mess in the first place?
He didn’t quite understand it himself. Before that night Dan really was nothing to him. He was nothing to a lot of people. But then that changed; he wormed his way in and then somehow everything he does, good, bad, painful...all of it affected him and he just couldn’t let go, couldn’t leave Dan alone. He had to drag him, kicking and screaming into his life, and keep him there!
Of all the ways he could’ve punished Dan for hurting him, for humiliating him and betraying him, he chose the one that would keep Dan closest to him.
What kind of idiot does that? Clearly, he wasn’t thinking straight. He never could around Dan...
And now it was going to ruin him.
Him and his family.
A knock on his door broke him from his stupor.
“Can I come in?” His father asked, door already partially open. His usual unreadable expression on his face.
“Can’t stop you,” Chuck replied feigning nonchalance. Inside, he braced himself for the worse.
Maybe this was the first sign of the Bass apocalypse; his father actually volunteering to talk to him. His first sentence confirmed Chuck’s suspicions.
“I want to apologize, son.” he said.
Chuck hadn’t heard him say that in a very long time. He hadn’t heard it since he was little, back when missing Christmas dinner and parent/teacher nights were still new to him. Not that he wasn’t distant back then but at least then, he used to notice.
If Bart Bass was going to apologize to him for being a bad father, and that was going to be the last thing he said to him before he goes to jail?...Chuck wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.
“I never blamed you for your mother’s death.”
The words sent Chuck spinning. Of all the things he expected to hear from his father right now, that really wasn’t one of them. He finally looked his father in the face and for the first time, the emotions in them were written clear as day and it wasn’t disappointment.
It was regret.
“I read that short story that Dan Humphrey wrote about you and your mother. I had no idea you felt that way.”
Chuck stiffened at that, eyes still disbelieving as he looked at his father.
The man turned away, like he didn’t want to face him. Couldn’t stand to look him in the eye. For a moment Chuck thought he’d stopped, that this conversation was too much for him, too raw and too real... but then he turned back and pushed forward.
“It’s my fault,” he started again. “I know I’ve had trouble being close to you, but it’s not for the reasons you think.”
Finally he moved over from where he stood awkwardly at the door and sat down next to him on the bed. His eyes were distant again but instead of the usual coldness there was pain, and sadness and joy. His father was remembering something, someone, from a very long time ago.
“Every time I look at you, I see her,” he said, still lost in memories.
Chuck’s eyes followed his father’s to the photograph on his bedside table. Since he was a child, he had memorized every line of that picture, every light and shadow that played across the texture of her skin, every sparkle of her large diamond earring. This is the woman he will never know, but who will always haunt him. The woman he owed his life to, and to whom a life is owed to him, a life he’ll never know and pretended he didn’t crave.
Mum.
He didn’t know what she was like, or what she would have been like; an ideal mum who comforts him when his father missed his birthdays, an aging beauty queen who drowns herself in a bottle to relive her glory days, a cold and distant figure who tried to control him... He’ll never know her, this woman whom even in death has his father so completely wrapped up in her.
All he’ll know of her is her hair, her nose, her eyes... the same ones that stare out at him every time he looked into a mirror.
He really did look like her.
“You miss her,” Chuck stated. Even after all these years, after hundreds of supermodels and one night stands with countless socialites. Even after marrying Lily... Bart Bass was still in love with her. Still devoted to her.
Chuck wondered if he was capable of love like that. Or if the upbringing he had, the life he led, had already squashed it out of him.
He didn’t know if that’d be a good thing or a bad one.
“Son,” his father started again, this time he was back in reality. “I made some terrible mistakes in my life, but I don’t want to make another.”
“I want to know my son.”
He was looking Chuck straight in the eye this time, blue eyes serious, more intense than he’d ever seen them.
He said it. His father... His father wanted to be his father. He wanted to know him. It was something he’d given up on a long time ago. Something he pretended he never wanted in the first place. A child’s secret Christmas wish, back when he still believed the maids about Santa Claus. Back when he had dreams and something that vaguely resembled innocence.
And Dan Humphrey made it come true. The same Dan Humphrey that almost destroyed him.
The same Dan Humphrey that he’d hurt so badly, but never could break.
He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Like all the oxygen had left him and he was gasping and grasping at something he can’t reach and can’t name.
He’d never been good at handling strong emotions.
There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder. It was slightly warm, familiar if not for the sentiments behind them. His father had never been one to offer human touch for comfort. He only touch him to guide him, come here, go there, ‘how could you possibly do this?’ those were the words that went with the touch.
Not exactly Hallmark moments.
Still, he gave his father a look that said thank you, and he gave him a small smile in return.
“You know, that Dan kid may have a vicious streak in him but he seems to really care about you.”
The non sequitur threw Chuck off. He gave his father a look.
“You knew about me and Dan?”
He gave Chuck a look in return. “Of course I do Charles. Did you really think I’d let some kid follow me around at work? I knew you were with him. I wanted to check him out. There are some things you just can’t tell from private investigator’s photographs and phone records.”
Chuck was slightly stunned. “You never did that with anyone else I’ve been involved with.”
“Most of the people you’ve been involved with don’t last more than a night... Anyway, other than the whole business with the news magazine, which he didn’t go through with, he seems like a good kid. You could do a lot worse than him... In fact you have done a lot worse than him... Just uh, try not to make him so angry again next time, and if you do, keep him away from any family secrets. I’m not sure my company can handle it.”
Despite himself Chuck smiled again. The surrealism of the conversation aside, this was probably the most his father ever said to him without being angry. Still... something nagged at him.
“So that’s it, you’re not even going to tell me to be discreet?”
Bart sighed. “Son, I may not know you as well as I should, but I do know you enough to know that if I force you to hide your relationship, the first thing you’ll be tempted to do the next time you’re under the influence is to make a pornographic video of yourself and Dan and leak it to the press. I’d rather not risk being the father of the next Paris Hilton... And besides, it’s not like you’ve never been caught with another boy before on that ridiculous website.”
“Wait, you check Gossip Girl?” Chuck asked. Seems this day was all about throwing Chuck off.
His father’s face turned stoic. “Don’t be ridiculous son. I have people who do that for me.”
And then he gave him a smirk.
Apparently his father had a sense of humour. Who’d have thought?
***
Monday. Back at school.
Chuck has History with Dan, first period. In a normal week he would have simply skipped it even if he wasn’t trying to avoid the other teen but somehow, with his father and him on good terms for the first time, he was reluctant to do anything to piss him off so soon after their little talk.
It wasn’t like he was going to change who he was just because his father decided that now would be the time for him to start acting like a father, but still, he’s Chuck Bass and if he was going to rock the boat, it wouldn’t be over something as stupid as missing first period History.
Which is why he was sitting here right now, pretending to look bored even as his thoughts constantly swam back to the brunette sitting two rows in front of him.
He was not staring at Dan Humphrey.
Chuck Bass did not stare at Dan Humphrey!
Because Chuck Bass was not an 8th grader with a crush and this wasn’t fucking High School Musical! He didn’t need to know why Humphrey did what he did. He doesn’t need to know what kind of twisted game he’s playing or not playing with him and his father. And most of all he didn’t care that he didn’t know where he stood with him right now because Chuck Bass always knew where he stood when it came to arrogant, goody two shoes, nobodies like Dan Humphrey!
Apparently Chuck Bass was also not as good at denial as he thought he is because even he didn’t believe that...
Dan Humphrey had him right in the palm of his hands. He had the upper hand completely! He could have done anything he wanted. He was free from him. Free from being under him. He could’ve taken his revenge and watched Chuck fall for all that he’s done to him, and even if he didn’t do that he could still cut a deal with him and his father. He could’ve gotten out from under Chuck; got the money he’d need for school and for college. He could’ve gotten anything he wanted.
Instead he didn’t.
Instead he decided that rather than worrying about his own future and saving his own ass, that he should instead try and fix Chuck’s relationship with his father, like he was following some twisted code of chivalry.
Maybe that’s what he was going for.
Maybe Dan thought that if he did something so painfully, annoyingly and undeniably good that that would somehow change Chuck. Take him away from his sinful, corrupted ways and into the light.
Maybe that was how people with morals manipulated each other.
And wasn’t that an unsettling thought?
Well, if that was what Dan was trying to do then he obviously hadn’t learnt from all those times they were together. Chuck Bass didn’t respond to chivalry, didn’t respond to morality or decency. He responded to lust, to anger, to the need for power and control.
Dan should know that better than anyone.
As if sensing Chuck’s thoughts, Dan’s shoulder shifted and he turned away from his notes. Chuck knew exactly where he would be looking and quickly turned away. It was one thing to be staring at Dan Humphrey and be in denial about it; it was another thing entirely to get caught doing it.
For a while Chuck stared at his note book. The pen was clutched in his hand but the paper remained as blank as it had been when he entered the class. He felt eyes boring into him, curious and intense and he idly wondered if even the teacher was paying attention to what he was teaching. Surely he would have noticed by now that one of his best students wasn’t even looking in his general direction.
Eventually Chuck couldn’t take it anymore and looked up. Dan had probably figured out by now that Chuck had been looking at him before and Chuck wasn’t so much a coward that he couldn’t even look at the other teen in the face.
Two dark pair of eyes met for a brief second. Their intensity mirroring each other as they search the windows of the other’s soul with the questions that were burning inside both of them.
Dan looked away first, head bowed as if shamed to be caught staring. Apparently he hadn’t stared at Chuck because he felt Chuck staring at him so much, as he just felt the need to stare at Chuck too.
It’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic, Chuck thought to himself as he wondered again how on Earth he’d been reduced to this sort of middle school behaviour.
The rest of the class went on in more or less the same fashion. The teacher whose name Chuck could barely remember rattled on about the Civil War while Chuck and Dan took turns burning holes into each other’s heads with their eyes. Their gazes occasionally collided before they both turned away; only to gravitate slowly back to each other and then it started all over again.
The sighs of relief were unanimous when the bell finally rang. Unfortunately Chuck wasn’t the only one who felt the need to rush out of class.
You’d think a school this expensive could invest in some larger doors, Chuck thought as Dan finished putting away his books and headed towards him. There was a definite smirk on his face.
Saint or not, Dan obviously was still affected by his influence.
He didn’t say anything as he walked passed him though, and somehow, that grated against Chuck’s nerves even more than if he had said something.
Their next period wasn’t one they shared together but their classrooms were still adjacent. Chuck wished he could say that they steadfastly ignored each other like they usually do all the way there but he still couldn’t resist giving Dan curious looks.
On the way they passed Nate and Serena. They were talking about something with serious expressions on their faces. When they noticed him they both turned to give him suspicious looks, that same ‘I’m watching you’ look that they’ve been giving him for the past week.
Chuck suspected he knew what it was about but he hadn’t really been in a mood to deal with them.
Finally they were reaching their destination. Dan was ready to enter his classroom when curiosity finally got the best of Chuck and he touched Dan subtly on the arm.
It was when he turned around that Chuck finally noticed it. He couldn’t feel it back when he was sitting two rows away but now that he’s faced to face with him and not trying to ignore him, Chuck can sense it. There was something different about Dan today. Different from the way he had been when their relationship was more defined; owner and pet, enemy and enemy; not that those categories had ever been truly clear and all that well defined but still... Dan was different now, standing here in front of Chuck. His shoulders were no longer slumped and he didn’t seem to avoid anyone’s eyes. And despite the curious uncertainty that was still on his face when he looked at Chuck, Dan still seemed more assured.
Like he wasn’t lost anymore.
Somehow that got Chuck even more curious.
“I just have to know,” he asked finally. “Why?”
The question seemed to amuse the other brunette, and a smile grew on his face. His dark eyes seemed to twinkle for a moment, but astonishingly enough there was no trace of mockery there.
Chuck never realized before how nice Dan’s smile was.
Or maybe he did but was usually on guard enough to stop himself before those stray thoughts actually formed.
Somehow, Dan was throwing him off even more than usual today.
“Because...” Dan started, and his smile shifted into a teasing smirk. It matched perfectly with the mischievous glint in his eyes when he leaned closer to Chuck, the heat of his body caressing him even with the barrier of clothing and air between them. Chuck held his body completely still as Dan’s breath touched his neck, kept his expression as stoney as possible as Dan whispered his answer.
“I’m Dan Humphrey.”
Then he pushed open the door and walked into the classroom, leaving Chuck frozen against the wall, legs not entirely steady as he tried to quell the heat that had started to grow inside of him. He clenched his fist out of frustration and tried to calm himself.
There was a strangely familiar fluttering inside his stomach. It took him a while before he recognised them, and when he finally did, he let out a curse.
Blair never did tell him how to kill those damn butterflies.
***
Continue: part 3
Hey guys... So I hope you're not too dissapointed by this chapter cause it's really not easy trying to reconcile a relationship like this. I'm trying to end the story well and soon and this is the only way I can think of to do it.
Notes: On Dan going to the papers, i know some people might want to see that since it would divert from the show but I just couldn't make it work and give Chuck/Dan the ending I wanted for this fic. For those who thinks the Bart Bass arsonist storyline should have been explored more... well I agree. I have some plans for exploring that aspect of the story for a sequel to the main storyline of the Game Verse, only this part took a lot of effort already so I don't know if or when I will write it... And for those who think that was too easy, the way Dan dealt with his issues in one go like that... well that was just an ephininy he needed. He still got plenty of issues, which will come up also if/once I write the sequel.
For the main story of the Game Verse though, this is the second to last chapter... for real this time. It's really close to being finished.