Fic: The Secret Life of Lana Lang 3a
“So...” I started, breaking the silence that had built up on the ride home and all the way up the steps to the room we shared together. Chloe looked at me and smiled before grabbing me into another hug.
“I was so scared of loosing you, Lana,” Her voice sounded a bit broken, like she was going to burst into tears again. When she let go I saw the tears running down her face. I wiped them away with my fingers and realized that she was still shaking and her skin felt like ice.
“I’m so sorry about what happened between us,” she started. “I never wanted things to end the way that they did. These past months, living with you, not being able to be with you, seeing you flirt with Adam all the time,” there was a look of pain on her face. “And then this thing with the phone call of you dying, I just got so scared; I don’t want to loose you. I can’t loose you, Lana. I want you here with me”
My face was in her soggy hair as she cried into Mrs. Kent’s equally wet sweater. The smell of rain was all over her, and we were both freezing but in that moment I knew, I’d never be any happier.
Chloe wanted me. Wanted to be with me. After all these years of pining, she said it; she wants me to be with her. She can’t loose me.
She never will. Not if I can help it.
***
Sunshine.
I think that word describes her best, not because she was cheerful and happy all the time cause she isn’t, no one in the world is (though she does seem to shine when she’s happy) but more because there’s this intensity about her, this energy. It’s bright and it’s powerful and so very exhilarating.
She’s also always warm. Ever since that night when we got back together, it was like all the cold left her, like after we got back together all the cold went away and never came back. It’s a silly idea, that I could banish the cold away from Chloe just by being with her, but still, it’s nice to think about.
We spend most of our time together now. At school, at home, at the Talon, I even kept finding excuses to go see her at the Torch. I miss her all the time I’m not with her, which really isn’t anything new cause I missed her all the time when we weren’t together too. But it’s different now, it’s good missing her; it’s happy and mushy and would make quite a few people throw up kind of missing her, not sad, pathetic, pining girl she doesn’t want kind of missing her. It’s definitely a step up, even if she’s never told anyone about us. She doesn’t have to, because I know she wants me. Chloe Sullivan wants me. Chloe Sullivan who always knows what she wants has me up there on her list, along with becoming a reporter at the Daily Planet and getting a Pulitzer. I might not be that high up on the list but at least I’m there. She wants me in her life; wants me for more than just sex; wants to be with me. She knows me more than anyone else and still she wants me. I’ve never been so happy in my life.
And if she gives those wanting looks to Clark, too... I didn’t notice them.
***
“So, am I officially your girlfriend now?” I asked her one day. Just out of curiosity. The previous round of our relationship hadn’t been one that was defined at all, and yeah, I guess considering how it was back then it was better off that way. Better have it be an undefined thing that happens rather than something like a sex buddy or pity sex or a one night stand that repeats itself or something like that. It just doesn’t sound right, it’s sounds crude and dirty and I guess what we had back then was, but still, I hate the sound of it.
“Is it official if it’s still a secret?” Chloe replied from the other side of the bath tub, there was bubble in her hair and her skin was glowing with post orgasmic bliss.
“It could be official to the parties involved,” I replied as I rubbed my legs against hers. The tub was hardly big enough for the both of us but it didn’t seem to matter.
Chloe thought about it for a few seconds.
“Ok, sure, you could secretly be my official girlfriend,” she said, and then there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. “But what would you do for that title?” She said with exaggerated eyebrow movement.
“Pervert,” I muttered teasingly before splashing her face with bubbled water. Chloe pulled me on top of her and gave me a soapy kiss.
***
“I assume things are going well between you and Chloe now that Adam’s out of the picture,” Lex said with his usual cool smile, “I’ve never seen you so happy before”
“Yeah, well, Adam struck a cord in her, made her a little jealous; made her realize certain things. And now I’m her girlfriend, so I’m perfectly happy.”
Lex gave a doubtful look for a moment, a small fraction of a moment, before glazing over it with a smile. It was a long enough moment for me to know he’s not telling me something.
“Lex, what is it?”
“What’s what, Lana?”
“What is it that you’re not telling me?”
“I can assure you, Lana, there’s-“
“No! Lex, please. Don’t lie to me,” I said, looking into his steel blue eyes. “When I became friends with you, you were the only one that didn’t coddle me. You told me exactly what was going on and didn’t treat me like a china doll. Please don’t change that now. Whatever’s going on, please don’t let me lose that from you.”
Lex gave a heavy sigh. He was gonna tell me everything.
***
“Oh, Mister Luthor!”
Not Lionel. She doesn’t call him Lionel. Not even as his hands gripped her ass and pulled her down onto his dick; over and over again. They both glistened with sweat, even in the coldness of the “War Room;” a sign that they’d been doing this for a while now.
The room didn’t smell like sex when Lex opened the door; not like I imagined it would be, walking in on someone having a tawdry affair. The furniture wasn’t out of place, the room didn’t look like a hurricane just went past it. In fact, everything was tidy. Everything looked like it was where it was supposed to be. Everything except Chloe.
I didn’t see her at first when the door was open just a peek. I just heard the familiar moans, ones I’d heard many times before. I knew right then what I was walking in on. Somehow I’d always expected this scene, Chloe cheating on me with someone else, never like this though. In my head it’s always been a barn, the smell of hay all around, Chloe’s naked body writhing beneath solid golden muscles. Or maybe in the Torch office, on a table, plaid shirt thrown on the floor along with all the papers swiped off the desk in the heat of the moment. Never in a million years would I ever picture her with him, not with him. Not with the town’s boogieman, not with the man that’s hurt Lex, hurt this town so much, a man I only knew by reputation but was now seething with hatred for. Lionel Luthor, who corrupts and destroys everything he touches, now had his hands all over my Chloe. Or maybe not my Chloe, never my Chloe, never has been.
Another thing suddenly clicked in my head then. The Daily Planet, giving a column to a teenage girl, all those late nights at the office, and I didn’t even question it, didn’t question it because Chloe was brilliant at everything she puts her mind to. She was a rising star who worked hard to get whatever she wanted. Lex had told me once Lionel has some pull at the Planet... I guess Chloe is always willing to do anything to get what she wants, just not in the way I thought she would. I guess I didn’t really know her at all. I guess nobody really did.
I stood there watching them for a few quiet seconds before shutting the door and walking away. They didn’t even notice I was there and I didn’t have the strength to stop them right now.
***
I have no more words to describe her.
Clearly I never knew her the way I thought I did and the only words I can think of right now, I don’t want to use. They’re too crude, and maybe too harsh. After all, Chloe’s only human and everyone knows humans make mistakes, do stupid horrible things sometimes, and that doesn’t always make them a bad person... I just always thought Chloe was above that sort of thing somehow. Not above mistakes but above that, above Lionel Luthor. Maybe I’m just too naive.
Chloe knew something was wrong, probably easy to tell since I haven’t looked her directly in eyes for weeks, not that either of us are saying anything. Communication has never been our strong suit. No, fake smiles have always been more my thing and Chloe seems to be picking it up too. I guess couples do start to act alike after a while.
I still let her touch me, though, night after night. Somehow the image of her and Lionel together doesn’t come up when we’re together like that, even though it fills my head every other time we’re together. Talking, having breakfast, taking away all the little comfortable moments we had started to have when we got back together, little moments that used to tell me that she’s really with me, that she really wants me, that she’s really mine. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. It’s like one little moment just stains everything else. I’m sick of all the lies, I’m sick of all the secrets, I’m sick of everything, of Lionel and Chloe in my head, of Chloe hurting me over and over again, looking at Clark and sleeping with Lionel and just looking at me like she really fucking cares. I’m sick of Clark looking at me like he loves me when he doesn’t have a single clue who I am. I’m sick of this whole damn town, everyone being so nice and acting like everything’s so perfectly normal even though people are dying and getting infected and going homicidal almost every week. I’m sick of how they look at me and all think they know me, pretty sad little Lana Lang with her dead parents, like I’m some tragic Disney princess; or Beauty Queen Lana, who doesn’t see anyone besides herself.
Amazing how all of that still melts away when Chloe touches me. Like a drug, makes me not see reality anymore, makes me not see anything but her. Makes me feel so good and then it’s just gone and I need more, always need to go back for more. I really can’t keep doing this.
***
“Is it just me or did I completely clear out the lunch crowd?” Chloe said as everybody got up and left, giving her dirty looks on the way out. Printing a story about everyone’s favourite teacher as being a murderer and a fugitive tended to not make you their favourite person. Usually I would defend Chloe to everyone but I guess today was just not one of those days, hasn’t been one of those days for a while actually, not since I learned what Chloe would really do for a column.
“No, it was you,” I replied a lot more honestly than I ever intended to. “Ever since you turned the Torch into your own personal gossip column, no one can stand to be around you.” Oh god! What did I just say?
Chloe didn’t seem fazed by it. “Well, at least you’re still talking to me right?” She said with a smile.
“Yeah, if you can call it talking,” I said before turning my back to her. I needed to get away before I said something I’d really regret, since I couldn’t seem to not tell the truth.
“Wait! What’s that supposed to mean?”
I stopped and sighed, the words spilling out of my mouth again. “It means that for the past month I haven’t even been able to look you in the eye, let alone talk to you about anything more substantial than homework and the weather. And I know you noticed but you haven’t said anything, which makes me think that maybe you do know what’s going on but you just didn’t want to rock the boat by bringing it up. I didn’t want to bring it up because I knew that if I said it out loud it would be more real and I have enough trouble with it as it is."
Chloe looked more subdued, but I knew she wasn’t the type to back out once the door’s been opened. “So what is going on with us, Lana?”
“I know that you’ve been cheating on me with Lionel Luthor. I also pieced a few things together. Your column at the Daily Planet. You slept with him to get it, didn’t you?” There was hope in my voice, hope I didn’t expect to be there, like Chloe would have this whole other reasonable explanation somehow, that none of it was true.
There was regret and an apology in Chloe’s eyes when she looked at me.
“Not exactly,” she said carefully. “The deal wasn’t that I sleep with him and get the column. It was that I give him some information on Clark and get the column, the sex just sort of came later somehow.”
“Oh so my assumptions were wrong. You’re not just a whore you’re a traitor too?!” I wanted to shake her, I wanted to hit her. I wanted to ask her how, I wanted to ask her why, but I wasn’t sure I could take her honest answers. The questions were still there on my face all the same.
Chloe’s eyes had widened at my harsh words, her eyes glittered with pain but only for a moment. Then her stance hardened, ready for battle.
“I guess that makes everyone in this relationship a whore and a traitor then.”
Chloe didn’t have to say it. I knew immediately what this whole situation was all about; the reason for her betrayal, her fall into Lionel Luthor’s arms. “I never slept with Clark,” I defended.
Chloe moved into my personal space and leaned in, her lips grazing softly against my ear in a mockery of affection. “I didn’t say you were his whore,” she whispered, her voice dripping with venom. Nothing like the quick biting sting of sarcasm she had given before, no, this sent a slow, painful burn through my entire body. I suddenly felt like prey as her body circled me.
“You know how much I want Clark, don’t you Lana?”
“Yes,” the words felt like a shard of glass in my throat.
“And yet you let me have you anyway, any time I wanted, kept as a dirty little secret. Even when you found out about me and Lionel you kept quiet about it and still let me have you, over and over again. You’re addicted to my touch,” she placed her left hand on my hip and let it drop down to my denim covered thigh, I feel my breath quicken. “Tell me Lana, what does that make you?”
“Your whore” I say, small and broken. Tears had started to run down from my eyes but the damage wasn’t complete yet, and Chloe continued forcing painful truths out of my mouth.
“And tell me Lana, even after all this, do you still want me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because you’re the sun in my tiny pathetic little world; and you warm me and burn me, and I never felt this much before in my entire life. Maybe because you know me more than anyone does, see through every barrier, every facade, every lie and still haven’t abandoned me. Even when we weren’t together, even after I betrayed you, you’re still here. Maybe because you make me blind and stupid and I don’t see anything else but your smile or your tears, and you make me wanna write stupidly decorative scribbles with your name and little hearts all over it. You make me wanna scream and rip out all my hair and scratch myself till I bleed. And I want to be naked, with you all over me, and I don’t want to ever want to do that ever again and I know that you’re using me and I know that I’m your whore. It was why I was with Clark last year, because I’m not that person and I can’t be that person so I blindfold myself to everything and made myself believe you feel even a little affection for me. You said you didn’t want to lose me, so I didn’t let you lose me and now I can’t escape it. I really am that person, that desperate whore at your feet and as long as I’m near you I’m going to still be here, just letting you use me until there’s nothing left.”
I feel raw, exposed, stripped naked and gutted open, waiting for her to rip another piece out of me. I’m not sure how much of me is left at this point.
Chloe was silent. Her body still, eyes averting me, fixing on the ground like she’d just thrown glass on the floor and only now realizing that she had nowhere else to stand, nowhere to move to, trapped and surrounded by a sea of broken shards.
“I don’t think I can be around you anymore,” I say of my own free will this time. “I applied to the Paris School of the Arts. If I get accepted, I start in the Summer.” Chloe looked up at me this time, shock and pain clear in her bright eyes.
“Lana...” I can feel the apology in it but the usually witty reporter was gaping like a fish, suddenly out of words. She reached up to touch me but then thought better of it, both her hand and her eyes dropping down again. She moved a step away from me.
“If I don’t get accepted, I’ll move to Metropolis with Nell.” Chloe winced like she was in pain but I couldn’t stop now. “If I stay here, I’ll not only forgive you, I’ll get down on my knees and beg you to be with me. We’ve hurt each other so much Chloe. I can’t be this close to you and not be with you, it’ll drive me crazy. But if I stay with you something will happen and all this, it’ll start all over again and I don’t know how many more rounds I can take. We’re going to destroy each other, Chloe.”
There was silence again; both of us trapped this time.
“I didn’t even know you did any art,” Chloe mused softly, still not looking at me. I didn’t answer, but instead went into the office to one of the locked drawers on my desk. I took the whole drawer out and went back to where Chloe was and unloaded the contents onto the counter, all the bits and pieces of paper piled onto it. There were bigger painted pictures and tiny little sketches on pieces of paper ripped from notebooks and even some doodles on napkins. All of them were of Chloe. I never showed them to anyone before, never told anyone I did them. Chloe was the subject of every single piece. There was one of her at the spring formal with Clark, walking away from me, a number of them with her smiling and laughing, one drawn from memory of her with a gun in the icy rain. There was even one I did of her when she was asleep after we had sex, lying on her side facing me, her face peaceful with the tiniest smile gracing her lips, her hair getting messy against the pillow. The one Chloe picked up though was a painting of her in eighth grade with the faux fur and rhinestone filled denim jacket and butterfly shaped clips on her long hair.
“You can have them if you want,” I said as I looked at her, mesmerized in her own image caught on paper in charcoal or acrylic paint. “I’m going to get my stuff from your place tomorrow; I’ll be staying at the apartment upstairs for a while before I leave. I think it’d be easier for us that way”
Chloe stilled, she didn’t reply. I took that as my cue to leave.
Next
“I was so scared of loosing you, Lana,” Her voice sounded a bit broken, like she was going to burst into tears again. When she let go I saw the tears running down her face. I wiped them away with my fingers and realized that she was still shaking and her skin felt like ice.
“I’m so sorry about what happened between us,” she started. “I never wanted things to end the way that they did. These past months, living with you, not being able to be with you, seeing you flirt with Adam all the time,” there was a look of pain on her face. “And then this thing with the phone call of you dying, I just got so scared; I don’t want to loose you. I can’t loose you, Lana. I want you here with me”
My face was in her soggy hair as she cried into Mrs. Kent’s equally wet sweater. The smell of rain was all over her, and we were both freezing but in that moment I knew, I’d never be any happier.
Chloe wanted me. Wanted to be with me. After all these years of pining, she said it; she wants me to be with her. She can’t loose me.
She never will. Not if I can help it.
***
Sunshine.
I think that word describes her best, not because she was cheerful and happy all the time cause she isn’t, no one in the world is (though she does seem to shine when she’s happy) but more because there’s this intensity about her, this energy. It’s bright and it’s powerful and so very exhilarating.
She’s also always warm. Ever since that night when we got back together, it was like all the cold left her, like after we got back together all the cold went away and never came back. It’s a silly idea, that I could banish the cold away from Chloe just by being with her, but still, it’s nice to think about.
We spend most of our time together now. At school, at home, at the Talon, I even kept finding excuses to go see her at the Torch. I miss her all the time I’m not with her, which really isn’t anything new cause I missed her all the time when we weren’t together too. But it’s different now, it’s good missing her; it’s happy and mushy and would make quite a few people throw up kind of missing her, not sad, pathetic, pining girl she doesn’t want kind of missing her. It’s definitely a step up, even if she’s never told anyone about us. She doesn’t have to, because I know she wants me. Chloe Sullivan wants me. Chloe Sullivan who always knows what she wants has me up there on her list, along with becoming a reporter at the Daily Planet and getting a Pulitzer. I might not be that high up on the list but at least I’m there. She wants me in her life; wants me for more than just sex; wants to be with me. She knows me more than anyone else and still she wants me. I’ve never been so happy in my life.
And if she gives those wanting looks to Clark, too... I didn’t notice them.
***
“So, am I officially your girlfriend now?” I asked her one day. Just out of curiosity. The previous round of our relationship hadn’t been one that was defined at all, and yeah, I guess considering how it was back then it was better off that way. Better have it be an undefined thing that happens rather than something like a sex buddy or pity sex or a one night stand that repeats itself or something like that. It just doesn’t sound right, it’s sounds crude and dirty and I guess what we had back then was, but still, I hate the sound of it.
“Is it official if it’s still a secret?” Chloe replied from the other side of the bath tub, there was bubble in her hair and her skin was glowing with post orgasmic bliss.
“It could be official to the parties involved,” I replied as I rubbed my legs against hers. The tub was hardly big enough for the both of us but it didn’t seem to matter.
Chloe thought about it for a few seconds.
“Ok, sure, you could secretly be my official girlfriend,” she said, and then there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. “But what would you do for that title?” She said with exaggerated eyebrow movement.
“Pervert,” I muttered teasingly before splashing her face with bubbled water. Chloe pulled me on top of her and gave me a soapy kiss.
***
“I assume things are going well between you and Chloe now that Adam’s out of the picture,” Lex said with his usual cool smile, “I’ve never seen you so happy before”
“Yeah, well, Adam struck a cord in her, made her a little jealous; made her realize certain things. And now I’m her girlfriend, so I’m perfectly happy.”
Lex gave a doubtful look for a moment, a small fraction of a moment, before glazing over it with a smile. It was a long enough moment for me to know he’s not telling me something.
“Lex, what is it?”
“What’s what, Lana?”
“What is it that you’re not telling me?”
“I can assure you, Lana, there’s-“
“No! Lex, please. Don’t lie to me,” I said, looking into his steel blue eyes. “When I became friends with you, you were the only one that didn’t coddle me. You told me exactly what was going on and didn’t treat me like a china doll. Please don’t change that now. Whatever’s going on, please don’t let me lose that from you.”
Lex gave a heavy sigh. He was gonna tell me everything.
***
“Oh, Mister Luthor!”
Not Lionel. She doesn’t call him Lionel. Not even as his hands gripped her ass and pulled her down onto his dick; over and over again. They both glistened with sweat, even in the coldness of the “War Room;” a sign that they’d been doing this for a while now.
The room didn’t smell like sex when Lex opened the door; not like I imagined it would be, walking in on someone having a tawdry affair. The furniture wasn’t out of place, the room didn’t look like a hurricane just went past it. In fact, everything was tidy. Everything looked like it was where it was supposed to be. Everything except Chloe.
I didn’t see her at first when the door was open just a peek. I just heard the familiar moans, ones I’d heard many times before. I knew right then what I was walking in on. Somehow I’d always expected this scene, Chloe cheating on me with someone else, never like this though. In my head it’s always been a barn, the smell of hay all around, Chloe’s naked body writhing beneath solid golden muscles. Or maybe in the Torch office, on a table, plaid shirt thrown on the floor along with all the papers swiped off the desk in the heat of the moment. Never in a million years would I ever picture her with him, not with him. Not with the town’s boogieman, not with the man that’s hurt Lex, hurt this town so much, a man I only knew by reputation but was now seething with hatred for. Lionel Luthor, who corrupts and destroys everything he touches, now had his hands all over my Chloe. Or maybe not my Chloe, never my Chloe, never has been.
Another thing suddenly clicked in my head then. The Daily Planet, giving a column to a teenage girl, all those late nights at the office, and I didn’t even question it, didn’t question it because Chloe was brilliant at everything she puts her mind to. She was a rising star who worked hard to get whatever she wanted. Lex had told me once Lionel has some pull at the Planet... I guess Chloe is always willing to do anything to get what she wants, just not in the way I thought she would. I guess I didn’t really know her at all. I guess nobody really did.
I stood there watching them for a few quiet seconds before shutting the door and walking away. They didn’t even notice I was there and I didn’t have the strength to stop them right now.
***
I have no more words to describe her.
Clearly I never knew her the way I thought I did and the only words I can think of right now, I don’t want to use. They’re too crude, and maybe too harsh. After all, Chloe’s only human and everyone knows humans make mistakes, do stupid horrible things sometimes, and that doesn’t always make them a bad person... I just always thought Chloe was above that sort of thing somehow. Not above mistakes but above that, above Lionel Luthor. Maybe I’m just too naive.
Chloe knew something was wrong, probably easy to tell since I haven’t looked her directly in eyes for weeks, not that either of us are saying anything. Communication has never been our strong suit. No, fake smiles have always been more my thing and Chloe seems to be picking it up too. I guess couples do start to act alike after a while.
I still let her touch me, though, night after night. Somehow the image of her and Lionel together doesn’t come up when we’re together like that, even though it fills my head every other time we’re together. Talking, having breakfast, taking away all the little comfortable moments we had started to have when we got back together, little moments that used to tell me that she’s really with me, that she really wants me, that she’s really mine. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. It’s like one little moment just stains everything else. I’m sick of all the lies, I’m sick of all the secrets, I’m sick of everything, of Lionel and Chloe in my head, of Chloe hurting me over and over again, looking at Clark and sleeping with Lionel and just looking at me like she really fucking cares. I’m sick of Clark looking at me like he loves me when he doesn’t have a single clue who I am. I’m sick of this whole damn town, everyone being so nice and acting like everything’s so perfectly normal even though people are dying and getting infected and going homicidal almost every week. I’m sick of how they look at me and all think they know me, pretty sad little Lana Lang with her dead parents, like I’m some tragic Disney princess; or Beauty Queen Lana, who doesn’t see anyone besides herself.
Amazing how all of that still melts away when Chloe touches me. Like a drug, makes me not see reality anymore, makes me not see anything but her. Makes me feel so good and then it’s just gone and I need more, always need to go back for more. I really can’t keep doing this.
***
“Is it just me or did I completely clear out the lunch crowd?” Chloe said as everybody got up and left, giving her dirty looks on the way out. Printing a story about everyone’s favourite teacher as being a murderer and a fugitive tended to not make you their favourite person. Usually I would defend Chloe to everyone but I guess today was just not one of those days, hasn’t been one of those days for a while actually, not since I learned what Chloe would really do for a column.
“No, it was you,” I replied a lot more honestly than I ever intended to. “Ever since you turned the Torch into your own personal gossip column, no one can stand to be around you.” Oh god! What did I just say?
Chloe didn’t seem fazed by it. “Well, at least you’re still talking to me right?” She said with a smile.
“Yeah, if you can call it talking,” I said before turning my back to her. I needed to get away before I said something I’d really regret, since I couldn’t seem to not tell the truth.
“Wait! What’s that supposed to mean?”
I stopped and sighed, the words spilling out of my mouth again. “It means that for the past month I haven’t even been able to look you in the eye, let alone talk to you about anything more substantial than homework and the weather. And I know you noticed but you haven’t said anything, which makes me think that maybe you do know what’s going on but you just didn’t want to rock the boat by bringing it up. I didn’t want to bring it up because I knew that if I said it out loud it would be more real and I have enough trouble with it as it is."
Chloe looked more subdued, but I knew she wasn’t the type to back out once the door’s been opened. “So what is going on with us, Lana?”
“I know that you’ve been cheating on me with Lionel Luthor. I also pieced a few things together. Your column at the Daily Planet. You slept with him to get it, didn’t you?” There was hope in my voice, hope I didn’t expect to be there, like Chloe would have this whole other reasonable explanation somehow, that none of it was true.
There was regret and an apology in Chloe’s eyes when she looked at me.
“Not exactly,” she said carefully. “The deal wasn’t that I sleep with him and get the column. It was that I give him some information on Clark and get the column, the sex just sort of came later somehow.”
“Oh so my assumptions were wrong. You’re not just a whore you’re a traitor too?!” I wanted to shake her, I wanted to hit her. I wanted to ask her how, I wanted to ask her why, but I wasn’t sure I could take her honest answers. The questions were still there on my face all the same.
Chloe’s eyes had widened at my harsh words, her eyes glittered with pain but only for a moment. Then her stance hardened, ready for battle.
“I guess that makes everyone in this relationship a whore and a traitor then.”
Chloe didn’t have to say it. I knew immediately what this whole situation was all about; the reason for her betrayal, her fall into Lionel Luthor’s arms. “I never slept with Clark,” I defended.
Chloe moved into my personal space and leaned in, her lips grazing softly against my ear in a mockery of affection. “I didn’t say you were his whore,” she whispered, her voice dripping with venom. Nothing like the quick biting sting of sarcasm she had given before, no, this sent a slow, painful burn through my entire body. I suddenly felt like prey as her body circled me.
“You know how much I want Clark, don’t you Lana?”
“Yes,” the words felt like a shard of glass in my throat.
“And yet you let me have you anyway, any time I wanted, kept as a dirty little secret. Even when you found out about me and Lionel you kept quiet about it and still let me have you, over and over again. You’re addicted to my touch,” she placed her left hand on my hip and let it drop down to my denim covered thigh, I feel my breath quicken. “Tell me Lana, what does that make you?”
“Your whore” I say, small and broken. Tears had started to run down from my eyes but the damage wasn’t complete yet, and Chloe continued forcing painful truths out of my mouth.
“And tell me Lana, even after all this, do you still want me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because you’re the sun in my tiny pathetic little world; and you warm me and burn me, and I never felt this much before in my entire life. Maybe because you know me more than anyone does, see through every barrier, every facade, every lie and still haven’t abandoned me. Even when we weren’t together, even after I betrayed you, you’re still here. Maybe because you make me blind and stupid and I don’t see anything else but your smile or your tears, and you make me wanna write stupidly decorative scribbles with your name and little hearts all over it. You make me wanna scream and rip out all my hair and scratch myself till I bleed. And I want to be naked, with you all over me, and I don’t want to ever want to do that ever again and I know that you’re using me and I know that I’m your whore. It was why I was with Clark last year, because I’m not that person and I can’t be that person so I blindfold myself to everything and made myself believe you feel even a little affection for me. You said you didn’t want to lose me, so I didn’t let you lose me and now I can’t escape it. I really am that person, that desperate whore at your feet and as long as I’m near you I’m going to still be here, just letting you use me until there’s nothing left.”
I feel raw, exposed, stripped naked and gutted open, waiting for her to rip another piece out of me. I’m not sure how much of me is left at this point.
Chloe was silent. Her body still, eyes averting me, fixing on the ground like she’d just thrown glass on the floor and only now realizing that she had nowhere else to stand, nowhere to move to, trapped and surrounded by a sea of broken shards.
“I don’t think I can be around you anymore,” I say of my own free will this time. “I applied to the Paris School of the Arts. If I get accepted, I start in the Summer.” Chloe looked up at me this time, shock and pain clear in her bright eyes.
“Lana...” I can feel the apology in it but the usually witty reporter was gaping like a fish, suddenly out of words. She reached up to touch me but then thought better of it, both her hand and her eyes dropping down again. She moved a step away from me.
“If I don’t get accepted, I’ll move to Metropolis with Nell.” Chloe winced like she was in pain but I couldn’t stop now. “If I stay here, I’ll not only forgive you, I’ll get down on my knees and beg you to be with me. We’ve hurt each other so much Chloe. I can’t be this close to you and not be with you, it’ll drive me crazy. But if I stay with you something will happen and all this, it’ll start all over again and I don’t know how many more rounds I can take. We’re going to destroy each other, Chloe.”
There was silence again; both of us trapped this time.
“I didn’t even know you did any art,” Chloe mused softly, still not looking at me. I didn’t answer, but instead went into the office to one of the locked drawers on my desk. I took the whole drawer out and went back to where Chloe was and unloaded the contents onto the counter, all the bits and pieces of paper piled onto it. There were bigger painted pictures and tiny little sketches on pieces of paper ripped from notebooks and even some doodles on napkins. All of them were of Chloe. I never showed them to anyone before, never told anyone I did them. Chloe was the subject of every single piece. There was one of her at the spring formal with Clark, walking away from me, a number of them with her smiling and laughing, one drawn from memory of her with a gun in the icy rain. There was even one I did of her when she was asleep after we had sex, lying on her side facing me, her face peaceful with the tiniest smile gracing her lips, her hair getting messy against the pillow. The one Chloe picked up though was a painting of her in eighth grade with the faux fur and rhinestone filled denim jacket and butterfly shaped clips on her long hair.
“You can have them if you want,” I said as I looked at her, mesmerized in her own image caught on paper in charcoal or acrylic paint. “I’m going to get my stuff from your place tomorrow; I’ll be staying at the apartment upstairs for a while before I leave. I think it’d be easier for us that way”
Chloe stilled, she didn’t reply. I took that as my cue to leave.
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