REPOST Fic: The Secret Life of Lana Lang 1a
Colourful.
Like a butterfly flying amongst fresh green leaves in the afternoon sun; the rockstar of the insect world and ruler of all things bright, young and pretty. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw Chloe Sullivan walking down the school corridors for the first time. It was the start of eighth grade and I remember I was wearing my favourite baby pink sweater and a pair of jeans and sneakers. It felt so plain compared to Chloe’s purple faux fur scarf, rhinestone filled denim jacket, and thin floral patterned skirt over bell bottomed jeans. I remember watching her as she walked past, looking more than a little out of place. I felt my eyes drawn to her in a way that they never were with anyone else.
I volunteered to give her a tour of the school that first day. I remember shaking her soft hand as I introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Lana Lang, welcome to Smallville.” God, I felt like such a geek, staring at her long glittery blue nails as my mind raced. Will she like me? What if she doesn’t? What if she thinks I’m just a hick farm girl from nowheresville who doesn’t know anything? Will she ever want to hang out with me?
I never felt that way about anyone before; a need to impress, to show her that I do know about the real world, that I’m not just a pretty hick. It was strange because I’d never had an issue about growing up in a small town before. Seeing this girl, this big city glamour girl, in front of me just brought out something in me that I’d never realized existed.
It wasn’t that I’d never been to the big city before, either, it’s just... Chloe seemed different somehow. Special. Unique.
At that time, Chloe was... civil, to me. She was always polite and careful, though she seemed a lot more eager to hang out with my next door neighbor, Clark Kent, than me. Her infatuation with him had started since then, just like my infatuation with her.
It wasn’t until the end of the day that she asked me, “So, umm... What do Amish girls do for fun?”
I was completely stunned. Frozen and tongue tied beyond words. Is that what she thinks of me? I thought as I began to panic. Chloe was looking at me expectantly, playing with a strand of her long blond hair, (she cut it before high school). When her expression turned from expectant to concerned I knew I must have stayed silent for too long.
“Um, are you ok? I haven’t said anything that offended you have I?” She asked, and for the life of me I STILL couldn’t find the words to answer her. It was as if my brain and my mouth got disconnected somehow and though my brain was yelling “SAY SOMETHING!” my mouth was still just hanging there, not letting out a single sound.
The blond came to apologize the next day. Apparently Clark had told her that we weren’t Amish and she just assumed that I was so angry at the implication of her words that I couldn’t say anything. We didn’t hang out much after that. Chloe had already made close friends with Clark by then and I had started dating Whitney.
I never stopped watching her, though.
It felt strange to think about it now as I lay in bed, sleepless, with the girl still meters away in the next bed, snoring softly. I hadn’t slept alone in my own bed for months; it felt strange now, not having her bare skin pressed against mine, her warm breath caressing my neck as I slept. This isn’t an arrangement I’m looking forward to adapting to. I guess, like everything else in life, I’m just going to have to deal with it.
It’s not like I could keep her chained to me forever. It might have been me who broke up with her but I wasn’t the one who wanted out of this relationship. Chloe never loved me. How could I have been so stupid? Every Saturday afternoon she said she had to check in at the Daily Planet office and write her article. Sometimes she’d come back early, sometimes she’d stay till night fell. I really don’t know much about journalism but from what I’ve seen you don’t have a schedule to chase stories. Chloe usually writes her articles up at the Torch rather than the Planet anyway. I should have known she was actually sneaking off to spend some quality time with the new and not-so-improved party boy, Clark Kent.
I never would have thought that Chloe would ever settle for anyone so unlike our Clark, but I guess she was just as desperate to be with him as I was to be with her. Beggers can’t be choosers, I should know; I’ve more than been there myself.
***
Ugh! Girl’s day out. Why do I even bother? God, I can’t believe I agreed to this.
It’s been nearly two months since Chloe and I broke up and so far we’ve done a pretty good job of pretending the other didn’t exist, especially for people who live together, go to school together, and hang out at pretty much all the same places. The arrangement was...painful. It was hard seeing her everyday getting dressed, going to school, ordering an Almond Mocha Frappuccino at the Talon, coming out of the shower with her wet hair sticking to her face and her skin all flushed.
Still, the arrangement was tolerable. I could live with just looking at her from afar and dreaming a dream that would never come true.
I can’t be expected to spend the whole day with her, acting like nothing had ever happened between us. I’m not even sure I can carry out a whole conversation with her without accidentally bringing something up again.
God, I hadn’t talked to her in what felt like centuries and suddenly she came up to me and says, “Hey, let’s go out tomorrow.” And then I just HAD to go and say “yes,” didn’t I? Even though I knew full well that I was going to be feeling like this. God, am I so pathetic that I would do anything just to be around her again? I don’t even like the Smallville fair, it commercializes the meteor shower too much, like all the tragedy that happened that day just became a tourist attraction.
It wasn’t until I looked into the mirror that I realized that I was wearing pink yet again. I’ve been wearing it a lot more than usual lately. I remembered my mother telling me how pretty I looked in pink when I was younger, one of the few memories of my parents that survived through the years. Since the meteor shower I’ve developed this habit of throwing on as much pink as possible when I’m feeling nervous or unsure. It makes me feel closer to them, like they’re there for me, cheering me on. It’s stupid, I know, but I just can’t help it.
I won’t be able to do that today, though. Chloe’s one of the only two people who knows about the pink thing and I can’t let her see what a wreck I am.
“Hey, Lana! You ready yet?” I hear her calling from the other room. No time to change now, I thought as I pulled on a blue blazer over my pink shirt. It’ll just have to do.
***
Exciting
Chloe Sullivan is exciting. Even when she’s sitting in front of the computer obsessing over a new story there’s always some new villain, some new meteor mutants, out there that she just has to know about and get her hands on. It’s hard finding a dull moment in her life and it’s hard to be bored with her around. At least that’s the case with me. Even here at the Smallville fair after everything that’s happened between us I’m still excited and am, surprisingly, having a really good time.
“It’s nice to see that smile again,” She said suddenly, her eyes sparkling as she gave me her own smile.
“Yeah, well, it’s nice to see you again,” I replied, before I realized what a mistake that was. Suddenly there was a cloud of tension around us that wasn’t there before, dripping sadness onto that pretty smile.
“You can see me whenever you like, Lana. That’s one of the benefits of living together.”
“I know, but it still hurts sometimes, you know,” I reply, thinking of all the time I spent watching her; seeing her right there next to me but unable to touch. “Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe Clark was right to try and get away from it all. Just leave all this mess behind.”
“I thought we agreed not to mention him,” she said after a moment. There was sadness in her eyes and I knew exactly why. Even though she had Clark all to herself for the three months when he ran away, the moment I went to get him back he dropped her like a brick, not evening mentioning her as we kissed in the flickering neon light of that club.
“Sorry,” I say with a forced smile.
“Hey look, there’s Seth at one of stands!” Chloe abruptly changed the subject. “Come on, let’s see if he’ll sneak you a prize or something.”
And before I knew it I was being dragged away by a seemingly happy blond girl again like I have been all day.
***
Trouble Magnet
Chloe’s always getting herself in trouble. Not the way I do with people coming after me, no; she actually goes and seeks them all out and gets herself in a jam. If she can’t save herself, Clark Kent’s always there to help just in time. I hate that about him. Not about the saving Chloe’s life thing, but I just wish she didn’t need him so much. That I didn’t need him so much. I know karate and can kick ass as much as the next regular person, but we’re never really up against regular people, are we? Clark, well I guess he’s something else as well, no matter how much he tries to hide it.
Chloe’s been acting very strange lately, secretive, more so than usual. Sneaking off in the middle of the night and whispering into her cell phone in hidden corner, hiding records all over the house. I wondered what she’d gotten herself into this time.
I discovered that she wasn’t the only one involved when I got a phone call from Clark one night asking me to meet him in the stables.
“I got your message. I brought the food. Now tell me what I'm doing here in the middle of the night,” I said to him before I turned to look upon the crouching form hidden in the shadows. His eyes were vacant as they stared at dirt covered hands. He looked battered.
Lex.
A twinge of sympathy touched me as I stared at his broken form, my anger for Clark melting away. No one should ever have to see someone they love like this.
At least it’s chemically induced, and not something permanent, Clark had told me.
“What exactly are we mixed up in?” I asked, wondering if I’d get a straight answer out of him for once. I didn’t.
“I need you to stay with him,” Clark said. “I've got to get some evidence to Chloe that may prove that he's being drugged. She couldn't come here because we think she's being watched.”
So she is involved in this. No wonder she’s so secretive. I wish she’d come to me about it, we may not be together anymore but she should know that I care more about her than anyone in this god-forsaken town. She probably does, but like every single person here, she wants to protect me. Everyone wants to protect me. God, I’m so sick of that.
“Don’t worry, Lana,” Lex said, breaking me out of my thoughts. There was a glint in his sharp blue eyes, one that told me that the Lex Luthor I knew was still in there. “I’ll tell you everything,” he said with determination.
I gave him a soft smile. Maybe not everyone in this town is trying to protect me from everything after all.
***
Pain.
It was the last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital bed. Lex though I was trying to poison him and there was yelling. Then I remember falling on the harsh dirt ground before feeling heavy hooves on my legs and excruciating pain, over and over again. Then nothing.
The memory of it was blurry; I guess I passed out from the pain since I didn’t seem to have hit my head anywhere. The doctor said I nearly died and I should be thankful I survived, yet again. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a curse; to always survive. I seem to be getting into near death situations a lot, yet I never die, even if the people I love do over and over again. Maybe I’m secretly immortal. Too bad I’m not invincible as well. Then I wouldn’t be in so much pain.
The doctor said I might never walk again. I was distraught, but a small part of me was actually quite thankful. Maybe I won’t walk myself into trouble ever again. And maybe all those people who thought I was “perfect” will see that I’m not anymore. All those crazy stalkers going away is nearly worth everyone treating me like a glass sculpture. More so than they usually do, I mean.
***
The next time I woke up at the hospital Clark was there, all concerned and nervous and awkward. I told him to stay away from me, using his own excuse of himself being too dangerous to be around. I tried to be gentle about it but I still felt horrible for it because I knew the real reason why. Danger had nothing to do with it. That was something I’d been wanting to do since Chloe and I broke up. I mean, I know it’s not his fault, he didn’t know Chloe and I were together but still... Who would want to spend that much time with someone whom the love of you life (at least the life you’ve had so far) was cheating on you with, and whom she loved more than you? That is if she ever loved you at all to begin with.
Still, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to pull away from Clark, one that will last longer than the usual ‘tell me your secret’ thing I’ve been doing for over a year. To be honest I don’t really think I have the right to know. I mean, it’s his secret to tell and it’s not like I’m his girlfriend or anything, god forbid. I still regret that decision to get together with him last year, I didn’t know who I was fooling but it certainly wasn’t myself. I know where my heart truly lies.
I may not be interested in Clark romantically but he’s always been a great friend. It was kind of lonely without him around. For someone everyone seems to love in this town, I actually have very few real friends. Maybe the fact that no one really knows me is why they love me so much. If they all knew the real me the way Chloe does then they probably wouldn’t, just like Chloe doesn’t.
I guess sometimes it's better to keep them all away.
Next
Like a butterfly flying amongst fresh green leaves in the afternoon sun; the rockstar of the insect world and ruler of all things bright, young and pretty. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw Chloe Sullivan walking down the school corridors for the first time. It was the start of eighth grade and I remember I was wearing my favourite baby pink sweater and a pair of jeans and sneakers. It felt so plain compared to Chloe’s purple faux fur scarf, rhinestone filled denim jacket, and thin floral patterned skirt over bell bottomed jeans. I remember watching her as she walked past, looking more than a little out of place. I felt my eyes drawn to her in a way that they never were with anyone else.
I volunteered to give her a tour of the school that first day. I remember shaking her soft hand as I introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Lana Lang, welcome to Smallville.” God, I felt like such a geek, staring at her long glittery blue nails as my mind raced. Will she like me? What if she doesn’t? What if she thinks I’m just a hick farm girl from nowheresville who doesn’t know anything? Will she ever want to hang out with me?
I never felt that way about anyone before; a need to impress, to show her that I do know about the real world, that I’m not just a pretty hick. It was strange because I’d never had an issue about growing up in a small town before. Seeing this girl, this big city glamour girl, in front of me just brought out something in me that I’d never realized existed.
It wasn’t that I’d never been to the big city before, either, it’s just... Chloe seemed different somehow. Special. Unique.
At that time, Chloe was... civil, to me. She was always polite and careful, though she seemed a lot more eager to hang out with my next door neighbor, Clark Kent, than me. Her infatuation with him had started since then, just like my infatuation with her.
It wasn’t until the end of the day that she asked me, “So, umm... What do Amish girls do for fun?”
I was completely stunned. Frozen and tongue tied beyond words. Is that what she thinks of me? I thought as I began to panic. Chloe was looking at me expectantly, playing with a strand of her long blond hair, (she cut it before high school). When her expression turned from expectant to concerned I knew I must have stayed silent for too long.
“Um, are you ok? I haven’t said anything that offended you have I?” She asked, and for the life of me I STILL couldn’t find the words to answer her. It was as if my brain and my mouth got disconnected somehow and though my brain was yelling “SAY SOMETHING!” my mouth was still just hanging there, not letting out a single sound.
The blond came to apologize the next day. Apparently Clark had told her that we weren’t Amish and she just assumed that I was so angry at the implication of her words that I couldn’t say anything. We didn’t hang out much after that. Chloe had already made close friends with Clark by then and I had started dating Whitney.
I never stopped watching her, though.
It felt strange to think about it now as I lay in bed, sleepless, with the girl still meters away in the next bed, snoring softly. I hadn’t slept alone in my own bed for months; it felt strange now, not having her bare skin pressed against mine, her warm breath caressing my neck as I slept. This isn’t an arrangement I’m looking forward to adapting to. I guess, like everything else in life, I’m just going to have to deal with it.
It’s not like I could keep her chained to me forever. It might have been me who broke up with her but I wasn’t the one who wanted out of this relationship. Chloe never loved me. How could I have been so stupid? Every Saturday afternoon she said she had to check in at the Daily Planet office and write her article. Sometimes she’d come back early, sometimes she’d stay till night fell. I really don’t know much about journalism but from what I’ve seen you don’t have a schedule to chase stories. Chloe usually writes her articles up at the Torch rather than the Planet anyway. I should have known she was actually sneaking off to spend some quality time with the new and not-so-improved party boy, Clark Kent.
I never would have thought that Chloe would ever settle for anyone so unlike our Clark, but I guess she was just as desperate to be with him as I was to be with her. Beggers can’t be choosers, I should know; I’ve more than been there myself.
***
Ugh! Girl’s day out. Why do I even bother? God, I can’t believe I agreed to this.
It’s been nearly two months since Chloe and I broke up and so far we’ve done a pretty good job of pretending the other didn’t exist, especially for people who live together, go to school together, and hang out at pretty much all the same places. The arrangement was...painful. It was hard seeing her everyday getting dressed, going to school, ordering an Almond Mocha Frappuccino at the Talon, coming out of the shower with her wet hair sticking to her face and her skin all flushed.
Still, the arrangement was tolerable. I could live with just looking at her from afar and dreaming a dream that would never come true.
I can’t be expected to spend the whole day with her, acting like nothing had ever happened between us. I’m not even sure I can carry out a whole conversation with her without accidentally bringing something up again.
God, I hadn’t talked to her in what felt like centuries and suddenly she came up to me and says, “Hey, let’s go out tomorrow.” And then I just HAD to go and say “yes,” didn’t I? Even though I knew full well that I was going to be feeling like this. God, am I so pathetic that I would do anything just to be around her again? I don’t even like the Smallville fair, it commercializes the meteor shower too much, like all the tragedy that happened that day just became a tourist attraction.
It wasn’t until I looked into the mirror that I realized that I was wearing pink yet again. I’ve been wearing it a lot more than usual lately. I remembered my mother telling me how pretty I looked in pink when I was younger, one of the few memories of my parents that survived through the years. Since the meteor shower I’ve developed this habit of throwing on as much pink as possible when I’m feeling nervous or unsure. It makes me feel closer to them, like they’re there for me, cheering me on. It’s stupid, I know, but I just can’t help it.
I won’t be able to do that today, though. Chloe’s one of the only two people who knows about the pink thing and I can’t let her see what a wreck I am.
“Hey, Lana! You ready yet?” I hear her calling from the other room. No time to change now, I thought as I pulled on a blue blazer over my pink shirt. It’ll just have to do.
***
Exciting
Chloe Sullivan is exciting. Even when she’s sitting in front of the computer obsessing over a new story there’s always some new villain, some new meteor mutants, out there that she just has to know about and get her hands on. It’s hard finding a dull moment in her life and it’s hard to be bored with her around. At least that’s the case with me. Even here at the Smallville fair after everything that’s happened between us I’m still excited and am, surprisingly, having a really good time.
“It’s nice to see that smile again,” She said suddenly, her eyes sparkling as she gave me her own smile.
“Yeah, well, it’s nice to see you again,” I replied, before I realized what a mistake that was. Suddenly there was a cloud of tension around us that wasn’t there before, dripping sadness onto that pretty smile.
“You can see me whenever you like, Lana. That’s one of the benefits of living together.”
“I know, but it still hurts sometimes, you know,” I reply, thinking of all the time I spent watching her; seeing her right there next to me but unable to touch. “Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe Clark was right to try and get away from it all. Just leave all this mess behind.”
“I thought we agreed not to mention him,” she said after a moment. There was sadness in her eyes and I knew exactly why. Even though she had Clark all to herself for the three months when he ran away, the moment I went to get him back he dropped her like a brick, not evening mentioning her as we kissed in the flickering neon light of that club.
“Sorry,” I say with a forced smile.
“Hey look, there’s Seth at one of stands!” Chloe abruptly changed the subject. “Come on, let’s see if he’ll sneak you a prize or something.”
And before I knew it I was being dragged away by a seemingly happy blond girl again like I have been all day.
***
Trouble Magnet
Chloe’s always getting herself in trouble. Not the way I do with people coming after me, no; she actually goes and seeks them all out and gets herself in a jam. If she can’t save herself, Clark Kent’s always there to help just in time. I hate that about him. Not about the saving Chloe’s life thing, but I just wish she didn’t need him so much. That I didn’t need him so much. I know karate and can kick ass as much as the next regular person, but we’re never really up against regular people, are we? Clark, well I guess he’s something else as well, no matter how much he tries to hide it.
Chloe’s been acting very strange lately, secretive, more so than usual. Sneaking off in the middle of the night and whispering into her cell phone in hidden corner, hiding records all over the house. I wondered what she’d gotten herself into this time.
I discovered that she wasn’t the only one involved when I got a phone call from Clark one night asking me to meet him in the stables.
“I got your message. I brought the food. Now tell me what I'm doing here in the middle of the night,” I said to him before I turned to look upon the crouching form hidden in the shadows. His eyes were vacant as they stared at dirt covered hands. He looked battered.
Lex.
A twinge of sympathy touched me as I stared at his broken form, my anger for Clark melting away. No one should ever have to see someone they love like this.
At least it’s chemically induced, and not something permanent, Clark had told me.
“What exactly are we mixed up in?” I asked, wondering if I’d get a straight answer out of him for once. I didn’t.
“I need you to stay with him,” Clark said. “I've got to get some evidence to Chloe that may prove that he's being drugged. She couldn't come here because we think she's being watched.”
So she is involved in this. No wonder she’s so secretive. I wish she’d come to me about it, we may not be together anymore but she should know that I care more about her than anyone in this god-forsaken town. She probably does, but like every single person here, she wants to protect me. Everyone wants to protect me. God, I’m so sick of that.
“Don’t worry, Lana,” Lex said, breaking me out of my thoughts. There was a glint in his sharp blue eyes, one that told me that the Lex Luthor I knew was still in there. “I’ll tell you everything,” he said with determination.
I gave him a soft smile. Maybe not everyone in this town is trying to protect me from everything after all.
***
Pain.
It was the last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital bed. Lex though I was trying to poison him and there was yelling. Then I remember falling on the harsh dirt ground before feeling heavy hooves on my legs and excruciating pain, over and over again. Then nothing.
The memory of it was blurry; I guess I passed out from the pain since I didn’t seem to have hit my head anywhere. The doctor said I nearly died and I should be thankful I survived, yet again. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a curse; to always survive. I seem to be getting into near death situations a lot, yet I never die, even if the people I love do over and over again. Maybe I’m secretly immortal. Too bad I’m not invincible as well. Then I wouldn’t be in so much pain.
The doctor said I might never walk again. I was distraught, but a small part of me was actually quite thankful. Maybe I won’t walk myself into trouble ever again. And maybe all those people who thought I was “perfect” will see that I’m not anymore. All those crazy stalkers going away is nearly worth everyone treating me like a glass sculpture. More so than they usually do, I mean.
***
The next time I woke up at the hospital Clark was there, all concerned and nervous and awkward. I told him to stay away from me, using his own excuse of himself being too dangerous to be around. I tried to be gentle about it but I still felt horrible for it because I knew the real reason why. Danger had nothing to do with it. That was something I’d been wanting to do since Chloe and I broke up. I mean, I know it’s not his fault, he didn’t know Chloe and I were together but still... Who would want to spend that much time with someone whom the love of you life (at least the life you’ve had so far) was cheating on you with, and whom she loved more than you? That is if she ever loved you at all to begin with.
Still, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to pull away from Clark, one that will last longer than the usual ‘tell me your secret’ thing I’ve been doing for over a year. To be honest I don’t really think I have the right to know. I mean, it’s his secret to tell and it’s not like I’m his girlfriend or anything, god forbid. I still regret that decision to get together with him last year, I didn’t know who I was fooling but it certainly wasn’t myself. I know where my heart truly lies.
I may not be interested in Clark romantically but he’s always been a great friend. It was kind of lonely without him around. For someone everyone seems to love in this town, I actually have very few real friends. Maybe the fact that no one really knows me is why they love me so much. If they all knew the real me the way Chloe does then they probably wouldn’t, just like Chloe doesn’t.
I guess sometimes it's better to keep them all away.
Next