Everything looks better with sparkles
Title: Everything looks better with sparkles
Author: Holly
Rating: Pg-13 (for SLIGHT language and references to awful literature)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck
Warning: Slash fic, but other than that and slight language, nothing xP I really wouldn't read if you're a twi fan though, I think I went a little OTT on the bashing o.o
Spoilers: Nope ^^
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Glee belongs to Fox, and Puck and Kurt belong to each other.
Author Notes: Yeah.. I have no idea why I wrote this xP I hope you enjoy my weird attempts at humour, though ^^
Summary: Noah Puckerman hates books, and in this case, Kurt agrees with him.
Word Count: 1,033
Noah Puckerman had never liked books. He just didn’t, okay? He wasn’t illiterate, far from it, he just didn’t see the point of anything that cut down on sex time. Especially with some as inventive as Mr. Why-don’t-we-try-standing-69 Kurt Hummel. Who was he to turn down kinky? Phones could be kinky, yes, but not books. No. Phone sex? Hell yeah. Book sex? Puckzilla did not approve.
He DID, on occasion, want to throw an incredibly heavy encyclopedia at Rachel Berry’s head, but that was beside the point.
So he even he was surprised at himself when he shuffled up to Kurt in the hallway between classes and pushed a book into his boyfriend’s hands. Kurt took one look at the cover, raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and then glanced up at Puck in disbelief.
“Noah? What are you doing?”
“My sister said you should read it, she really likes it and thinks that you would too.”
“Noah, this is your sister you’re talking about. Your sister who speaks to you in dinosaur and convinced you to wear a pink tank top to school. You are possibly the most gullible person in the world when it comes to your sister so I don’t think-“
“If I make you read it she’ll stop going on at me about it, okay? I haven’t had one moment of fucking peace after she read it because she keeps quoting it and trying to dress me up as the characters. She came after me with make up the other day, okay! Plus-“
His grimace morphed into a sultry smirk as he leant in closer to brush his lips against Kurt’s ear and whisper,
“You look hot when you read. Like, smoking. Might give me some ideas.”
He pulled back, enjoying the sight of Kurt’s eyes half-lidded with lust and irritation as he brushed past and sauntered off to his next class. Kurt exhaled slowly, slipping the book quickly into his messenger bag as he flattened his hair self consciously and stalked off in the opposite direction.
As much mental agony as he was sure this book was going to cause him, Noah getting inventive was definitely worth it.
~~~
You had to give it to Kurt, Puck reflected, the boy was determined. Ignoring baffled glances from the various other members of Glee, Kurt unfailingly had the book propped up on his knees at least once every rehearsal. It probably wasn’t completely coincidental that he got it out either during a Rachel-rant or YET another Rachel/Finn schmaltzy lovey-dovey duet, though.
So Puck swaggered over after one such rehearsal while the rest of the club were filing out and stood over his boyfriend, torn between leering and laughing out loud at the expression on Kurt’s face. He looked like he was passing a gall stone while simultaneously resisting the urge to punch something.
“Enjoying yourself, princess?”
Kurt snapped the book shut, raising one hand to massage his temples as Puck crouched down so they were at eye level.
“This, Noah Puckerman, is possibly the worst piece of literature ever to have been printed. It’s like the author just sneezed it out and handed it to her editor. Seriously? How can people like this!?”
Puck blinked, taken aback (to say the least) at the tone of Kurt’s voice. It was the voice he used when he about to cut a dumbass jock down to size before being flung into a dumpster, he knew, he he'd been on the receiving end of that voice many times in the past. It was exasperated, growly, and downright bitchy.
A damn turn on, in short.
“I thought you would like it! I saw you drooling at the movie poster the other day and-“
“That poster was of Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner topless. Taylor Lautner topless with abs that could cut diamonds… you seriously think that I was paying any attention to what the poster was for?”
“..Are those bruises on your cheeks?! The fuck!? Which jocks do I need to castra-“
“It wasn’t a jock. I got hit in the face several times by the big, sparkly foreshadowing brick of Stephenie Meyer and her writing. The subtlety of this book amazes me.”
Puck merely raised an eyebrow, unwilling to say that he hadn’t really understood any of that sentence. Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed, looking fairly close to gouging his face off with rusty forks.
“Okay, fine. I may have hit my head against the wall. Several times. This book is, basically, a woman trying to cram her inane idea of morality down our throats.”
“Oh, like a dick? A dick of morality!”
“Noah, only you could use the words ‘dick’ and ‘morality’ in the same sentence and actually make it apply to something.”
“There must be at least one thing you liked, babe.”
“Do the words ‘Hell no?’ ring any bells?”
Puck pouted, twisting his expression into what he hoped resembled that of a kicked puppy. He had a good model, he’d seen Finn’s only other facial expression other than completely blank, after all.
“But Kurtward, I gave it to you-“
“Noah, seriously, shut up or I’ll-“
“-so surely you must wuv it! Don’t you feel all warm and tingly and sparkly and - OW!”
Puck rubbed his forehead furiously where the hardback corner of the book had bounced off of it, glaring daggers at his evidently-amused boyfriend. He opened his mouth to complain, only to be cut off by a slender finger on his lips and a gently smirking face inches from his.
“Now now Noah, behave and I might just give you a treat to make you feel better.”
Puck’s eyes followed Kurt’s hand as he reached into his back pocket, indignation switching immediately to eagerness. Things were looking up, it seemed. Kurt leant back with a sly grin as he withdrew a small bottle, rolling it teasingly between his thumb and forefinger as Puck barely managed to stop himself from ravaging the smaller boy then and there.
“Sparkly lube?”
“You can say what you like about how dreadfully this book was written, but Edward and Jacob were totally going at it behind the scenes.”
You know what? When combined with sparkly, heated lube and a boyfriend that could pick up on homoerotica (read: gay fuckery) in almost any situation, Noah Puckerman freaking loved books.