Solace
Title: Solace (1/1)
Series: Something that starts with "S", prologue
Character: Jack & Ianto + several emotional black holes of need
Rating: PG
Summary: not a drabble, Jack reflects on his selfishness.
Spoilers: TW "Fragments" DW "Journey's End"
Notes: For horizonssing day 10. This is all tanarian's fault (see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). I wanted a little happier ending, but still plenty angst.
"So, how much has he had?" Jack asked the matron while trying to look past her into the curtained area.
"If it were below zero outside, he has more than adequate anti-freeze in his system. With all of the chaos recently, we're seeing quite a rise in acute alcohol poisoning cases." The matron checked her chart again, not wanting to give information for the wrong patient, "We have him on a rally pack, that will help get him hydrated; and the cannula is helping to get his O2 levels back up." She closed the chart and gave Jack a stern look. "May I ask why exactly Torchwood feels the need to interfere with the treatment of a patient who tried to drink himself to death?"
Jack tried to put on one of his better intimidating looks, but failed. "He- we- sort of don't have anyone except each other. I didn't notice- I should have noticed." Jack scrubbed his face and tried to gather his thoughts before continuing. "He's Torchwood, and we take care of our own. When can he be released?" Jack saw legs shift in the bed and wasn't giving the matron all of his attention when she informed him that she'd have to check. "Can I sit with him for a while? I won't disturb him." Effectively dismissing the nurse, Jack moved forward to pull the curtain away so he could get to the patient in the bed.
Ianto looked so young lying there, but the sickly gray pallor of his skin with the dark circles under his tightly closed eyes made him look nearly like a corpse. If it weren't for the golden liquid in the IV attached to his arm, the cannula puffing air and the steady beep from the monitor, you could almost mistake him for being dead. Jack shuddered at the thought. He knew that he's mostly to blame for this. When Owen and Tosh died, Gwen's overwhelming need for reassurance took most of Jack's time, and the little time left was needed to tend to his own wounds. Like always, Ianto single-handedly put the broken pieces of Torchwood back together while allowing Jack to console Gwen and was there for Jack when he needed a strong right hand. But the rest of the time, Ianto faded back into the shadows and kept the machinations of Torchwood going for its Captain.
No sooner had Jack and Gwen almost returned to functioning levels, and Jack began to see how unfair he'd been to Ianto, did the Earth get pulled across the Universe and Jack's worst nightmare- daleks- appeared. Then the Doctor and another Doctor and Rose, back from her parallel world to save the day again. Jack didn't think twice, he knew he had to help the Doctor. He left Gwen- who he'd helped put back together- with Ianto. In hindsight, leaving them alone wasn't one of his more brilliant moves, but Jack isn't known for making sound decisions in a crisis. He knew Ianto would protect Torchwood, protect Cardiff, and hopefully keep himself alive in the process while Jack could focus on the Doctor and putting the world back in its place.
Coming back to the Hub to an overly excited Gwen and introducing Mickey and Martha as the newest member's of Torchwood 3 diverted Jack's attention. To have excitement and laughter after such harrowing times felt good and he let things slip. It was weeks before Jack read the report about the dalek entering the hub and how Toshiko- brilliant Toshiko- actually saved Gwen and Ianto with her security measures. Jack hadn't even seen the damage from the incursion; Ianto had quietly put everything to rights and disposed of the dalek's remains using Torchwood's industrial blast furnace and clearly detailed everything in the report. Jack's attention was so focused on integrating Mickey and Martha that he let Ianto fade even further into the shadows- keeping the place ticking over and allowing the new team to find its footing.
But while Gwen and her outgoing personality quickly adapted to two brash Londoners in their midst and Jack enjoyed having people to have Doctor talks with, Ianto withdrew back to the support role he'd held before Jack had left. Only now, watching him sleep in a near coma from alcohol, did it dawn on Jack that Ianto had returned to calling him 'Captain' or 'Sir'. Even more worrying, Jack couldn't remember the last time he sat with Ianto to drink a coffee, let alone kiss him or even touch him. Eerie echoes of words from the past rung in Jack's ears, and they stung just as much now as they did then.
"Like you care. I clear up your shit, no questions asked, and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life."
This was all Jack's fault. He had allowed quiet, loyal Ianto to fall by the wayside in favour of the more demanding and loud others. Ianto, who never had a chance to recover from tragedy because his skills were so desperately needed; put his suits of armor on and affixed his professional façade and kept working and doing everything needed until he broke. Jack even knows what finally broke him. It was such a little thing, so minor, so insignificant.
It had been a slow, warm day. Jack, Mickey and Martha were regaling Gwen with outrageous Doctor stories while they were sitting around the couch. Martha brought up some alien drink she had had with the Doctor and described it. They had all agreed that it sounded good. Gwen, without much thought, called Ianto on the comms to see if he could think of a drink that would be similar.
"Summer Rain." Ianto answered the question from wherever he was and whatever he was doing while they gossiped.
Mickey drawled, "Well, lets go see if th' pub can make 'em." And the four- Jack, Gwen, Mickey and Martha- left the hub for drinks.
It didn't even enter their minds. Jack didn't notice when he came back to the Hub later that evening. To be honest, it wasn't until nearly noon the following day, when Mickey was complaining about being hungry before anyone noticed something- someone- was missing. There'd been no coffee. They were all slowly being buried under their inability to throw trash away and they were all having problems finding the right files. The infrastructure that they relied on- took for granted- had simply stopped. No answer on comms, or home phone or cell phone. It was only then, as Jack started to seriously panic, that he noticed the message light on his phone.
Jack held Ianto's hand, running his thumb over the back of it. Hands that had comforted him, massaged tired muscles from his back, made coffee and carried the weight of the world for all this time were limp in his grasp. Jack had failed him, just as much as he'd failed Owen and Tosh; just as badly as he'd failed Grey. He'd broken this quiet young man who asked for so little but gave so much and driven him to this.
"I'm sorry Ianto." Jack whispered while he began stroking Ianto's face, "I'm so, so sorry." The frown lines on Ianto's face relaxed while some of the tension seemed to seep away. Jack let a slight smile form on his face, "I'm sorry I keep letting you carry all the burden. Its going to change. I promise. I promise."
The story continues in Shipwreck, Part One
Series: Something that starts with "S", prologue
Character: Jack & Ianto + several emotional black holes of need
Rating: PG
Summary: not a drabble, Jack reflects on his selfishness.
Spoilers: TW "Fragments" DW "Journey's End"
Notes: For horizonssing day 10. This is all tanarian's fault (see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). I wanted a little happier ending, but still plenty angst.
"So, how much has he had?" Jack asked the matron while trying to look past her into the curtained area.
"If it were below zero outside, he has more than adequate anti-freeze in his system. With all of the chaos recently, we're seeing quite a rise in acute alcohol poisoning cases." The matron checked her chart again, not wanting to give information for the wrong patient, "We have him on a rally pack, that will help get him hydrated; and the cannula is helping to get his O2 levels back up." She closed the chart and gave Jack a stern look. "May I ask why exactly Torchwood feels the need to interfere with the treatment of a patient who tried to drink himself to death?"
Jack tried to put on one of his better intimidating looks, but failed. "He- we- sort of don't have anyone except each other. I didn't notice- I should have noticed." Jack scrubbed his face and tried to gather his thoughts before continuing. "He's Torchwood, and we take care of our own. When can he be released?" Jack saw legs shift in the bed and wasn't giving the matron all of his attention when she informed him that she'd have to check. "Can I sit with him for a while? I won't disturb him." Effectively dismissing the nurse, Jack moved forward to pull the curtain away so he could get to the patient in the bed.
Ianto looked so young lying there, but the sickly gray pallor of his skin with the dark circles under his tightly closed eyes made him look nearly like a corpse. If it weren't for the golden liquid in the IV attached to his arm, the cannula puffing air and the steady beep from the monitor, you could almost mistake him for being dead. Jack shuddered at the thought. He knew that he's mostly to blame for this. When Owen and Tosh died, Gwen's overwhelming need for reassurance took most of Jack's time, and the little time left was needed to tend to his own wounds. Like always, Ianto single-handedly put the broken pieces of Torchwood back together while allowing Jack to console Gwen and was there for Jack when he needed a strong right hand. But the rest of the time, Ianto faded back into the shadows and kept the machinations of Torchwood going for its Captain.
No sooner had Jack and Gwen almost returned to functioning levels, and Jack began to see how unfair he'd been to Ianto, did the Earth get pulled across the Universe and Jack's worst nightmare- daleks- appeared. Then the Doctor and another Doctor and Rose, back from her parallel world to save the day again. Jack didn't think twice, he knew he had to help the Doctor. He left Gwen- who he'd helped put back together- with Ianto. In hindsight, leaving them alone wasn't one of his more brilliant moves, but Jack isn't known for making sound decisions in a crisis. He knew Ianto would protect Torchwood, protect Cardiff, and hopefully keep himself alive in the process while Jack could focus on the Doctor and putting the world back in its place.
Coming back to the Hub to an overly excited Gwen and introducing Mickey and Martha as the newest member's of Torchwood 3 diverted Jack's attention. To have excitement and laughter after such harrowing times felt good and he let things slip. It was weeks before Jack read the report about the dalek entering the hub and how Toshiko- brilliant Toshiko- actually saved Gwen and Ianto with her security measures. Jack hadn't even seen the damage from the incursion; Ianto had quietly put everything to rights and disposed of the dalek's remains using Torchwood's industrial blast furnace and clearly detailed everything in the report. Jack's attention was so focused on integrating Mickey and Martha that he let Ianto fade even further into the shadows- keeping the place ticking over and allowing the new team to find its footing.
But while Gwen and her outgoing personality quickly adapted to two brash Londoners in their midst and Jack enjoyed having people to have Doctor talks with, Ianto withdrew back to the support role he'd held before Jack had left. Only now, watching him sleep in a near coma from alcohol, did it dawn on Jack that Ianto had returned to calling him 'Captain' or 'Sir'. Even more worrying, Jack couldn't remember the last time he sat with Ianto to drink a coffee, let alone kiss him or even touch him. Eerie echoes of words from the past rung in Jack's ears, and they stung just as much now as they did then.
"Like you care. I clear up your shit, no questions asked, and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life."
This was all Jack's fault. He had allowed quiet, loyal Ianto to fall by the wayside in favour of the more demanding and loud others. Ianto, who never had a chance to recover from tragedy because his skills were so desperately needed; put his suits of armor on and affixed his professional façade and kept working and doing everything needed until he broke. Jack even knows what finally broke him. It was such a little thing, so minor, so insignificant.
It had been a slow, warm day. Jack, Mickey and Martha were regaling Gwen with outrageous Doctor stories while they were sitting around the couch. Martha brought up some alien drink she had had with the Doctor and described it. They had all agreed that it sounded good. Gwen, without much thought, called Ianto on the comms to see if he could think of a drink that would be similar.
"Summer Rain." Ianto answered the question from wherever he was and whatever he was doing while they gossiped.
Mickey drawled, "Well, lets go see if th' pub can make 'em." And the four- Jack, Gwen, Mickey and Martha- left the hub for drinks.
It didn't even enter their minds. Jack didn't notice when he came back to the Hub later that evening. To be honest, it wasn't until nearly noon the following day, when Mickey was complaining about being hungry before anyone noticed something- someone- was missing. There'd been no coffee. They were all slowly being buried under their inability to throw trash away and they were all having problems finding the right files. The infrastructure that they relied on- took for granted- had simply stopped. No answer on comms, or home phone or cell phone. It was only then, as Jack started to seriously panic, that he noticed the message light on his phone.
Jack held Ianto's hand, running his thumb over the back of it. Hands that had comforted him, massaged tired muscles from his back, made coffee and carried the weight of the world for all this time were limp in his grasp. Jack had failed him, just as much as he'd failed Owen and Tosh; just as badly as he'd failed Grey. He'd broken this quiet young man who asked for so little but gave so much and driven him to this.
"I'm sorry Ianto." Jack whispered while he began stroking Ianto's face, "I'm so, so sorry." The frown lines on Ianto's face relaxed while some of the tension seemed to seep away. Jack let a slight smile form on his face, "I'm sorry I keep letting you carry all the burden. Its going to change. I promise. I promise."
The story continues in Shipwreck, Part One