Application, Tako from Deep Fried Live
An octopus in a bucket hops into the Sorting Room.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh, wow. That's a hard one. I mean, I really need to know more than this, you know? What is it being paired with? Do I have any wine? I suppose, if I'm just going to have cheese, a good slice of fresh goat cheese can't be beat.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Kill? Kill! I've got just the knife for that! *pulls out one of these* Hiiii-ya! *Tako swings the knife, and cuts off one of his own tentacles*
Hah. Ahah. *scoots the knife and tentacle behind his bucket*
That'll grow back. Next question?
3. What time is it where you are?
Look at me. What do you see? I'm an octopus. Have you ever known an octopus to wear a watch. That's what I have assistants for!
*Tako is slipped a piece of paper*
What? A STRIKE!? Oh, you lousy sons of... I guess it's 3:15.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
*pulls a glass of red wine out of... somewhere* So, you want to come over to my bucket? I'll let you see my... beak. *wink wink* I'm a very flexible cephalopod!
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
In the dark? Huh. Are you guys having rolling blackouts too? I think I'd have to name it Ethyl.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Who wants to get married? Take it from your old buddy, Tako. You don't want to get tied down when there are so many fish in the sea! And by fish, I mean octopii.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Paperwork? Pff! That's what I have assista-- oh, yeah. Right. I don't have a recipe for paperwork (duh, I'm a chef, not an accountant) so I think the trash can would be your best bet.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Useless! *waves his tentacles around* How many appetizers do you know that have been able to make their way up to TV chef! I'm famous! I'm popular! I have fans! I-- *knocks over the bucket*
I have band-aids! I have aspirin!
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Well, I could cook you a gourmet meal, if you want. (And who doesn't want a home-made meal by the loveable Chef Tako?)
Oh, and take my blender. Please.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _______T_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____T______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____T______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____T________"