owl to Stephen Maturin
Dear Stephen -
Apologies for the long absence. I had a bit of a muddle after my Sorting - you see, after all that chit-chat with the talking chapati and all, I felt the mighty urge to answer a call of nature. So I betook myself to the head, and lo and behold, when I came out, I found that three months had gone by! Must be one of those magic things they have around here - either that, or I entirely lost track of time, which is completely possible, of course. Deuced nuisance, but I reckon it can't be helped.
I hope you haven't been getting into too much trouble without me around to look after you. Blaine's going to throw a right fit when he finds out - but then, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, eh? Anyway, I suppose I owe you a drink at least, for the inconvenience, don't you think? I'm back in my digs in Griffinder Gryfindor Gryffindor, if you want to find me.
Affectionately yours,
Jack
P.S. I hope this message arrives in good order. I don't trust this eagle or whatever it is - damned stupid way of sending letters, if you ask me.