Application of woe and despair (Strong Sad from HomestarRunner.com)
Hello? Where exactly am I? One minute I was walking past Strong Bad's computer and the next moment I was sucked into it or something, and then I found myself here. But I like words and text and writing, and I like writing words and writing text, and I like words that are text. So I'll just fill out this application, even though you'll probably just reject me anyway.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh, Roquefort. The veins of mold in it remind me of the week I spent facedown in the dirt trying to find out what it felt like to be dead. But all I really found out was what it felt like to be facedown in the dirt.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I don't know who either of those two guys are, but if they're anything like my brothers, they'd probably throw a dodgeball at my head and then glue my hands to my butt before I had a chance to do anything to them first.
3. What time is it where you are?
3:02 AM. My favorite time!
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I don't know who either of those two people are, but if I were Albus Dumbledore, I wouldn't return from the dead in the first place. I've always wanted to try out being dead...especially when Strong Bad puts live ants in my bed...which is pretty much every day these days.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Oh, I don't think anything I come up with would be clever or witty. But if I worked at a bar, it would definitely be in the dark, and I would play Morrissey and tell all of the customers the folky tale of Saddy Dumpington.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
He should marry the one who won't pour ice-cold blue Kool-Aid over his head in the morning.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Oh, I'd guess it's because Strong Bad and The Cheat are moving it from the trashcan back to your desk while you're in the bathroom trying to figure out how many seconds an inhaled breath lasts and if that's more than the number of seconds for an exhaled breath.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I am useless.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
I can write a depressing haiku or poem about you. And if you like board games or drawing, I can be your activity partner.