(no subject)
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese is a mortal invention. Grana Padano, if I have to pick one, but I like cheese knives better.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
If they're mortal, I'd make them kill each other at the exact same time. So much more convenient that way.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for the world to tremble. The clock on this computer says it's 4:58 but it's a mortal invention and therefore flawed by the nature of its very creation.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexually harass? But they're all mortals. *petulant hiss* Nasty, filthy humans, so low and shallow and impermanent. I wouldn't sexually harass any of them, because then I'd need to touch them and that would be repulsive. I'd rather make them all kill each other, Judas kisses applied with poisoned lipstick and toasts made with spiked wine, a hug that has a knife in the back and a smile that has a curse held behind its upturned lips.
Or I could skip the poetry and take my own time opening them up, feeding them to the Shadows a bit at a time. I think that I'd start with their skins, peeling it off slowly like I'm unwrapping those silly boxes mortals give each other on their birthdays, and then I'd skim all the flesh off and hang the skins to dry. Like parchment, over a fire just to make sure they're properly matured. Then I'd remove their veins, nice blue slick plastic-wrap, and heap them on a plate as if they were spaghetti, and watch them crinkle as the air leaves so they look like sodden tissue paper. That's always entertaining to watch. After that, I think that their internal organs would have to go. I could take a break to play football with them, but it would be right back to work once they burst and splatter all over the place. The face gets left intact, of course, because that way you can pretend you're still talking to them while you cut them up, but I'd remove all the bones from the neck down, possibly make myself some type of musical instrument kit. Xylophone, I think they call it. I could make one of those, and play the Death March.
*pauses, realizes he's gone off track* But I wouldn't harass any of them, and certainly not sexually. That's disgusting.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I've never been in a bar. If I were to have to create one to bartend at, I'd call it "Shadow's Haunt" or "Apocalypse Now".
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
What does it matter? He'll die and they'll die and in the end, they're all just dust. And while they're living, they're just flesh. They'd be the same even if they weren't twins.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Punishment for existing.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I can seal souls away, possess bodies and excell at destroying mortals. On a less aggressive note, my hair can defy gravity, and I can create clothing out of nowhere.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Pick a person, and I'll feed from their energy and leave them weakened. I'd offer to consume them entirely, but someone *pointed snarl in Ryuuji's direction* has been interfering with the Shadow Realm and therefore with me. We need to talk about that.
Cheese is a mortal invention. Grana Padano, if I have to pick one, but I like cheese knives better.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
If they're mortal, I'd make them kill each other at the exact same time. So much more convenient that way.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for the world to tremble. The clock on this computer says it's 4:58 but it's a mortal invention and therefore flawed by the nature of its very creation.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexually harass? But they're all mortals. *petulant hiss* Nasty, filthy humans, so low and shallow and impermanent. I wouldn't sexually harass any of them, because then I'd need to touch them and that would be repulsive. I'd rather make them all kill each other, Judas kisses applied with poisoned lipstick and toasts made with spiked wine, a hug that has a knife in the back and a smile that has a curse held behind its upturned lips.
Or I could skip the poetry and take my own time opening them up, feeding them to the Shadows a bit at a time. I think that I'd start with their skins, peeling it off slowly like I'm unwrapping those silly boxes mortals give each other on their birthdays, and then I'd skim all the flesh off and hang the skins to dry. Like parchment, over a fire just to make sure they're properly matured. Then I'd remove their veins, nice blue slick plastic-wrap, and heap them on a plate as if they were spaghetti, and watch them crinkle as the air leaves so they look like sodden tissue paper. That's always entertaining to watch. After that, I think that their internal organs would have to go. I could take a break to play football with them, but it would be right back to work once they burst and splatter all over the place. The face gets left intact, of course, because that way you can pretend you're still talking to them while you cut them up, but I'd remove all the bones from the neck down, possibly make myself some type of musical instrument kit. Xylophone, I think they call it. I could make one of those, and play the Death March.
*pauses, realizes he's gone off track* But I wouldn't harass any of them, and certainly not sexually. That's disgusting.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I've never been in a bar. If I were to have to create one to bartend at, I'd call it "Shadow's Haunt" or "Apocalypse Now".
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
What does it matter? He'll die and they'll die and in the end, they're all just dust. And while they're living, they're just flesh. They'd be the same even if they weren't twins.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Punishment for existing.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I can seal souls away, possess bodies and excell at destroying mortals. On a less aggressive note, my hair can defy gravity, and I can create clothing out of nowhere.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Pick a person, and I'll feed from their energy and leave them weakened. I'd offer to consume them entirely, but someone *pointed snarl in Ryuuji's direction* has been interfering with the Shadow Realm and therefore with me. We need to talk about that.