Homestar Runner, from homestarrunner.com
Homestar stops in the middle of the sorting room, tilting his head to the side before he speaks. "Okay, so this place... totally smells like cheese balls and tacos."
((For those who aren't familiar with the fandom, Homestar's 'R's and some 'L's sound like 'W's, but that was far too annoying to type out. So... just assume it... *spooky wiggly fingers*))
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite? Well, I'm most certainly a fan of those types... that come in the decorative cans...? Those are cool.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop? Wait, wait, wait. I know this one. So Barney's that weird dinosaur that tells us our numbers and letters, but anyone can count to eleventy or tell that pie comes after duck. Am I right? I'm right. Cool. That Carrottop fellow can hide all sorts of nifty things in his hair. Like Doritos. Or a llama. Therefore, the two cancel each other out because the good book says so, and the choice is easy.
The position is grapefruit.
3. What time is it where you are? Well, according to the VCR, it is 12:00. Hey! Waddyaknow. Lunch. *walks away*
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. *comes back a few minutes later with his mouth full* Sehul wuffmen'sh won. *swallows* Seriously. Just poke them with a stick.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. Well, I don't go to bars, but I certainly have something better! *dons an orange bowl* The Homestar Army! The toughest of all you scallywags and brutes! Do you have what it takes to join?!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. Wait. Which one's Fred and which one's George? *looks mad* If you can't tell the difference, how is he supposed to know? He could end up... *sniffle* All up on that alter... Sayin' his cows to Fred... WHEN HE REALLY WANTED GEORGE! *sobs*
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. *cough* Oh, right right. Anywho. I don't know how they got there. It's probably the same people that steal my jumbles. I like those jumples. Anyway. Just stick them in a plastic bubble. Then you're hamster will be good as new! ... What was the question?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. ...Did I not mention the Homestar Army?? And, I mean. I totally have a girlfriend. She doesn't like to talk that much, but she's prettier than a cupcake! And plays the guitar. (Kind of badly, but don't tell her I said that).
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Marshmallows and melonade!! And this toothpick. ... Also, some neat looking crackers.
So furthermore! Pie.
((For those who aren't familiar with the fandom, Homestar's 'R's and some 'L's sound like 'W's, but that was far too annoying to type out. So... just assume it... *spooky wiggly fingers*))
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite? Well, I'm most certainly a fan of those types... that come in the decorative cans...? Those are cool.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop? Wait, wait, wait. I know this one. So Barney's that weird dinosaur that tells us our numbers and letters, but anyone can count to eleventy or tell that pie comes after duck. Am I right? I'm right. Cool. That Carrottop fellow can hide all sorts of nifty things in his hair. Like Doritos. Or a llama. Therefore, the two cancel each other out because the good book says so, and the choice is easy.
The position is grapefruit.
3. What time is it where you are? Well, according to the VCR, it is 12:00. Hey! Waddyaknow. Lunch. *walks away*
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. *comes back a few minutes later with his mouth full* Sehul wuffmen'sh won. *swallows* Seriously. Just poke them with a stick.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. Well, I don't go to bars, but I certainly have something better! *dons an orange bowl* The Homestar Army! The toughest of all you scallywags and brutes! Do you have what it takes to join?!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. Wait. Which one's Fred and which one's George? *looks mad* If you can't tell the difference, how is he supposed to know? He could end up... *sniffle* All up on that alter... Sayin' his cows to Fred... WHEN HE REALLY WANTED GEORGE! *sobs*
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. *cough* Oh, right right. Anywho. I don't know how they got there. It's probably the same people that steal my jumbles. I like those jumples. Anyway. Just stick them in a plastic bubble. Then you're hamster will be good as new! ... What was the question?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. ...Did I not mention the Homestar Army?? And, I mean. I totally have a girlfriend. She doesn't like to talk that much, but she's prettier than a cupcake! And plays the guitar. (Kind of badly, but don't tell her I said that).
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Marshmallows and melonade!! And this toothpick. ... Also, some neat looking crackers.
So furthermore! Pie.