Make Friends, Influence People [Closed RP Log]
((Ron and James exchange owls, conversation, memories and eventually saliva. Aka, The Incredible Adventures of Investigating!Ron. Aka, The Case Of the Cypher Father.))
Ron sends another Owl. In the Great Hall? Harry might see him, and then he'd ask questions! And Ron could barely lie at all; he didn't think he could lie to his best mate about something like James to his face. Some more, anyways.
Hi James!
The Great Hall? Geeze, can we meet somewhere else? It's so crowded and noisy there, and I've been trying to avoid a couple of the Hufflepuffs. Can you think of anyplace more private? Or we can meet there, and go some place completely different?
-Ron Weasley
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James replies easily, and a lot amused. Maybe things were noisier than he remembered.
Dear Ron,
My heart beats with ardeur for Oh yeah, wrong owl. This is a completely different kind of privacy. Alright, meet me in front of the doors and we can go find an empty classroom and I can have my wicked way with the contents of your mind, chap.
-JP
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James,
Oh, yikes. You know how to give a bloke real nasty images, you know. I don't think Harry inherited that, thank Merlin.
-Ron
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After sending the owl, he makes his way to the front doors. He thought he should be wearing a hat, or something. Maybe an Auror's cloak? What would Kingsley Shacklebolt do?
Bounding down the stairs in his Gryffindor robes and moving with the flow, James spots a bright set of hair easily and soon taps Ron on the shoulder. "Alright then, Ron, let's go have our secret rondevouz. But nothing below the waist."
He grins then. "And that, is a proper scare." He turns scanning the hallways.
"Well, you lead, you said you know this place better than I would now."
Ron turns, panicking for a moment when he thinks that Harry might have caught him, but his brains catches up to his eyes and he sees past the resemblance. He grins at James. Be cool. Be smart. "Hey there, James!" He rolls his eyes at the comment. "You're my best friend's dad, you know. I really don't think we'll have that issue."
He looks around one last time for Harry, and then heads down the hall. "Well, I do. And it shouldn't be too hard to find an empty classroom, there's hardly any classes at all anymore." He turns a corner.
"I'm still getting used to being someone's Dad. Some grown someone's dad. I still miss my Da. You still got both your parents living, Ron? In contact with them?"
James puts his hands in his pockets, hitching his robes and trails Ron, just slightly behind and at his shoulder, with careless ease. He totally expects people to get out of his way and if they don't, his fingers are already wrapped around the wand in his pocket.
Guilt flashes over Ron's face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything up. If it makes you feel better, I know you're going to get back to your time. I mean, Harry's here, right? So you have to be there to, um, get him here."
Ron suddenly stops at a door. He peeks in, seeing that it was empty, and then tries the knob. It opens! "Alright, here you are! And I'm ready to be your completely accessible guide to the present! Uh, future! Past- No, wait, that's the only one that won't fit..."
James groans. "Please, there has to be some time-magic paradox that prevents me from having to go back into the past aware that I'm supposed to marry the most annoying, thinks she knows it all, busy-bodying bint who was ever bo---of my generation. Cause who knows, there might be someone to match her here."
He moves into the classroom and hops up, to sit on the teacher's desk. "I'd rather actually talk about my parents. I liked them. Does Harry know anything about his grands?"
Ron grins. "Do you wanna take a bet? There's a girl like that here, a bit. She's our friend! Well, sometimes she can be like that. Well, most of the time. All of the time, but she's standable. Real standable." He looks a bit down as he's reminded. "She used to be in Gyrffindor with us, but she got sorted into Ravenclaw. We haven't been as close, since."
Ron sits on one of the large tables for students, across from James. "I don't think so. He ended up with Lily's family, and they didn't, uh, talk about your side much. Harry didn't even know he was a wizard, or about Voldemort, or any of that. Sirius might have told him a few things, though. We don't talk about it, much. Hey!" Ron gestures at James. "But you are gonna tell him, right? When you meet up?" He clears his throat. "Unless you wanna talk about them, now?"
"Thanks, mate. But I don't think you want to know all about the Potters going back in time. And you shouldn't have to. Harry on the other hand, that'll be one of the benefits of being his Da. Telling him all about his great Aunt Dagmar and how she had the Potter hair to an infamous degree."
He swings his legs against the front of the desk, scuffing it slightly. "So this busy body girl, she went to Ravenclaw but the rest of you followed Harry to Slytherin? Why was he even in there anyway if he was a Gryffindor before? And why by Merlin's hairy white balls, was Voldemort back in school and not out skinning muggles alive and pretending to be Grindelwald's long lost cocksucker?"
"Oh, geeze. Do you think that's genetic? Because he's dating my sister right now. Is my nephew going to be just a ball covered by black fur?" He grins. "I'd still love 'em, but it'd be hard."
"Well, it's more like Harry followed Ginny into Slytherin, and then I followed Harry and Ginny into Slytherin. It was a complete mess, you know. I don't know what the hell happened while I was gone, but when I came back most of the students were grown-ups, drunk, and a little crazy. But it was great that so many of the students were muggle-born, since it must have been driving the Malfoys and You-Know-Who crazy... but the thing was, I think Voldemort (who was a Professor!) was too busy doing things with Dumbledore (who was his bride!) to notice. I think that-" Ron stopped. He was supposed to be interrogating James, not telling him his suspicions regarding the Sorting Hat. That might be Malfoy's plan! He points to the scuff James made. "Left a mark."
A flick of his hand, and it and his wand are out of his pocket as itera nota leaves his lips and the scuff marks duplicate themselves. "Dumbledore went barmy and bent over for Voldemort ? That's almost as bad as Snivelous being an effing teacher. What'd Snape do, bend over too? Why am I even asking, course he did. And they all had a merry Dark Arts orgy in the office while the school survived by luck and wit."
He runs a hand through his hair, sticking it up a bit. "And it's not fur. Want to cop a quick feel, mate?" James flashes a quick grin, mischief winning over his upset, at least for the moment.
Ron grins at James' actions. He had thought for a moment that he was going to do a hasty repair, and had been almost disappointed. "Well, as long as they were doin' that, I guess they couldn't be out planning evil or hurting anybody. But it does seem to be a pattern here. A lot more guys have boyfriends than they used to." Ron quickly adds, "That's alright. It's just one of those things that changed. Like the four new houses. And making all the pretty girls go for Hufflepuff."
Ron shakes his head, but smiles. "You don't mind someone you just met playing through your hair like that?" Harry'd probably mind. Proof of deception? One hand sorta half raises, and then goes down. "Nah. I believe you... Anyways, if it makes you feel better, Snape was a terrible professor. Everyone hated him! Well, except for the Slytherins. But what the hell do Slytherins know? Um, before half my family was sorted there, anyways."
"Your sister, right? Who you say'll be my daughter in law, which makes you practically family?" James jumps off the desk and crouches in front of Ron. "Come on, pet. Have a feel. So you won't be shocked at the wonderful, amazing nature of Potter hair. Though I think a combination of this and red will either be balls luck smart or completely horrible. Imagine having a relative looking like a rooster's laid on their head."
Y"eah, that makes you my... uncle-in-law? Well, something. Harry was already practically family before, though. My mum sees him as a seventh son." Ron twitches at the sudden movement. "This isn't one of those pranks where your hair is charmed to make anything that touches it as hairy as it is, is it? Because I think that's in my brothers' shop, and it would probably be easier just to keep a wailing packet in your hand." Even so, Ron gave James's hair a quick, tentative pat, keeping at the tips.
"Well, Lily's a redhead, and Harry turned out alright. Ginny likes him, at least. It's like it's a red and black, red and black cycle! I think we might get develop a bleeding panther with spectacles." Ron attempts to get back on track, and to test James's story. "Do you have any idea how you ended up in the future. Did anything unusual happen that day?"
"You're a bit obsessed with bespeckled cats, Ron. Got a thing for Mcgonagall have you? No worries, I won't tell." He reaches up for Ron's hand, intending to show him that is hair was completely prank free.
"Not if you'll tell me about your mum. She looked after Harry some, did she? She and your Dad? That's good. Sirius said that Lily's mum and dad were good people. But her sister was the sort of black-hearted, close minded Muggle that made half Wizard society want them all crowded out of the way. The muggle version of a Black, I gather."
He slumps on the floor easily. "It's good then that he got a best mate who treats him like family."
Ron gets on the floor, though with none of the easy grace of James. "Hey, now! She's living with us in the Slythendor suite. It's not nice to make me shudder whenever I see her if I have to see her so often."
"My mum's real nic- Well, she's a good mum. Can be a bit... you know mothers. And she thinks that maroon just looks darling on me. But she's great for Harry, you know. His jumpers are usually much better, so you don't have to worry about him walking around wearing anything that looks like a tribble's flayed pelt. And my dad is the Head of the Department of Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and he's just wild about muggles, he's always wanting to ask Harry all these questions. So it's nice for Harry to have a muggle expert in our family, I think."
"His aunt and uncle? They're real gits, alright. But Harry had to live with them because of the protection spell. But we don't have to worry about that with Voldemort popcorned, and the kids staying over for the summer."
Ron just shrugs, going a bit red. "How else are you supposed to treat your best friend?"
The grin on James' face was huge. "Not a stitch, twitch, wit, jot, jittle or drop different, mate." He nodded like he approved of Ron's move to the floor and nudged him a bit with his foot.
"Now what about this new generation the others will be lost to fill me in on?"
Ron feels a happy grin forming at James' evident approval. And then he remembers that he's supposed to be interrogating him. "Are you sure? You don't want to talk about what happened that day? At all? Because I'd bet that story must be just, I dunno, building and building and just ready to burst!"
He stops and thinks back to his phrase. Even Ron knew what that sounded like, and he quickly decides to cut James off before he could tease him, "Ok, let's talk about Quidditch then! They still haven't won a tournament since 1892, but I think they're showing real promise this year. But actually, Harry could probably tell you about this. He's a Seeker, you know. Knows as much about Quidditch as I do. What could we talk about...?"
At least, Ron thinks angrily to himself, he hasn't mentioned anything about a climax of exposition.
Through his bangs, James gives Ron a cheeky grin. "Building to burst? Did you just ask me how I lost my virginity, Ron? I'm not your uncle yet. Not sure if I should be corrupting you like that. Quidditch is much much safer, only don't talk to me about the Chuddley Cannons, they're practically a cult."
He leans back on his hands. "There's sex, drugs and firewhiskey. Politics, but I already know the Ministry's stupid. Recent history, personal adventures. You're the one who wanted to come talk." With a push, he bows, one arm sweeping to the side.
"I'm at your disposal."
"'They're not a cult," Ron mutters weakly. "They've got spirit." He crosses his fingers together and recites the Chudley Cannon's motto. "'Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best!'" He rubs the back of his head. "'Sides, I don't have to worry about you corrupting me. I've got a girlfriend doing it just fine."
Ron moves one knee up, resting his arms against it. "Ok. Sex... I've already told you about all the blokes getting boyfriends here, right? Other than that, things seem to be the same. I don't think they were doing it any differently 20 years ago. Of course, Dumbledore and Voldemort weren't c-cocksucking, but that's a new development here, too. And drugs? Well, not a lot of drugs here. I heard chocolate did some weird things to some of the students, but I was gone at the time. And firewhiskey? It's great! I had some at Professor Lupin- Remus' birthday party. I heard he got so drunk that there was was skinny-dipping! Oh, and he got aged down for the day."
Ron nods. "You have no idea how stupid they are! They ignored the signs of Voldemort resurfacing until it was too late. Fifth year? They sent some bint in here to take over from Dumbledore, and she was awful! A real bitch. Fudge was finally replaced last year, and Rufus Scrimgeour was brought in. He might seem better, but he's not."
Ron tries another time. "What was Hogwarts of your time like? If I knew, maybe I could fill in the blanks, tell you what's changed."
"Well there were drugs. And some boys had boyfriends I suppose. Most of the blokes I know..." A pause quickly brushed over. "Knew, were matched up whether or not that was the case. Family unions and the like, people choosing sides, muggle-born over pure-blood. Pure bunk is more like it. The wizarding community growing smaller every generation and that asslicker Voldemort killing good witches and wizards and twisting others."
He smiles at a completely different thought. "Quidditch was smashing. The Ministry was jack thin, and worn out, but working hard to make everyone feel as safe as possible. And Sirius and I were still planning to ditch the folks next break and take a try at living in the Muggle world again for a bit. They had the most ridiculous hair and bright colored clothing. But there's nothing like a pair of tight jeans to make you appreciate Muggles."
"Yeah. After fourth year, it started to really heat up again. Another war. But it's seemed to have slowed down... I guess because Voldemort, the creepy little bastard, and," Ron makes quotes with his fingers as he rolls his eyes. He's obviously not believing what he's saying. "Tom Riddle have been turned into popcorn. And most of the blokes who were working for him, like Snape and Malfoy." He watches James intently for his reactions. "Draco Malfoy, his son, is out and about, though. That git, he's always been out to get Harry. He's always been so jealous of Harry and Hermione. Creepy little bastard. I didn't think he was at your sorting, was he?"
Ron then smiles with him. "Oh, I know. I spent my break scoping out Muggle London, looking for-" He remembers what he's here for again, and who James might be. "Adventure. You know how much I love that adventure. There was one girl-" He stops himself. "But I see a lot of jeans here now, too. I bet that's been an improvement, don't you?
He gives Ron a look, half sad, half complex and wry. "It's the face, isn't it. Because we look so much alike. You're forgetting then catching yourself. Should I make a plaque card for while? To make people's lives easier?"
"What do you mean?" Ron looks confused for a moment, and then widens his eyes. "Oh. Well, you do look alike. It's phenomenal! But I'm not confusing you with Harry. You hold yourselves completely different. And you talk completely different. You're... not Harry. At all." He had been worried that he'd end up like Sirius, and was a bit relieved when it didn't turn out to be the case.
"I'm not catching myself because of that. I'm catching myself because... because..." Ron searches his mind for a good lie. He couldn't really say that he wasn't sure yet that James wasn't an agent of Malfoy and, by extension, Voldemort.
He arches a brow. "What, it's wrong to like a bloke's da? There are Peruvian Nest Monkeys waiting to pounce and I only have hours to live ?"
James suddenly licks the back of his own hand. "Am I to going to turn into popcorn? You know something I don't?"
He nudges Ron with his foot. "Or you think you might not be right to get to know me before Harry does? Cause that's decent of you, but you could file it under bringing back a good report."
Ron shakes his head. "No, there's nothing wrong about liking you. At least, I don't think so. As long as I don't somehow, I dunno, mess up the space-time continuum. But I'm not sure if you can really do that, now that I think about it. And those are Peruvian DESK Monkeys, and they are so offended that you got 'em wrong, they're not even going to deal with you anymore."
Ron makes a grossed out face, and looks at his own hands. They were always covered in ink and sweat, he certainly wouldn't want to lick 'im! Harry's dad reminded him of a cat sometimes. "Nobody knows when people turn into popcorn. Or when they come back. Believe me, if I knew anything about it, I'd be able to rest easy at night. Well, easier. Your son is still sleeping next door to my sister."
Ron automatically nudges back. "Actually... you hit the nail on the head. Right on. I mean, you're his dad, and here I am chatting you up as if you were just the new kid in school. It's just awful of me. Completely indecent. Bad, selfish Ron!" He smacks his head and shakes his head in remorse. "Bad."
"So, how's Lily? You getting on with her? Is she like you remember?"
"Lily, the busy-body-biddy, remember? I mentioned her when I came in ? Know it all. Stick up her arse. She's worse than I remember. Stewed Evans does not age well."
And another nudge, James' foot taps Ron easily while reaching out to grab his hand and put it down. No beating up of family and friends, even by themselves. He'll smack them if they need it.
"And there's nothing wrong with chatting me up, as long as you're not, 'chatting me up'." Another grin, one some might call infectious. "Because that would be completely indecent and totally cock up the family tree. But other than that you can go back and let him know whether or not I'm a bloke he might get on with. It'd probably help him to know that people can just like me for me, instead of for being his Da. I got the impression he's got a reputation. Stuff like and you don't know who might be playing kiss arse."
Ron follows his line of thought. "So, you think she's acting different? Like she's being emphasized or something?" He locks it away in his brain. He can't help adding, "I dunno, she seemed to age really well to me. But she's not that much older than us, you know."
He lets James put his hand down, and then moves it away. "And don't worry about that. I have a skull of steel. I'd flex it, but I'm pretty sure that would end with my brains exploding into the floor."
"'Chatting you up!?'" Ron grins, and starts laughing at the thought. "Can you imagine? That would have to be the worst thing I have ever done! Flirting with your best friend's dad? Yeesh! Imagine you, going to ask Sirius' dad out on a date! 'Bring my dad home by eight, he was going to re-charm my broom!'" He calms down somewhat. "Not to mention me having a girlfriend and, you know, I'm not gay. Not that it's bad! I'm just not. No matter how much that sexy love god wants to shoot people with his arrows." Ron glares into the air. Stupid sensuous divine being.
"That's me, I'm a scout. Harry doesn't know that I'm scouting yet, though. If it's any comfort, I think you're real cool so far. Of course, part of being cool is not caring about that. But you can also be cool and still not cool." He stares at him again. "Like the Malfoys."
"Yeah you mentioned Harry'd had some problems with them. What, Luscious Lucius has to pick on someone half his age and then some? I'm surprised, kinda. Harry's pureblood, Da and Mum both wizards. Even if Lily's first generation muggle-born. But it'd suit his standards. He have a daughter he was trying to pair up? Wait, you said something about a son and jealousy? Luscious Lucious's son wants my, well he's not my Harry. But my blood relative?"
James laughs. "Bloody brilliant! Is Harry making the baby weasel suffer? Or is Lucius being an arse because he threw a decent human being, the way the Blacks did with Sirius ?"
"Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater," Ron says, seriously. "He's working with Voldemort, and everyone knows it. He was the one who... he put my sister in danger from Voldemort, personally. And he blackmailed the other governors to suspend Dumbledore. When Voldemort rose again, he was right there with him. And for the longest time we just thought Draco Malfoy was just a spoiled, ignorant, arrogant prick. He would go on about my family, and he called Hermione- Well, she's muggle-born. But last year he tried to poison Dumbledore. I almost died, since Malfoy is, of course, incompetent."
He looks surprised that James wouldn't know about the Malfoys and why they would hate Harry. "Didn't they tell you about the Boy-Who-Lived thing?"
His face goes grim. Eyes flashing, quiet but dangerous. "Harry mentioned being a chosen one, and Sirius mentioned finding only Harry in rubble with dead bodies but... I didn't pay much attention more than thinking someone had cocked up aim. I figured he might have had some reputation from tragedy, losing his parents. And then I got the sense that Dumbledore was using him to draw out Snape somehow."
James twirls his wand in his hand, fingers at the ready, unconsciously prepared.
Ron blinks several times. "Well, it's a bit more complex than that. Um... Maybe I should check this with a professor before I tell you. But it's impossible to change the path of time, right? I just don't want to say something and then have my best friend not exist any more." The conversation taking a sharp turn into the intense, Ron looks at James' wand. That was a neat trick.
"The big danger's at an ease right now, luckily. Voldemort and most of his followers can't hurt Harry from where they are. And even so, it's impossible to kill anyone on-campus, and the Hat- Well, the Headmistress-" Who could he count on right now that wasn't insane or inanimate? Or a furby? "Sirius and Professor McGonagall wouldn't let anything happen to him. And neither would I."
James still looks serious and contemplative. If he'd been smiling it'd have been mischief in his eyes. Now it's something else entirely, almost a more controlled and focused version of the temper that had Sirius shouting and threatening at James' Sorting. With a hard spot of conniving. It's actually rather Slytherin.
But he blinks and smiles, relaxing again, wand disappearing up his sleeve, as he lays back, and flops a leg on one of Ron's. "Good egg, Sirius. Totally good egg. Mad as a hatter, but my best mate. And McGonagall's really a tiger. So I'll check with him and see if there's really no worry. And you can owl me about the space-time-magic paradox. Though the knack with that, is that it's a paradox. So what you do doesn't really matter."
"Really? You sure about that?" Ron appears tempted to tell, but then shakes his head. "It's probably better you hear the full thing from someone you trust, like Sirius or Professor Lupin. It gets sorta... involved. But just know that none of it is Harry's fault; lots of people call him the hero of the wizarding world." He moves a hand down to give James' leg a playful clap. "Good show, James!"
Wearing his heart on his sleeves, as always, Ron looks very relieved. "So, does McGonagall look any older to you? Because for me, it's always been like she's... eternal. Hard to imagine her younger."
"She was younger and her hair a bit redder in my day. Bit of a firmer version of Lily really. In her own way." He turns, props himself up on one elbow, leg still half on Ron's lap.
"Think she might have mellowed with age. But, speaking of your lifetime fancy, mate. This girlfriend of yours, Harry approve of her? What's she like? What are girls like now at school? You mentioned all the boys shagging all the other boys. The House Elves must be exhausted in the laundry."
Ron appears to be having some difficulty imagining this. McGonagall... Lily!? It was a tough pill to swallow. "No, she hasn't. I think she's just being extra nice, considering the marooned in time thing." He shudders. "There's that color again! Blast."
He grins goofily at her mention. "You know, Primavera. I think she was at your sorting. She's real nice, and sweet, and smart. I think you talked to her? But you had problems with Gogo." He couldn't help but to wince. "Gogo is Primavera's room-mate, and they stick together like glue. You know how girls are. Anyways, I hope you don't hold what happened back there against Gogo. I wasn't there for it, but I hear it got pretty loud. She's just real shy... that's what Primavera says, anyways. Maybe someone called her Gogo-chan?"
Ron continues. "The other girls are alright, but they're barely here, and a whole lot of them are either too old or too crazy.. I think men outnumber the ladies 2 to 1. Which works out pretty well for them, actually." He glares off into the distance. "And they just love getting themselves sorted into Ravenclaw. What is it, Pillow Fight Central? Probably for the bar and the" Ron raises his voice into a mocking tone. "Alchemists. Well, fine. Hufflepuff has the prettiest girls, anyways."
James shrugs. "Petal seemed nice and all. I offered to teach her to fly. But then her friend came along and wanted to Squib me. While Sirius was having words with her about that, she looked off and said something about hoping I screamed. Loud. And Petal said something about if Gogo was sure and Gogo said she'd make me and well, Sirius was about to lose it. But I told Petal, that's your Primavera, that if I was dead, I couldn't teach her anything. And that I've got too much to do anyway to spend time with people who want to see me bloody, screaming and dead."
He gives Ron a curious look. "You still don't strike me at all as the type to like them blood thirsty. But maybe Harry or Remus'll tell me about how you keep baby fingers in a bucket under your bed or something, but it's ok, cause you love Harry."
Ron widens his eyes in shock. "That doesn't sound like Primavera at all! She got mad when I lost our stupid stuffed giraffe someplace. And she's always close to tears... Look, she's not from around here. Maybe she thought the whole thing was a joke? Or... or was over her head or something. Wait a minute, 'Petal'?" He snaps his fingers. "That's it! She thought you were flirting with her, and she was trying to put you off because of me. She didn't know of the situation and went overboard on it." He nods to himself. "And Gogo was just defending her honor. And mine too, probably! Ha!" He shakes his head, chagrined. "Sorry, I probably caused all sorts of trouble. But you know Hufflepuffs. Loyal. It's also the house of pretty girls and psychos. And let me tell you, it's true. Primavera? Pretty. Sadako? PSYCHO."
"Blood thirsty?" Ron comes down a bit. "Maybe Gogo is putting on a hell of an act, but not Prima. Besides, where would I find enough baby fingers to fill up an entire bucket? Those things are tiny." He widens his eyes. "You think my girl's falling in with the wrong crowd!?"
"Ron, mate." James pushes himself up, slips his leg off Ron and leans in, close, looking the other boy in the eye. "Gogo squibbed me. It had nothing to do with defending Primavera's honor. I'd already finished my conversation with her. And I called her petal, cause I didn't know her name, but she was, is, a pretty girl."
He shrugs. "Maybe you bring out the nicer side of her. But she actually asked her friend to hold off on killing me until she got her lessons. Nice value on my life there, eh? Lucky for me, flying and me calling her Petal, which she likes, she said so, being a nice bloke saved my life. But she can't be nice to me anymore since I won't tolerate some asian chick wanting to lick the fresh blood off my skin. Dark Arts groupies are dangerous, Ron. So if you could watch her if she's around Harry, I'd appreciate it. Cause according to you lot, he's been through enough. And how do you tell your best mate that his bird makes him think of the types who kill wards full of babies in order to fill that bucket."
James leans back. "I like you, so far. You seem fair. But your girl's already fallen in, and taken over the wrong crowd." He pauses. "Everyone here seems to know about Remus. So you know that Dart Arts creatures, they're people too, if given the chance. So don't think I'm not believing she's nice to you and with you. I just watched her look to carve me up like Christmas goose."
Ron watches back, silent the whole time as he let James have his say. His hopeful expression slowly turns into a sad frown. He wasn't quite sure when, but somehow James had managed to convince Ron, in his gut and not his head, that he really was who he claimed to be. And now, Harry's dad was saying things that he really didn't want to hear about his girlfriend. Even worse, he couldn't find the effort inside himself to strongly defend her.
"You... you honestly think she's that bad?" He mulls over the thought in his head. She did have the weirdest taste in giraffes. "I mean, with the bloody stuff and Dark Arts?" He felt a tiny spark of anger arise in his stomach. Nothing too large, he was actually not too close to Primavera. But she was excellent at easing his loneliness, even if it was filled with frantic owls and searches for toys rather than actual affection. "She flirted back!?"
"Not saying she is. People'd have wanted to kill Mo-Remus. And I knew he wasn't like the others and I wasn't planning on letting him get that way. But that doesn't mean I didn't have every spell that could protect me memorized and rememorized."
Posture relaxing, James suddenly flicked his wand at the door, with a locking spell then put a finger to his lips and gave Ron a sharp look. A bit of concentration and a very dusty bottle showed up beside them. James gave a pleased smile.
"It kept? Brilliant. Alright, Ron. What we have here is a perfect opportunity to take a nip. " He started pulling at the top of the bottle. "Made this myself, and luckily, in twenty years, no one found my stash. You can handle vodka, right ?"
"James!" Ron doesn't seem to hear the first part. "She flirted back!?" Yeah, yeah, Dark Arts... couldn't he see the priorities, here!?
He just groans as he buries his head in his arms. "She requested "Kiss Me" for me. You know, a muggle song? Kiss me... beneath the broken something something... we'll take the trail marked on your father's map. Ok, it's not the most lyrical thing. But it was real sweet. Especially since we haven't even did all that stuff."
Booze is enough to momentarily distract him. "Stash? Where did you take that out from?" He watches James work on the top and holds out his large hands. "I can help. Can I handle vodka? Can I handle vodka!? Why, I've been handling vodka since I was nine!" He makes a face at that. "Why, when I lie, I make it the most hardest to believe thing? Once I told a veela that I built a broom that could fly to Jupiter. To some girl who WASN't Primavera. And she didn't flirt back! Probably because SHE had a boyfriend!"
"Calling a girl Petal isn't exactly flirting. Nor is accepting the term." James said as the bottled open with a distinct aroma of alcohol and he sighed. "You know what I miss right now? Wormwood. Hmm Absinthe. Maybe later."
James took a first sip and blinked, tears forming in his eyes. "Merlin's Hairy Balls that's strong!" He glanced at Ron. "But you're right. You're a shitty liar so adding anything to this is out of the question."
He passes the bottle over. "Now, before I never tell you about my stash, shouldn't you find out more about the girl first? Like how she kisses? And why she's got no problem watching human beings be tortured and killed ?"
Ron relaxes slightly, looking a bit cheered. So, Primavera wasn't flirting, she was just a potential psychopuff. Well, he could handle that! Absinthe? "Is that a muggle drink I haven't heard of?"
"I'm not that shitty a liar," Ron adds, smirking as if he knew what James didn't. Which he did! Like he knew that Ron had been investigating him this whole time for possible Malfoyness. He takes the bottle and stares at it.
"Yeah, that's an idea! I'll write her an owl, letting her explain herself! I bet she has an excuse just ready to go!" He realizes what he just said. "Oh. That's the trick, isn't it?"
"One of them." James puts his hand out to help tilt the bottom and smiles. "Drink up, calm down. And if you handle it well, I might find a way to bring you Absinthe. The muggles call it the Green Fairy."
Ron gives James a skeptical look, but carefully brings the drink to his lips. He actually drinks slowly, but he still ends up pushing the drink away and coughing, face growing red. "That's awful!" Still, he pulls the bottle in for another sip.
"Yeah well, the plan was always to drink it mixed with something. But right now we're making do. Absinthe is sweet. Green dragon is, well, you're really not ready for that one yet. If you summoned some honey from the kitchens, it'd taste better."
He leans against one of the desks easily, limbs sprawled as if the floor were as comfortable as bed.
"You locked the door," Ron reminds him. He hands the bottle back over to James. "So the whole purpose of this is to drink ourselves drunk, since it doesn't even taste good?" He smiles at him. "It's real nice of you. But I'm not that depressed, yet. Primavera and I aren't that close. Still... she was really playing me this whole time? What ever, doesn't matter."
"Who needs her, anyways? I mean, Harry has Ginny, and Hermione 'as that fucking Alchemist freak and I bet he's sooooo smart, but I don't need a girlfriend who's into the dark arts and is completely two-faced with her strange friends. I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm Ron."
He grabs for the vodka again.
It's difficult not to laugh a little, apparently drinking made Ron a touch belligerent. James shakes his head and calls out a House Elf name. A female house elf with great big blue eyes and slightly floppy ears appears.
"Honey, red pepper flakes, a shaker and two glasses, please."
Crack. Crack. She's gone and back again and James grabs the bottle out of Ron's hands, and begins a quick version of the intricate process of flavouring vodka. The pepper settles to the bottom of the bottle. The honey drizzles in, aided by a spell to make it pour thin but fast. And James corks the bottle again, shakes it with a spell, heats it a little, then cools it, all under five minutes.
"Would you like to chill our glasses Mr. Weasley ?"
Ron just sips again. "You know what SPEW stands for? Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare. Hermione started it in Fourth Year when she saw the House Elves. I keep telling her, Hermione, they like it like this. That's what they're here for! But she won't listen. She always has to be right. So does Primavera, actually. Think that's a girl thing?"
He stares at his hand in disappointment when the vodka is taken from him, but then watches James with interest. "How come they don't teach us this in Potions? Useful stuff?" He smiles, and then held out his hands.
"Sure!" He takes the glasses and pulls out his wand, casting an easy spell to cool them.
"You probably didn't have Sluggy. He liked to do interesting stuff, or put stuff up as theory. And then I'd go off to a tower and try to perfect the good stuff."
James pours. "Nicking a pass to the restricted section a couple times helped too." He picks up his glass. "To the fact that women are bloody mysteries and perfect annoyances. Yeah cheers, mate ?"
"No, I had Snape for potions. It's even less fun than it sounds. Except when I came back, now I have Professor Maturin. He's alright. Didn't get mad when my puppet acted out." He rubs his hands together and picks up his cool glass.
"Cheers. To the perfect annoyances!" He raised his hand to the toast, and then concentrates on the difficult task of drinking the damn thing. His eyebrows twitch in pleasure when he realizes that it was going down much more easily this time.
Honey with the kick of pepper and the bigger kick of who knows what proof liqueur. Perfect. James sighs and leans forward a bit with a smile.
"Feeling better ?"
Or was he now more belligerent? James hopes that's been mostly because of the strength and taste of things.
Ron doesn't answer at first, nursing his drink. "I don't know why they keep telling you off this booze stuff... because it doesn't really change me much. I mean, the room is spinning a bit but..." Ron stares ahead. "Other than that, I'm normal completely."
He grins wide. "Am I going to start doing really weird things now? Like wearing things that shouldn't be worn? Or spilling my secrets?" He rubs his eyes. "That why you gave me the vodka?"
"You've got secrets, mate? Nahh, if I wanted you to spill secrets I wouldn't have started you off on something easy. I just figured, here's a bloke doing right by Harry and probably by Sirius. And he looks tense. Plus, we had a good conversation, didn't we?"
He stretches, slowly, like a cat and drinks, just as slowly, savouring the burn. "Why not end it on a high note. Though if the room is spinning, lie down. The floor's not going anywhere."
"I'll have to trust you on that one." Ron covers his mouth with a hand as if to keep himself from blurting out things, his cup still halfway full. He carefully puts it to the side and lies down on his back. "It was a good conversation. You're not like Harry at all, but you're likable. I give you... a nod of respect."
"I looked tense?" Ron carefully doesn't mention the angry owls he sent to Sirius. See? Booze wasn't affecting him at all. Good thing he was sure James wasn't a Malfoy plant- "Ha, Malfoy Plant," he says outloud, or else this would be a perfect plot. As would be turning him against Primavera, an excellent source of support. Yup, Ron sure was lucky. "Well, it's been tough. Not as tough as for you, or for Harry, or Sirius! But do you know," Ron gets up to his elbows. "Two weeks of memories have been wiped, from about two weeks ago. I think I was kidnapped and brainwashed. But Harry doesn't seem worried, and I've lied about it to Ginny and to Primavera. And it was separate lies! That was the dumb thing. But Primavera... what did she do again? Something really rotten to you... egged on that Gogo girl, right? I thought Gogo was a nice girl. Likes durians. I was invited into their room. Anyways, I haven't even told you about the puppet thing. Now that was stressful!"
Malfoy Plant made no real sense in the moment. But it pinged. James put it to one side for now. Kidnapping and puppets were interesting enough.
"One of us should call that Elf back. We shouldn't drink this much on an empty stomach. We'll end up staying in here for hours." He chuckles. "Not that you're not good company. But Sirius will come looking for me and Harry'll come looking for you. And then Sirius'll pinch what's left. Greedy bugger."
Sliding down onto his stomach, he looks across at Ron and nods. "Let's forget about Gogo. Tell me about this puppet. " Head pillowed on his hands, he exhaled. Relaxed. "And if there's any shagging in this story, I want all the little details."
Ron sends another Owl. In the Great Hall? Harry might see him, and then he'd ask questions! And Ron could barely lie at all; he didn't think he could lie to his best mate about something like James to his face. Some more, anyways.
Hi James!
The Great Hall? Geeze, can we meet somewhere else? It's so crowded and noisy there, and I've been trying to avoid a couple of the Hufflepuffs. Can you think of anyplace more private? Or we can meet there, and go some place completely different?
-Ron Weasley
________________
James replies easily, and a lot amused. Maybe things were noisier than he remembered.
Dear Ron,
My heart beats with ardeur for Oh yeah, wrong owl. This is a completely different kind of privacy. Alright, meet me in front of the doors and we can go find an empty classroom and I can have my wicked way with the contents of your mind, chap.
-JP
________________
James,
Oh, yikes. You know how to give a bloke real nasty images, you know. I don't think Harry inherited that, thank Merlin.
-Ron
________________
After sending the owl, he makes his way to the front doors. He thought he should be wearing a hat, or something. Maybe an Auror's cloak? What would Kingsley Shacklebolt do?
Bounding down the stairs in his Gryffindor robes and moving with the flow, James spots a bright set of hair easily and soon taps Ron on the shoulder. "Alright then, Ron, let's go have our secret rondevouz. But nothing below the waist."
He grins then. "And that, is a proper scare." He turns scanning the hallways.
"Well, you lead, you said you know this place better than I would now."
Ron turns, panicking for a moment when he thinks that Harry might have caught him, but his brains catches up to his eyes and he sees past the resemblance. He grins at James. Be cool. Be smart. "Hey there, James!" He rolls his eyes at the comment. "You're my best friend's dad, you know. I really don't think we'll have that issue."
He looks around one last time for Harry, and then heads down the hall. "Well, I do. And it shouldn't be too hard to find an empty classroom, there's hardly any classes at all anymore." He turns a corner.
"I'm still getting used to being someone's Dad. Some grown someone's dad. I still miss my Da. You still got both your parents living, Ron? In contact with them?"
James puts his hands in his pockets, hitching his robes and trails Ron, just slightly behind and at his shoulder, with careless ease. He totally expects people to get out of his way and if they don't, his fingers are already wrapped around the wand in his pocket.
Guilt flashes over Ron's face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything up. If it makes you feel better, I know you're going to get back to your time. I mean, Harry's here, right? So you have to be there to, um, get him here."
Ron suddenly stops at a door. He peeks in, seeing that it was empty, and then tries the knob. It opens! "Alright, here you are! And I'm ready to be your completely accessible guide to the present! Uh, future! Past- No, wait, that's the only one that won't fit..."
James groans. "Please, there has to be some time-magic paradox that prevents me from having to go back into the past aware that I'm supposed to marry the most annoying, thinks she knows it all, busy-bodying bint who was ever bo---of my generation. Cause who knows, there might be someone to match her here."
He moves into the classroom and hops up, to sit on the teacher's desk. "I'd rather actually talk about my parents. I liked them. Does Harry know anything about his grands?"
Ron grins. "Do you wanna take a bet? There's a girl like that here, a bit. She's our friend! Well, sometimes she can be like that. Well, most of the time. All of the time, but she's standable. Real standable." He looks a bit down as he's reminded. "She used to be in Gyrffindor with us, but she got sorted into Ravenclaw. We haven't been as close, since."
Ron sits on one of the large tables for students, across from James. "I don't think so. He ended up with Lily's family, and they didn't, uh, talk about your side much. Harry didn't even know he was a wizard, or about Voldemort, or any of that. Sirius might have told him a few things, though. We don't talk about it, much. Hey!" Ron gestures at James. "But you are gonna tell him, right? When you meet up?" He clears his throat. "Unless you wanna talk about them, now?"
"Thanks, mate. But I don't think you want to know all about the Potters going back in time. And you shouldn't have to. Harry on the other hand, that'll be one of the benefits of being his Da. Telling him all about his great Aunt Dagmar and how she had the Potter hair to an infamous degree."
He swings his legs against the front of the desk, scuffing it slightly. "So this busy body girl, she went to Ravenclaw but the rest of you followed Harry to Slytherin? Why was he even in there anyway if he was a Gryffindor before? And why by Merlin's hairy white balls, was Voldemort back in school and not out skinning muggles alive and pretending to be Grindelwald's long lost cocksucker?"
"Oh, geeze. Do you think that's genetic? Because he's dating my sister right now. Is my nephew going to be just a ball covered by black fur?" He grins. "I'd still love 'em, but it'd be hard."
"Well, it's more like Harry followed Ginny into Slytherin, and then I followed Harry and Ginny into Slytherin. It was a complete mess, you know. I don't know what the hell happened while I was gone, but when I came back most of the students were grown-ups, drunk, and a little crazy. But it was great that so many of the students were muggle-born, since it must have been driving the Malfoys and You-Know-Who crazy... but the thing was, I think Voldemort (who was a Professor!) was too busy doing things with Dumbledore (who was his bride!) to notice. I think that-" Ron stopped. He was supposed to be interrogating James, not telling him his suspicions regarding the Sorting Hat. That might be Malfoy's plan! He points to the scuff James made. "Left a mark."
A flick of his hand, and it and his wand are out of his pocket as itera nota leaves his lips and the scuff marks duplicate themselves. "Dumbledore went barmy and bent over for Voldemort ? That's almost as bad as Snivelous being an effing teacher. What'd Snape do, bend over too? Why am I even asking, course he did. And they all had a merry Dark Arts orgy in the office while the school survived by luck and wit."
He runs a hand through his hair, sticking it up a bit. "And it's not fur. Want to cop a quick feel, mate?" James flashes a quick grin, mischief winning over his upset, at least for the moment.
Ron grins at James' actions. He had thought for a moment that he was going to do a hasty repair, and had been almost disappointed. "Well, as long as they were doin' that, I guess they couldn't be out planning evil or hurting anybody. But it does seem to be a pattern here. A lot more guys have boyfriends than they used to." Ron quickly adds, "That's alright. It's just one of those things that changed. Like the four new houses. And making all the pretty girls go for Hufflepuff."
Ron shakes his head, but smiles. "You don't mind someone you just met playing through your hair like that?" Harry'd probably mind. Proof of deception? One hand sorta half raises, and then goes down. "Nah. I believe you... Anyways, if it makes you feel better, Snape was a terrible professor. Everyone hated him! Well, except for the Slytherins. But what the hell do Slytherins know? Um, before half my family was sorted there, anyways."
"Your sister, right? Who you say'll be my daughter in law, which makes you practically family?" James jumps off the desk and crouches in front of Ron. "Come on, pet. Have a feel. So you won't be shocked at the wonderful, amazing nature of Potter hair. Though I think a combination of this and red will either be balls luck smart or completely horrible. Imagine having a relative looking like a rooster's laid on their head."
Y"eah, that makes you my... uncle-in-law? Well, something. Harry was already practically family before, though. My mum sees him as a seventh son." Ron twitches at the sudden movement. "This isn't one of those pranks where your hair is charmed to make anything that touches it as hairy as it is, is it? Because I think that's in my brothers' shop, and it would probably be easier just to keep a wailing packet in your hand." Even so, Ron gave James's hair a quick, tentative pat, keeping at the tips.
"Well, Lily's a redhead, and Harry turned out alright. Ginny likes him, at least. It's like it's a red and black, red and black cycle! I think we might get develop a bleeding panther with spectacles." Ron attempts to get back on track, and to test James's story. "Do you have any idea how you ended up in the future. Did anything unusual happen that day?"
"You're a bit obsessed with bespeckled cats, Ron. Got a thing for Mcgonagall have you? No worries, I won't tell." He reaches up for Ron's hand, intending to show him that is hair was completely prank free.
"Not if you'll tell me about your mum. She looked after Harry some, did she? She and your Dad? That's good. Sirius said that Lily's mum and dad were good people. But her sister was the sort of black-hearted, close minded Muggle that made half Wizard society want them all crowded out of the way. The muggle version of a Black, I gather."
He slumps on the floor easily. "It's good then that he got a best mate who treats him like family."
Ron gets on the floor, though with none of the easy grace of James. "Hey, now! She's living with us in the Slythendor suite. It's not nice to make me shudder whenever I see her if I have to see her so often."
"My mum's real nic- Well, she's a good mum. Can be a bit... you know mothers. And she thinks that maroon just looks darling on me. But she's great for Harry, you know. His jumpers are usually much better, so you don't have to worry about him walking around wearing anything that looks like a tribble's flayed pelt. And my dad is the Head of the Department of Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and he's just wild about muggles, he's always wanting to ask Harry all these questions. So it's nice for Harry to have a muggle expert in our family, I think."
"His aunt and uncle? They're real gits, alright. But Harry had to live with them because of the protection spell. But we don't have to worry about that with Voldemort popcorned, and the kids staying over for the summer."
Ron just shrugs, going a bit red. "How else are you supposed to treat your best friend?"
The grin on James' face was huge. "Not a stitch, twitch, wit, jot, jittle or drop different, mate." He nodded like he approved of Ron's move to the floor and nudged him a bit with his foot.
"Now what about this new generation the others will be lost to fill me in on?"
Ron feels a happy grin forming at James' evident approval. And then he remembers that he's supposed to be interrogating him. "Are you sure? You don't want to talk about what happened that day? At all? Because I'd bet that story must be just, I dunno, building and building and just ready to burst!"
He stops and thinks back to his phrase. Even Ron knew what that sounded like, and he quickly decides to cut James off before he could tease him, "Ok, let's talk about Quidditch then! They still haven't won a tournament since 1892, but I think they're showing real promise this year. But actually, Harry could probably tell you about this. He's a Seeker, you know. Knows as much about Quidditch as I do. What could we talk about...?"
At least, Ron thinks angrily to himself, he hasn't mentioned anything about a climax of exposition.
Through his bangs, James gives Ron a cheeky grin. "Building to burst? Did you just ask me how I lost my virginity, Ron? I'm not your uncle yet. Not sure if I should be corrupting you like that. Quidditch is much much safer, only don't talk to me about the Chuddley Cannons, they're practically a cult."
He leans back on his hands. "There's sex, drugs and firewhiskey. Politics, but I already know the Ministry's stupid. Recent history, personal adventures. You're the one who wanted to come talk." With a push, he bows, one arm sweeping to the side.
"I'm at your disposal."
"'They're not a cult," Ron mutters weakly. "They've got spirit." He crosses his fingers together and recites the Chudley Cannon's motto. "'Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best!'" He rubs the back of his head. "'Sides, I don't have to worry about you corrupting me. I've got a girlfriend doing it just fine."
Ron moves one knee up, resting his arms against it. "Ok. Sex... I've already told you about all the blokes getting boyfriends here, right? Other than that, things seem to be the same. I don't think they were doing it any differently 20 years ago. Of course, Dumbledore and Voldemort weren't c-cocksucking, but that's a new development here, too. And drugs? Well, not a lot of drugs here. I heard chocolate did some weird things to some of the students, but I was gone at the time. And firewhiskey? It's great! I had some at Professor Lupin- Remus' birthday party. I heard he got so drunk that there was was skinny-dipping! Oh, and he got aged down for the day."
Ron nods. "You have no idea how stupid they are! They ignored the signs of Voldemort resurfacing until it was too late. Fifth year? They sent some bint in here to take over from Dumbledore, and she was awful! A real bitch. Fudge was finally replaced last year, and Rufus Scrimgeour was brought in. He might seem better, but he's not."
Ron tries another time. "What was Hogwarts of your time like? If I knew, maybe I could fill in the blanks, tell you what's changed."
"Well there were drugs. And some boys had boyfriends I suppose. Most of the blokes I know..." A pause quickly brushed over. "Knew, were matched up whether or not that was the case. Family unions and the like, people choosing sides, muggle-born over pure-blood. Pure bunk is more like it. The wizarding community growing smaller every generation and that asslicker Voldemort killing good witches and wizards and twisting others."
He smiles at a completely different thought. "Quidditch was smashing. The Ministry was jack thin, and worn out, but working hard to make everyone feel as safe as possible. And Sirius and I were still planning to ditch the folks next break and take a try at living in the Muggle world again for a bit. They had the most ridiculous hair and bright colored clothing. But there's nothing like a pair of tight jeans to make you appreciate Muggles."
"Yeah. After fourth year, it started to really heat up again. Another war. But it's seemed to have slowed down... I guess because Voldemort, the creepy little bastard, and," Ron makes quotes with his fingers as he rolls his eyes. He's obviously not believing what he's saying. "Tom Riddle have been turned into popcorn. And most of the blokes who were working for him, like Snape and Malfoy." He watches James intently for his reactions. "Draco Malfoy, his son, is out and about, though. That git, he's always been out to get Harry. He's always been so jealous of Harry and Hermione. Creepy little bastard. I didn't think he was at your sorting, was he?"
Ron then smiles with him. "Oh, I know. I spent my break scoping out Muggle London, looking for-" He remembers what he's here for again, and who James might be. "Adventure. You know how much I love that adventure. There was one girl-" He stops himself. "But I see a lot of jeans here now, too. I bet that's been an improvement, don't you?
He gives Ron a look, half sad, half complex and wry. "It's the face, isn't it. Because we look so much alike. You're forgetting then catching yourself. Should I make a plaque card for while? To make people's lives easier?"
"What do you mean?" Ron looks confused for a moment, and then widens his eyes. "Oh. Well, you do look alike. It's phenomenal! But I'm not confusing you with Harry. You hold yourselves completely different. And you talk completely different. You're... not Harry. At all." He had been worried that he'd end up like Sirius, and was a bit relieved when it didn't turn out to be the case.
"I'm not catching myself because of that. I'm catching myself because... because..." Ron searches his mind for a good lie. He couldn't really say that he wasn't sure yet that James wasn't an agent of Malfoy and, by extension, Voldemort.
He arches a brow. "What, it's wrong to like a bloke's da? There are Peruvian Nest Monkeys waiting to pounce and I only have hours to live ?"
James suddenly licks the back of his own hand. "Am I to going to turn into popcorn? You know something I don't?"
He nudges Ron with his foot. "Or you think you might not be right to get to know me before Harry does? Cause that's decent of you, but you could file it under bringing back a good report."
Ron shakes his head. "No, there's nothing wrong about liking you. At least, I don't think so. As long as I don't somehow, I dunno, mess up the space-time continuum. But I'm not sure if you can really do that, now that I think about it. And those are Peruvian DESK Monkeys, and they are so offended that you got 'em wrong, they're not even going to deal with you anymore."
Ron makes a grossed out face, and looks at his own hands. They were always covered in ink and sweat, he certainly wouldn't want to lick 'im! Harry's dad reminded him of a cat sometimes. "Nobody knows when people turn into popcorn. Or when they come back. Believe me, if I knew anything about it, I'd be able to rest easy at night. Well, easier. Your son is still sleeping next door to my sister."
Ron automatically nudges back. "Actually... you hit the nail on the head. Right on. I mean, you're his dad, and here I am chatting you up as if you were just the new kid in school. It's just awful of me. Completely indecent. Bad, selfish Ron!" He smacks his head and shakes his head in remorse. "Bad."
"So, how's Lily? You getting on with her? Is she like you remember?"
"Lily, the busy-body-biddy, remember? I mentioned her when I came in ? Know it all. Stick up her arse. She's worse than I remember. Stewed Evans does not age well."
And another nudge, James' foot taps Ron easily while reaching out to grab his hand and put it down. No beating up of family and friends, even by themselves. He'll smack them if they need it.
"And there's nothing wrong with chatting me up, as long as you're not, 'chatting me up'." Another grin, one some might call infectious. "Because that would be completely indecent and totally cock up the family tree. But other than that you can go back and let him know whether or not I'm a bloke he might get on with. It'd probably help him to know that people can just like me for me, instead of for being his Da. I got the impression he's got a reputation. Stuff like and you don't know who might be playing kiss arse."
Ron follows his line of thought. "So, you think she's acting different? Like she's being emphasized or something?" He locks it away in his brain. He can't help adding, "I dunno, she seemed to age really well to me. But she's not that much older than us, you know."
He lets James put his hand down, and then moves it away. "And don't worry about that. I have a skull of steel. I'd flex it, but I'm pretty sure that would end with my brains exploding into the floor."
"'Chatting you up!?'" Ron grins, and starts laughing at the thought. "Can you imagine? That would have to be the worst thing I have ever done! Flirting with your best friend's dad? Yeesh! Imagine you, going to ask Sirius' dad out on a date! 'Bring my dad home by eight, he was going to re-charm my broom!'" He calms down somewhat. "Not to mention me having a girlfriend and, you know, I'm not gay. Not that it's bad! I'm just not. No matter how much that sexy love god wants to shoot people with his arrows." Ron glares into the air. Stupid sensuous divine being.
"That's me, I'm a scout. Harry doesn't know that I'm scouting yet, though. If it's any comfort, I think you're real cool so far. Of course, part of being cool is not caring about that. But you can also be cool and still not cool." He stares at him again. "Like the Malfoys."
"Yeah you mentioned Harry'd had some problems with them. What, Luscious Lucius has to pick on someone half his age and then some? I'm surprised, kinda. Harry's pureblood, Da and Mum both wizards. Even if Lily's first generation muggle-born. But it'd suit his standards. He have a daughter he was trying to pair up? Wait, you said something about a son and jealousy? Luscious Lucious's son wants my, well he's not my Harry. But my blood relative?"
James laughs. "Bloody brilliant! Is Harry making the baby weasel suffer? Or is Lucius being an arse because he threw a decent human being, the way the Blacks did with Sirius ?"
"Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater," Ron says, seriously. "He's working with Voldemort, and everyone knows it. He was the one who... he put my sister in danger from Voldemort, personally. And he blackmailed the other governors to suspend Dumbledore. When Voldemort rose again, he was right there with him. And for the longest time we just thought Draco Malfoy was just a spoiled, ignorant, arrogant prick. He would go on about my family, and he called Hermione- Well, she's muggle-born. But last year he tried to poison Dumbledore. I almost died, since Malfoy is, of course, incompetent."
He looks surprised that James wouldn't know about the Malfoys and why they would hate Harry. "Didn't they tell you about the Boy-Who-Lived thing?"
His face goes grim. Eyes flashing, quiet but dangerous. "Harry mentioned being a chosen one, and Sirius mentioned finding only Harry in rubble with dead bodies but... I didn't pay much attention more than thinking someone had cocked up aim. I figured he might have had some reputation from tragedy, losing his parents. And then I got the sense that Dumbledore was using him to draw out Snape somehow."
James twirls his wand in his hand, fingers at the ready, unconsciously prepared.
Ron blinks several times. "Well, it's a bit more complex than that. Um... Maybe I should check this with a professor before I tell you. But it's impossible to change the path of time, right? I just don't want to say something and then have my best friend not exist any more." The conversation taking a sharp turn into the intense, Ron looks at James' wand. That was a neat trick.
"The big danger's at an ease right now, luckily. Voldemort and most of his followers can't hurt Harry from where they are. And even so, it's impossible to kill anyone on-campus, and the Hat- Well, the Headmistress-" Who could he count on right now that wasn't insane or inanimate? Or a furby? "Sirius and Professor McGonagall wouldn't let anything happen to him. And neither would I."
James still looks serious and contemplative. If he'd been smiling it'd have been mischief in his eyes. Now it's something else entirely, almost a more controlled and focused version of the temper that had Sirius shouting and threatening at James' Sorting. With a hard spot of conniving. It's actually rather Slytherin.
But he blinks and smiles, relaxing again, wand disappearing up his sleeve, as he lays back, and flops a leg on one of Ron's. "Good egg, Sirius. Totally good egg. Mad as a hatter, but my best mate. And McGonagall's really a tiger. So I'll check with him and see if there's really no worry. And you can owl me about the space-time-magic paradox. Though the knack with that, is that it's a paradox. So what you do doesn't really matter."
"Really? You sure about that?" Ron appears tempted to tell, but then shakes his head. "It's probably better you hear the full thing from someone you trust, like Sirius or Professor Lupin. It gets sorta... involved. But just know that none of it is Harry's fault; lots of people call him the hero of the wizarding world." He moves a hand down to give James' leg a playful clap. "Good show, James!"
Wearing his heart on his sleeves, as always, Ron looks very relieved. "So, does McGonagall look any older to you? Because for me, it's always been like she's... eternal. Hard to imagine her younger."
"She was younger and her hair a bit redder in my day. Bit of a firmer version of Lily really. In her own way." He turns, props himself up on one elbow, leg still half on Ron's lap.
"Think she might have mellowed with age. But, speaking of your lifetime fancy, mate. This girlfriend of yours, Harry approve of her? What's she like? What are girls like now at school? You mentioned all the boys shagging all the other boys. The House Elves must be exhausted in the laundry."
Ron appears to be having some difficulty imagining this. McGonagall... Lily!? It was a tough pill to swallow. "No, she hasn't. I think she's just being extra nice, considering the marooned in time thing." He shudders. "There's that color again! Blast."
He grins goofily at her mention. "You know, Primavera. I think she was at your sorting. She's real nice, and sweet, and smart. I think you talked to her? But you had problems with Gogo." He couldn't help but to wince. "Gogo is Primavera's room-mate, and they stick together like glue. You know how girls are. Anyways, I hope you don't hold what happened back there against Gogo. I wasn't there for it, but I hear it got pretty loud. She's just real shy... that's what Primavera says, anyways. Maybe someone called her Gogo-chan?"
Ron continues. "The other girls are alright, but they're barely here, and a whole lot of them are either too old or too crazy.. I think men outnumber the ladies 2 to 1. Which works out pretty well for them, actually." He glares off into the distance. "And they just love getting themselves sorted into Ravenclaw. What is it, Pillow Fight Central? Probably for the bar and the" Ron raises his voice into a mocking tone. "Alchemists. Well, fine. Hufflepuff has the prettiest girls, anyways."
James shrugs. "Petal seemed nice and all. I offered to teach her to fly. But then her friend came along and wanted to Squib me. While Sirius was having words with her about that, she looked off and said something about hoping I screamed. Loud. And Petal said something about if Gogo was sure and Gogo said she'd make me and well, Sirius was about to lose it. But I told Petal, that's your Primavera, that if I was dead, I couldn't teach her anything. And that I've got too much to do anyway to spend time with people who want to see me bloody, screaming and dead."
He gives Ron a curious look. "You still don't strike me at all as the type to like them blood thirsty. But maybe Harry or Remus'll tell me about how you keep baby fingers in a bucket under your bed or something, but it's ok, cause you love Harry."
Ron widens his eyes in shock. "That doesn't sound like Primavera at all! She got mad when I lost our stupid stuffed giraffe someplace. And she's always close to tears... Look, she's not from around here. Maybe she thought the whole thing was a joke? Or... or was over her head or something. Wait a minute, 'Petal'?" He snaps his fingers. "That's it! She thought you were flirting with her, and she was trying to put you off because of me. She didn't know of the situation and went overboard on it." He nods to himself. "And Gogo was just defending her honor. And mine too, probably! Ha!" He shakes his head, chagrined. "Sorry, I probably caused all sorts of trouble. But you know Hufflepuffs. Loyal. It's also the house of pretty girls and psychos. And let me tell you, it's true. Primavera? Pretty. Sadako? PSYCHO."
"Blood thirsty?" Ron comes down a bit. "Maybe Gogo is putting on a hell of an act, but not Prima. Besides, where would I find enough baby fingers to fill up an entire bucket? Those things are tiny." He widens his eyes. "You think my girl's falling in with the wrong crowd!?"
"Ron, mate." James pushes himself up, slips his leg off Ron and leans in, close, looking the other boy in the eye. "Gogo squibbed me. It had nothing to do with defending Primavera's honor. I'd already finished my conversation with her. And I called her petal, cause I didn't know her name, but she was, is, a pretty girl."
He shrugs. "Maybe you bring out the nicer side of her. But she actually asked her friend to hold off on killing me until she got her lessons. Nice value on my life there, eh? Lucky for me, flying and me calling her Petal, which she likes, she said so, being a nice bloke saved my life. But she can't be nice to me anymore since I won't tolerate some asian chick wanting to lick the fresh blood off my skin. Dark Arts groupies are dangerous, Ron. So if you could watch her if she's around Harry, I'd appreciate it. Cause according to you lot, he's been through enough. And how do you tell your best mate that his bird makes him think of the types who kill wards full of babies in order to fill that bucket."
James leans back. "I like you, so far. You seem fair. But your girl's already fallen in, and taken over the wrong crowd." He pauses. "Everyone here seems to know about Remus. So you know that Dart Arts creatures, they're people too, if given the chance. So don't think I'm not believing she's nice to you and with you. I just watched her look to carve me up like Christmas goose."
Ron watches back, silent the whole time as he let James have his say. His hopeful expression slowly turns into a sad frown. He wasn't quite sure when, but somehow James had managed to convince Ron, in his gut and not his head, that he really was who he claimed to be. And now, Harry's dad was saying things that he really didn't want to hear about his girlfriend. Even worse, he couldn't find the effort inside himself to strongly defend her.
"You... you honestly think she's that bad?" He mulls over the thought in his head. She did have the weirdest taste in giraffes. "I mean, with the bloody stuff and Dark Arts?" He felt a tiny spark of anger arise in his stomach. Nothing too large, he was actually not too close to Primavera. But she was excellent at easing his loneliness, even if it was filled with frantic owls and searches for toys rather than actual affection. "She flirted back!?"
"Not saying she is. People'd have wanted to kill Mo-Remus. And I knew he wasn't like the others and I wasn't planning on letting him get that way. But that doesn't mean I didn't have every spell that could protect me memorized and rememorized."
Posture relaxing, James suddenly flicked his wand at the door, with a locking spell then put a finger to his lips and gave Ron a sharp look. A bit of concentration and a very dusty bottle showed up beside them. James gave a pleased smile.
"It kept? Brilliant. Alright, Ron. What we have here is a perfect opportunity to take a nip. " He started pulling at the top of the bottle. "Made this myself, and luckily, in twenty years, no one found my stash. You can handle vodka, right ?"
"James!" Ron doesn't seem to hear the first part. "She flirted back!?" Yeah, yeah, Dark Arts... couldn't he see the priorities, here!?
He just groans as he buries his head in his arms. "She requested "Kiss Me" for me. You know, a muggle song? Kiss me... beneath the broken something something... we'll take the trail marked on your father's map. Ok, it's not the most lyrical thing. But it was real sweet. Especially since we haven't even did all that stuff."
Booze is enough to momentarily distract him. "Stash? Where did you take that out from?" He watches James work on the top and holds out his large hands. "I can help. Can I handle vodka? Can I handle vodka!? Why, I've been handling vodka since I was nine!" He makes a face at that. "Why, when I lie, I make it the most hardest to believe thing? Once I told a veela that I built a broom that could fly to Jupiter. To some girl who WASN't Primavera. And she didn't flirt back! Probably because SHE had a boyfriend!"
"Calling a girl Petal isn't exactly flirting. Nor is accepting the term." James said as the bottled open with a distinct aroma of alcohol and he sighed. "You know what I miss right now? Wormwood. Hmm Absinthe. Maybe later."
James took a first sip and blinked, tears forming in his eyes. "Merlin's Hairy Balls that's strong!" He glanced at Ron. "But you're right. You're a shitty liar so adding anything to this is out of the question."
He passes the bottle over. "Now, before I never tell you about my stash, shouldn't you find out more about the girl first? Like how she kisses? And why she's got no problem watching human beings be tortured and killed ?"
Ron relaxes slightly, looking a bit cheered. So, Primavera wasn't flirting, she was just a potential psychopuff. Well, he could handle that! Absinthe? "Is that a muggle drink I haven't heard of?"
"I'm not that shitty a liar," Ron adds, smirking as if he knew what James didn't. Which he did! Like he knew that Ron had been investigating him this whole time for possible Malfoyness. He takes the bottle and stares at it.
"Yeah, that's an idea! I'll write her an owl, letting her explain herself! I bet she has an excuse just ready to go!" He realizes what he just said. "Oh. That's the trick, isn't it?"
"One of them." James puts his hand out to help tilt the bottom and smiles. "Drink up, calm down. And if you handle it well, I might find a way to bring you Absinthe. The muggles call it the Green Fairy."
Ron gives James a skeptical look, but carefully brings the drink to his lips. He actually drinks slowly, but he still ends up pushing the drink away and coughing, face growing red. "That's awful!" Still, he pulls the bottle in for another sip.
"Yeah well, the plan was always to drink it mixed with something. But right now we're making do. Absinthe is sweet. Green dragon is, well, you're really not ready for that one yet. If you summoned some honey from the kitchens, it'd taste better."
He leans against one of the desks easily, limbs sprawled as if the floor were as comfortable as bed.
"You locked the door," Ron reminds him. He hands the bottle back over to James. "So the whole purpose of this is to drink ourselves drunk, since it doesn't even taste good?" He smiles at him. "It's real nice of you. But I'm not that depressed, yet. Primavera and I aren't that close. Still... she was really playing me this whole time? What ever, doesn't matter."
"Who needs her, anyways? I mean, Harry has Ginny, and Hermione 'as that fucking Alchemist freak and I bet he's sooooo smart, but I don't need a girlfriend who's into the dark arts and is completely two-faced with her strange friends. I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm Ron."
He grabs for the vodka again.
It's difficult not to laugh a little, apparently drinking made Ron a touch belligerent. James shakes his head and calls out a House Elf name. A female house elf with great big blue eyes and slightly floppy ears appears.
"Honey, red pepper flakes, a shaker and two glasses, please."
Crack. Crack. She's gone and back again and James grabs the bottle out of Ron's hands, and begins a quick version of the intricate process of flavouring vodka. The pepper settles to the bottom of the bottle. The honey drizzles in, aided by a spell to make it pour thin but fast. And James corks the bottle again, shakes it with a spell, heats it a little, then cools it, all under five minutes.
"Would you like to chill our glasses Mr. Weasley ?"
Ron just sips again. "You know what SPEW stands for? Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare. Hermione started it in Fourth Year when she saw the House Elves. I keep telling her, Hermione, they like it like this. That's what they're here for! But she won't listen. She always has to be right. So does Primavera, actually. Think that's a girl thing?"
He stares at his hand in disappointment when the vodka is taken from him, but then watches James with interest. "How come they don't teach us this in Potions? Useful stuff?" He smiles, and then held out his hands.
"Sure!" He takes the glasses and pulls out his wand, casting an easy spell to cool them.
"You probably didn't have Sluggy. He liked to do interesting stuff, or put stuff up as theory. And then I'd go off to a tower and try to perfect the good stuff."
James pours. "Nicking a pass to the restricted section a couple times helped too." He picks up his glass. "To the fact that women are bloody mysteries and perfect annoyances. Yeah cheers, mate ?"
"No, I had Snape for potions. It's even less fun than it sounds. Except when I came back, now I have Professor Maturin. He's alright. Didn't get mad when my puppet acted out." He rubs his hands together and picks up his cool glass.
"Cheers. To the perfect annoyances!" He raised his hand to the toast, and then concentrates on the difficult task of drinking the damn thing. His eyebrows twitch in pleasure when he realizes that it was going down much more easily this time.
Honey with the kick of pepper and the bigger kick of who knows what proof liqueur. Perfect. James sighs and leans forward a bit with a smile.
"Feeling better ?"
Or was he now more belligerent? James hopes that's been mostly because of the strength and taste of things.
Ron doesn't answer at first, nursing his drink. "I don't know why they keep telling you off this booze stuff... because it doesn't really change me much. I mean, the room is spinning a bit but..." Ron stares ahead. "Other than that, I'm normal completely."
He grins wide. "Am I going to start doing really weird things now? Like wearing things that shouldn't be worn? Or spilling my secrets?" He rubs his eyes. "That why you gave me the vodka?"
"You've got secrets, mate? Nahh, if I wanted you to spill secrets I wouldn't have started you off on something easy. I just figured, here's a bloke doing right by Harry and probably by Sirius. And he looks tense. Plus, we had a good conversation, didn't we?"
He stretches, slowly, like a cat and drinks, just as slowly, savouring the burn. "Why not end it on a high note. Though if the room is spinning, lie down. The floor's not going anywhere."
"I'll have to trust you on that one." Ron covers his mouth with a hand as if to keep himself from blurting out things, his cup still halfway full. He carefully puts it to the side and lies down on his back. "It was a good conversation. You're not like Harry at all, but you're likable. I give you... a nod of respect."
"I looked tense?" Ron carefully doesn't mention the angry owls he sent to Sirius. See? Booze wasn't affecting him at all. Good thing he was sure James wasn't a Malfoy plant- "Ha, Malfoy Plant," he says outloud, or else this would be a perfect plot. As would be turning him against Primavera, an excellent source of support. Yup, Ron sure was lucky. "Well, it's been tough. Not as tough as for you, or for Harry, or Sirius! But do you know," Ron gets up to his elbows. "Two weeks of memories have been wiped, from about two weeks ago. I think I was kidnapped and brainwashed. But Harry doesn't seem worried, and I've lied about it to Ginny and to Primavera. And it was separate lies! That was the dumb thing. But Primavera... what did she do again? Something really rotten to you... egged on that Gogo girl, right? I thought Gogo was a nice girl. Likes durians. I was invited into their room. Anyways, I haven't even told you about the puppet thing. Now that was stressful!"
Malfoy Plant made no real sense in the moment. But it pinged. James put it to one side for now. Kidnapping and puppets were interesting enough.
"One of us should call that Elf back. We shouldn't drink this much on an empty stomach. We'll end up staying in here for hours." He chuckles. "Not that you're not good company. But Sirius will come looking for me and Harry'll come looking for you. And then Sirius'll pinch what's left. Greedy bugger."
Sliding down onto his stomach, he looks across at Ron and nods. "Let's forget about Gogo. Tell me about this puppet. " Head pillowed on his hands, he exhaled. Relaxed. "And if there's any shagging in this story, I want all the little details."