Velma Kelly, Chicago (Movie)
((OOC NOTE: Post-Jail and Pre-Teaming up with Roxie, Velma here. Please excuse some of the dialect and slang. First-timer here and thank you.))
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh god, make a girl hungry while your at it. Do I look like I give a crap whether I get mozzarella or swiss? If its yellow and has holes, I’ll eat it. Throw in some booze and cigs while your at it and I’m game.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Kill? *her smile slightly falters* I don’t know about you kid, but I don’t think I’m much of a Dumb Dora to go around murderin’ clowns. I’m not stupid y’know. If I got to choose…Carrottop surely reminds me of a certain ex-husband of mine…
3. What time is it where you are?
8:00 P.M. I got two more hours before show time. I need this gig.
(Little did Velma know, she would never quite make this gig...)
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Isn’t that against the law? Not like the law really does much nowadays. I’m not particularly lookin' around for snuggle-buddies these days unless there’s a double threat in that Order of yours. I’m lookin’ for a second girl with class for my (once) double act. who won’t sleep with my boyfriends.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I’d rather be on stage, but I’ll take whatever is coming for now. How about Edgy Kelly’s?
Hey! I told you I’d rather be on the stage.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Woah, woah, woah, since when the Hell did boys - never mind.
It’s the boy’s decision to marry whoever the hell he wants. He wants twins? He’s got twins! I’ll even sing at the wedding. Good for him, but don’t say I didn’t warn ye’ if he has a girl over him with a knife tomorrow (or Bible thumpers swarming his house…)
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Beats me. Are you a lawyer? There’s practically hundreds of girls willing to touch their privates for a guy who’d get them out of Cooks County Jail. (Especially for that deuce, Billy Flynn…) That’s probably why your desk’s swamped. You’ve got dozens of lovely ladies sending you greetings cards and marriage proposals.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I am the Velma Kelly. Quite famous around Chicago. My sister and I had this double act you see and we traveled all over. Our last gig together was in Iraq before I went back to Chicago. We do everything. (Vaudeville gals) I live to wow the crowd for a fee of course. A bit famous in the papers too for a recent crime…that I don’t honestly remember.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
As I said before birds, I sing and I dance. I can do any of that for you. If that doesn’t sound Hotsy-Totsy, I still have a thou’ left over though I think I’d be needing that…. I happen to have dresses, cloches, garters, shirts, fedoras, and everything else that once belonged to my beloved sister and my ex-husband. may they rest in eternal Hell. Good enough for ye’?
Fin.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh god, make a girl hungry while your at it. Do I look like I give a crap whether I get mozzarella or swiss? If its yellow and has holes, I’ll eat it. Throw in some booze and cigs while your at it and I’m game.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Kill? *her smile slightly falters* I don’t know about you kid, but I don’t think I’m much of a Dumb Dora to go around murderin’ clowns. I’m not stupid y’know. If I got to choose…Carrottop surely reminds me of a certain ex-husband of mine…
3. What time is it where you are?
8:00 P.M. I got two more hours before show time. I need this gig.
(Little did Velma know, she would never quite make this gig...)
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Isn’t that against the law? Not like the law really does much nowadays. I’m not particularly lookin' around for snuggle-buddies these days unless there’s a double threat in that Order of yours. I’m lookin’ for a second girl with class for my (once) double act. who won’t sleep with my boyfriends.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I’d rather be on stage, but I’ll take whatever is coming for now. How about Edgy Kelly’s?
Hey! I told you I’d rather be on the stage.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Woah, woah, woah, since when the Hell did boys - never mind.
It’s the boy’s decision to marry whoever the hell he wants. He wants twins? He’s got twins! I’ll even sing at the wedding. Good for him, but don’t say I didn’t warn ye’ if he has a girl over him with a knife tomorrow (or Bible thumpers swarming his house…)
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Beats me. Are you a lawyer? There’s practically hundreds of girls willing to touch their privates for a guy who’d get them out of Cooks County Jail. (Especially for that deuce, Billy Flynn…) That’s probably why your desk’s swamped. You’ve got dozens of lovely ladies sending you greetings cards and marriage proposals.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I am the Velma Kelly. Quite famous around Chicago. My sister and I had this double act you see and we traveled all over. Our last gig together was in Iraq before I went back to Chicago. We do everything. (Vaudeville gals) I live to wow the crowd for a fee of course. A bit famous in the papers too for a recent crime…that I don’t honestly remember.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
As I said before birds, I sing and I dance. I can do any of that for you. If that doesn’t sound Hotsy-Totsy, I still have a thou’ left over though I think I’d be needing that…. I happen to have dresses, cloches, garters, shirts, fedoras, and everything else that once belonged to my beloved sister and my ex-husband. may they rest in eternal Hell. Good enough for ye’?
Fin.