Application for Judas Iscariot (Jesus Christ Superstar)
Application: Judas Iscariot, from Jesus Christ Superstar
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Nabulsi. It was my favorite when I was growing up. Most of these new cheeses just don't taste right.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I never killed anyone. That's a filthy lie and a distortion! I'm a fucking pacifist, all right?
3. What time is it where you are?
Wait, what calendar are we talking here? Julian, Hebrew, Coptic, Gregorian, what? You're trying to set me up to say the wrong thing, aren't you?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harry Potter because messiah complexes are sexy.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Grassy Knoll. Because Oswald was a patsy, just like me! And why in the dark? Why should I be in the dark forever? It was His plan the whole time! I never had any say in the matter!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Oh, I know how that sort of thing works out. He should kill himself now and spare himself the misery.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Oh, that's easy. You're in Hell and being tormented with endless futility.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? I only wish I was useless! I was used and thrown away by God like a fucking condom, and who gets the bad rap? ME! Oh, yeah, Jesus is the big shot, the one everyone loves, but if he'd had his way he would have ended up like Jim Bakker. All his pretty little ideals wouldn't have counted for much when everyone found out he was shacking up with a whore instead of me. So now he's a martyr and everyone hates me.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Well, I still have... *counts* 23 pieces of silver.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Nabulsi. It was my favorite when I was growing up. Most of these new cheeses just don't taste right.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I never killed anyone. That's a filthy lie and a distortion! I'm a fucking pacifist, all right?
3. What time is it where you are?
Wait, what calendar are we talking here? Julian, Hebrew, Coptic, Gregorian, what? You're trying to set me up to say the wrong thing, aren't you?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Harry Potter because messiah complexes are sexy.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Grassy Knoll. Because Oswald was a patsy, just like me! And why in the dark? Why should I be in the dark forever? It was His plan the whole time! I never had any say in the matter!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Oh, I know how that sort of thing works out. He should kill himself now and spare himself the misery.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Oh, that's easy. You're in Hell and being tormented with endless futility.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? I only wish I was useless! I was used and thrown away by God like a fucking condom, and who gets the bad rap? ME! Oh, yeah, Jesus is the big shot, the one everyone loves, but if he'd had his way he would have ended up like Jim Bakker. All his pretty little ideals wouldn't have counted for much when everyone found out he was shacking up with a whore instead of me. So now he's a martyr and everyone hates me.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Well, I still have... *counts* 23 pieces of silver.