Has anyone seen my TARDIS?

[doctor_4th]

Excuse me. Hello. I seem to have just materialized here out of thin air. I'm missing my TARDIS and my two companions. A blonde haired young Time-Lady named Romanadvoratrelunda and a little robot dog called K-9. We were working on defeating the dreaded Meglos when I found myself here.

Can anyone, uh, help? I appear to be stranded here for the moment.

Oh. An application? What's this?

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

• Oh well. Who's to say? Cheese is very delicious you know. I like all kinds of cheese. In fact, I remember one of myselves particularly liking gorgonzola, however I don't have much of a taste for it myself. I would say that I fancy a good English cheddar at the moment.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

• Well, it depends on which one of them were trying to destroy the universe at the moment. I've met all kinds of evil beings, creatures, entities, call them what you will, over the last 750 odd years and I really try never to kill anybody. Besides, they both sound like nice chaps anyway.

3. What time is it where you are?

• Well, time is relative, you know. 'Round about lunchtime I should think. You wouldn't happen to have a sandwich, would you?

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

• Ah. Yes. Well, I seriously doubt I would ever sexually harass anyone. After all, it should be a friendly universe, shouldn't it?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

• Well, I have never had the occasion to tend bar myselves. But I suppose if I had to tend one - in the dark - and I could name it anything I wish, I'd probably just go fishing. Do you like to fish? Never more is a Time-Lord more innocently employed than when fishing I should think.

B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

• Harry Sulivan? I should think he fancied girls! But should he lean in that particular direction I think he should marry exactly who he pleases - should he be so inclined. You know, I think the human tradition of marriage is somewhat interesting myself. Perhaps I'll write a thesis on it one day.

C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

• Well, it happens to us all doesn't it? Paperwork, data files, data bank printouts, the lot! I think the Universe would be a lot simpler if there was a lot less paperwork, don't you? My answer to this question would be most emphatically, "Yes".

D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.

• Well, I should think nobody is useless. After all, you never quite know what someone is capable of now do you? Take for instance my old friend The Brigadier. He's a pompous, self-righteous, self-opinionated, bossy, idiot. Yet with his assisstance I've managed to save Earth several times. Yeti, Cybermen, Killer Robots, the Master, the Zygons. Yes he was all there. He and UNIT (That's United Nations Intelligence Taskforce - not sure you should know about that, never mind) aided me in the protection of the human race. Not bad for Earthlings, is it?

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

• Bribery? Bribe? huh...you want me to Bribe? Okay. *clears throat* Would anyone like a jelly baby? They're quite good.
  
  *reaches into pocket, produces a small white bag filled with jelly babies. Reaches into other pocket & pulls out an apple-core and his sonic screwdriver*
  
  I also have an apple core for anyone who's really hungry.
  
  Where has Romana gone with my TARDIS? Oh well, this looks like a nice place to settle down for a while. A Short while, anyway.