Krew, Jak and Daxter
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Well, I used to like Brie, but I can’t have that anymore. It made me break out in terrible rashes and hives. Ahhh, well.
Right now I like Swiss the best. Switzerland’s always been neutral, and that suits me just fine. Look out for number one, I always say!
The only cheese I don’t like is Jack. I’ve nothing against the taste, but the name reminds me of one of my employees, a very disagreeable fellow.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Despite the inherent dangers of an oversized, possibly carnivorous reptile, I would have to go with Carrot Top. There’s this little red-headed rat fellow who works for me…horrible little creature. He thinks he’s funny, you see, and it’s all I can do sometimes not to eat him in one gulp. You might say I have a strong distaste for red-headed comedians. So, if I encountered another one, he'd quickly find himself at the bottom of the bay.
3. What time is it where you are?
Just after my second afternoon nap. It’s almost dinnertime, I should think.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment? I’m a father, I can’t be engaged in such a disgusting activity! No, I’d use my trademark charm and dashing good looks to make them mine. It’s been said that I should play the romantic lead in a film, especially since I’ve lost all that weight. I’m at a lean mean 520 lbs right now.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Well, I don’t usually bartend, exactly. I usually get that buxom blonde to do it. Tess, I think her name was. Then again, I’ve been known to mix a mean margarita down at the Hip Hog Heaven, ‘ey?
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Married? I was married once. Waste of time if you ask me. The only good thing that ever came out of my marriage was my daughter Rayne. She’s a chip off the old block, ‘ey? Like father, like daughter. Although she could stand to put on a few pounds.
Anyway, normally I’d say that the boy should marry whichever one of the two is the richest, but we’re dealing with twins here. So, after careful consideration, I’ve decided that he should flip a coin. It’s all the same, really.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I don’t deal with paperwork much myself; I prefer making deals in person. Besides, a lack of paperwork makes it much easier to simply reword or restate the terms on a contract. I enjoy keeping things simple. Perhaps you should give it a try.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I’m a sharp businessman. If someone in the city needs something, I can get it for them…for a modest fee. I practically run what some people would call “organized crime” in my city.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Let it be said that I love weapons. I love how they look…how they feel…even how they smell. Generally, those in my employ share much of my love for implements of destruction. I offer each of you a weapon that you specify. I specialize in firearms, and I will use my connections to obtain the weapons for those that see things my way.