Application for Aphrodite (as described in Apuleius's recounting of the story of Eros and Psyche)
She is impossibly beautiful: tall, perfectly formed, with cascades of gorgeous red-gold hair. The shadows and mystery in her blue eyes are the only hints that reveal her to be nearly as old as humanity itself; her body is that of a young woman at the apex of youth and beauty.
She is also completely nude except for a glittering belt of gold and jewels, the workmanship of which can only be described, quite literally, as divine.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
It's been so very long since I last incarnated long enough to eat mortal foodstuffs -- ambrosia and nectar are more the order of the day back home. Ladotyri and manouri are quite lovely, however.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Whichever had caused me the greatest offense, of course. I think, though, that I'd probably find a way to drive them a little bit mad first; it's much more fun that way.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time is something mortals do, my dear.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
That depends on who the prettiest man is. Harry, perhaps? Those green eyes ... Of course, given who I am, it would be a small matter to possess any of them. Or perhaps they could all use a nice orgy. That might help them relax a bit, don't you think?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Gratiae, after my lovely friends and attendants.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
For the purposes of this discussion, let's compare Harry's love to something valuable ... a golden apple, for instance. In which case he should give the apple -- his love -- to whoever gives him the best offer in exchange.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times,even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Perhaps you should discuss that problem with Athena. Anyway, I'm sure you can find a use for that desk other than paperwork, hmm?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I am the goddess of love, beauty, and sex. My blessings bring joy and fertility, my curses barrenness. I can turn people into plants, animals, or stone if I'm upset with them. And I am unspeakably gorgeous. Isn't that enough?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
For those of you who are in love, I offer my blessings; your partnership will be happy and fruitful. Not that such blessings preclude you from messing it up; I can't do everything, but I can at least point you in the right direction. If there is someone you love and the love is not returned, find me later. We'll talk, yes? Eros, love, I may need your help with this.
She is also completely nude except for a glittering belt of gold and jewels, the workmanship of which can only be described, quite literally, as divine.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
It's been so very long since I last incarnated long enough to eat mortal foodstuffs -- ambrosia and nectar are more the order of the day back home. Ladotyri and manouri are quite lovely, however.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Whichever had caused me the greatest offense, of course. I think, though, that I'd probably find a way to drive them a little bit mad first; it's much more fun that way.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time is something mortals do, my dear.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
That depends on who the prettiest man is. Harry, perhaps? Those green eyes ... Of course, given who I am, it would be a small matter to possess any of them. Or perhaps they could all use a nice orgy. That might help them relax a bit, don't you think?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Gratiae, after my lovely friends and attendants.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
For the purposes of this discussion, let's compare Harry's love to something valuable ... a golden apple, for instance. In which case he should give the apple -- his love -- to whoever gives him the best offer in exchange.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times,even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Perhaps you should discuss that problem with Athena. Anyway, I'm sure you can find a use for that desk other than paperwork, hmm?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I am the goddess of love, beauty, and sex. My blessings bring joy and fertility, my curses barrenness. I can turn people into plants, animals, or stone if I'm upset with them. And I am unspeakably gorgeous. Isn't that enough?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
For those of you who are in love, I offer my blessings; your partnership will be happy and fruitful. Not that such blessings preclude you from messing it up; I can't do everything, but I can at least point you in the right direction. If there is someone you love and the love is not returned, find me later. We'll talk, yes? Eros, love, I may need your help with this.