Warm-Up Guy/Satan from Jerry Springer: the Opera
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? To be honest, cheese doesn't hold much interest for me. When I was working at Studios USA, the only cheese I ever seemed to eat was the greasy, tasteless kind that they put on pizzas. Believe me, it's enough to put you off cheese for eternity.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I wouldn't kill either of them. They seem like particularly pathetic specimens of "human" life, so I'd invite them onto the show to talk about their problems. Then, once they're dead, I'll torture them for as long as it amuses me.
3. What time is it where you are?
*smirks* Well, there's not really time as such in the place I'm from. But in Chicago it's almost two in the morning.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
God, I don't think I'd touch any of them. No offense, but I don't have much time for humanity in general. If they aren't crackwhores or ignorant trailer trash or horrifically obese or disgustingly deluded in respect of their own importance, they're pretentious bastards who think the sun shines out of their asses.
...Although Kingsley Shaklebolt seems quite tasty.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
*thinks* Paradise Lost. Or Realms of Light.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
He should marry both of them, then come on the show. Especially if one of them is actually a woman, is sleeping with another family member or is secretly running a brothel. What? Believe me, we've had worse.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Well, firstly - I'm a fucking fantastic singer, if I do say so myself. I'm also a vital member of the Jerry Springer Show team as moderator and warm-up artist. I'm quite talented at whipping up crowds of ignorant hicks into frenzies of admiration, disgust and humiliation. I'm less good at reconciliation and letting go of grudges, but we'll put that aside for now. As Prince of Darkness, I instigated a coup d'etat against God in Heaven. Admittedly this did not go quite as anticipated, but I was quite successful in leading mankind into a whole world of shit. My management of Hell since then has also went quite well considering it's a stinking dump and I'd rather get a low-paying job in Chicago than stay there.
In addition, I have a thorough knowledge of cooking techniques and know several interesting uses for barbed wire.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Hm... well, I can certainly give out free tickets to The Jerry Springer Show in Chicago. He also has a show over here in Britain, I understand; it's not quite as exciting as our own version, but I'm sure I could get a hold of some of those tickets, if you'd prefer.
I also have quite a lot of barbed wire to spare.
((OOC: Well, an application should be somewhat interesting right now! Feel free to ignore until the hi-jinx are over. XD))