Application - Black Mage (8-Bit Theatre)
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Limburger. The sheer evilness of it is enough to make your toenails curl. And by 'evilness', I mean smell. It smells worse than that time I accidently cast Gorgak's Foot Funk on myself.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
... I'd kill them both by tying them together and nailing them with a Hadoken which will obliterate everything within a ten-mile radius. And hopefully, I'll nail Fighter too, while I'm at it.
3. What time is it where you are?
Dead of night. All of those other idiots are sleep. Perhaps now would be a good time to sneak into White Mage's tent, or stab Fighter a few dozen times, or rewrite Red Mage's stats so he sucks at everything, or sell all of Thief's findings on the black market. Hellz yes!
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
...order of the whaaaa? I don't think we can summon Phoenix unless we're in some alternate universe. But Fighter did tell me about this guy who applied for a Light Warrior position who went into this big spiel of lensflares and funky incantations, and a Chocobo popped up. Does that count as a phoenix? Hell, I have no idea. But I'd sexually harass White Mage.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Well, I've never bartended anywhere, but I used to frequent this little place called "El Diablo's Brewery and Bistro". They played heavy metal and the barmaids were hot. But Fighter got us banned from the place for trying to steal the swords mounted to the walls. So I stabbed him. Several times. In the head. AND HE STILL LIVED, GODDAMNIT. He's like a fuggin' cockroach.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Fred and George are both redheads. The only redhead I give a rat's ass about is White Mage. If this "Harry" fella ever plans to marry White Mage, he's gonna have to answer to me.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Because... um... I've been hanging out with Fighter too long. I felt him slowly but surely sucking away at my... uh... oh, dammit, what did Red Mage call it again? Brain-thinky... score thing. Whatever. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I can nuke an entire continent with a flick of the wrist. I'm also most gifted in the art of stabbity death.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Um. I can hijack Thief's overseas bank account and give you all of the cool stuff he found? Or I can bribe Red Mage into helping all of you max out your stats. Y'know. If you're into that kind of thing. Or I can kill Fighter and sell his armor and give you all the money. Because Goddamnit that is some heavy-duty armor. No matter how many times I stab it, it just won't be pierced!
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Done and done.