Ronnie Soak, Discworld
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite? I don’t actually eat very much cheese. But I do sell all sorts. I’ve been expanding that way lately.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop? Barney. People egg bad comedians, and of course that leads to them needing to buy more eggs. Barney, on the other hand, is a dinosaur, and is therefore capable of laying dinosaur eggs. Those eggs are rare, and I don’t need the competition in that area of my business.
3. What time is it where you are? Seven o’clock AM sharp, AKA time to deliver the milk.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. I’m not interested in sexual harassment, so I’d have to say that I wouldn’t. Albus Dumbledore, on the other hand, might consider sexually harassing certain people. Since I don’t know who they are, though, I can’t answer this question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. The Middle Digit. *glowers* Go ahead, interpret it superficially.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. It isn’t any of my business, is it? I don’t have any reason to get involved.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. Sounds like your current job isn’t working out for you, and you can’t keep up. Try something new.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. Useless? HA. I deliver all my milk at seven o’clock sharp, not a second late nor a second early. Oh, and my milk’s the good kind, not the substance that passes as milk but is really more of a greenish watery thing of ambiguous origin. Actually, I sell the best milk (regular, chocolate, strawberry-all sorts), cream, cheese, yogurt, and (as of recently) ice cream. I’m also pretty damn reliable. In addition, I can turn my hand to gardening, washing windows, or a myriad other jobs. And if you’re in a bad situation and I come across you, I wouldn’t be opposed to helping you out of it. Especially if it involves the Auditors, or laws in general.
I’m also the Fifth of Four. Do you know what that means?
… *looks rather peeved* Oh, all right, no guessing games, then. I’m also the anthropomorphic manifestation (though I prefer the term “avatar”) of Chaos/Kaos, and I was the Fifth Horseman of the Apocralypse. Yes, I left. There were…creative differences. This doesn’t change the fact that I (fairly recently) helped the Four out of a rather tight bind with those grey bastards the Auditors of Reality, and really helped put on a show.
Oh, and I was mentioned in the Book of Om. First Edition. Prophecies of Tobrun. Chapter two. Verse seven.
"And the Angel clothéd all in white opened the Iron Book, and a fifth rider appeared in a chariot of burning ice, and there was a snapping of laws and a breaking of bonds and the multitudes cried "Oh god, we're in trouble now!""
That was me. …of course, they cut that out of the next edition. *grumbles*
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do. Well…I’ve got eggs, cream, milk (all sorts: cow, goat, sheep, camel, llama, horse, cat, dog, dolphin, whale, or alligator; also, strawberry and chocolate, of course, and the full range from skim to whole), buttermilk, cheese, and ice cream. Oh, and I could get you chocolate; the stuff’s rather popular, isn’t it? …or I suppose I could try to get you some sort of item, if you can give me a good description, since I am fully capable of traveling through time or, if worse comes to worst, manifesting it.
No, you can’t have my sword, or my chariot. However, if you really wanted something different, I could give you a ride on the horse.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop? Barney. People egg bad comedians, and of course that leads to them needing to buy more eggs. Barney, on the other hand, is a dinosaur, and is therefore capable of laying dinosaur eggs. Those eggs are rare, and I don’t need the competition in that area of my business.
3. What time is it where you are? Seven o’clock AM sharp, AKA time to deliver the milk.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. I’m not interested in sexual harassment, so I’d have to say that I wouldn’t. Albus Dumbledore, on the other hand, might consider sexually harassing certain people. Since I don’t know who they are, though, I can’t answer this question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. The Middle Digit. *glowers* Go ahead, interpret it superficially.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. It isn’t any of my business, is it? I don’t have any reason to get involved.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. Sounds like your current job isn’t working out for you, and you can’t keep up. Try something new.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. Useless? HA. I deliver all my milk at seven o’clock sharp, not a second late nor a second early. Oh, and my milk’s the good kind, not the substance that passes as milk but is really more of a greenish watery thing of ambiguous origin. Actually, I sell the best milk (regular, chocolate, strawberry-all sorts), cream, cheese, yogurt, and (as of recently) ice cream. I’m also pretty damn reliable. In addition, I can turn my hand to gardening, washing windows, or a myriad other jobs. And if you’re in a bad situation and I come across you, I wouldn’t be opposed to helping you out of it. Especially if it involves the Auditors, or laws in general.
I’m also the Fifth of Four. Do you know what that means?
… *looks rather peeved* Oh, all right, no guessing games, then. I’m also the anthropomorphic manifestation (though I prefer the term “avatar”) of Chaos/Kaos, and I was the Fifth Horseman of the Apocralypse. Yes, I left. There were…creative differences. This doesn’t change the fact that I (fairly recently) helped the Four out of a rather tight bind with those grey bastards the Auditors of Reality, and really helped put on a show.
Oh, and I was mentioned in the Book of Om. First Edition. Prophecies of Tobrun. Chapter two. Verse seven.
"And the Angel clothéd all in white opened the Iron Book, and a fifth rider appeared in a chariot of burning ice, and there was a snapping of laws and a breaking of bonds and the multitudes cried "Oh god, we're in trouble now!""
That was me. …of course, they cut that out of the next edition. *grumbles*
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do. Well…I’ve got eggs, cream, milk (all sorts: cow, goat, sheep, camel, llama, horse, cat, dog, dolphin, whale, or alligator; also, strawberry and chocolate, of course, and the full range from skim to whole), buttermilk, cheese, and ice cream. Oh, and I could get you chocolate; the stuff’s rather popular, isn’t it? …or I suppose I could try to get you some sort of item, if you can give me a good description, since I am fully capable of traveling through time or, if worse comes to worst, manifesting it.
No, you can’t have my sword, or my chariot. However, if you really wanted something different, I could give you a ride on the horse.