introducing Dr Maturin
Your institution of learning has come to my attention through certain channels , and I would dearly love to spend some time among you. Consider the following as my application.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I confess myself partial to toasted cheese. It is the perfect sustenance for a long and arduous night of making music with the Captain.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Should it be necessary that Barney prematurely shuffle off this mortal coil, a dissection would surely prove invaluable to the advancement of science.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for another swig of laudanum The wee hours of the morning.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Such loose conduct can only end in the usual seaman's diseases. A personage saddled with the unfortunate name of Dumbledore, however, might be inclined by force of said nomenclature to a morbid depression of spirits, to the lifting of which he might address his attention to any number of inappropriate subjects. I would certainly never allow him near my aardvark.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
C. Ravenclaw -- You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Sure, your desk is a mess due to a pronounced case of torpor, brought on by excessive corpulence. Avoid rich sauces, and refrain from the consumption of duck. Mens sana in corpore sano.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
If ever you are in need of an emergency trephination, I am at your service.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I confess myself partial to toasted cheese. It is the perfect sustenance for a long and arduous night of making music with the Captain.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Should it be necessary that Barney prematurely shuffle off this mortal coil, a dissection would surely prove invaluable to the advancement of science.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for another swig of laudanum The wee hours of the morning.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Such loose conduct can only end in the usual seaman's diseases. A personage saddled with the unfortunate name of Dumbledore, however, might be inclined by force of said nomenclature to a morbid depression of spirits, to the lifting of which he might address his attention to any number of inappropriate subjects. I would certainly never allow him near my aardvark.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
C. Ravenclaw -- You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Sure, your desk is a mess due to a pronounced case of torpor, brought on by excessive corpulence. Avoid rich sauces, and refrain from the consumption of duck. Mens sana in corpore sano.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
If ever you are in need of an emergency trephination, I am at your service.