Application for Sugar Kane, from Some Like It Hot
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? I guess swiss, maybe? I like the color, and the holes are sort of fun...like bubbles in champagne, but a lot cheaper. And it's good on corned beef sandwiches.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Well, I don't know who either of those people are --gangsters, maybe?--and I don't know how I'd kill anyone, really. Unless they were going to shoot me, and I got the gun away...? No, I just don't think I could. I've met some real stinkers in the man department, but I think if either of them were giving me that much trouble I'd just take the next train out of town.
3. What time is it where you are?
I just finished my last number of the night, so I guess it's about three in the morning.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Oh, I don't know if I'd harass anyone. If I liked someone (that Sirius Black fella's awful cute, isn't he?) I might offer him a drink, and put my hand on his arm, and lean a little, and make jokes, and laugh at any jokes he made, and tell him how sweet and smart and handsome he was...all while wearing a sheer black strappy dress...but that's not harassing, is it?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
It was called Min's Delicatessan. And it was only a bar...or dark...if you went to the back door and said, "I'm here for the bar mitzvah."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Well, I can't say I know much about mythology, really. But it seems to me Harry ought to make his own mind up about that. I'd just tell him to see which one treated him the best, and if that one also made his head go spinning and his toes tingle and his skin hot, well, that's the one to grab hold of and not let go. Just...stay away from saxophone players. You always end up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Oh, I had a job like that once, for two weeks when I worked in a theatrical agency. And my boss always yelled at me for not taking notes fast enough, and I told him when I got the job I didn't know shorthand, and he just laughed and looked me over and said, "That's just fine, Sugar." Hey, listen, honey, you don't want a job like that. Even the worst gig in the world, you get to move on after a few days, and even if they kick you out for drinking or men there's always another. Do you play any instruments? We might have a spot for you if you play bass fiddle.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I play the ukelele and I sing, too.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Oh, well, I don't have a lot of money. I've got some orchids some man sent me after the second number, and aside from my show clothes and makeup and of course my ukelele that's about it. Unless I hocked my diamond bracelet? I used to sell kisses for the Milk Fund...
Cheese? I guess swiss, maybe? I like the color, and the holes are sort of fun...like bubbles in champagne, but a lot cheaper. And it's good on corned beef sandwiches.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Well, I don't know who either of those people are --gangsters, maybe?--and I don't know how I'd kill anyone, really. Unless they were going to shoot me, and I got the gun away...? No, I just don't think I could. I've met some real stinkers in the man department, but I think if either of them were giving me that much trouble I'd just take the next train out of town.
3. What time is it where you are?
I just finished my last number of the night, so I guess it's about three in the morning.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Oh, I don't know if I'd harass anyone. If I liked someone (that Sirius Black fella's awful cute, isn't he?) I might offer him a drink, and put my hand on his arm, and lean a little, and make jokes, and laugh at any jokes he made, and tell him how sweet and smart and handsome he was...all while wearing a sheer black strappy dress...but that's not harassing, is it?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
It was called Min's Delicatessan. And it was only a bar...or dark...if you went to the back door and said, "I'm here for the bar mitzvah."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Well, I can't say I know much about mythology, really. But it seems to me Harry ought to make his own mind up about that. I'd just tell him to see which one treated him the best, and if that one also made his head go spinning and his toes tingle and his skin hot, well, that's the one to grab hold of and not let go. Just...stay away from saxophone players. You always end up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Oh, I had a job like that once, for two weeks when I worked in a theatrical agency. And my boss always yelled at me for not taking notes fast enough, and I told him when I got the job I didn't know shorthand, and he just laughed and looked me over and said, "That's just fine, Sugar." Hey, listen, honey, you don't want a job like that. Even the worst gig in the world, you get to move on after a few days, and even if they kick you out for drinking or men there's always another. Do you play any instruments? We might have a spot for you if you play bass fiddle.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I play the ukelele and I sing, too.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Oh, well, I don't have a lot of money. I've got some orchids some man sent me after the second number, and aside from my show clothes and makeup and of course my ukelele that's about it. Unless I hocked my diamond bracelet? I used to sell kisses for the Milk Fund...