Applicant: Cordelia Chase
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
A fine brie, of course. Not like you can find any of that around here. Sunnydale is strictly a Cheese Wiz town. I mean, have you seen the stuff they use in the Sunnydale special? Not like I’ve ever eaten in the cafeteria. Please... I wouldn't be caught dead in the losers lounge...
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Barney - so over. And Carrottop - Never was.
3. What time is it where you are?
*Checks Cartier watch.*
3:30. Time for cheerleading practice.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Order of the Phoenix? Who are they? Demon assassins? Giant-snake worshipping cult? An elite vampire dance troupe? Oh god, is the world ending . . .again?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bar tend, in the dark.
I don't care if servitude is the new cool, I do NOT tend bar. I go to bars. People serve me drinks - tall ones with umbrellas in them. And preferably at poolside.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Did Harry score an older man? Good for him. Older men are the only way to go. They have mystery. They have style. They have. . . what's the word I'm looking for...? Oh yeah... cars!
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
You don’t have to do paperwork, that’s what nerds are for. Get one of them to do it for you.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Did you not see me stake that vampire at graduation? Sure, Buffy Summers kills a vampire or two and they name her 'school protector,' but I stake a vamp and even the yearbook geeks don’t notice. Do you know how many cheerleading practices I missed because I was sitting in that dungeon of a library reading old books? I completely sacrificed extreme upward social mobility to save the world. How about some credit, here?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
*turning on the charm*
Well… I’d be really, really grateful. I’d talk to you in class and everything.
*sighs*
Fine…
*begins passing out chocolate cupcakes with white icing, a letter “C” written on the top of each one.*