Application: Hugo "Hurley" Reyes
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Um.
This is the magic-school form, right?
Well, yeah, I mean -- why cheese?
All right. Um... Mac & Cheese cheese.
'cause... it's good cheese.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
'kay, I've watched a lot of basic cable. And I know this: Barney is messed. Up. You see that freaky purple guy in the wrong state of mind, you get nightmares for a week.
¡El dinosaurio tiene que morir!
But Carrot Top is funny. Everybody at the place I was at, we dug Carrot Top. You remember the one with the rubber duck? *laughs* Classic.
3. What time is it where you are?
There's only one watch left, man. You want to try borrowing it, go ahead.
*looks up at the sky*
I dunno. Maybe it's about...
*** 'FLASHBACK' NOISE ****looks up at a digital clock*
Two forty-two?! *groans*
*hustles through the airport terminal, sweating profusely. passes a dour old man, a proper-looking young lady, random travelers, and a small, oddly-unnoticed group in wizarding robes*
*reaches a doorway at one end of a long glass wall dividing the terminal area*
*is stopped by a pissed-off looking airport-security agent*
"Sir, you have to go around!"
*gasps for breath; waves Oceanic ticket*
Just let me by. I'll miss my flight!
"It's a secure --"
*from the distance: "Imperio!"*
*a bolt of light zips past, hits the agent*
What the --
*the agent suddenly has a blank look*
Dude.
You okay?
*the agent gestures limply*
"Go on through."
*tentatively walks past him*
Um. 'k.
*from the agent's walkie-talkie: "Gus, did you get that unattended bag? Gus?"*
*** 'END FLASHBACK' NOISE ***
*dabs sweat from forehead*
Noon?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I dunno if Albus swings that way, but I'd say James Potter. James can come back from the dead, too, right? And I'll bet since that whole explosion/death thing, he hasn't been... you know, 'harrassed' in a long long time. I'm just sayin': James is probably... frustrated.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin: please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Ha! Well I didn't bartend, but back in my neighborhood I always went to -- eh, you wouldn't get it. It's, like, a pun, and it's in Spanish. *laughs* It was so funny....
B. Gryffindor: Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Whoa -- love triangles. Not getting involved. You guys decide this on your own.
C. Ravenclaw: You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Dude: hire an accountant. I'm serious. They take all those complicated forms and just like, magically whisk it away. It's so cool.
D. Hufflepuff: Prove you are not useless.
Hey, c'mon, guys. Look, maybe I'm not a doctor or a rock star or some hunting dude with, like, four hundred knives. And I have the *worst* luck, but... I always *try* to help out. And a lot of times I do all right.
Like, with that boat thing? That was not easy.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could give you, like, money.
Like, a *lot* of money.
We'll talk.
Um.
This is the magic-school form, right?
Well, yeah, I mean -- why cheese?
All right. Um... Mac & Cheese cheese.
'cause... it's good cheese.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
'kay, I've watched a lot of basic cable. And I know this: Barney is messed. Up. You see that freaky purple guy in the wrong state of mind, you get nightmares for a week.
¡El dinosaurio tiene que morir!
But Carrot Top is funny. Everybody at the place I was at, we dug Carrot Top. You remember the one with the rubber duck? *laughs* Classic.
3. What time is it where you are?
There's only one watch left, man. You want to try borrowing it, go ahead.
*looks up at the sky*
I dunno. Maybe it's about...
*** 'FLASHBACK' NOISE ****looks up at a digital clock*
Two forty-two?! *groans*
*hustles through the airport terminal, sweating profusely. passes a dour old man, a proper-looking young lady, random travelers, and a small, oddly-unnoticed group in wizarding robes*
*reaches a doorway at one end of a long glass wall dividing the terminal area*
*is stopped by a pissed-off looking airport-security agent*
"Sir, you have to go around!"
*gasps for breath; waves Oceanic ticket*
Just let me by. I'll miss my flight!
"It's a secure --"
*from the distance: "Imperio!"*
*a bolt of light zips past, hits the agent*
What the --
*the agent suddenly has a blank look*
Dude.
You okay?
*the agent gestures limply*
"Go on through."
*tentatively walks past him*
Um. 'k.
*from the agent's walkie-talkie: "Gus, did you get that unattended bag? Gus?"*
*** 'END FLASHBACK' NOISE ***
*dabs sweat from forehead*
Noon?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I dunno if Albus swings that way, but I'd say James Potter. James can come back from the dead, too, right? And I'll bet since that whole explosion/death thing, he hasn't been... you know, 'harrassed' in a long long time. I'm just sayin': James is probably... frustrated.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin: please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Ha! Well I didn't bartend, but back in my neighborhood I always went to -- eh, you wouldn't get it. It's, like, a pun, and it's in Spanish. *laughs* It was so funny....
B. Gryffindor: Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Whoa -- love triangles. Not getting involved. You guys decide this on your own.
C. Ravenclaw: You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Dude: hire an accountant. I'm serious. They take all those complicated forms and just like, magically whisk it away. It's so cool.
D. Hufflepuff: Prove you are not useless.
Hey, c'mon, guys. Look, maybe I'm not a doctor or a rock star or some hunting dude with, like, four hundred knives. And I have the *worst* luck, but... I always *try* to help out. And a lot of times I do all right.
Like, with that boat thing? That was not easy.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could give you, like, money.
Like, a *lot* of money.
We'll talk.