::Closed RP for Mikami and Nny::

[waste_lock]

Nny had plenty of reasons to detest sleep. But lately there had been another one, a rather distressing one. A whole new set of experiences to spawn disorientingly vivid dreams. This was not helped by the fresh bite wounds circling his neck and the one on the base of his thumb. Proof that it actually had happened, at least once

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[waste_lock]

The door opening wasn't expected, and Nny leapt to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process. A knife slid into his hand almost of its own accord.

"Why are you here? Who sent you?"

[waste_lock]

"You think so?" He laughed bitterly. "Just varying shades of how well people lie to themselves, really. About what they want, and what they do. Oh, the way all those mewling humans justify their actions! They had to do it. It was for the best. All the while growing fat on the meat of their betrayal. It can be pretty funny, really."

[righteous_pen]

The room seemed to grow very quiet. Mikami's hand tensed around his wand. He doesn't know, he told himself, firmly, he can't know. This time it really is a coincidence.

And he meant to say something else theoretical and impersonal, really, but what he did say was, "I never meant to betray anyone."

[waste_lock]

"Oh, the easiest words there are to say! 'I didn't mean it!' You'd be amazed, really, by how often those are someone's last words." Nny hopped nonchalantly onto the edge of the table, swinging his legs like a child. "And no one ever seems to have any trouble convincing themselves that it's true."

[righteous_pen]

"He turned on me first!" Mikami snapped, forgetting they weren't talking about him. He'd tried to keep himself together. Really he had. But it was late, and he was scared, and when did he ever get to say these things?

[waste_lock]

Interesting. Mikami's reactions were enough to draw even Nny briefly out of his self-absorption, and he regarded the other man with curiosity, seeming to see him as a distinct entity and not random stimuli for the first time.

"There's always plenty of betrayal to go around," he said in a more pensive tone. "That's almost impossible to miss, even through the layers of self-delusion humans weave so effortlessly. Plenty to share, plenty of blame to spread around. No shortage of petty accusations. Does it matter? They all mastermind their own decay, the process of becoming a junk-food-fueled hostility machine."

[righteous_pen]

"You don't even know who I'm talking about," Mikami said, quietly. His voice wasn't shaking at all, now. "He was supposed to be a god. We both were."

[waste_lock]

"God," Nny said sourly. "What could be more petty? Setting yourself up to emulate a supposedly all-powerful being best known for ignoring the pleas of those who grovel at his metaphorical feet? Such a noble goal."

[righteous_pen]

"Oh, no, he answered them. That was it, that was why so many people believed. Why I believed." Mikami's expression was glazed now, staring into the distance. "We were close, too. He might have been only human, only a - a murderer, but we were close to eliminating evil from the world."

He blinked, looking back at Nny, eyes focusing again. "You won't believe that."

[waste_lock]

While he had voiced a few demented giggles earlier, now Nny folded into a fit of full-on hysterical laughter that left him twitching and wheezing. "Oh, that is a beautiful delusion! Even I haven't allowed myself that one. I know what it means to be beyond redemption."

[righteous_pen]

Mikami flinched at the laughter, drawing back a little again. "...delusion. So everyone tells me, yes. I'm better now, though. I know better."

He had enough self control to try to keep his voice from rising. "Even if I'm not allowed to be anything more."

...there. He'd said it.

[waste_lock]

Another odd moment of realizing that this was a conversation, not a monologue.

"More? Do you really think there's more? That rising above it all means anything more than a bird's-eye view of an ocean of shit? It's a trap life makes, makes youu think there's more, that there can be something better, to keep you twisting on that hook. And there's no escape."

[righteous_pen]

"You could be right." Only you shouldn't be, because you're not like me, you weren't ever chosen. ...he wouldn't say that. He still had some self-preservation instinct left. "But I've seen it. I've seen a better world. Once."

[waste_lock]

"A better world." More bitter laughter, and a sad, knowing smirk. "That's the saddest illusion of all, isn't it? The twisted-knife hope of better. It's hard to give up, isn't it? Even I fall into that trap sometimes."

[righteous_pen]

It was Mikami's turn now to remember this wasn't a monologue. "Even you. You keep saying that, don't you?"

[waste_lock]

"Oh, I try. I try to claw my way out of all the delusions and ugliness. But I do my best not to lie to myself about my level of sanity."