((Application)) Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.
The Name's Ashley J. Williams. You can call me Ash.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
American, because it’s good on toast, baby. It’s also All-American, like S-Mart.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Carrottop. That guy has to be a deadite. Or at least some kinda Candorian demon. Barney’s just some purple dinosaur thing, not exactly the scariest S.O.B around. So Carrottop must die first.
3. What time is it where you are?
6.25 P.M. And thank god it ain’t 1300 A.D anymore.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hestia Jones. “Gimme some sugar, baby.” ‘nuff said.
Hey, if it worked for Evil Me, it'll work for Good Me.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Vino Ex Mortis - Wine of the Dead. Ha.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Alright, listen up you primitive screwheads. This is my boomstick. It’s a Double-barreled Remington 12-gauge, and it’s S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. And it says Harry can marry whoever he wants. So shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Deadites. Everything boils down to Deadites. Or you haven’t gone and bought yourself an S-Mart Vertical File Sorter, which you can find in the Stationary and Home Office department, with eight compartments in black, white or grey metal. Perfect for all your paperwork needs.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I’ve fought off an invasion of Candorian demons and undead by myself. That’s pretty damn useful.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I know where the Necronomicon Ex Mortis is, and how to use it, if you want. Also, things with alloys and compositions and things with, uh… molecular structures. Things that you primitive screwheads wouldn’t understand.
I also have a staff discount at S-Mart, if you need anything from there.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
American, because it’s good on toast, baby. It’s also All-American, like S-Mart.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Carrottop. That guy has to be a deadite. Or at least some kinda Candorian demon. Barney’s just some purple dinosaur thing, not exactly the scariest S.O.B around. So Carrottop must die first.
3. What time is it where you are?
6.25 P.M. And thank god it ain’t 1300 A.D anymore.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hestia Jones. “Gimme some sugar, baby.” ‘nuff said.
Hey, if it worked for Evil Me, it'll work for Good Me.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Vino Ex Mortis - Wine of the Dead. Ha.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Alright, listen up you primitive screwheads. This is my boomstick. It’s a Double-barreled Remington 12-gauge, and it’s S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. And it says Harry can marry whoever he wants. So shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Deadites. Everything boils down to Deadites. Or you haven’t gone and bought yourself an S-Mart Vertical File Sorter, which you can find in the Stationary and Home Office department, with eight compartments in black, white or grey metal. Perfect for all your paperwork needs.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I’ve fought off an invasion of Candorian demons and undead by myself. That’s pretty damn useful.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I know where the Necronomicon Ex Mortis is, and how to use it, if you want. Also, things with alloys and compositions and things with, uh… molecular structures. Things that you primitive screwheads wouldn’t understand.
I also have a staff discount at S-Mart, if you need anything from there.