The Personification of Swine Flu (squibbait application)
(( Public-service announcement: Crispy, aka Karasu-mun, would like us to know: "The virus originated in pigs but the swine flu we know is a mutation with part swine, part human and part fowl which is spread through human-to-human contact." Don't blame the piggies ... this squibbait app is for entertainment purposes only! ETA: Oh, the swine flu may have an effect on your character if you so choose. Just let me know in chat or OOC comment. For example, it may turn you into a pig, or give you a pig snout ... ))
The pandemic arrived at Hogwarts. It had heard that a bitchin' party was going on here. "Which way to the Little Green Apple?"
Its porcine bulk hovered, in defiance of aerodynamics and common sense, aloft by virtue of softly feathered wings.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Swine flu cannot be transmitted via food! I have no use for cheeses of any kind," the flying pig shrilled.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"If one of them is pregnant and goes to the county fair, that's the one I'll kill!"
3. What time is it where you are?
"The sun never sets on swine flu! I blanket every time zone, for I am a pandemic! Also, it's cocktail hour."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Swine flu cannot be transmitted sexually! Why would I bother with something silly like that? Hmm, unless ... Does Albus Dumbledore or Sirius Black happen to have a sneezing fetish? Some people do find sneezing very erotic, and that could be useful to me."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Belly Up!"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The pig recited in a horrid squeaky singsong: "The grave's a fine and private place / But none, I think, do there embrace." It gigglesnorted. "Thanks to me, Harry and Fred and George won't need to worry about things like marriage anymore."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're one of those irritating people who gets their medical information off the Internet and then prints out scads of pages to inflict on your doctor, aren't you? You're wasting your time and killing innocent trees. I'll get you, my pretty, and your doctor too!"
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Useless? Me? Read up on Malthusian economics and you'll see I'm practically a godsend. I'm population control without the need for contraceptives! Even abstinence-based curricula can't go wrong when I'm around! The dead are abstinent no matter what!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I don't consider the gift of infection to be a bribe. I'll give that to everyone freely. What else can I offer. Let's see... I could give you flying lessons! If you're small, you can ride on my back through the air! Or if you're a scholar, I can teach you pig Latin! Um, or ..."
It cast about for any idea that might come to mind.
"Do you like Beanie Babies?"
The pandemic arrived at Hogwarts. It had heard that a bitchin' party was going on here. "Which way to the Little Green Apple?"
Its porcine bulk hovered, in defiance of aerodynamics and common sense, aloft by virtue of softly feathered wings.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Swine flu cannot be transmitted via food! I have no use for cheeses of any kind," the flying pig shrilled.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"If one of them is pregnant and goes to the county fair, that's the one I'll kill!"
3. What time is it where you are?
"The sun never sets on swine flu! I blanket every time zone, for I am a pandemic! Also, it's cocktail hour."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Swine flu cannot be transmitted sexually! Why would I bother with something silly like that? Hmm, unless ... Does Albus Dumbledore or Sirius Black happen to have a sneezing fetish? Some people do find sneezing very erotic, and that could be useful to me."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Belly Up!"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The pig recited in a horrid squeaky singsong: "The grave's a fine and private place / But none, I think, do there embrace." It gigglesnorted. "Thanks to me, Harry and Fred and George won't need to worry about things like marriage anymore."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're one of those irritating people who gets their medical information off the Internet and then prints out scads of pages to inflict on your doctor, aren't you? You're wasting your time and killing innocent trees. I'll get you, my pretty, and your doctor too!"
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Useless? Me? Read up on Malthusian economics and you'll see I'm practically a godsend. I'm population control without the need for contraceptives! Even abstinence-based curricula can't go wrong when I'm around! The dead are abstinent no matter what!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I don't consider the gift of infection to be a bribe. I'll give that to everyone freely. What else can I offer. Let's see... I could give you flying lessons! If you're small, you can ride on my back through the air! Or if you're a scholar, I can teach you pig Latin! Um, or ..."
It cast about for any idea that might come to mind.
"Do you like Beanie Babies?"