Application for Richard, "Looking For Group" (webcomic)
((NOTE: Link in the Hufflepuff answer goes to a YouTube video. If you do not have the stomach for a LOT of cartoon violence and gore and cute fluffy things biting it in an unpleasant manner, do not click it. Also, if you do you will never be able to listen to "The Little Mermaid" soundtrack the same way ever again. You have been warned. Also, I think it goes without saying the video's not worksafe.
For those who read the comic, I'm taking Richard from between Issue #3 and #4 of Looking For Group so he hasn't had to deal with Certain Issues yet.))
A tremendous fireball crashes through the wall of the Sorting Room. It's less a fireball than an amorphous mass of all-consuming fire and green lightning, actually, and makes for a terrific explosion. When the smoke clears and the wall rebuilds itself, a black-clad warlock is standing there, his yellow eyes blinking at his unfamiliar surroundings.
"...I meant to do that."
He notices the Dictaquill then, and arcane fire magic surrounds one clawed hand - then he notices it's taking down what he says, and sees the application. After a moment, he dismisses the fire magic and reads over the questions. While he hasn't completely dismissed the notion of torching the quill, Richard has never passed up the opportunity to talk about himself.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese? I don't eat cheese. Now if you had a fresh baby lying around..." He trails off, but the quill hovers expectantly. "I did drain the soul of a jester once. Tasted somewhat like goat cheese. Does that count?"
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Blue flames appear around both his hands. "Which one is more flammable?"
3. What time is it where you are?
"Well, it was time to decapitate. Or was it time to eviscerate?" He pretends to think about that one. "Really, it's always time for that."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Richard smirks, although you can't tell beneath the face mask, and raises a (hairless) eyebrow. "I've raised plenty of undead, but none with the urge to harass in that fashion." He ponders that idea. "Ooh. I should look into that."
"Are any of them particularly destructive?" he adds, apropos of nothing. "Dinner and a killing spree have always been my idea of a good time."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Bar Where Everyone Dies Horribly." He shrugs. "We would never get accused of false advertising." And it's a better name than the Sword of Truth.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Marriage? Not my department. Although I know a few stories about demons kidnapping child brides and all that, but those sort of things never work." But he considers this anyway. "If he's too wishy-washy to choose - not that it matters, they're both going to die anyway. Eventually," he adds out of habit, before someone like Cale can yell at him. "He should have them fight to the death over it."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Paperwork? You need to clean it up. With fire. It's always worked for me."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Useless?" He strikes a pose. "I am Richard, chief warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, and the mayor of a little village up the coast." We've done this speech before, obviously.
He ticks off a list on his fingers. "I've decimated a couple villages here and there, destroyed a troll army, took out a ship of the King's Legion, opened a portal through time to bring back some ancient city, and am currently working on taming sand dragons." He brushes a fleck of sand off his robes. "They'll come around eventually. In the meantime, they make very nice glass sculptures."
He suddenly remembers something. "...and I've been told I have an exceptional singing voice."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I... won't lay waste to this castle?" Meh. Too boring. "Better yet, I can lay waste to whatever needs wasting. Or help redecorate." Pause. "With fire."
He fiddles through his knapsack, and pulls out some random coins and shiny things he squirreled out of the past when the rest of the party wasn't looking. "Random shiny Elven things?" he offers, holding up a child's necklace (the child was already dead when he grabbed it. No, really.).
Richard then pulls out an unusually decorated skull, which makes him chuckle. "No taste, I tell you."
Last but not least, he retrieves... a fork. "Behold! The Ex-Handfork of Truth!" He wiggles his restored fingers. "Not like I need it now, anyway."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Richard_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Only because I don't know about the no-kill rule yet _____Richard____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. What knickers? ___Richard________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. There won't be anything living to oppose it anyway when I'm done! ______Richard_______"
For those who read the comic, I'm taking Richard from between Issue #3 and #4 of Looking For Group so he hasn't had to deal with Certain Issues yet.))
A tremendous fireball crashes through the wall of the Sorting Room. It's less a fireball than an amorphous mass of all-consuming fire and green lightning, actually, and makes for a terrific explosion. When the smoke clears and the wall rebuilds itself, a black-clad warlock is standing there, his yellow eyes blinking at his unfamiliar surroundings.
"...I meant to do that."
He notices the Dictaquill then, and arcane fire magic surrounds one clawed hand - then he notices it's taking down what he says, and sees the application. After a moment, he dismisses the fire magic and reads over the questions. While he hasn't completely dismissed the notion of torching the quill, Richard has never passed up the opportunity to talk about himself.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese? I don't eat cheese. Now if you had a fresh baby lying around..." He trails off, but the quill hovers expectantly. "I did drain the soul of a jester once. Tasted somewhat like goat cheese. Does that count?"
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Blue flames appear around both his hands. "Which one is more flammable?"
3. What time is it where you are?
"Well, it was time to decapitate. Or was it time to eviscerate?" He pretends to think about that one. "Really, it's always time for that."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Richard smirks, although you can't tell beneath the face mask, and raises a (hairless) eyebrow. "I've raised plenty of undead, but none with the urge to harass in that fashion." He ponders that idea. "Ooh. I should look into that."
"Are any of them particularly destructive?" he adds, apropos of nothing. "Dinner and a killing spree have always been my idea of a good time."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Bar Where Everyone Dies Horribly." He shrugs. "We would never get accused of false advertising." And it's a better name than the Sword of Truth.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Marriage? Not my department. Although I know a few stories about demons kidnapping child brides and all that, but those sort of things never work." But he considers this anyway. "If he's too wishy-washy to choose - not that it matters, they're both going to die anyway. Eventually," he adds out of habit, before someone like Cale can yell at him. "He should have them fight to the death over it."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Paperwork? You need to clean it up. With fire. It's always worked for me."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Useless?" He strikes a pose. "I am Richard, chief warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, and the mayor of a little village up the coast." We've done this speech before, obviously.
He ticks off a list on his fingers. "I've decimated a couple villages here and there, destroyed a troll army, took out a ship of the King's Legion, opened a portal through time to bring back some ancient city, and am currently working on taming sand dragons." He brushes a fleck of sand off his robes. "They'll come around eventually. In the meantime, they make very nice glass sculptures."
He suddenly remembers something. "...and I've been told I have an exceptional singing voice."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I... won't lay waste to this castle?" Meh. Too boring. "Better yet, I can lay waste to whatever needs wasting. Or help redecorate." Pause. "With fire."
He fiddles through his knapsack, and pulls out some random coins and shiny things he squirreled out of the past when the rest of the party wasn't looking. "Random shiny Elven things?" he offers, holding up a child's necklace (the child was already dead when he grabbed it. No, really.).
Richard then pulls out an unusually decorated skull, which makes him chuckle. "No taste, I tell you."
Last but not least, he retrieves... a fork. "Behold! The Ex-Handfork of Truth!" He wiggles his restored fingers. "Not like I need it now, anyway."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Richard_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Only because I don't know about the no-kill rule yet _____Richard____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. What knickers? ___Richard________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. There won't be anything living to oppose it anyway when I'm done! ______Richard_______"