Owl to Susan Sto Helit (closed RP for Susan and Charles Macaulay)

[charlesmacaulay]

((Backdated to just after Henry Winter and Camilla Macaulay's wedding.))

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[usethepoker]

Now that the wedding was over, Susan felt like she could let herself go a little. She'd been operating at something close to a fever pitch since Halloween, doing her (admittedly not very helpful) best to make things as easy for Camilla as she could, all the while trying to assimilate much of what had hit her on Halloween. Between that and her bouts of Dreamless Sleep-potion sedated unconsciousness, she was thankful indeed when Camilla and Henry were safely away, so she need do nothing at all.

Doing nothing at all was not something Susan was accustomed to, though, and as a result she was soon both bored and lonely, as well as tired. Charles's owl was a surprise, and definitely a welcome one--she'd liked him immensely, which was rare for her, and it occurred to her that with his sister away, perhaps he was as bored and lonely as she. So she dug out parchment and jotted an owl back:

Charles,

I like the sound of that. Where should we meet?

-Susan

[usethepoker]

Susan had heard a very little about this Nana, who had apparently raised both the twins. She'd known their parents were dead--though whether Camilla had told her, or Henry, or if she'd just heard it in passing, she didn't know--but it would make sense that an older female relative would confer such taste on Camilla. Knowing absolutely zero about the genteel aspects of Southern society, she had no idea just how much of what had gone into making Camilla as she was today.

She saw nothing amiss with hearing Henry referred to as 'an odd duck'; he really was unusual, and Susan fancied he could be as prickly as she herself, if he wanted. She herself hadn't spoken to him, after the Incident, but given the fact that he and Stephen had actually gone and shot one another (stupid silly boys), it wasn't hard to imagine why someone would call him such. Even yet she had no idea that, but for Stephen's nineteenth-century obstinacy, Henry would have shot her, too, but if someone told her, she'd believe it. She liked him, but he was strange, and not

[charlesmacaulay]

Charles blinked, then laughed -- not unkindly.

"Why were you jealous of Milly?"

The pet name slipped out without thinking.

[usethepoker]

Susan actually reddened slightly, making her ghostly birthmark stand out. "It's really quite stupid," she said. "Even at the time I knew it was, and it's so ridiculous I'm embarrassed about it now. Long story short, I thought she was involved with someone I was interested in at the time, and thus proceeded to think I had no chance, life was bleak, and the only option at my disposal was to quietly drink myself into oblivion." She snorted. "Of course, it was all baseless paranoia, and she wound up one of my few close friends."

The 'Milly' did not go unnoticed--clearly, Charles and Camilla had been close as children, which was understandable. Though she'd never had a sibling herself, Susan had worked with many children who did, and though they could occasionally drive one another mad, they were often really quite devoted to one another. They'd been lucky to have one another, especially having lost their parents.

[charlesmacaulay]

"You shouldn't be jealous of her, ever," Charles said quietly. "She's had a rough time. And now she's married to Henry Winter, which, just between you and me, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." A beat, and a wry smile. "I take that back. I would wish it on my worst enemy. You might as well know Henry and I don't, historically, get along well. But we keep the peace for my sister's sake. As you've seen." Very cordial, at the wedding, they'd been.

"Can't blame you for paranoia. That kind of thing often turns out to be anything but baseless, doesn't it?" He took a deep reflective drink of his cocoa, then licked the corner of his mouth to catch a stray drop. "So what ended up happening? Camilla disavowed any interest in anyone but Henry, and everyone lived happily ever after?"

[usethepoker]

Once again, Susan thought she could understand. Siblings were often very protective of one another, and if Charles and Henry didn't get along, it was only logical that Charles should really have a problem with Henry marrying his sister. "Henry and I have had our differences, too," she said. "He's certainly not the type I'd pick, but he and Camilla are happy together, so I'm not one to judge." Really, she couldn't pass judgement on anyone's relationship, she thought--wryly, but not bitterly.

His next words nearly made her choke on her cocoa. "Not precisely." There was no way she was going to tell him the real story, but parts of it were acceptable. "It was baseless, but there's no such thing as happily ever after." She dumped the last of the marshmallows into her cup, by way of busying her hands and hiding her expression.

[charlesmacaulay]

"You're right. There's no such thing," Charles agreed with a grim little nod. This little outing wasn't as good for his mood as he'd hoped it would be -- or rather, his mood had a way of darkening everything. "I guess that's as good a reason as any to grab for the happiness you can have while you can have it. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, as the saying goes."

[usethepoker]

Susan had never heard that particular turn of phrase, but it was rather apt. "Cheers to that," she said, raising her half-drained mug. "In my own experience, you can't rely on anyone to make you happy. It's something you have to do for yourself, even if it does sound like one of those loathesome self-help manuals."

She shook her head, digging her cigarettes out of her pocket, holding the pack out to him in silent offer after she'd extracted one for herself. "Life is much too short to put yourself at other people's mercies. Trust me on that one." She should know, after all. "Ultimately, and I know this sounds terrible, you've got to take care of yourself, because when it comes right down to it, you're the only one who can. Giving too much away can hurt terribly, in the end, so you might as well be a bit selfish and make sure you get what you want, at least sometimes." That was hardly a sentiment one would often find in anyone searching for inner peace, but at the moment at least it had its logic.

[charlesmacaulay]

"Damn right," said Charles. "If you can take care of yourself, that is. Some people can't."

Charles could take care of himself. He'd proven that, over years cut off from the family. Washing dishes, doing whatever it took to keep a roof over his head. He'd have dug ditches if he had to. Henry hadn't had to get his hands dirty a day in his life, not in a way he didn't want. Puttering around in a rose garden wasn't work.

But Camilla couldn't take care of herself. So she felt like she had to latch onto someone like Henry. Before that, Charles had taken care of her. He'd be there for her again, just wait and see.

"Oh, they don't mind if you smoke here, obviously. But I don't partake, not lately. Gave it up for Lent," he said with a faint smile.

No drinking, no smoking. Clean-living Charles.

[usethepoker]

Susan would not have needed to take care of herself, if she hadn't wanted to, but she'd chosen to go out into the real world, like a real person, even if she wasn't exactly normal. A job was more than just regular wages, after all

[charlesmacaulay]

Charles tried to drown his bitterness in his cocoa. It didn't work. Cocoa just couldn't beat whiskey for that. He had to give an unpleasant little chuckle. "You know what my sister would say to that? She'd say, if we have it all figured out, why are we the ones sitting in a dreary dive on our own, and they're the ones having the time of their lives on a Mediterranean holiday?"

Somehow the bitterness only hardened his face in a way that made it not at all ugly, only more solid, an appealing hardness that firmed his boyish good looks into something stronger.

[usethepoker]

Susan wasn't bitter, anymore. What she was, was tired--the sort of tiredness one might feel while recovering from major surgery, which in a way she was.

"Ah, but you see," she said, gesturing with her cigarette for emphasis, "we're not alone. We've wisely foregathered with one another, rather than mourn the fact that we're still stuck in dreary Scotland while they're off in the sun. And," she added, eying her cup, "they almost certainly don't have cocoa. With minimarshmallows." Somehow, that really did seem like an immense advantage, and she laughed, quietly. "So in a way we're way ahead of them."

[charlesmacaulay]

Charles would be bitter till kingdom come. He didn't always have to show it, that was all. Right now he was being a little self-indulgent.

"Point," he said. "Or rather half a point. Because if Camilla happened to decide on a whim she wanted cocoa, right at this moment, what do you think would happen?"

Henry would probably move heaven and earth to get her some damn cocoa, that was what.

"Still I award you an A for effort," he decided, with a sudden grin. "We have indeed wisely foregathered, and one man's dive is another man's palace. I'd take this place over Madam Puddifoot's any day." Charles didn't know Camilla had in fact gone to Madam Puddifoot's, nor that she'd taken Susan there. He just guessed it would be the kind of place Camilla would want to go. (Admittedly it would also be the kind of place Nana would want to go. But some of Camilla's prejudices had come from Nana, too -- had been in place long before Hampden.)

[usethepoker]

Susan had to admit the other half-point. It must be nice, to have someone who would be so devoted to you, though on the other hand it could well prove smothering in unending amounts.

"True," she said, upending her mug and wiping away another marshmallow mustache with immense dignity. "And don't even get me started on Madam Puddifoot's. Camilla and I went there for tea, once, sight unseen--I wasn't even really human at the time and I thought it was awful. I think Camilla did, too, though she was much too polite to say so. I've noticed that she's never even remotely rude, but she can get this sort of stricken look, usually when she's confronted with something mind-bendingly awful. Which, believe me, Madam Puddifoot's was. Nobody should be allowed to put ruffles on lampshades."

[charlesmacaulay]

Charles set down his mug with a clunk. "You actually went there?" Ruffles on the lampshades ... oh, he could see in his mind's eye that look, the stricken look Susan was describing. When someone meant to be tasteless, Camilla would go cold and blank to freeze them out, but when she was sure they didn't mean it and they just didn't have the taste God gave a warthog, then she got embarrassed on their behalf.

"You really did, didn't you?" He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed this hard. "She made you stay, too, I bet. Couldn't just turn around and walk out when she saw what she'd gotten into."

[usethepoker]

"We did," she said, trying not to join his laughter and failing. "And she did. I really don't think she wanted to, but somehow she just sailed onward, right through the most bizarre assortment of tea sandwiches I think I've ever seen. Incidentally, where on earth did she pick up a liking for cream cheese and marmalade sandwiches? I like each on its own, but why someone would ever think to combine the two... Well. Perhaps it's just a cultural difference." The diplomatic way of putting it, at least.