application for Mr. Wednesday (American Gods)
(( note, 11/21: I've been feeling under the weather, and thus slow with the tags, but I will get back to everyone's tags! Feel free to toss people at Wednesday. Today is, after all, his day.))
Folds of air shimmered as though an invisible curtain had billowed. Somehow, ineffably, they parted; and a well-dressed man of somewhat indeterminate age stepped into the Sorting Room, a blast of chill surrounding him but quickly dissipating.
He wasn't young, but he didn't look old-old. Certainly he didn't look anywhere near his actual age, and that was a thing he wasn't likely to expound upon, not right off the bat. His hair was fair, the ruddy blonde you see in some Scandinavians, now gone mostly to gray; his eyes, too, were gray, a gray that might put one in mind of flint, or of ice. He wore a pale suit of a clearly expensive make and cut, and he wore it with the ease that suggested this was not just an interview suit. On the other hand, he didn't seem averse to being interviewed, as the Hat declaimed the questions and he allowed the Dictaquill to write down his answers.
Mostly, he seemed amused.
"You'll want to know what to call me. I've had many names. You here can call me Wednesday. Mister Wednesday, if you want to be polite, and I find courtesy often advisable among new acquaintances."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Hvítur kastali. Fair and veined, smooth, firm, mild." Wednesday paused, then snorted. "Surely you didn't think I'd say skyr. That insipid whey-stuff. It's not even really cheese, for fuck's sake."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Wednesday chuckled. "What have you got against harmless entertainment? If I needed one to die, it wouldn't matter which went first. Otherwise let them peddle their tripe. It's no skin off my nose."
3. What time is it where you are?
Wednesday looked at his watch, a black Rolex. Whatever it told him -- or failed to tell him -- was, apparently, sobering. "Time to get a new watch," he said curtly, and would say no more on the subject.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"That depends entirely on the manner in which the gentleman in question would have returned from the dead. Reanimated corpse? If he was hanged, he died with a hard-on, and maybe he'd keep it in death long enough to make some use of it, but how long before the damn thing rots off? The woman who beds down with a draugr is, like as not, going to wind up in the emergency room needing assistance in the removal of a foreign object."
(( draugr: sort of the Old Norse version of a zombie. )) ))
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Mimir's Well. Given the steep price of a drink there, I wouldn't be tending bar often."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
This question amused Wednesday most of all.
"Harry should wed with neither one. He ought to convince one of his friends to disguise himself as Harry and go to Fred and George's house in this guise. After Fred and George have given this friend the requisite bridal gifts, the friend can reveal his true identity, smite both the suitors, and fly on home to Harry with the loot."
He paused, and one of his eyes took on a jovial twinkle.
"Name the myth I've used for this example and I'll give you a hundred dollars, cash."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"That happens to desks. Get rid of the desk and the problem won't recur."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Wednesday feigned affront, or rather, gave the appearance of deliberately feigning affront. "Uselessness is a strong accusation to level. It also presumes I'd like to be useful to the person leveling it. If it pleased me to be useful, I might offer to give you counsel. Giving counsel is one of the things I do."
One of his names had been Gagnráðr, for gainful counsel. But another had been Gangráðr, for contrary counsel. How useful his advice might be depended on the listener. Like many of his gifts, it could be double-edged. And like many of his gifts, it came with no warranty.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well spoken. Everything has a price. Name yours and we may possibly come to some kind of arrangement."
(( the strictly OOC disclaimer:
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Wednesday.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Wednesday.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Wednesday. ))
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Wednesday."
Folds of air shimmered as though an invisible curtain had billowed. Somehow, ineffably, they parted; and a well-dressed man of somewhat indeterminate age stepped into the Sorting Room, a blast of chill surrounding him but quickly dissipating.
He wasn't young, but he didn't look old-old. Certainly he didn't look anywhere near his actual age, and that was a thing he wasn't likely to expound upon, not right off the bat. His hair was fair, the ruddy blonde you see in some Scandinavians, now gone mostly to gray; his eyes, too, were gray, a gray that might put one in mind of flint, or of ice. He wore a pale suit of a clearly expensive make and cut, and he wore it with the ease that suggested this was not just an interview suit. On the other hand, he didn't seem averse to being interviewed, as the Hat declaimed the questions and he allowed the Dictaquill to write down his answers.
Mostly, he seemed amused.
"You'll want to know what to call me. I've had many names. You here can call me Wednesday. Mister Wednesday, if you want to be polite, and I find courtesy often advisable among new acquaintances."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Hvítur kastali. Fair and veined, smooth, firm, mild." Wednesday paused, then snorted. "Surely you didn't think I'd say skyr. That insipid whey-stuff. It's not even really cheese, for fuck's sake."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Wednesday chuckled. "What have you got against harmless entertainment? If I needed one to die, it wouldn't matter which went first. Otherwise let them peddle their tripe. It's no skin off my nose."
3. What time is it where you are?
Wednesday looked at his watch, a black Rolex. Whatever it told him -- or failed to tell him -- was, apparently, sobering. "Time to get a new watch," he said curtly, and would say no more on the subject.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"That depends entirely on the manner in which the gentleman in question would have returned from the dead. Reanimated corpse? If he was hanged, he died with a hard-on, and maybe he'd keep it in death long enough to make some use of it, but how long before the damn thing rots off? The woman who beds down with a draugr is, like as not, going to wind up in the emergency room needing assistance in the removal of a foreign object."
(( draugr: sort of the Old Norse version of a zombie. )) ))
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Mimir's Well. Given the steep price of a drink there, I wouldn't be tending bar often."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
This question amused Wednesday most of all.
"Harry should wed with neither one. He ought to convince one of his friends to disguise himself as Harry and go to Fred and George's house in this guise. After Fred and George have given this friend the requisite bridal gifts, the friend can reveal his true identity, smite both the suitors, and fly on home to Harry with the loot."
He paused, and one of his eyes took on a jovial twinkle.
"Name the myth I've used for this example and I'll give you a hundred dollars, cash."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"That happens to desks. Get rid of the desk and the problem won't recur."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Wednesday feigned affront, or rather, gave the appearance of deliberately feigning affront. "Uselessness is a strong accusation to level. It also presumes I'd like to be useful to the person leveling it. If it pleased me to be useful, I might offer to give you counsel. Giving counsel is one of the things I do."
One of his names had been Gagnráðr, for gainful counsel. But another had been Gangráðr, for contrary counsel. How useful his advice might be depended on the listener. Like many of his gifts, it could be double-edged. And like many of his gifts, it came with no warranty.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Well spoken. Everything has a price. Name yours and we may possibly come to some kind of arrangement."
(( the strictly OOC disclaimer:
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Wednesday.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Wednesday.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Wednesday. ))
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Wednesday."