Application: Bella Swan, Twilight series
((OOC: I'm taking Bella from midway through New Moon, just after her dive. Spoilers reside within! Also, a note for any psychics; Bella's mind is somewhat impervious to any type of mind-reading or attempts to magically influence her.))
An girl in her late teens arrives abruptly in the Sorting room.
No surprise there, then.
What is surprising is that despite the fact that, you know, Hogwarts is on dry land and everything, Bella is coughing like she's inhaled the entire ocean. It clears up once she realises she's dry and not submerged, but she still looks rather surprised.
Wasn't she drowning a moment ago? If so: is she dead? If so: ...crap. Apparently cliff-diving is like autoerotic asphyxiation: fun until you get it wrong.
Bella seems to process this fairly quickly, however. The guilt will come later. The shock comes now, and as she licks her dry lips, she notices the quill and the parchment. Well, she's dealt with weirder.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
'Uh, whatever's at Thriftways.' Bella pauses as the quill writes down her answer, and her brow crinkles as she tries to figure out how. Unlike some people and instances in her life, the quill does not give cryptic answers and smirk handsomely. Though thinking about Edward normally makes her feel like someone's scooped out all her insides with a blunt knife, Bella's still running on a little adrenaline. Doing dangerous things lets her hear him, but Bella doesn't know if that's the correct tense anymore...
Bella snaps herself out of it, and continues her answer after a too-long pause.
'Charlie--that's my Dad--can't cook, so anything I buy is normally mixed into dinner somehow. And he doesn't complain...' Weird question, that. It took an awfully long time to say that she hasn't really been consciously choosing her favourite cheese.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
'Carrottop,' Bella replies instantly, a little bemused. Is this a checklist to Heaven, or something? Okay, so if this is Heaven, they have a pretty quixotic entrance policy. 'I mean, the afro! And the veins! Ugh.' She forces herself to mock-shudder. Illustration, that's the key to make people think you're serious.
3. What time is it where you are?
Maybe this is her chance. 'Um, I really don't know where I am at the minute. I mean, I was in Forks--' Throwing myself off a cliff because I was incredibly impulsively stupid and it looked like fun and I have the worst luck in the world and there's the small matter of hearing my ex-boyfriend's voice in my head like a crazy person when I'm about do something reckless--'And now I'm here.'
No answer.
'Before Forks, I lived in Phoenix...if that helps your questions any...'
The quill just keeps scribbling.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Bella stops, and shakes her head. Laughter bubbles up in her throat. This is some kind of dream--and it's a pleasant departure from her nightmares, of Edward and of wolves. That makes her sober up immediately, and she hugs herself, as if trying to hold herself up.
'I don't know anyone there,' she manages, keeping herself on the track of 'friendly dream'. She mentions Phoenix, and it ends up in the next question. This has to be coming from her mind.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
How Byronic. Bella's quite sure she's had enough of the dark, thank you. She pushes her chin up a little. 'I'm really not good at the witty aspect. Not on form, you know? Can you get back to me?'
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The story that comes into Bella's head the minute she sees the world 'myth' is the story Jacob told her and that ultimately turned out to be true. The Quileutes versus the Cold Ones. Stuttering, she shakes her head as if to erase it, like a weird human version of Etch-A-Sketch. Maybe if she shakes it hard enough, this will all start to make sense? Leaving it unanswered, she moves on to the next question.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Okay, she can focus on school. Bella forces a smile. 'Well, you're obviously writing down the working too much. I get why most teachers love that, but the extra paper it creates could probably...' Floundering, and eventually giving up, '...do something.'
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
For someone who, until recently, was convinced she was useless in every sense of the word, Bella looks pretty confident. 'Well, I can ride a motorcycle. And I can cook...I'm pretty tenacious.'
You have to be, to get secrets out of some people. It's not exactly subtle, but she can be determined! 'I guess I get good grades.' There's the rub, because it wasn't til she had absolutely nothing to focus on that she became a great student. Bella bites her lip, shrugs it off, and makes with the normal.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Apparently, Heaven is a nice castle in the suburbs. Or...Hell, actually. While Bella doesn't think she deserves to go there, it's always a possibility, especially when The Powers That Be have a wicked sense of humour.
'I don't know if there's an 'other comments' bit on this form, but I can't see one...am I dying, or already dead, or something?' If she's dying, it's a lot odder than last time. 'Because I was being a bit stupid just before I came here.'
She spreads out her arms, as if expecting her clothes to turn sodden at any moment. 'I don't really have anything on me...uh, I guess I have a motorcycle. An ancient computer. A folder full of old English essays...? A few screamo CDs.' She won't mind giving those away.
There isn't another question on the form, so Bella's glad she got some sort of query in. She sits on the chair by the table, hands on her knees as she scans the room for anything. If this is a dream or a hallucination, Edward will be showing up any time soon. And if this is some kind of afterlife...she'll deal with that when it happens.
An girl in her late teens arrives abruptly in the Sorting room.
No surprise there, then.
What is surprising is that despite the fact that, you know, Hogwarts is on dry land and everything, Bella is coughing like she's inhaled the entire ocean. It clears up once she realises she's dry and not submerged, but she still looks rather surprised.
Wasn't she drowning a moment ago? If so: is she dead? If so: ...crap. Apparently cliff-diving is like autoerotic asphyxiation: fun until you get it wrong.
Bella seems to process this fairly quickly, however. The guilt will come later. The shock comes now, and as she licks her dry lips, she notices the quill and the parchment. Well, she's dealt with weirder.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
'Uh, whatever's at Thriftways.' Bella pauses as the quill writes down her answer, and her brow crinkles as she tries to figure out how. Unlike some people and instances in her life, the quill does not give cryptic answers and smirk handsomely. Though thinking about Edward normally makes her feel like someone's scooped out all her insides with a blunt knife, Bella's still running on a little adrenaline. Doing dangerous things lets her hear him, but Bella doesn't know if that's the correct tense anymore...
Bella snaps herself out of it, and continues her answer after a too-long pause.
'Charlie--that's my Dad--can't cook, so anything I buy is normally mixed into dinner somehow. And he doesn't complain...' Weird question, that. It took an awfully long time to say that she hasn't really been consciously choosing her favourite cheese.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
'Carrottop,' Bella replies instantly, a little bemused. Is this a checklist to Heaven, or something? Okay, so if this is Heaven, they have a pretty quixotic entrance policy. 'I mean, the afro! And the veins! Ugh.' She forces herself to mock-shudder. Illustration, that's the key to make people think you're serious.
3. What time is it where you are?
Maybe this is her chance. 'Um, I really don't know where I am at the minute. I mean, I was in Forks--' Throwing myself off a cliff because I was incredibly impulsively stupid and it looked like fun and I have the worst luck in the world and there's the small matter of hearing my ex-boyfriend's voice in my head like a crazy person when I'm about do something reckless--'And now I'm here.'
No answer.
'Before Forks, I lived in Phoenix...if that helps your questions any...'
The quill just keeps scribbling.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Bella stops, and shakes her head. Laughter bubbles up in her throat. This is some kind of dream--and it's a pleasant departure from her nightmares, of Edward and of wolves. That makes her sober up immediately, and she hugs herself, as if trying to hold herself up.
'I don't know anyone there,' she manages, keeping herself on the track of 'friendly dream'. She mentions Phoenix, and it ends up in the next question. This has to be coming from her mind.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
How Byronic. Bella's quite sure she's had enough of the dark, thank you. She pushes her chin up a little. 'I'm really not good at the witty aspect. Not on form, you know? Can you get back to me?'
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The story that comes into Bella's head the minute she sees the world 'myth' is the story Jacob told her and that ultimately turned out to be true. The Quileutes versus the Cold Ones. Stuttering, she shakes her head as if to erase it, like a weird human version of Etch-A-Sketch. Maybe if she shakes it hard enough, this will all start to make sense? Leaving it unanswered, she moves on to the next question.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Okay, she can focus on school. Bella forces a smile. 'Well, you're obviously writing down the working too much. I get why most teachers love that, but the extra paper it creates could probably...' Floundering, and eventually giving up, '...do something.'
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
For someone who, until recently, was convinced she was useless in every sense of the word, Bella looks pretty confident. 'Well, I can ride a motorcycle. And I can cook...I'm pretty tenacious.'
You have to be, to get secrets out of some people. It's not exactly subtle, but she can be determined! 'I guess I get good grades.' There's the rub, because it wasn't til she had absolutely nothing to focus on that she became a great student. Bella bites her lip, shrugs it off, and makes with the normal.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Apparently, Heaven is a nice castle in the suburbs. Or...Hell, actually. While Bella doesn't think she deserves to go there, it's always a possibility, especially when The Powers That Be have a wicked sense of humour.
'I don't know if there's an 'other comments' bit on this form, but I can't see one...am I dying, or already dead, or something?' If she's dying, it's a lot odder than last time. 'Because I was being a bit stupid just before I came here.'
She spreads out her arms, as if expecting her clothes to turn sodden at any moment. 'I don't really have anything on me...uh, I guess I have a motorcycle. An ancient computer. A folder full of old English essays...? A few screamo CDs.' She won't mind giving those away.
There isn't another question on the form, so Bella's glad she got some sort of query in. She sits on the chair by the table, hands on her knees as she scans the room for anything. If this is a dream or a hallucination, Edward will be showing up any time soon. And if this is some kind of afterlife...she'll deal with that when it happens.