owl to the Zoidberg-Snows? Snow-Zoidbergs? Jon and John?

[ugly_old_hat]

Dear Jon and John,

THE WORST THING EVER HAS HAPPENED. My darling bride, Virginia Braithwaite-Hat, has been ABDUCTED most cruelly! The only clue left was a note with the following drawing:

o.o

I believe it may be a pictorial rendering of handcuffs! Oh, to think of my sweetheart so roughly handled! It doesn't give me any jollies at all!

Comments

[whoopwhoowhoop]

What was this? A letter addressed to Jon and John? Completely unacceptable! As the husband, Zoidberg's name should have come first on all correspondence. His masculinity was being called into question, it was!

Well, phooey to that! Zoidberg, as a famous and accredited Inspector, with mail order degrees in murderology aaaaand murderonomy, would find this young Virginia-person-thing, and thus have his manhood reaffirmed by all!

My Dear Sorting Hat,

Mr and Mrs. Zoidberg are on the case!

Me being Mr. Zoidberg!

Love,
Doctor Inspector Sargent Mister Zoidberg, of the Hogwarts Coast Guard

[starkwhitesnow]

Jon was already fairly incensed at the Hat for marrying him to some sort of sentient crustacean, so for a brief moment he considered dismissing the Hat's frantic missive. However, he knew the poor woman betrothed to the hat had done him no wrong and deserved rescue as much as anyone.

Dear Hat, he wrote,

I will attempt 'attempt' being the key word here to organize a search party of villagers posthaste.

Signed,

Lord Commander Jon Snow

P.S. Yes, it is still Jon Snow, not Jon Zoidberg or any other name such as that.

[whoopwhoowhoop]

"Mrs. Zoidberg!," Mr. Zoidberg cried, waving the Hat's plea for help in his right claw. "Foul things are afoot, they are! I have been called to aaaaaction! Make me a sandwhich, so I can properly respond to the call! And maybe throw in some potato chips while you're at it?"

It was hard to launch a full scale rescue attempt on an empty stomach, even for someone of Zoidberg's considerable prowess.

[starkwhitesnow]

"I'm not 'Mrs. Zoidberg'," Jon answered calmly. He was rather used to saying that by now, "And I have seen the Hat's letter and have already sent my reply." He ignored Zoidberg's request for a sammich, for the moment.

[whoopwhoowhoop]

"Ah. My mistake! I see Zoidberg married a woman of the new millennium! Ms. Zoidberg, it is!" And what a proactive wife, he had! "All right, then. The first order of business: to think of a snazzy name for our new detective agency."

[starkwhitesnow]

Jon sighed heavily. "No, that is not what I meant. But we have more pressing concerns at the moment so I will address that later. And no, one of those concerns is not what we shall call this- wait, this isn't some sort of agency!"