The Unpopping of the Kingslayer

[slayerofkings]

((Approved by ASoIaF-muns who have had contact with Jaime!))

First, there was darkness.

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[lionesscersei]

The smell of butter was nothing new along this particular length of corridor near the popcorn room. Intent on her own business, Cersei nearly swept past. What stopped her? That intangible bond between twins, perhaps, a psychic twinge?

Whatever the reason, she stopped; and then she stared.

"Jaime?"

[lionesscersei]

"No one can die. That doesn't mean they can't lose their skin to burning," Cersei snapped, but she did want to hear this story of Jaime's. Any story that involved the Imp and misfortune was one she wanted to know.

"What of the Imp?" she said. She refused to grant Tyrion the name of brother. That was only conferred when it was convenient for cesty purposes.

[slayerofkings]

"One day, in a transfiguration class, Tyrion had a bit of a mishap with his wand, shall we say."

[lionesscersei]

"His ... wand?" Jaime had given the word a funny sort of twist. " ... Are there whores in transfiguration class?"

[slayerofkings]

"No- so I do not know why he was there in the first place- but said mishap... Well, turned his other wand to cheese."

[lionesscersei]

Cersei blinked.

Then she began to laugh, high sweet peals of laughter. Her amusement was never so rich nor so rewarding as when it was at someone else's expense.

"That is the best news I have heard this year," she gasped.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime couldn't help but join his sister's laughter. "What cheese do you suppose it was?," he asked, mirth in his voice.

[lionesscersei]

"Something foul," she managed to say between bouts of laughter, "but hopefully not so foul that the rats did not get at it."

[slayerofkings]

"He himself told me it was still in working order, though I don't suppose working order works much at all. He never did bed the Stark girl, did he?"

[lionesscersei]

"Not that I am aware. But, then, she was still a maid. Our father should have known better; he should have had someone pay to bed her first, so that she would qualify for Tyrion's affections."

[slayerofkings]

Jaime laughed brightly along with his twin. It had been a long time since he'd felt so free around Cersei and he even managed to forget Tyrion's words.

He leaned forward to kiss her, blissfully nostaligc at this point.

[lionesscersei]

She twined her arms about his neck and kissed him back, gladly, heedless of the butter. He'd gotten her all buttery already anyway.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime could taste butter on Cersei's lips as he kissed her. He pulled away, and licked his lips. "Perhaps we ought to bathe before we try that again. The taste of butter is hardly conducive to such things."