Application for John House (from the show House)
John woke up on a train, confused. He had intended to get off somewhere else entirely, he was sure. He'd been on his way to the retirement ceremony of an old friend of his from the marines. He'd never liked traveling by train very much -- he much preferred flying, or driving a car, which might be mundane, but at least he was at the wheel. But buses and trains -- they were the worst. And so he'd fallen asleep, leaning against the window, his small case of luggage under his seat.
And now he was... Where the hell was he?
The train was empty, and so was the station it was stopped at. It seemed to be located outside of a gigantically impressive castle, which was surrounded by green hills.
John squinted warily as he approached the building. A few youngsters in black robes ran past him near the entrance and he scowled. Nevertheless, he persevered and went in through the front entrance, cautiously looking around for someone who might be able to explain to him where he was and how he could get back where he needed to be.
After a short time of wandering the halls, he came to a large room where he came upon a questionnaire... Having nothing better to do, he decided to fill it out.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
What kind of question is that? Cheese?
Well. I like American cheese. And cheddar, Monterrey Jack, Swiss...
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I'm afraid I don't know who either of them is.
3. What time is it where you are?
To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. My watch says 2:35, but who knows what timezone I'm in now. I need to find someone and get all this figured out...
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Ah-- I don't know who this Dumbledore fellow is. But -- sexual harassment is something I'd never do to anyone. I believe in treating people with respect. And besides that, I am happily married to my wife of over 40 years.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I just go to whichever bar is around. Not any one too seedy, of course. A good, decent place where a man can get a scotch or a rum and coke, watch some football, maybe play some darts.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Look, I don't know who these people are. But personally, the idea of two men together... Bah.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Well, that's because you're not "disposing" of it efficiently or properly. You can't just throw things out that you don't want to do, by the way. You've got to keep on top of stuff, get everything done that's required of you, keep things in order. Otherwise, everything just ends up a big chaotic, inefficient mess. And you'll never get anything done at all.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Excuse me? I served in the marine corps for my country for over 40 years, fought in Vietnam, flew fighter jets. I provided for my wife, who I love very much, and raised a son. (Well, he turned out a bit of a mess, but there was nothing to be done for it. He made his own decisions.)
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don't believe in bribes just like I don't believe in sexual harassment or "marriage" between two men. God, what kind of place have I stumbled into?
Anyway... I... I suppose I could offer you my swiss army knife? Or my watch? They're both very nice, pretty expensive. And handy too, I'll be sad to see them go, if you insist on taking them.
A better idea might be -- if anyone around here's got a jet, or knows where I can get my hands on one -- I'll take you around for a short ride. I'm a pilot, you know. (Or I was -- there's mandatory retirement when you turn 60...) You might pass out, but I'll try not to go too fast or to altitudes you can't handle. Those g-forces can get pretty intense.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___JH______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____JH___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JH_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____JH______"
And now he was... Where the hell was he?
The train was empty, and so was the station it was stopped at. It seemed to be located outside of a gigantically impressive castle, which was surrounded by green hills.
John squinted warily as he approached the building. A few youngsters in black robes ran past him near the entrance and he scowled. Nevertheless, he persevered and went in through the front entrance, cautiously looking around for someone who might be able to explain to him where he was and how he could get back where he needed to be.
After a short time of wandering the halls, he came to a large room where he came upon a questionnaire... Having nothing better to do, he decided to fill it out.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
What kind of question is that? Cheese?
Well. I like American cheese. And cheddar, Monterrey Jack, Swiss...
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I'm afraid I don't know who either of them is.
3. What time is it where you are?
To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. My watch says 2:35, but who knows what timezone I'm in now. I need to find someone and get all this figured out...
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Ah-- I don't know who this Dumbledore fellow is. But -- sexual harassment is something I'd never do to anyone. I believe in treating people with respect. And besides that, I am happily married to my wife of over 40 years.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I just go to whichever bar is around. Not any one too seedy, of course. A good, decent place where a man can get a scotch or a rum and coke, watch some football, maybe play some darts.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Look, I don't know who these people are. But personally, the idea of two men together... Bah.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Well, that's because you're not "disposing" of it efficiently or properly. You can't just throw things out that you don't want to do, by the way. You've got to keep on top of stuff, get everything done that's required of you, keep things in order. Otherwise, everything just ends up a big chaotic, inefficient mess. And you'll never get anything done at all.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Excuse me? I served in the marine corps for my country for over 40 years, fought in Vietnam, flew fighter jets. I provided for my wife, who I love very much, and raised a son. (Well, he turned out a bit of a mess, but there was nothing to be done for it. He made his own decisions.)
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don't believe in bribes just like I don't believe in sexual harassment or "marriage" between two men. God, what kind of place have I stumbled into?
Anyway... I... I suppose I could offer you my swiss army knife? Or my watch? They're both very nice, pretty expensive. And handy too, I'll be sad to see them go, if you insist on taking them.
A better idea might be -- if anyone around here's got a jet, or knows where I can get my hands on one -- I'll take you around for a short ride. I'm a pilot, you know. (Or I was -- there's mandatory retirement when you turn 60...) You might pass out, but I'll try not to go too fast or to altitudes you can't handle. Those g-forces can get pretty intense.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___JH______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____JH___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JH_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____JH______"