Application for Theseus
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Mizithra. Not many other cheeses go well with honey.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Barney. He's comfortable approaching and embracing strangers, which means I wouldn't have to waste my time hunting him down, and he wouldn't expect me to snap his neck when he put his stubby arms around me.
3. What time is it where you are?
After dark. I probably ought to be doing something respectable, like sleeping. *smirks*
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Most of them, but first those much younger than myself--the young have trouble holding onto grudges. So I would start with Tonks. Lovely gal. I could ask her to look like any number of women and she'd have forgotten about the terrible fun we had in a matter of years.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
If I were a bartender--and let's not imagine that too long, hm? *wink*--I would want to work at Charon's Left Paddle.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Seeing as how they want most people to be miserable, my own gods would probably have the three of them happily married only to have Harry become pregnant. When the baby sprouts from his armpit (and why wouldn't it?), it would devour him and leave George and Fred in misery. Naturally they would go to war over it, and the entire Weasley family would be destroyed and wiped from the face of the earth.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You must not keep your desk secure enough. If you are clearing it of your paperwork constantly, then someone else must be replacing it. Perhaps someone you've eaten lunch with--are you a messy eater? If so, they're probably just trying to do a kind deed by papering your desk with junk mail to protect it from your sloppy eating habits. Or they're simply trying to confuse you with random papers so you don't notice when they swipe your pens and scissors and, occasionally, your spare change.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I don't know if I can. Why don't we take off our clothes and take this little conversation outside?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I have an extremely wealthy kingdom...hundreds of women and countless men at my disposal, due to said kingdom and its army...Poseidon owes me a few favors if you want anyone eaten by a sea monster...feel free to what you like. It's my honor.