Zaphod Beeblebrox, THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Zaphod Beeblebrox, THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
(note to HHGttG-muns in particular; I'm drawing mostly on the radio series and books for characterization rather than the movie or miniseries.)
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The only cheese that matters to me is the big cheese, babe. Meaning me, of course. I mean, who else?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Kill? Wait, wait, hey. Are they in between me and a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster or something?
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for a very large drink, I think. Where am I, again?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
All I have to do is smile, baby. Harass? That's for Vogons.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Dark? Well, it must be dark for a reason, hey? I'd call it Peril Sensitive.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Marry? Do any of them want to get married? That's a pretty uncool concept, you know?
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Sounds like a malevolent sentient desk to me. Possibly under the pay of a psychiatrist wanting to keep you, ah, lucrative. Time to be somewhere else, let it be someone else's problem.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Baby, I'm
ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX!
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I'll sign a photograph just for you. From me. You can even choose which hand I use. How's that for a sweet bribe?
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____ZB_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____ZB_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____ZB_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _______ZB______"
(note to HHGttG-muns in particular; I'm drawing mostly on the radio series and books for characterization rather than the movie or miniseries.)
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The only cheese that matters to me is the big cheese, babe. Meaning me, of course. I mean, who else?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Kill? Wait, wait, hey. Are they in between me and a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster or something?
3. What time is it where you are?
Time for a very large drink, I think. Where am I, again?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
All I have to do is smile, baby. Harass? That's for Vogons.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Dark? Well, it must be dark for a reason, hey? I'd call it Peril Sensitive.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Marry? Do any of them want to get married? That's a pretty uncool concept, you know?
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Sounds like a malevolent sentient desk to me. Possibly under the pay of a psychiatrist wanting to keep you, ah, lucrative. Time to be somewhere else, let it be someone else's problem.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Baby, I'm
ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX!
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I'll sign a photograph just for you. From me. You can even choose which hand I use. How's that for a sweet bribe?
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____ZB_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____ZB_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____ZB_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _______ZB______"