Application for Dr. John Watson
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I enjoy most cheeses, but I must say that cheshire is rather exceptional. It might be that I appreciate it for its relative rarity; Mrs. Hudson, who cooks our meals, prefers cheddar.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I am not a violent man, and would prefer not to kill anyone. When in the army I was a surgeon, and if there are times when I've taken a revolver along when on a case with Holmes, it is only for our protection.
In such a case, I admit the dinosaur would go first, as it would prove more difficult to subdue.
3. What time is it where you are?
Very nearly ten o'clock in the evening. I would be asleep, but I am waiting up for Holmes, who has promised to share the details of his newest investigation.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I have to admit that I am not entirely "up to date" with the latest "lingo," and might be reading your question incorrectly. I do not believe I would woo any member of this Order, as I still feel deeply for my dear lost Mary, and having sold my practice, I am not looking for marriage prospects.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartending has never been an interest of mine, nor of any upright British gentleman in my acquaintance.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Marriage is one of society's most sacred institutions, and should be shared with a dearly loved and loving spouse. Young Harry will know which of these gentlemen is truly concerned for his well-being, and if he chooses with tempered thought, will make the correct choice. It would bode ill to have another choose for him, I fear.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
If you were to give a few more details, I am certain Holmes could give you an answer in as much time as it took you to ask the question. Really, if you were to stake out your desk, it wouldn't be difficult to find out where the paperwork is coming from, and from there, the blackguard responsible.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I believe there is an inherent slight in this question that should be brought to the attention of its author. Of course no harm is intended, but the author should be aware of the question's slant.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
While bribery itself is rather underhanded--shouldn't a man stand on his own merit, rather than that of his wallet?--I must ask if this community endorses stealing as well. As an institution of higher learning, its members ought to strive for greatest virtue.
I would, however, as a member of this community, be quick to recommend your problems with the aforementioned paperwork to my colleague and friend, Sherlock Holmes.