Application: Zeus, Principia Discordia
One moment he was just there, having appeared between one second and the next without particular fanfare. Sometimes he went in for that sort of thing, but these days there really wasn't much point. Also, lightning indoors? Not always the best plan considering its tendency to arc.
He took off his sunglasses, which promptly vanished who-knew-where, and surveyed the room. Apparently satisfied with whatever he saw, his next move was to settle in and fill out the application form.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? Okay, cheese. I should probably say feta, most people recognize that. But honestly? You really can't beat a good kefalotiri. It's so provincial, I know. But I don't care.
And formaella of Parnassos is pretty good, too.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Can't I kill them both? I have more than one lightning bolt, you know. I'm sure they've done something to deserve my wrath, I've just been pretty lazy the last few centuries.
3. What time is it where you are?
...This feels philosophical. And let me tell you, most of those guys? Boring. I mean, they had their moments, but yeah. Anyway. Philosophically speaking, it might be any time - I could be absolutely anywhere. Besides, I never carry a watch (possibly because of the it-could-be-any-time thing). So what time do you want it to be?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Ha! A question I can get behind. Possibly literally. I'll limit myself to two, all right? Tonks, as she's a fellow shapeshifter. We could compare... notes. And then there's Lily. Red hair is so unusual, don't you find? I love red hair.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
A bar. Well, I'm a big fan of alcohol. Wine, particularly, is great. If it wasn't for wine, I'd... have to drink water. And I'm never that desperate. A name.... Well, I could call it Mount Olympus - as I could maybe make a case for Olympus being wherever I am at the moment if I were in an especially egotistical mood. But I think most days I'd end up calling it the Titan's Belly.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I nearly am a variety of world mythologies! So that's covered. Thus bolstered, I say: marriage, generally, sucks a lot. I mean, a lot. I've been married for thousands of years, so I should know. If they all love each other, they should just be happy and leave marriage to the people who don't know any better.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
My question to you is why are you bothering with it in the first place? It can't be that important. Anything that important will eventually bring whoever's behind the paper face-to-face with you if you ignore the paper long enough.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Me? I'm Zeus, King of the Sky (and incidentally the rest of my family), Lord of Olympus, and so on and so on. God of thunder and lightning, and all that... violent but good stuff. My festivals are still celebrated by nearly every nation in the world. At least the Olympics, anyway. Some of the others died out, sigh. (And the Olympics aren't nearly as much fun since people stopped competing naked.) I have... probably several hundred children actually, I've never done a firm count. Apollo, Artemis, Athena, Dionysus, Aphrodite possibly, the Horae, the Fates, the Muses, the Charites... I could probably go on, and I could definitely start listing mortals, but both would require thinking about it.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I could probably be prevailed on to share my wine, and I have a nearly infinite supply of lightning. And I can be a really entertaining guy. I've also been a king and a god for, as I mentioned, a really, really long time, so while my dispute-settling skills aren't necessarily the best, I'm willing to give it a shot. And advice needs only to be asked for. I'm always willing to talk. And it is NOT because I love the sound of my own voice, that's my lovely wife/sister being vicious.
Depending what else you're looking for, though, chances are I could probably manage. King of gods, et cetera. Let's make a deal.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Z______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____Z_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______Z_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Z_________"
((Eris-mun has okayed this app!))
He took off his sunglasses, which promptly vanished who-knew-where, and surveyed the room. Apparently satisfied with whatever he saw, his next move was to settle in and fill out the application form.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? Okay, cheese. I should probably say feta, most people recognize that. But honestly? You really can't beat a good kefalotiri. It's so provincial, I know. But I don't care.
And formaella of Parnassos is pretty good, too.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Can't I kill them both? I have more than one lightning bolt, you know. I'm sure they've done something to deserve my wrath, I've just been pretty lazy the last few centuries.
3. What time is it where you are?
...This feels philosophical. And let me tell you, most of those guys? Boring. I mean, they had their moments, but yeah. Anyway. Philosophically speaking, it might be any time - I could be absolutely anywhere. Besides, I never carry a watch (possibly because of the it-could-be-any-time thing). So what time do you want it to be?
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Ha! A question I can get behind. Possibly literally. I'll limit myself to two, all right? Tonks, as she's a fellow shapeshifter. We could compare... notes. And then there's Lily. Red hair is so unusual, don't you find? I love red hair.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
A bar. Well, I'm a big fan of alcohol. Wine, particularly, is great. If it wasn't for wine, I'd... have to drink water. And I'm never that desperate. A name.... Well, I could call it Mount Olympus - as I could maybe make a case for Olympus being wherever I am at the moment if I were in an especially egotistical mood. But I think most days I'd end up calling it the Titan's Belly.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I nearly am a variety of world mythologies! So that's covered. Thus bolstered, I say: marriage, generally, sucks a lot. I mean, a lot. I've been married for thousands of years, so I should know. If they all love each other, they should just be happy and leave marriage to the people who don't know any better.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
My question to you is why are you bothering with it in the first place? It can't be that important. Anything that important will eventually bring whoever's behind the paper face-to-face with you if you ignore the paper long enough.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Me? I'm Zeus, King of the Sky (and incidentally the rest of my family), Lord of Olympus, and so on and so on. God of thunder and lightning, and all that... violent but good stuff. My festivals are still celebrated by nearly every nation in the world. At least the Olympics, anyway. Some of the others died out, sigh. (And the Olympics aren't nearly as much fun since people stopped competing naked.) I have... probably several hundred children actually, I've never done a firm count. Apollo, Artemis, Athena, Dionysus, Aphrodite possibly, the Horae, the Fates, the Muses, the Charites... I could probably go on, and I could definitely start listing mortals, but both would require thinking about it.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I could probably be prevailed on to share my wine, and I have a nearly infinite supply of lightning. And I can be a really entertaining guy. I've also been a king and a god for, as I mentioned, a really, really long time, so while my dispute-settling skills aren't necessarily the best, I'm willing to give it a shot. And advice needs only to be asked for. I'm always willing to talk. And it is NOT because I love the sound of my own voice, that's my lovely wife/sister being vicious.
Depending what else you're looking for, though, chances are I could probably manage. King of gods, et cetera. Let's make a deal.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Z______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____Z_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______Z_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Z_________"
((Eris-mun has okayed this app!))