Tiffany Aching, Discworld

[big_wee_hag]

A brown-haired girl of about thirteen pushes open the Sorting Room door and walks in. She blinks, walks out, then back in again. She adjusts the black pointy hat on her head, smooths down the simple green dress she's wearing, and looks around.

"Right. I'm sure this is nothing I did this time

Comments

[whitesheep_dw]

'Boys can marry boys in my century,' says Dom mildly, with all the restraint of a fourteen-year-old-technical-genius.

'How can you kill Winter?'

[big_wee_hag]

"That's silly. How can two boys have babies?" Tiffany wants to know. "What's your century, then?"

"And normally Summer kills Winter, just like he kills her in turn, but she was being all sulky just because I danced with the wintersmith this time, and made me do it." Tiffany gives a big sigh. "Summer reminded me so much of Annagramma, honestly! So I killed him by finding the balance and transferring heat from the sun through me to him so that he melted."

((reposted to fix HTML))

[whitesheep_dw]

'They don't. They get married because it makes them happy and they're in love,' Dom says. 'It's not like our purpose is just to copulate. It's the 23rd Century.'

'Does magic exist in your world? Is there a Summer--an actual, breathing, lady who is the goddess of Summer?'

He can't fault her scientific technique.

[big_wee_hag]

"Then what happens to the girls? Who do they marry?" Tiffany asks. This is seems very silly to her, and completely impractical. "Copulate? Um...." There is a quick consultation of the dictionary. "Oh. You mean sex. Of course there's more than just sex. You need to marry someone who can help with the farmwork, too. And who doesn't annoy you all the time. It's good if they're good with animals, as well, although I suppose they could always learn. And as for 23rd century, that doesn't help. What's the name of it? Is it the Century of the Fruit-Bat?" This was, she decided, a very silly boy. Almost as bad as Roland.

"And of course magic exists. Everyone knows that. And yes, there is an actual goddess of Summer. Lady of the Flowers, Summer Lady, and whatever else you want to call her." She thinks for a moment. "Although techincally I suppose she's really just an elemental, since the wintersmith is an elemental."

((aargh. I don't know why I'm making so many mistakes in replies to you today))

[fine_eyes_lizzy]

*smiles and curtsies* Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Miss Aching. Pleased to meet you.

Forgive me, but did you come here intentionally? You seemed slightly confused when you came in.

[big_wee_hag]

Tiffany smiles and curtsies back. "Good morning, Miss Bennet. Pleased to meet you. No, I didn't come here on purpose, I thought this was the kitchen door. I'm sure that ending up here was anything I did this time."

[fine_eyes_lizzy]

Many people find themselves in such a situation.

To begin with, you are at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which is in Scotland.

[big_wee_hag]

"Really?" Tiffany thinks about this. "Lots of people’s kitchen doors have started leading here? I wonder why that is?"

This was going to take some investigating. If all kitchen doors started leading here, that could start being a problem.

"Mrs Weasley also said I was at this school. It’s quite odd, I’ve never heard of a school for witches before. There’s a university for wizards, but where I come from young witches go to live with older witches and learn from them. I’m not sure what they’d say about a school for witches. Granny Weatherwax says you can’t learn proper witching from books. And where is Scotland? I haven’t heard of it. Is it past Klatch?"

Because for a girl from the Chalk, Klatch is practically the end of the Disc.

[wobblingmolly]

Molly added this girl to her ever-growing list of people she was unofficially adopting. "You make your own cheese? How wonderful! And very practical. As for your Fred and George answer, well, strange things do happen here." She offered the girl her hand. "I'm Mrs. Weasley, dear, and you're at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in case you were a wee bit confused, which is perfectly normal."

[big_wee_hag]

"Yes, I do." Tiffany smiles happily. "I can make all sorts of cheeses, I've been doing it for years and years, ever since my mother taught me. I even have my own cheese stamp." Tiffany rummages around for a moment, then produces the stamp, which has a witch on a broomstick, and shows it to Mrs Weasley.

"It's lovely to meet you, Mrs Weasley. I haven't heard of a school for witches and wizards before. The wizards all learn at the university in Ankh-Morpork, I've been told, but normally us younger witches go and live with different older witches for awhile, and they teach us witching. Which mostly involves doing lots of chores and going with them when they visit the people who live in their area."

[wobblingmolly]

Molly looked at the stamp approvingly. "Oh, it's very nice, dear," she said, smiling. The smile faded as Tiffany spoke. "What? Well, that's odd. Is there a difference, really, between a witch and a wizard? Because here witches are just female wizards, so of course they'd study with wizards, too."

[big_wee_hag]

Witches were just female wizards? Tiffany could just imagine Granny Weatherwax's reaction to that. The thought caused a horrified expression to flit across her face, then she giggled nervously.

"Oh. Oh dear. Some of the older witches at home wouldn't be happy to hear that," she said. "Where I come from, girls can't be wizards. Oh, they can learn wizard magic, but that's not really all that useful to a witch. Being a witch is a lot more practical and useful. Wizard magic is all the shiny sparkly stuff that doesn't really help, while witchcraft is making sick people and animals better, and solving people's problems, and fixing up problems like when the hiver was around or when the Queen of the Fairies was kidnapping children, and it's helping people out, and things like that. Practical magic instead of flashy magic."

[artsy_jilly]

"Ooh, so you know the Feegles?" Jilly was quite frankly delighted. The Feegles fascinated her... They kind of overwhelmed her, but still... She was fascinated.

[big_wee_hag]

"Unfortunately Oh, yes, I do," Tiffany says with a puzzled and slightly hunted smile. "You know them, too?" She takes a surreptitious look around.

[artsy_jilly]

"I met them, briefly," Jilly explained. "I kind of want to work one of them into a painting." She was oblivious to the expression on Tiffany's face for the moment.

[big_wee_hag]

"You want to paint one of them?" This draws Tiffany's attention back to Jilly. She wasn't sure how they'd take that idea. You never knew with the Feegles. Also, "You paint? What sort of colours do you use? You don't use watercolours, do you?"

Tiffany was suspicious of other girls who painted with watercolours.

[wee_free_men]

The Feegles, as usual, have a watcher on the Sorting Room. When he sees the Wee Big Hag, his brain proceeds to explode as he zooms towards Ravenclaw, grabs the others, and a blue horde descends upon the Sorting Room.

"Ach! Tis th' Wee Big Hag. How're yez doon, lass?"

[big_wee_hag]

Tiffany was having some lovely chats, and starting to get the suspicion that somehow, against all logic, the Feegles were here, when five hundred small blue men appear in the room. Tiffany manages not to sigh, and instead smiles at them all.

"Oh. Hello Rob, and Big Yan, and Billy Bigchin, and Wee Small Angus, and...my goodness, are all of you here? How did you get here?"