fill: fili/kili: those who wait (1/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:17:33 UTC
A/N: Not exactly what you asked for, OP, but I hope it's okay.
Fili wakes up one morning and just knows.
It’s not a revelation that comes in a flash of light, a bolt of lightning - he doesn’t spend hours puzzling over the beating of his heart, the flutters in his stomach. He just opens his eyes to the firelight under Ered Luin, looks across to his brother, asleep in the next bed, and that’s it: he’s lost. For a moment he lies still, watching Kili’s chest rise and fall, and all he wants to do is touch him, run his fingers through his hair, curl up beside him and watch him sleep-
And suddenly there’s bile in his throat.
Fili gets out of bed, pulls his clothes on. He’s rushing, leaving his shirt half-open and his hair unbraided, and all he can think is no, please, no - because he might be young but he’s not a fool, and he knows what this awful, beautiful feeling in his heart is. Before he really knows what’s happening he’s running, barefoot and wild, and he’s pushing past his mother and barrelling through the chambers beneath the
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (2/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:18:24 UTC
She’s quiet for a moment, and then says, “Can you tell me?”
Kili, Fili thinks. Kili. My brother. I’m in love with my brother, and I will never love another. He’s shaking, and Dis’ touch is steady and calm. “No,” he says, tight and short. “No, I can’t. It’s too-” He breaks off, finds his fingertips are dug into his thigh. “It’s not
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (3/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:19:09 UTC
They spend the day deep in the bowels of the mountain, helping to pull shards of gold from the rock, older dwarves chuckling into their beards at Kili’s boundless enthusiasm. Fili is quieter, following in his brother’s footsteps and stopping him from tripping into as-yet uncharted chasms - but when they take to wandering the miners’ tunnels side by side, never speaking but never needing to, Kili stops, turns to him, and says, “You’re not happy
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (5/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:20:23 UTC
Their relationship is a little strained after that. Kili gets this wary look in his eyes every time Fili enters a room, and Fili can hardly look at him: it makes him sick to think that he hurt his brother, but yet he is in so much pain every moment of every day. He hates his brother, hates him for being too young and too naive, but at the same time he loves him more than all the gold under the ground
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (6/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:21:10 UTC
Kili arrives a week later, just as the sun is setting. His boots are stained, his hair tangled by the wind - and Fili remembers all the hurt, all the pain, all the grief, but then he sees his brother’s face for the first time in four years, and all he feels is joy
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (7/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 22:21:54 UTC
Fili can do nothing but obey - and Kili’s face is so open, loss and regret and something Fili refuses to name scrawled across his features like mithril veined through black rock.
“When you left,” Kili says, and his voice is so tight and so terrified, “I was so lost. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. Mother kept telling me it wasn’t my fault, not really, that you’d explain in time...” He’s shuddering, shaking. “I spent years waiting for you to come home, and you never did. For a long time, I thought I hated you.” Guilt floods Fili’s heart, sends him reeling. He wants to be sick. “And then,” Kili continues, his fingers flexing tighter around Fili’s arm, eyes pleading, “I woke up fifteen days ago this morning, looked over at the bed you used to sleep in, and I just knew. I knew why you did everything you did, because
( ... )
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (7/7)sospesDecember 24 2012, 23:10:31 UTC
It was one of those prompts that I read, filed away under "maybe", then just kept nagging at the back of my mind until I wrote it. I do so love these boys. :) Thank you.
Re: fill: fili/kili: those who wait (7/7)melficeDecember 24 2012, 22:55:55 UTC
I've never had a favorite fanfiction author, but I'm pretty sure I do now. I would read anything you wrote just to get more of your writing style, of the atmosphere you build out of emotions and vivid descriptions. If you ever write professionally I will seriously buy anything you write.
Fili wakes up one morning and just knows.
It’s not a revelation that comes in a flash of light, a bolt of lightning - he doesn’t spend hours puzzling over the beating of his heart, the flutters in his stomach. He just opens his eyes to the firelight under Ered Luin, looks across to his brother, asleep in the next bed, and that’s it: he’s lost. For a moment he lies still, watching Kili’s chest rise and fall, and all he wants to do is touch him, run his fingers through his hair, curl up beside him and watch him sleep-
And suddenly there’s bile in his throat.
Fili gets out of bed, pulls his clothes on. He’s rushing, leaving his shirt half-open and his hair unbraided, and all he can think is no, please, no - because he might be young but he’s not a fool, and he knows what this awful, beautiful feeling in his heart is. Before he really knows what’s happening he’s running, barefoot and wild, and he’s pushing past his mother and barrelling through the chambers beneath the ( ... )
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Kili, Fili thinks. Kili. My brother. I’m in love with my brother, and I will never love another. He’s shaking, and Dis’ touch is steady and calm. “No,” he says, tight and short. “No, I can’t. It’s too-” He breaks off, finds his fingertips are dug into his thigh. “It’s not ( ... )
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“When you left,” Kili says, and his voice is so tight and so terrified, “I was so lost. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. Mother kept telling me it wasn’t my fault, not really, that you’d explain in time...” He’s shuddering, shaking. “I spent years waiting for you to come home, and you never did. For a long time, I thought I hated you.” Guilt floods Fili’s heart, sends him reeling. He wants to be sick. “And then,” Kili continues, his fingers flexing tighter around Fili’s arm, eyes pleading, “I woke up fifteen days ago this morning, looked over at the bed you used to sleep in, and I just knew. I knew why you did everything you did, because ( ... )
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