Changing Points of View, Part 2
Title: Changing Points of View
Fandom: Young Avengers
Characters/pairings: Sarah Altman, Teddy Altman, Billy/Teddy, Sarah-> Anelle, implied Teddy -> Greg
Word Count: ~ 19,450
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: Sarah Altman lives with her mask; Teddy puts one on, and, in a weird way, takes another off. Pre-series fic.
Author's note: Holy Crap this is long.
( Part one)
---
Billy likes to talk, and Teddy likes arguing with him, usually just to be contrary. Weirdly, Billy seems to like the debates they have over whether or not Iron Man is actually a woman who thinks she wouldn't be taken seriously by the superhuman community, or whether this one superhero team from the fifties secretly rules the world, or that the reason the super soldier serum never worked after Erskine is because there was Kree DNA in it and no one else has thought about it, things like that.
Today Billy's theory is that all really good superhero teams are made up of loners, and therefore their group- that still doesn't have a name yet- has a moderately higher success rate than if they all had actual friends.
"Okay, except that makes no sense. I'm just saying, people who don't have friends aren't necessarily the best adjusted to deal with high stress situations in close quarters. Like what happens with superheroes all the time," Teddy grins, shouldering his backpack. Billy's on his knees looking through back issues in the back room of Teddy's favorite comic books store.
Billy flips through the selection, muttering incoherently to himself, and then looks up at Teddy. "Are you calling me socially maladjusted?"
Teddy opens his mouth and then closes it as Billy gives him a playful look.
"It was a trick question," Billy says after a minute. Teddy looks down and scuffs his shoes. Billy's grinning, though.
"Okay, okay, fair enough. The stats are still in our favor though. I mean, the Avengers- everyone in the scientific community thought Hank Pym was nuts, Hulk's like, the ultimate loner. Captain America got picked on as a kid; it's in his autobiography. The Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver grew up with only each other. Hardly any heroes were the popular kids," Billy says. "And here we are, y'know? Just saying. Apparently friendlessness is conductive to a superhero career?"
"I have friends,” Teddy says defensively, before he realizes how it sounds.
"Uh huh. When do you hang out with these other friends?" Billy asks, looking up at him.
It's totally weird that Billy can ask questions that Teddy should find invasive but doesn't, because Billy Kaplan wants to know more about him.
"Okay. So I had other friends," Teddy says, and his stomach doesn't even twist like it used to when he talked about- or, more accurately, carefully didn't talk about- Greg.
Billy looks up at him and cocks an eyebrow. "It was a joke, Teddy. I mean, I figured you, out of all of us, would have the most friends. Or, at least, like, friends in general."
Teddy sits down, back against the long boxes. Billy's got a pile by his right knee, and Teddy picks one up and looks at the cover. "I used to have the guys on my basketball team. But I don't really hang out with them much anymore. No more practice, so, yeah. Plus this-" he makes an abstract motion with his hand, indicating himself, Billy, the comics. "-takes up all my time. So, y'know."
Billy's lip quirks strangely. "Your friends dumped you because you spend your nights running around in tights with other guys- okay. That came out wrong," Billy's cheeks go pink, and Teddy laughs. Reassured that Teddy doesn't think he’s a total freak, Billy continues. "That's lame."
"Nah, it's not the group," Teddy says. "It's- so there was this guy. He used to be my friend. Or I thought he was my friend. And I used to shift into famous people and get him in places. Parties and clubs. We broke into Avengers Mansion, and he tried to steal some stuff."
"So what'd you do?" Billy asks.
"I told him to put it down and leave," Teddy finds himself smiling, because even though he'd thought at the time his life was over, everything that's happened in the past month makes him happier than he's ever been. His smile only falters briefly when he remembers Mutant Skrull.
"Nice," Billy says, voice soft and sort of reverent. Teddy playfully socks him on the shoulder.
"So are you planning on sitting here until your ass sprouts taproots, or just till hell freezes over?" Teddy asks.
"I don't know. I might possibly ask the owner about how expensive rent is here. I think I'm kind of in love," Billy says.
"I told you this place is awesome," Teddy pushes against the floor as his stands up, and in the process his fingers brush against Billy's hand. Teddy has to grit his teeth to be able to shift his blush away, and Billy goes almost comically still. It's just a fraction of a second, but it makes Teddy's hand tingle, and which makes him officially the lamest ever for being such a freaking girl.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool," Billy says, voice coming out sort of strained.
Teddy's sure, so sure that there's something there. But maybe it's just him, wanting there to be something more, and Billy- it's too big and too soon to risk it, if it's not what he thinks this is. If nothing else, Billy is his friend, and he's never had a friend who he felt so comfortable around before.
He doesn't want to fuck up again.
Eventually, he manages to drag Billy out of the comic book shop and they start heading back to Teddy's place, since, shockingly, they don't feel like dealing with Billy's younger brothers.
Billy keeps talking about his "really awesome superheroes = total loners" theory on the way back to Teddy's place, swinging his plastic bag full of old issues. Teddy jostles him with an elbow. "I have a hard time believing someone who talks as much as you do has no friends," Teddy says.
"I have you, don't I?" the way Billy says that shouldn't make Teddy go slightly mushy inside, but it does. " And the team. Besides, I'm the weird, nerdy, ga-" Billy's throat catches, "guy. As if I'm popular."
Teddy rolls his eyes. "I don't get you at all."
"Yeah, well. Join the club," Billy replies. He runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly, and Teddy wonders what shampoo he uses, because whatever it is, they're standing close enough that he can smell it, faintly, and it smells nice.
Teddy's only half-paying attention because he's too busy imagining carding his hands through Billy's hair that it takes him a minute to fully comprehend the words when Billy, out of nowhere, says "I, uh. Nearly killed a guy. The first time I used my powers."
When the words finally get through to Teddy, he looks at Billy, who has his arms crossed, emanating apprehension. Teddy has no idea what to say to that, but his mouth opens anyway and he says "um..."
"I mean. It wasn't on purpose or anything. I didn't actually want to- I kind of wanted to hurt him, I guess. I mean, he used to beat me up, like every week. Since sixth grade. But mainly I just wanted him to stop wailing on Jimmie Michaelides. And then it was like, suddenly there's lightning? And all I could think was 'God, I'm a mutant now, best case scenario the x-men show up on my doorstep, worst case I get lynched,' you know?" Billy looks up at the sky like the cloud his gaze is fixed on is suddenly incredibly interesting. "Yeah. So. Origin story."
Teddy keeps looking at Billy, who is still examining the cloud intently, and tries to think of something to say. "You were standing up for someone else. And, I mean. You didn't even know you had powers. And he's okay, right?"
"...Right," Billy replies grudgingly.
"Well, then it was just something that happened. And you're a hero now," Teddy says. "In training, at least."
Billy stops and gives him this look that makes Teddy feel uncomfortably like he's being vivisected. He wonders if Billy could actually use his magic to see what goes on inside his head, the thoughts that run rampant in it, the horny-teenage-boy-fantasies that creep in more and more around the edges whenever he's with Billy or texting Billy or thinking about Billy.
Billy's mouth twitches upward at the corner just slightly, and then he says "Okay. So. Spill. When did you figure out that you had powers?"
Teddy thinks about making a quip about being bitten by a radioactive Skrull or something, but after a minute, he says "Puberty."
Billy raises an eyebrow and pokes him in the side. "And?"
"Okay. So you remember in like. Seventh, eighth grade, when it suddenly became really, really important to have stubble?" Teddy asks.
"And to have chest hairs. I still can't grow a beard," Billy grouses, running a hand self-consciously over his chin. Teddy has a sudden, vivid mental image of kissing along Billy's jaw line. He shudders. Billy, thankfully, doesn't notice.
"Yeah, well. So I used to think that if I tried hard enough, if I wanted hard enough, I could make things change. So one day I sat down and tried to grow a wicked moustache," Teddy grins, remembering. "And then I did, and I flipped. It was like wishing for a Porsche and having one fall out of the sky. It was just-" Teddy shakes his head. "I didn't realize that I could shift it back, and I looked really, really dumb, so I had to sneak into the bathroom and shave it off."
"But you're a shape shifter. You don't have to look stupid with a moustache," Billy said, shaking his head.
"Well, I was pretty sure my Mom would notice. Plus even if I could pull it off without looking like Ollie Queen's demented lovechild, it itches," Teddy complains, scratching his chin just thinking about it.
"So shaving is your origin story?" Billy asks, grinning.
"Well, kind of," Teddy admits. "Cause when I cut myself shaving, it healed. Well, I'd kind of always known about the healing thing. I thought- I dunno what I thought, honestly. But then it just sort of clicked, and it dawned on me that I had super powers. That I was a mutant. I didn't really get how much I could change at first. I thought it was just nice that I didn't need any sun to get a tan. I think if you told me when I was thirteen that I was going to be a superhero, I would have laughed," Teddy finished.
"Yeah, well. I think it's pretty much the same for anyone. I mean, I sure as hell would- okay, maybe I'd actually secretly sort of want it to be true. But I wouldn't believe it either. Eli- I don't even want to think about what he'd do," Billy shook his head.
"Well, according to his grandma, he used to be a really happy kid. So maybe he wouldn't have minded. The teen angst must have hit him pretty hard," Teddy said.
"Okay, one, Eli doesn't angst. He, like, radiates anger. Like- like-" Billy fumbles for a word.
"Like an anger-radiating-thing?" Teddy supplies helpfully.
"Exactly. And two? You are the only person I know, besides my mother, who would ever call someone's grandma to gossip about them," Billy says.
"Hey, how do you think I get all my blackmail material?" Teddy grins. "Speaking of your mother, she is pretty talkative-"
"You did not. You have not gossiped about me with my mother, Theodore, because then I would have to murder you," Billy responds calmly.
Teddy just grins mysteriously, in what he knows for a fact is in the most irritating possible way.
Truth be told, he had sort of kind of gossiped about Billy with Ms. Kaplan. But, in his defense, he'd gotten the 3rd degree first, and was then asked how didn't he think it was good that Billy had friends now, and how didn't his self-esteem seem higher, and told how she appreciated Teddy being such a good friend.
He'd picked up a few facts that intrigued him. Like the fact that Billy's never had a girlfriend (he can just imagine Billy saying "Well, duh, Teddy. Or do you come from some sort of bizarro-school where the head of the chess club is a mega-pimp? Who'd want to date me?") (Me. Me me me me, a voice in the back of his head replies pathetically). Or, apparently, shown much interest in any woman who isn't the Scarlet Witch.
Which doesn't necessarily mean anything, Teddy reminds himself. Being perpetually single does not equal being gay. Lots of guys don't have girlfriends, and Teddy doubts most of them would want to date him either.
Sometimes he wonders. It's not like it's any harder being a girl than being the Hulk, or Tony Stark. Hell, it's easier than being Johnny Storm, if only because girls don't tend to light themselves on fire. Sometimes he thinks maybe it'd be worth it, if it meant that Billy would look at him the way he imagines in his head, if it meant they could touch, if it meant there could be something more.
But no. He's not going down that path again.
He's done lying to himself and to other people. Especially about the gay thing. Because if he did want to be a girl- but he doesn't. He's just a guy who fucks other guys.
(Theoretically)
Still, the thought sort of hovers and flickers at the edge of his mind sometimes. He has to shove it back and away, because that's not what he wants.
He wonders if being friends with Billy is always going to be like this- this constant cycle of ups and downs, hopes rising and falling before he can pluck up the nerve to act.
"Uh, Teddy? Hello? Earth to Teddy?" Billy says, waving a hand in front of his face.
"Oh. Yeah. What? I was contemplating my imminent murder, that's all," Teddy says.
"Ha ha. What were you really thinking about?" Billy asks. Sometimes it's incredibly hard to not touch him, to keep a distance.
"Nothing," Teddy replies.
---
She keeps up Skrull contacts, scattered throughout the city. She stays clear of the ones who are in Dorrek's employ, keeping well under their radar, but there are Skrulls who are, like her, immigrants. Some come for business, some fleeing the Empire and its laws. They have their reasons, and they also have families and jobs and lives. She wants the companionship keenly, but can't risk Teddy's safety like that. The network has to be enough; even if its information is slow and somewhat erratic, her contacts are always right.
Still, she wants to believe her informer is wrong.
Her Skrullos is rusty when she asks "Princess Anelle is what?"
"The Throneworld was consumed by Galactus. The Throneworld is dead. Dorrek, and his madness, is dead. Anelle is dead. Most of the royal family is dead. And if you ask me, the Empire is dead," her informer owns a restaurant, and they are in the alley behind it, but for Sarah it's like her world has come undone. His words, when they reach her ears, seem distant and nigh on incomprehensible.
"This cannot be," she says without thinking.
"It is," he replies gruffly as the back door swings open.
"Dad!" his daughter says, in English. "There's a rich guy in a suit here. He says he wants to speak to the owner. I told him you were busy, but no dice."
"Are we done here?" he asks Sarah, switching to English.
She barely manages the coherence it takes to nod numbly and mumble something that sounds enough like "yes" that he leaves her.
When she gets home, she deliberately doesn't go into Teddy's room to check on him. It's too soon to see him.
She wonders, vaguely, what all her plans were for. Her planet dead. Her entire planet dead.
Anelle, dead.
She hasn't cried in years. And then the knowledge, the crushing knowledge that Anelle is dead, that she will never call them back, that Sarah will never see her Princess's face again seeps in dully.
She tries to hold off the tears, because there's so much to think about, too many plans to examine and replace, she needs to think too much to give into the luxury of grief. But it falls over her and she just can't force the tears back anymore.
She does her best to cry quietly, but the sobs that wrench their way out of her are big, ugly things. They're messy, disgusting things that she hates herself a little for making, because this is not proper behavior, and she is letting her emotions get in the way of what's really important.
She has to wash her face when she's done, and even with shape shifting and the way she heals, her eyes are still red when she goes to Teddy's room and knocks on his door.
He tosses a magazine the to floor much too casually for it to be anything but feigned, and gives her a look that's distinctly guilty around the edges.
"Oh, hey, Mom," he says, his voice a little squeaky around the edges.
"Hello. Have a good day?"
"Oh. Yeah. It was fine," he said. "I didn't hear you get home."
"I had a-" for a minute, she thinks about telling him everything. Anelle is dead now. Dorrek is dead now. She should be able to. He must have questions, and he has a right to know.
She's not sure exactly when he started shifting, but she can tell he has been. He watches people more, the way she used to when they were new to earth. His eyes have definitely changed color, to a striking blue that is just subtle enough that most people don't notice that it is not the same color he was born with. And she knows it's not natural, because for the past three months, the color has been changing from day to day, sometimes even to brown or green or gray, often much too bright and unnatural-looking. His nose also used to curve just slightly to the right, but now it's straight. Even though he chews on his fingernails, they are always smooth and short. It's little things that no one else notices.
But she should tell him, tell him everything. Even if he hates her for it. He should know his true mother's name. He should have the choice to seek out his father's people, or- she realizes with a start- Dorrek's throne for himself, as rightful heir. He must be so confused...
She opens her mouth, in her mind saying, "Teddy, we need to talk. I'm not who you think I am."
But then she looks at him, really looks at him. He's happy here. He thinks of himself as human.
Can she really take that away from him?
"I had a long day. Why don't you decide on dinner tonight?" she says finally. She walks over to the bed and picks up the magazine. It had fallen open onto a dog-eared page in the men's underwear section. She ignores the stares of the near-naked male models on the page and flips it closed.
"Oh. Yeah. No problem," he gives her a shy smile.
Her heart aches, and she ruffles his hair fondly. "I'm proud of you, Teddy."
"Um, thanks?" Teddy looks a little thrown by the compliment, and she guiltily wonders if that's because she doesn't tell him that as often as she should, as opposed to the more obvious reason that it came out of nowhere.
She smiles at him and smacks him gently on the back of the head with the rolled up magazine. "Next time, don't throw it on the floor. Go put it in the rack, like I've asked you to."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, Mom," he replies, pinking a little.
She shakes her head and leaves him alone. For now, it's enough that he's content.
---
It starts with a leaf (Teddy knows it's a leaf from an American Elm tree, thanks to his fifth grade science teacher, Mister Leediker, who was a bit of a botany nut) in Teddy's hair.
Teddy had gone looking for Billy at Avenger's Mansion, finding him sitting in front of it as per usual. They'd talked a bit, about nothing much, (Teddy vaguely remembers a conversation about the new Iron Man slurpee flavor, which is something along the lines of "Repulsor Blue Raspberry", and what flavors would be appropriate for other heroes) and then, not wanting to head to either of their homes, they'd taken the short walk to Central Park. They'd continued their talking, which had somehow lead to a mock-scuffle that ended with them both winded and collapsed on a park bench, a lot closer to each other that was strictly normal.
Now Billy, breathing hard and red-faced in a way that makes Teddy's mouth go cottony, looks at him and laughs. "You've got- in your hair," Billy says, speaking between deep breaths.
Teddy brushes his bangs unsuccessfully. Billy makes a "tsk" noise and says, "No, look, let me-"
He reaches over, and Teddy swears he can feel the heat radiating off Billy's fingers as he locates the leaf and plucks it out of Teddy's bangs. Billy doesn't pull his hand back though; he leaves it dangerously close to Teddy's face. Then his hand moves, and Teddy feels the thin, jaggedly edge of the leaf like a feather brushing down his forehead and down his nose, just barely touching his skin. Teddy can't seem to remember how to exhale, holding his breath like he's underwater.
The leaf leaves his skin, and Teddy can focus on something besides the close proximity of Billy's hand and the leaf, and so of course the first thing he picks up on is Billy's face.
Billy's face is really close to his, and he's got this amazing look on his face, and Teddy realizes that Billy Kaplan is totally seducing him. Billy might not think so, but the way that he's looking at Teddy, all dark intense eyes and rapidly reddening cheeks and nervous darts of his tongue to lick his lips, is just not fair. Billy's Adam’s apple is bobbing just a bit, and it seems like they've gotten closer, but Teddy isn't paying enough attention to tell whether it's him or Billy moving.
They've had moments like this before, where they're so close to some precipitous drop, where Teddy feels like something more is going to happen, but at the last second, he'll remember himself and break the moment. Or else Billy will look away and laugh awkwardly. He doesn't know how long he can keep doing this before he makes the leap and changes everything, maybe- improbably- impossibly- for the better, but more likely, almost certainly, for the worse. The worst. If he does this, if he leans forward the few inches it would take, then he loses everything. Again.
Billy's eyes drop like they always do right before he flinches away, and Teddy tries to force the taste of disappointment back down his throat. But then Billy's fingers let go of the leaf and it flutters to Teddy's lap, which Teddy only dimly realizes, because when Billy looks up and meets his gaze again, it's to put his hand on Teddy's shoulder, close to his neck.
And he thinks for a minute that there is nothing ever that could be better than just the look on Billy's face and the feeling of Billy's hand coming to rest on his shoulder, squeezing gently. And then Billy leans forward and proves Teddy wrong by kissing him.
Teddy thinks wildly that he could definitely do this forever, thinking there's no way for things to get better, and having Billy prove him wrong, again and again and again, but the moment at hand is too important and big and amazing to possibly waste it by thinking.
Billy's mouth is warm and slightly open against his lips, and Teddy briefly panics, freezing, because he's not sure what to do. It's not his first kiss, or even first time kissing a guy, but it's the only time he's been himself, no mask, no shapeshifting, and it's never seemed this important before, no one has ever been as important as Billy, not even Greg.
Billy pulls away just the tiniest bit, and Teddy knows with a certainty deep in his gut that if he lets Billy go, it's over. Neither of them will be brave enough to let it happen again. They'll make excuses, or run away, or pretend nothing happened. And that's- it's not what Teddy wants.
So Teddy closes his eyes and opens his mouth, trailing a hand up Billy's arm and resting it on his bicep, drawing him in closer and keeping him there. Billy's fingers dig into his shoulder and Teddy makes an involuntary noise in the back of his throat.
It takes a minute for them to figure out where their noses go, and Billy's free hand hovers sort of uncertainly, like he's not sure where to put it. It finally settles on Teddy's knee, and Billy angles his head and gets his nose out of the way and Teddy kisses him back, tongue pushing into Billy's mouth. Billy doesn't actually taste like anything in particular besides warm and wet, and Teddy thinks, in the back of his brain, that's just one more thing romance novels lie about (not that he's ever read any or anything).
They both jump when they hear someone shout, but it's directed at someone named Kathy, not them.
Still, maybe it's not the safest thing ever to be making out in a public place, even if it is daylight and there aren't too many people around. "Um. We should," Billy starts.
"We should move, yeah," Teddy replies, pulling away with reluctance. Billy's fingers brush his tentatively, and Teddy takes his hand. "Um. My Mom's not home?"
"Yeah, okay," Billy replies, looking flushed and nervous and happy. Wow.
So the next ten minutes are perhaps the longest ten minutes of Teddy's life, because even though he wants to he just can't stop touching Billy, little brushes of fingers over his knees or shoulders, which is kind of maddening because all it makes him want is more but he's pretty sure the family across from them on the train wouldn't appreciate it if he slammed Billy up against the window and made out with him.
They (barely) manage to restrain themselves until they get into the elevator. The doors aren't even shut all the way when Billy pulls Teddy into another kiss. Billy kisses rough and like he's not quite sure what he's doing, pulling back a few seconds later to take a breath. Teddy considers telling him to breathe through his nose, but then Billy's kissing him again, and telling him would mean stopping. And that just isn't going to happen.
Teddy puts his hands on Billy's waist and pushes him back into the back wall as one of Billy's hands tangles in his hair. The other fumbles its way down to Teddy's jeans. Billy tries to find a belt loop without looking, fails, and settles for hooking his finger into the front of Teddy's waistband to yank him closer. Teddy feels sort of embarrassed by Billy's hand being so low, especially since it's getting to be sort of obvious how turned on he is by this. But then Billy's crotch brushes his hip and he realizes that Billy's turned on too, and that's just- wow. Wow.
Teddy groans as Billy's hand goes up his shirt. He's having a hard time reconciling the impossibility of the situation with the reality of Billy pressed up against him. If Teddy had the presence of mind, he'd count backwards from five hundred or- or something to reign himself in a little, but Billy's hair smells good and his hand is sliding Teddy's chest. He pulls away and starts kissing down Billy's neck. Billy's skin is warm and smooth under his lips, and even though he really has no idea where he's going with this, Billy's fingers tighten in his hair.
When the elevator dings at his floor, it takes a minute to register. Teddy, reluctantly, pulls back.
Crossing the entire fifteen yards to his front door, Teddy has to bite back maniac giggles, because this is Billy and it's just so not going to happen, but here it is, happening.
His keys sticks in the lock and for a split second he thinks about forcing in the door, but Mom’ll definitely notice that, and anyway the key turns and the doors swings open as he thinks it.
Billy basically jumps on him the second the door is closed and Teddy is about to make a crack about some obvious repression, but that would require using his mouth, which is busy with more important things (aka Billy's tongue, aka making out with Billy, aka doing again whatever it was that made Billy make that little noise against his lips).
They manage a sort of awkward crab-walk to Teddy's room, each too intent on not letting the other get out of their grasp to walk like normal people. And really, Teddy thinks wildly, fuck being normal and fuck normal people, because this is better than fitting in or standing out or whatever it was that he used to want before all there was to want was Billy.
They manage to fumble their way to the bed, Teddy sinking down onto it and pulling Billy onto his lap. Billy's fingers run over his ears, touching his piercings and toying with them gently. Teddy slides a hand under Billy's shirt and runs his hand over warm, flushed skin and then grabs Billy's hips again.
Billy's hip bones stand out sharply under Teddy's hands, and Teddy decides what he really wants to do is trace their contours with his tongue, so he manages to lift Billy up and flip him over. Billy makes a small, surprised-but-not-unwilling noise and steals another kiss before Teddy ducks his head and pulls Billy's shirt up.
Billy pulls his shirt off the rest of the way as Teddy presses his lips just below Billy's navel. The dark hair that leads invitingly down into Billy's jeans tickles his chin, and Billy laughs breathlessly.
"What the hell are we doing?" Billy asks, voice strained.
Teddy looks up at him, pausing, unsure. Because if Billy's having some last minute, oh-I-just-realized-I'm-straight epiphany, Teddy's literally going to die. "I don't know."
Teddy moves away from Billy, but then Billy's hand grabs his wrist.
"Don't stop," Billy says, voice pitched low.
So Teddy doesn't.
---
Sarah doesn't come right out and say that she thinks Greg is all wrong for Teddy, as a friend. But he makes her think in Skrullos, for the first time in years, because English doesn't have the nuance that her native tongue does. One very, very small part of her sees a boy who craves attention, of any kind, from anyone. But the larger part of her sees the way Teddy needs him, and the way that Greg manipulates him.
She wants to interfere. Sometimes she almost convinces herself to. But then she tells herself, as his mother, that he needs to make his own mistakes, and, as his subject, that she has no right to tell him anything.
Greg, though, must pick up on her resentment, because he rarely comes over, usually inviting Teddy to his place. Sarah calls his house once, tracking down the number in the phone book. A distracted-sounding woman answers, and, after a few minutes of more or less incoherent conversation, asks who the hell Teddy is.
One night, she hears Teddy sneak in. It's three in the morning and she gets up to confront him, tired of not saying anything when he does this sort of thing. She gets up, silently.
She ghosts into the doorway of the living room and Teddy doesn't even see her. He has the heels of his palms pressed to his eyes, and his cheeks are wet. He thumps his head back against the door several times, hard, and mutters "Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why'd you- stupid! He's never going to- damnit."
She wants to yell at him. She wants to embrace him. She wishes he were too young to hurt like he's hurting now, and she wishes he were already old enough that whatever happened was just a mistake made and a lesson learned. She wants to stroke his hair and let him cry. She wants to let him talk it out. She wants to make it better.
But she doesn't do any of those things. She slips back into her room before he looks back up, and leaves him with his heartache.
"Anelle, what am I doing?" she whispers into her pillow, feeling stupid for having to ask.
Something changes that week. She's not sure what, but she keeps so many secrets that she feels obligated to let Teddy have some of his own. Greg disappears, and Teddy quits the basketball team. He looks different, too, less puffed up, more driven and purposeful.
She decides that whatever it is that makes him like this is fine with her.
When he comes in, ten days after she caught him sneaking in, she notices how happy he is before she notices the earrings, which are very, very new. "Teddy?" she asks, slightly surprised.
Teddy grins at her sheepishly. "Uh. Hey, Mom."
He looks so young and nervous, and yet beneath it happy, that she can't help but smile at him. "I like them," she tugs on her own earlobe.
He returns her smile with even more brightness, like he was expecting a completely different reaction "Really?"
"They suit you," she replies. "I hope you got them somewhere clean."
"Oh, yeah. I've wanted them for a while. I had a piercing parlor researched and everything. I just didn't get them because I thought that they'd look-" Teddy pauses, frowns. Then he shakes his head. "Anyway. I'm glad you're not mad."
"Just don't let them get infected," Sarah says, knowing they won't.
"Promise. I can't believe I talked Billy into going with me. He turned so green. He hates needles." Teddy says happily.
That throws Sarah for a loop. "Billy?"
"Oh. Yeah. He's, um. A friend. I met him last week," Teddy rubs the back of his neck nervously. "He's great. Oh, he's coming over after dinner. Can he hang out here?" Teddy asks.
"I guess," Sarah bites her lip. It's so nice to see him happy again. "As long as your homework is done. And get to bed early, okay? You've been sleepy so often in the mornings."
Teddy shrugs. "It's just insomnia. Nothing big," He looks up at her shyly. "But yeah, I'll get to bed early."
"Good. I don't think so much coffee is good for you," Sarah frowns.
"You worry too much, Mom," Teddy replies. "I'm going to go do my homework. What's for dinner?"
"Mmm. I thought maybe Thai," Sarah says.
"Sweet," Teddy grins and dashes into his room.
He's jittery all through dinner, even as he washes the dishes. He twitches and hums under his breath and fluffs his hair more than usual and straightens the cuffs of his shirt three times in twice as many minutes.
When the doorbell rings, he jumps, starts towards the door jerkily, and then forces himself- she can see it in his face- to slow down.
He opens the door and lets Billy in, the grin on his face threatening to split it in two.
She's not sure who she expected Billy Kaplan to be, but when she sees him, she's surprised without knowing why. Maybe it's his name- William means "resolute protector" and so she's imagined someone more imposing behind the door.
However, Billy Kaplan slouches, hands in his pockets, face tight and anxious, until he sees Teddy. When their eyes meet, Billy opens up, a light flickering in his eyes and his lips relaxing into a smile.
In that smile, Sarah sees something of what Teddy sees in him.
Teddy clutches the door frame and says "Hey, Billy."
"Hey," Billy replies. They stare at each other for a few moments, until Billy coughs. "So are you going to let me in?"
"Oh. Um," Teddy looks briefly embarrassed but then recovers. "No, I changed my mind," he says, moving out of the way.
"Dork," Billy tells him, smiling wider. He notices, for the first time, Sarah, who is standing at the table wiping it down. "Oh. Hi, Ms. Altman."
"Hello. Billy, right?" Sarah asks casually, as if she hasn't been eaten up by curiosity about this boy since Teddy mentioned him.
"That's me, I guess," Billy says uncomfortably.
"You guess?" Teddy asks, elbowing him. "So what, you might be a Skrull or something?"
Sarah catches her breath, suddenly hyper-aware of the flow of her blood and the deafening sound of her own heartbeat in her ears, and the pins-and-needles sensation creeping up her whole body.
Billy rolls his eyes and the tension is gone "As if. Would someone who could look like anyone look like me?"
Teddy opens his mouth to say something, and then bites his tongue. After a second, he finds his words again "There's no accounting for taste?"
Billy pokes him in the ribs.
"So. Billy, Mom, Mom, Billy. We'll be in my room," Teddy says, grabbing Billy by the elbow and dragging him away.
When Teddy's not looking at him, Billy's eyes flick to the back of his neck, examining blond hair and the smooth skin beneath it. Billy colors, and something ripples and snags on the surface of Sarah's mind.
"Oh," she thinks, but says nothing.
---
"So what does-" Teddy forgets what he's going to ask when Billy puts a hand over his mouth mid-sentence, shushing him.
Billy's face is pressed into the side of his chest, just under his shoulder, and the arm that had been slung loosely over his chest is now angled so his hand can reach Teddy's mouth and cover it.
"Stop," Billy says, voice soft and pleading. "I already know."
Teddy's head is still sort of muzzy, so he's confused when Billy gets up and puts his shirt on. "Billy?"
"Yeah, look, I know. It was- that was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened, and- I get it," Billy says, sounding miserable.
"Billy?" Teddy asks again.
"I'm- I'm sorry," Billy says. He looks like he's about to start for the door, so Teddy sits up and grabs his wrist, pulling him back down onto the bed.
"Billy. Stop apologizing," Teddy says, but Billy just gets back up.
"Seriously. This was-" Billy shakes his head, beginning to pace. "This is my fault."
"What does that mean?" Teddy asks, narrowing his eyes. The line of Billy's shoulders is trembling almost imperceptibly.
"Well, I mean, that's the way it works, my powers. I want- I wanted- and I got it. But this was wrong," Billy says, voice hoarse.
"It was not," Teddy insists, sitting up, because nothing has ever felt as right as Billy's hips pressed tight against his, Billy's mouth searing its way all over, Billy's hands on him.
"Teddy, I wanted this- and I made it happen, and that's wrong," Billy sounds agitated and dejected, the tone of his voice filling the pit of Teddy's stomach with ice. "You should be mad."
"I wanted this too," Teddy says, sitting up.
"I made you-"
"I wanted this too," Teddy says, harsher than he intended, but it makes Billy look up with something approaching hope in his eyes. "You didn't make me want it. I mean, I like- I like guys," Teddy takes a small, quick breath, because that's the first time he's ever said the words out loud. "And I like you."
Billy swallows nervously, color rising to his cheeks. Teddy manages to pluck up the nerve to slide his hand over Billy's. He's not sure why that takes so much courage, but it's one of the scariest things he's ever done. Maybe Billy gets something of what Teddy wants to say but can't find the words for out of the gesture, because Billy is suddenly able to look him in the eye.
When Billy speaks again, his voice is quiet and almost distant, with a hint of surprise somewhere under the surface. "You're going to regret it."
It's a struggle to get the words out, but after a minute, Teddy finally says, "Do you?"
"What?" Billy asks, looking honestly confused.
"Regret it?" Teddy says.
"No!" Billy exclaims, then clears his throat, embarrassed. "I mean- it's- you're-"
"Billy. I'm not going to regret it. Or you. You're-" the words are too big for Teddy to get out, so he swallows and rephrases "Not something I'm going to regret," which is lame and obvious and redundant, but at least the words manage to get out this time.
Billy looks uncertain, like he can't decide whether to bolt or stay, and Teddy has to stop himself from reaching out for him again. "I- like you too. I just-"
"I want this. I-" Teddy has to stop and clear his throat, because he's not sure what he has to say to make Billy stay.
Teddy has a hard time with words sometimes. Maybe it's from spending so much not saying things- to his Mom, to Greg, to Billy- but whatever it is, it makes him speak in significant pauses, skipping the big, scary words that might actually let his mask slip. It takes a concentrated effort to get the real, honest-to-God words out instead of letting Billy play fill-in-the-blanks. "I don't know if you want this- me. And if you don't, then fine. But you- I mean, I like you a lot, and this was kind of amazing, and I want it to happen again, and more if-"
Teddy grimaces and bites his lip, looking down, because Billy's gaze is way too distracting and he'll never get it all out if he looks Billy in the eye. Teddy can still feel his stare, even without meeting it. "If you want it to happen on, uh, a regular basis, and with dates and stuff."
Billy's giving him a funny look, Teddy can tell just from the tone of his voice. "Are you actually asking me out?"
"Well, it seems sort of appropriate, even if we did skip the part where you were supposed to buy me dinner before seducing me," Teddy says, meeting his eyes and then looking away again.
"I didn't seduce you! I don't have a seductive bone in my body! And-" Billy protests, flustered. "And you're seriously- you're seriously asking me out?"
"Do you want me to?" Teddy got up and walked over to him, close enough to brush his hand over Billy's wrist.
"... And you're not going to wake up and realize I'm a total freak that can't even- mmph," Billy says, because while he was talking Teddy wrapped his arms around him and put his lips to Billy's.
The kiss is long and slow and just slightly uncertain, but when it finally ends, Billy grins and says "So I'm going to take that as a yes."
"Ditto," Teddy says, smiling back.
Billy brushes his lips lightly against Teddy's and says under his breath, more to himself than to Teddy, "This might actually work out," before Teddy kisses him.
And that's, more or less, how Teddy finds himself upgraded to Billy's boyfriend.
---
Billy spends a lot of time at their apartment. He sometimes looks contrite about it, but she doesn't really mind him being over. He's quiet and polite, and sometimes from behind Teddy's closed door she hears the muffled sounds of his voice, and then huge, ridiculous guffaws from Teddy, who she has never heard laugh like that before. His laughter is infectious, and she can't keep herself from smiling when he laughs like that.
Teddy's more like Anelle than he'll ever know, in ways she can't quite put a finger on. It's something about the way he knows the game of compromise and adaptation, but beneath his willingness to change to suit the situation, he's got a strength and decisiveness that's very much like his mother. It's like shifting, she thinks, the flesh changes but the bones stay the same. He also has some of Anelle's recklessness, the part of her that fell for Mar-Vell and pursued him, and some of her defiance, the very thing that saved him by sending him to earth.
And perhaps that's why she sees a bit of herself in Billy, or if not in him, then at least in the surreptitious glances he gives Teddy now and again.
She remembers being that young, even if it does seem like lifetimes and light-years away, (which of course it is in some ways).
Sometimes she wishes she could talk to him as more than her son's friend, but her life has become a series of compartments that are each locked away and never intersect, so of course she doesn't.
About a month after Billy came over for the first time, Teddy's fixing a sandwich in the kitchen. Sarah's trying to pretend that the reason he's eating a sandwich is because he's a teenage boy and hungry all the time and not just because she's going to try cooking again, a simple recipe for Parmesan chicken that already looks like a cat yakked all over it. (She thought she'd get better at cooking, but coming from a culture where food is rarely cooked, much less with fire, makes it hard to master).
"That looks... uh," Teddy crams the sandwich in his mouth when he can't find a word that's both complimentary and true.
She ruffles his hair fondly, even though he's getting too old for her to treat him like a child. "Thank you," she says.
"Oor 'elcom," Teddy says around his sandwich, shrugging. He chews and then swallows. "Uh, so Billy's coming over after dinner, I guess?"
"You guess?" Sarah replies.
Teddy shrugs again. "If you don't mind."
"I don't. He's a nice boy," Sarah says.
"Yeah, he's-" Teddy stops and shoves more sandwich in his mouth.
She should understand the significance, the way Teddy doesn't put the important things into words. His silences always mean something, and more often than not, they mean he's worried about hurting someone with what he's thinking. So she should understand, but she doesn't.
She doesn't realize the significance for another three days. It's been a long day at work, and she's ordered pizza, which, mysteriously, has Teddy actually asking Billy over for dinner as opposed to asking him over after dinner. She orders a vegetable lovers for Billy, and Teddy teases him about it.
"Mmm, pepperoni. Delicious," Teddy takes a big bite, hamming it up and chewing it exaggeratedly.
"Yeah, yeah. Color me unimpressed, Teddy," Billy says, picking a mushroom off of his pizza and eating it. "And stop proving my parents right."
"How. How am I proving them right?" Teddy demands, taking another bite of his pizza.
"They think you're making me into a bad Jew, and they are totally right," Billy picks off a green pepper and eats it. "I'm skipping temple to hang out with you. Which, admittedly, I don't go regularly, but still. You with your pepperoni pizza, which is definitely at least two and probably more kosher violations. And I could be meeting nice Jewish girls," Billy says.
Teddy laughs, but there's a strange, hollow sound to it that catches her attention. "Okay, one, you don’t even care about keeping Kosher, Billy, I’ve seen you eat a cheeseburger. And two, Kitty Pride doesn't go to your synagogue, or you would have bragged about it, and she is the only nice Jewish girl you have ever talked about ever."
Billy grins. "Okay, you got me."
Teddy looks somehow relieved, and he smiles.
"Well, Teddy, because you have grown up to be such a lovely, competent young man who is so considerate of his friends, I'll let you get the dishes," Sarah said.
"Gee, thanks, Mom. Your faith in me is truly heartwarming," Teddy replies.
She smiles and takes her dish to the sink and retreats to the living room, turning on the TV. The boys seem to be under the impression that she's not paying attention if she's got a book in her hands or the television on, which suits her fine, and is only fair.
She hears Billy get up and take his plate to the sink. Teddy sounds vaguely amused when he says, "I'm doing dishes."
"I know it's a strange concept, Ted, but my parents raised me with these things called 'manners'" Billy says.
"Huh. They sound contagious," Teddy responds, his smile audible.
"I wish," Billy says, a funny quirk in his voice.
Sarah slowly turns around to look at them through the doorway. They're staring at each other, and Teddy has a small, familiar smile on his face.
He's looking at Billy with the exact same expression Anelle had always looked at Mar-Vell with.
And Sarah understands.
In retrospect, it should have been obvious. Teddy's always shrugging off talk of girls and girlfriends, deflecting her questions with, now that she thinks about it, a proficient, practiced smile. And the way he used to look at Greg, the ways he let Greg take advantage of him. It makes sense, too, how, when he was just hitting puberty, she was always finding magazines squirreled away in his room, the dog-eared pages always ones with male models in various states of undress. And she'd thought it had just been good manners when he didn't stare at girls. She had seen the same expression on his face dozens of times before, but something clicks now, and it all makes sense.
She wonders dully how long she's been in denial.
It's not that it bothers her. Teddy is her son and she loves him, no matter what. There's a tiny, tiny part of her that disapproves if only because Billy's not on Teddy's level, socially, but that part of her is a hypocrite. And anyway, it's not about Billy, it's about Teddy. It always has been.
It hurts her because she knows it is going to matter to some people. As ridiculous as it seems to someone from a race of shape shifters, it makes a difference to people, lots of people, that Teddy would rather kiss Billy, if she's reading his face right, (and she does know her own son's face) than the girls who used to giggle at him from the bleachers at basketball games. He's going to get hurt, someway, somehow, and even though she knows that no mother can protect her child forever, she wishes she could spare him that particular hurt.
When Billy goes home, Teddy watches him leave. Before, Sarah wouldn't have picked up on the longing on his face, but she's watching for it now.
She wants to confront him, but that's not fair. He could have come to her a hundred times over about his powers, demanded to know where they come from, but he hasn't, and so she feels she can't pry.
So instead she bends down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight, Teddy," she says softly. "I'm very proud of you. And I love you."
He smiles at her. "Thanks, Mom."
She wonders when he'll tell her, if he ever will. She wishes he felt he could trust her.
...
Teddy and Billy are walking through the park to the Mansion, not exactly holding hands, but working up to it, walking close to each other, fingers brushing when they get the chance. Billy will look at him and smile at him every once in awhile, the lightning-and-magic smile that makes Teddy's heart pound in his ears and his chest fill up with weird, fragile emotions he's not sure he knows the names for yet.
Something catches his attention, and he says, "Wait a second," to Billy, who stops walking and tilts his head curiously.
Teddy goes up to one of the American elm trees by the sidewalk and throws his arms around it. He doesn't even care if a couple of tourists are staring at him. It's not the same tree, but that doesn't matter, because American elm trees are his favorite thing ever, right after Billy, who, Teddy realizes again, is his boyfriend.
(He has a boyfriend, an actual, living, breathing boyfriend who happens to be Billy Kaplan. His life could not possibly get better.)
Billy tries to look weirded out when Teddy makes his way back to him, but can't repress a grin. "You are so strange," he says, tips of his fingers lightly touching the back of Teddy's hand.
"Takes one to know one," Teddy retorts, smiling.
Billy takes a furtive glance around, and, seeing that no one's looking, takes Teddy's hand and tugs him toward the mansion. "Come on. We're early," he says.
Teddy bites back a smile, because he knows exactly what that means. "I'm sure you didn't plan that at all."
"Oh no, you're onto my villainous plot," Billy says sarcastically, leading the way to the mansion.
Teddy fights the urge to reply with something along the lines of "I'll villain your ass," and follows him.
Eli and Nate haven't gotten there yet, so Billy grabs Teddy by the collar and kisses him hard. Teddy tries to ignore the stares of the Avenger statues and puts his hands on the small of Billy's back, pulling him in close. Billy's bangs brush against his nose and tickle a little, but he ignores the sensation and smiles through the kiss.
Out in the world, they're making small steps. When it's just them, yeah, there's touching and kissing and fumbling and groping. But it's a big thing, for both of them, to let the world at large know, because, as Billy put it, "The world sort of sucks."
Parents, too, are for the meantime out of the question. "We'll tell them-" Billy had said when they talked about it.
"Eventually," Teddy had finished for him. Because he's not ready to tell his Mom either, not without knowing how she'll react.
They haven't even talked about outing themselves to the team. It's not that they don't think Nate and Eli would mind. It's just... baby steps.
So when there's a quiet, embarrassed-sounding noise, like a throat being cleared, from a few yards away, they both freeze and then jump away from each other only to see their teammates.
Eli looks at them, then away, and coughs (which sounds suspiciously like "fucking knew it") and Nate just raises an eyebrow.
Teddy gives Billy a nervous look, and Billy shrugs, biting his lip. There's a long awkward moment where Teddy opens his mouth and closes it several times, and Billy just presses his lips into a thin line.
Then Eli throws his hands heavenward, a touch more dramatic than is perhaps necessary, and says "Thank you God. Now I don't have to kill you and put you both out of your misery."
Nate's lips curve in a smile, and he says "Agreed. The sexual tension was killing the team dynamic."
And then they drop it, like it's nothing to find their two male teammates shoving their tongues down each other’s throats. Nate starts talking about what maneuvers they're going over tonight and is in the middle of explaining a particular takedown he wants to try out when his face freezes.
"What's up?" Teddy asks.
"Armor says there's a fire. Four-alarm," Nate says, chewing his lip uncertainly.
"So let's go," Eli demands, crossing his arms.
Nate returns Eli's glare evenly. "We have to do this right, or not at all."
Billy speaks up, interrupting their glaring contest and startling them both. "We're ready."
Teddy grins when Billy laces his fingers through his. He looks up at Nate and adds "Hell yeah, we are."
Nate looks uncertain, but then smiles. "So let's go."
And they do.
---
Sarah's had a long day at work, and she's ready to take off her high heels- healing factor or no, they pinch and her arches are killing her, and she opens the door without thinking.
As soon as she sees them asleep on the couch she freezes, hoping she hasn't woken them up.
Teddy has one arm slung around Billy's shoulders, his thumb hooked in Billy's collar, pulling it down, exposing what is definitely a hickey. His chin is on top of Billy's head. Billy has his face pressed in the crook of Teddy's neck, snoring softly. Teddy's free hand is resting on Billy's knee. And if they wake up, there is no way on earth she will be able to keep pretending she hasn't noticed. She doesn't want Teddy to be forced into explaining himself.
Thankfully, they don't even twitch, and after she breathes a sigh of relief, she has the strangest urge to take a picture. She quashes it and backs slowly, slowly out of the door, and locks it behind her, trying to decide how best to make an entrance that will by noisy enough to wake them before she gets in the door.
She decides to drop her purse, scattering its contents everywhere, and then say "Oh, damn!" loudly. She pauses after her clever maneuver, silently vowing that she will do this as many times as she needs to, the neighbors be damned, but thankfully she can hear the murmur of their voices behind the door. She puts everything back in her purse, item by item, one at a time, and then takes one last look around the hall, feigning a final check for anything else she might have dropped. Then she finally opens the door.
Teddy and Billy are still on the couch, but sitting a safe distance from each other and watching TV. She smiles at them brightly, a mostly-real smile, and says "Hello, boys."
"Hey, Mom," Teddy says, flushed, at the same time Billy mumbles "Hi Mrs. A," his hair more unruly than usual, but those are things she can safely ignore.
"Have a good day?" she asks, taking off her shoes.
"Very," Teddy beams, and Billy elbows him.
"It was okay," Billy shrugs, with a definite smile creeping in the corners of his mouth.
Sarah smiles at them, a touch indulgently, but hopefully not too knowingly. "That's good. Did you two already eat?"
"Not yet. You making something?" Teddy asks.
"Ordering out," Sarah responds, trying to ignore the fact that he visibly relaxes when he hears that.
In her head, she gives Billy points for being better at pretending to like her cooking than her own son. She smiles at them, again.
It's so good to see Teddy happy, she thinks. And they have time. One day he'll be ready to talk to her, and maybe that day she can talk to him. Let the truth out. Tell him everything. They still have time.
But for now it's enough to see him smile.