Abused Clown
Title: Abused Clown
Author:himenojigoku
Rating: M
Parings: None. Aoi(the GazettE)xTakeru if you squint.
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own him. I wish I knew him personally though.
Summary: Takeru had a day off and decided to analyze his life or lie.
Comments: I had a good day until towards the end. This is my emo mode using Takeru cause he likes to write about sadness too. I don't know his family history either.
Steam came from his cup of green tea as he sat there at his lonely kitchen table. All the lights in his apartment were off. The sun was the only thing brightening the place. Today was his day off from the company. You think he would be happy,right? No calls from his bandmates. He knew his family wouldn't call, they didn't care about him in the first place. No sign of his neighbors either.
Why was it that he seemed to be alone outside band related things?
He dealt with bullshit most of his life now. You'll think he would be used to being alone?
He wasn't.
Takeru continued to just stare at his steaming cup of green tea. He was thinking suicidal thoughts again. The memories of that night in his old apartment came to mind. He pushed the cup away. He wouldn't fall so low again. That meant the world had finally beat him. He stood up and slowly ran a hand through his tousled hair. The singer walked to the bathroom and switched the light on.
The vocalist of SuG looked in the mirror. He didn't see the happy-go-lucky smile there now. His lie was somewhere far away. What he saw was someone who had felt a lot of pain in their miserable short life. A chubby finger tugged at the eye bags under his soft brown eyes. How his face stayed so innocent he didn't know. His chocolate orbs seen more suffering than probably any person he associated with. His body took so many bruises it could write a doctor a dictionary. His bones were broken one too many times that it didn't hurt.
Takeru thought about the day he had to do that photo shoot with clown makeup that made him look like a abused freak. He suddenly punched the wall. Well, it wasn't that far from the truth was it? A clown was forced to wear makeup and suffer so that other people could laugh. He wasn't that different. Everyday he had to put on makeup to look all cute for the fangirls and PS company so that they could make music.
Ah, Music. It had literally saved his life.
Before, when he still lived with his abusive mom, drunk father, non-caring older sister, he had one way to keep sane. That was to sing. Takeru looked in the mirror again. No makeup. No hairspray or gel. No brightly colored costume. He sung anything he could remember. He closed his eyes as flashes of his mother hitting him with an iron rod came. That was one reason he was so good at makeup. He had to hide the bruises. And after everything was yelled and thrown at him she left him alone. He would run out of the house at weird hours of the day or night just to get away. Then he would break down somewhere no one would see and sing a song.
The cute image the media makes, the fangirls see, his co-works see, always happy, innocent Takeru was all a lie. He bit his lip. It was all a lie! Takeru had to lean against the sink to keep from breaking something else. He tried so hard to get acknowledge by his family. His older sister was probably the closest one to caring for him. When he came back from his mental break down, she used to stop their dad from hitting him. She came up with an excuse of "people are going to ask questions". She may have not cared a lot or at all, but at least she stuck up for him some.
Takeru took a shuddering breath. What happened to his social life? He was friendly with everyone and usually had somewhere to go when he was working.
"My past has fucked me up a bit." He admits aloud. He straitens his back and turn the light off. Pessimistic thoughts forever bothered him when left to his own devices. Despite his home life, his school life was good. He could never invite someone over though or risked not being able to walk for a week. He was so glad when he moved out at 15. It stopped him from lying to his friends all the time about having to go to cram school or tutoring.
Takeru went to his grey couch and grabbed a blue pillow. Moving out hadn't been easy.The vocalist had dealt in drugs to earn the money for a lawyer. When he got approved, he had an older guy friend keep his parents away when he showed them the court papers for him being legal. His mother had got a baseball bat and hit him a few times when he gathered the few things he had. For the first time in his life he hit her back too. Takeru was ashamed. He was so shocked that his father had got a hold of him and slapped a tooth out. After that he was left alone most of the time then besides his occasional yakuza visits about him working again.
Sometimes they still bothered him. Even after Takeru joined SuG his past seem to brings his ghosts back to life. All he wanted was to escape from hiding. He hid from his family to survive. He hid from his friends so they wouldn't get hurt. He hid from the police every time they found a spot he was selling at. He hid his real personality from everyone around him. Takeru is tired. Very tired. The vocalists leaned back and closed his eyes. Some tears coming to the surface. He wouldn't cry. He promised a long time ago that his tears ran out.
That's when Music played a part again. He was actually working an honest job when Masato had heard him singing while cleaning the back of the restaurant.
"Hey, you should come join my band!" And that's how he met one of his best friends and fellow bandmate. He met Yuji shortly after.
But that still didn't crumble the walls he built around himself.
The singer had a headache now. Maybe he should go get his probably cold tea. No matter how he analyzed it the result was the same. He had friends, but none of them loved him enough to really know him that well.
And that's when music saved a part of his soul again. His phone started to play a favorite American rapper of his. He picked up his iphone to check. It was Aoi.
"Hey Takeru what are you doing?"
Takeru smiled into the receiver and leaned against the table chair. "Nothing to be honest."
"Well, would you like go to lunch with me? Gazette just finished practice. Those bastards left me." Aoi laughed.
"Sure. It's my day off so why not?" Takeru said. Not many people knew he and Aoi knew each other from before when he worked for the yakuza. If anyone, he was the closest person at the company Takeru had.
"Make sure you come natural and not that scary Oshare stuff please~" Aoi teased. The vocalist smiled for the first time today.
"Okay." At least he knew he didn't have to hid from Aoi that much. They hung up agreeing to meet downtown in a cafe. Takeru went to change into a a grey long-sleeve shirt. He paused as he looked at the razor blade scars he had. He's come a long way since then. He smirked and finished getting ready. He grabbed his phone,wallet, and keys. Little does Takeru know, that Aoi's music saved his life from being a lie.
Author:himenojigoku
Rating: M
Parings: None. Aoi(the GazettE)xTakeru if you squint.
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own him. I wish I knew him personally though.
Summary: Takeru had a day off and decided to analyze his life or lie.
Comments: I had a good day until towards the end. This is my emo mode using Takeru cause he likes to write about sadness too. I don't know his family history either.
Steam came from his cup of green tea as he sat there at his lonely kitchen table. All the lights in his apartment were off. The sun was the only thing brightening the place. Today was his day off from the company. You think he would be happy,right? No calls from his bandmates. He knew his family wouldn't call, they didn't care about him in the first place. No sign of his neighbors either.
Why was it that he seemed to be alone outside band related things?
He dealt with bullshit most of his life now. You'll think he would be used to being alone?
He wasn't.
Takeru continued to just stare at his steaming cup of green tea. He was thinking suicidal thoughts again. The memories of that night in his old apartment came to mind. He pushed the cup away. He wouldn't fall so low again. That meant the world had finally beat him. He stood up and slowly ran a hand through his tousled hair. The singer walked to the bathroom and switched the light on.
The vocalist of SuG looked in the mirror. He didn't see the happy-go-lucky smile there now. His lie was somewhere far away. What he saw was someone who had felt a lot of pain in their miserable short life. A chubby finger tugged at the eye bags under his soft brown eyes. How his face stayed so innocent he didn't know. His chocolate orbs seen more suffering than probably any person he associated with. His body took so many bruises it could write a doctor a dictionary. His bones were broken one too many times that it didn't hurt.
Takeru thought about the day he had to do that photo shoot with clown makeup that made him look like a abused freak. He suddenly punched the wall. Well, it wasn't that far from the truth was it? A clown was forced to wear makeup and suffer so that other people could laugh. He wasn't that different. Everyday he had to put on makeup to look all cute for the fangirls and PS company so that they could make music.
Ah, Music. It had literally saved his life.
Before, when he still lived with his abusive mom, drunk father, non-caring older sister, he had one way to keep sane. That was to sing. Takeru looked in the mirror again. No makeup. No hairspray or gel. No brightly colored costume. He sung anything he could remember. He closed his eyes as flashes of his mother hitting him with an iron rod came. That was one reason he was so good at makeup. He had to hide the bruises. And after everything was yelled and thrown at him she left him alone. He would run out of the house at weird hours of the day or night just to get away. Then he would break down somewhere no one would see and sing a song.
The cute image the media makes, the fangirls see, his co-works see, always happy, innocent Takeru was all a lie. He bit his lip. It was all a lie! Takeru had to lean against the sink to keep from breaking something else. He tried so hard to get acknowledge by his family. His older sister was probably the closest one to caring for him. When he came back from his mental break down, she used to stop their dad from hitting him. She came up with an excuse of "people are going to ask questions". She may have not cared a lot or at all, but at least she stuck up for him some.
Takeru took a shuddering breath. What happened to his social life? He was friendly with everyone and usually had somewhere to go when he was working.
"My past has fucked me up a bit." He admits aloud. He straitens his back and turn the light off. Pessimistic thoughts forever bothered him when left to his own devices. Despite his home life, his school life was good. He could never invite someone over though or risked not being able to walk for a week. He was so glad when he moved out at 15. It stopped him from lying to his friends all the time about having to go to cram school or tutoring.
Takeru went to his grey couch and grabbed a blue pillow. Moving out hadn't been easy.The vocalist had dealt in drugs to earn the money for a lawyer. When he got approved, he had an older guy friend keep his parents away when he showed them the court papers for him being legal. His mother had got a baseball bat and hit him a few times when he gathered the few things he had. For the first time in his life he hit her back too. Takeru was ashamed. He was so shocked that his father had got a hold of him and slapped a tooth out. After that he was left alone most of the time then besides his occasional yakuza visits about him working again.
Sometimes they still bothered him. Even after Takeru joined SuG his past seem to brings his ghosts back to life. All he wanted was to escape from hiding. He hid from his family to survive. He hid from his friends so they wouldn't get hurt. He hid from the police every time they found a spot he was selling at. He hid his real personality from everyone around him. Takeru is tired. Very tired. The vocalists leaned back and closed his eyes. Some tears coming to the surface. He wouldn't cry. He promised a long time ago that his tears ran out.
That's when Music played a part again. He was actually working an honest job when Masato had heard him singing while cleaning the back of the restaurant.
"Hey, you should come join my band!" And that's how he met one of his best friends and fellow bandmate. He met Yuji shortly after.
But that still didn't crumble the walls he built around himself.
The singer had a headache now. Maybe he should go get his probably cold tea. No matter how he analyzed it the result was the same. He had friends, but none of them loved him enough to really know him that well.
And that's when music saved a part of his soul again. His phone started to play a favorite American rapper of his. He picked up his iphone to check. It was Aoi.
"Hey Takeru what are you doing?"
Takeru smiled into the receiver and leaned against the table chair. "Nothing to be honest."
"Well, would you like go to lunch with me? Gazette just finished practice. Those bastards left me." Aoi laughed.
"Sure. It's my day off so why not?" Takeru said. Not many people knew he and Aoi knew each other from before when he worked for the yakuza. If anyone, he was the closest person at the company Takeru had.
"Make sure you come natural and not that scary Oshare stuff please~" Aoi teased. The vocalist smiled for the first time today.
"Okay." At least he knew he didn't have to hid from Aoi that much. They hung up agreeing to meet downtown in a cafe. Takeru went to change into a a grey long-sleeve shirt. He paused as he looked at the razor blade scars he had. He's come a long way since then. He smirked and finished getting ready. He grabbed his phone,wallet, and keys. Little does Takeru know, that Aoi's music saved his life from being a lie.