Could Have Had It All BtVS/Spn Chapter 15
Title: Could Have Had It All BtVS/Spn Completed Fic
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None (eventual het sex)
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary: Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love. Set in episode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Never knowing that Buffy was brought back from the dead, Dean doesn't know who or what he is seeing while he is in a coma. With Dean so close to dying, Buffy realizes she needs him in her life.
Master Post
Chapter 15
Parkersburg, West Virginia 2004
After Sam cleaned up from the muddy ghoul hunt, he settled back with a beer (that he stole from his brother - if his brother got a girl, he would at least get a beer.) He went through some emails and fired back some replies. His face broke into a wide smile when he saw that Dawn was online. He sent a quick message, but she signed off immediately. Just as his smile was fading, his phone rang.
Instead of hello, Sam said, "Dawn! I just sent you an IM but you signed off..."
Dawn laughed lightly. "Sorry, I saw you were on, so I figured you must be somewhere with enough civilization for cell reception, so I called. I wanted to hear your voice."
Her admission made Sam feel happy, nervous and a little excited. It was something he hadn't felt since Jess agreed to go out with him. "Well, I'm glad you did. I'm on my own tonight and bored out of my mind. What have you been up to?"
"Just finished mid-terms and a paper for my linguistics class. If you were asking about the slayer side of life, everyone is keeping me out of the loop. They still think I can't handle myself in any dangerous situations."
Sam huffed a small, understanding laugh. "I remember the feeling. Dean and my dad used to treat me the same way."
"Dean doesn't treat you like that anymore. What did you do to change his mind?"
"Grew bigger than Dean. He had to shut up when I could kick his ass."
Dawn laughed again. "I've been bigger than Buffy for years, but the kicking her ass thing? Yeah, I don't see that happening."
"Well, she does have the whole totally unfair slayer ability advantage." At the mention of Buffy, Sam had to ask about her. "How's Buffy doing?"
Dawn groaned. "She claims to be fine, but truthfully, she's been miserable since we left you guys. Though it's not like she shares her feelings with anyone. Where are you guys?"
"Not far from Cleveland, actually. I was hoping I would be able to convince Dean to stop by and see you."
"Really? Dean, too?" Dawn smiled though she was skeptical of a visit from Dean.
Sam had hoped she had wanted to see him more than Dean, but he reminded himself Dawn and Dean had been close. "I think I might be able to convince him..."
"You'll still come, though, right? I mean even if Dean doesn't want to?"
Sam felt reassured and smiled. "Yeah, definitely, but, I'm sure Dean would want to see you."
"Enough about Dean and my sister," Dawn said. "I didn't call you to talk about them."
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
A grin covered Dawn's face. She didn't care what they talked about as long as she got to hear Sam's voice. "Um, did you take any film classes when you were at Stanford? I'm in this class where we're studying Hitchcock's films and I totally love it."
"Sounds interesting. Which movie have you seen?"
As Dawn rattled of the list of movies, Sam relaxed again.
Then Dawn said, "I had no idea a train going into a tunnel meant sex."
"What?"
"I know, I felt like an idiot. But I told the professor that I thought it was obvious they were going to have sex once she entered Cary Grant's train car. I mean, come on, it's Cary Grant, who wasn't going to hit that?"
Sam laughed again. "I think that's what Hitchcock was trying to say with the train and the tunnel."
"I know. I was just saying that it was overkill. The audience totally knows sex is about to happen."
Sam grinned; it felt like he and Dawn could fall into their old rapport as if no time had passed.
~15~15~15~
In the morning...
Dean called Sam's cell to rouse him from bed. Then, he grabbed a coffee from the motel office and waited by the Impala for his younger brother. His eyes would dart back to the room he left behind hoping not to see Buffy looking for him.
Sam found Dean surprisingly quiet. He wasn't doing his usual gloating after a one night stand. He wasn't teasing Sam about his inability to get laid. He wasn't even listening to the radio.
After they had driven across town, Sam couldn't take the quiet any longer. "All right, Dean, what's wrong?"
Dean blinked at his brother in surprise. "What?"
"You're doing the drive of shame away from the motel, but you're not bragging about how you scored last night. It's not like you."
Dean gave him a half shrug. He thought he'd try to leer for a second, but then a detour caught his eye. Instead of following the detour, he drove as far as the road allowed. Before he pulled over, he mumbled, "It was Buffy."
"Buffy? Buffy-Buffy? You spent the night with Buffy?"
"Yeah, that was her in the cemetery last night, taking down the ghouls when we showed up. You know the rest," he mumbled.
Sam was dumbfounded, his head was spinning. "Wow, I gotta say I wasn't expecting that." After a minute he asked, "So, now what?"
"Now, we take a look at those cars," Dean said pointing to several cars that had been carried by the mud into a retaining fence.
Sam followed his brother out of the car. "No, I meant what's going on with you and Buffy?"
"Nothing."
"Dean, you just spent the night with her."
"I've spent the night with a lot of girls."
"Buffy isn't just some girl."
Dean stopped walking so he could face his brother. "You're right, Sam. Last night was magical. We made love and there was music and fireworks and unicorns showered us with rose petals."
Sam shoved him. "Screw you, Dean." He took a step around his brother, though he didn't know where he was supposed to go.
"She did and it was awesome. You want to hear the details?"
Sam spun on him. "Stop being an asshole. I know how you feel about her."
Dean stepped into Sam's space, looking angrier than Sam had seen since John died. It forced him to step back. "Look, I know I fucked up last night. I don't need my brother to shove my face in it." Dean made his way passed Sam and over to the pile of wrecked cars.
Sam silently followed, waiting for his brother to tell him what they were doing there.
In the morning in the motel room Buffy and Dean had shared ...
Buffy told herself not to get emotional. A million things could have made Dean leave that morning. There was one time he had only left to return with breakfast. Buffy stared at the motel room door, silently begging, "Please, Dean, don't do this. Come back."
She let herself wallow in her depression. She didn't understand how she and Dean could be so far from the same page. Did he really feel nothing for her? Last night she thought he was letting her in; this morning his leaving felt like he slammed the door in her face.
The room phone rang, shaking her from her misery. By the seventh ring, she was annoyed into answering. "Hello."
"Were you still sleeping?" Dean asked over a chuckle.
"No. I was up..."
"Good. Tell me you drive a Hummer."
"What?"
"Me and Sam are at the river front. If you drove a Hummer, it's still in one piece and we can probably drive it out of here."
"I drive a mini Cooper. It's red."
"You would drive a toy car." Dean shook his head in amusement. Then he yelled, "Sam! The cherry Cooper over there." Buffy heard some muffled voices then Dean said, "Sorry, sweetheart, but the Cooper is totaled. What do you need from the car?"
It took Buffy a moment to gather her thoughts. "Uh, I have a bag of clothes, a weapons bag, and my purse, which I stuffed under the driver's seat."
"Just one bag of clothes? Never traveled that light when I knew you."
Buffy could hear the sound of metal rending and Sam saying something in the background. "Well, back then I knew you would be carrying my bags," she teased, hoping he could tell she was teasing.
Dean was barking orders to Sam, but finally returned to the phone. "Right, we'll be there in fifteen."
~15~15~15~
On the return trip to the motel, Dean, again, remained quiet He was weighing options in his mind. He felt the familiar pull of Buffy, it would be easy to fall all over again. However, he could hear her say, "I came back wrong" over and over, and he knew he had to put an end to that.
Sam couldn't believe his luck. Buffy was going to need a ride back to Cleveland and that just about guaranteed he'd be able to keep his promise to see Dawn. He decided there was no time like the present to tell his brother about his plan. "It's kinda funny you were with Buffy last night, because I spent a lot of time on the phone last night with Dawn."
"Hm, how's Dawn?"
"Good. I told her we would try to visit her soon."
"What? No. Sorry, Sam. That's not going to happen."
"Dean, Buffy's going to need a ride home and Cleveland isn't far from here."
"I know that Sam, but I've got a job in Wisconsin I need to get to," Dean replied hoping his brother would accept his authoritative tone.
Sam scrunched his face in doubt. "Since when?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Since this morning. I shouldn't even be making this detour to deliver her stuff."
"You didn't say anything about it earlier."
"I didn't really have the chance now, did I?" he snapped back.
~15~15~15~
They parked in front of the room Dean and Buffy had shared, and for a brief moment, Dean wasn't sure he could face her again. A fortifying breath later and he turned on some snark for his brother. "You should carry in her purse. I'll get the other bags."
Sam didn't make a cutting remark in return. He saw his brother take that breath, and knew Dean was struggling. "Fine, I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity that I can handle carrying a purse for ten feet. Yell if you need help with that weapons bag." He strode with confidence to the door and knocked.
Buffy opened the door smiling at him. "Hey, Sam." She hugged him quickly, in case he would pull away. "Thanks for getting my stuff for me." She took her purse from him and stepped into the room to allow him to follow.
"Sorry about your car. There wasn't much left. It was between the fence and a Suburban."
Buffy pouted dramatically. "I loved that car."
"It wasn't a real car," Dean replied as he dropped her bags on the floor. "I'm sure your insurance will cover it."
Unable to get a read on him, Buffy could only agree. "Yeah, hopefully."
Sam could feel the tension choking the room and went to give Buffy another quick hug. "I wish we could stay and help you out, but we've got another job to get to."
Buffy lingered in his embrace as long as he allowed. When he stepped back, he said, "Tell Dawn I'll try to see her soon, okay?"
Buffy nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Sam." Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder as he left them alone.
Grateful for Sam's mention of the pending hunt ahead of them, Dean took a step to follow his brother. "Take care of yourself, Summers."
His hand was on the knob and he was nearly out the door, but Buffy couldn't let him leave like that. "Wait."
He dropped his hand and faced her and saw she looked miserable; he hated himself for making her look like that. He tempered his features to prevent her from seeing her effect on him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I thought you left," she paused unsure of herself, "but you came back with my things. Thank you."
Dean didn't say anything as he studied her expression, but he felt himself begin to drown again. The internal struggle that made him want to push away. He shrugged. "I am the type of guy that would take off like that."
Buffy rolled her eyes. She hadn't been trying to insult him. "Dean, I didn't mean …"
"No. I am that type of guy," he replied plainly without emotion. "You don't really know me anymore. I only went for your stuff because I felt like I owed you. You know, for paying the doctor bills."
Buffy felt a knife slice through her. "Oh. I thought, uh, I'm sorry."
"For what, Buffy? You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why do I feel like I'm being punished?"
"I don't know. I don't want you to feel like that." Dean felt the situation spinning out of control. "I don't know what you want from me."
Buffy turned away from him. He was right, she didn't know him anymore, and she didn't know what she wanted, either.
"Look, last night was great, but I'm not going to kid myself. I know it didn't change anything." Dean stopped talking. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Why did he always let her know she could hurt him? "Sorry, I can't give you a lift to Cleveland, but there's this job." He pulled open the door before he could say something else he'd regret.
Buffy nodded. "Be careful."
"Yeah, you, too."
~15~15~15~
While he waited for his brother, Sam fired off a text to Dawn. He apologized for not being able to see her and informed her of Buffy and Dean's reunion. He added that he didn't think it went well.
Dawn couldn't believe her eyes. She wondered what could have happened. Buffy and Dean always got back together. She wished Sam could provide more information, she knew her sister would stay silent about seeing Dean. Dawn replied that she was sad he wasn't able to visit and to keep her informed about his brother. She promised to do the same.
~15~15~15~
Giving Dawn the excuse that she was exhausted, Buffy went to her room within minutes of returning home. She took the battered box of photos and letters from her closet and sat on her bed. Gently, she lifted the photos from the box and placed them on her bed. One by one she studied them, she could feel her tension starting to fade. She lovingly traced Dean's features in a photo taken when they were in high school when she finally realized something in Dean's eyes had changed. In the photographs, his smile seemed to be lit from within. Last night, Dean's smile never reached his eyes.
He was right. He wasn't the same and maybe she no longer knew him. Had she really hurt him so deeply? Buffy refused to believe the answer that was screaming in her head. She closed her eyes and remembered how perfect it felt to be in his arms and lay her head on his chest. Her hand went to the charm she no longer wore and her stomach twisted.
"Buffy?"
Hers sister's soft call broke her from her misery. Buffy dabbed her eyes and put the photos away. "Yeah, I'll be right there."
When she opened the door, Dawn hugged her. "I know you saw Dean. Sam told me. Tell me what happened."
Buffy let her sister comfort her. "I still love him, but he keeps pushing me away.."
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
"I know I hurt him. In the hospital, I told him I was angry that he wasn't there for you after I died, but he can't think that I'm still angry. Why doesn't he want to try to work things out?"
Dawn looked at the pictures her sister had been holding. "Buffy, do you remember what happened before you died?"
"What do you mean?"
"You and Dean broke up. You thought he cheated on you. You kicked him out. But, really, you were angry with me for getting in trouble at school."
Buffy went back in her memories. She did remember fighting with Dean. But she's certain she said she loved him before facing Glory. Buffy's hand drifted to the missing charm.
"You were mad at him for leaving me, but he was there for months." Dawn picked up another picture, this one was of Tara and Willow. "He took care of everything. Our bills were paid, food was in the house, I was signed up for school. Dean took care of me. Do you know why he finally left?"
Buffy shook her head. "Why?" she asked at a whisper.
"Sam was starting at Stanford, and Dean didn't want his dad hunting alone. He wanted to take me with him. Everyone told him I was better off in Sunnydale than on the road with him. Even I did."
Buffy sighed and again her fingers traced a picture of her and Dean.
"Tara and I gave him these things so he'd never forget you or any of us, not that he would." Dawn's fingers flipped the edge of a stack of envelopes.
Buffy looked at her sister. "So, am I supposed to give him more time? Haven't we lost enough time?"
Dawn frowned at her. "I don't know. I just want you to be happy again. Does Dean make you happy?"
Buffy could feel her lips curve into a smile. "I was happy last night. When it was just the two of us, it was like no time had gone by and we were back in Sunnydale."
~15~15~15~
It was late when the Winchesters arrived at their destination, and Dean still hadn't told Sam what they were doing in Lac Du Flambeau, Wisconsin.
Sam couldn't be quiet any longer. He had spent the day letting his brother sulk, biding his time for the opportunity to get Dean to talk. He had wanted to fly off the handle and make demands the second they left Parkersburg, but something in his brother's expression told Sam to let it be. "Dean, please tell me what's going on? What are we doing here? When did you hear about this hunt?"
Dean looked at the peaceful reservation that lay before them. "Remember about four, five years ago when the tribe Elder told me I was broken, that I had been cursed? I never broke the curse, Sammy."
Sam was stunned. "What? Yes, you did. You and Buffy got back together."
"It was a two part spell. The first part was made us break up, but the second part bound our souls together. I never undid that part of spell." Dean spoke so quietly Sam had to concentrate to be sure he heard every word.
Now Sam was beyond stunned. Dean had always followed orders and had done what he was told. How could he not undo a spell? "What does that mean?"
"It means I have to see that Elder and hope he can help me." He turned to look at Sam. "Because I tried, Sam, I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."
"What does it mean about your soul, Dean?"
"It means Buffy's been suffering ever since she came back, and it's my fault."
Dean began to drive into the reservation only to be stopped by Sam. "Dean, it's after midnight. It's too late to do anything now. Let's come by first thing in the morning."
~15~15~15~
Sam and Dean sat in the anteroom the entire day. The shaman was very old and only saw a few people each day, but Dean waited all day and hoped the man would be strong enough to help him.
Finally, a girl in her late teens approached Dean. "Grandfather will see you now."
After being led into the Elder's room, they waited for the girl to leave. When she took a chair next to her grandfather, she said, "Grandfather doesn't like to speak English, anymore, it tires him out."
Dean nodded. "Okay. Can you ask him if he remembers me?"
Before the girl could ask, the Elder mumbled something. "He understands English, he just doesn't want to speak it." Dean looked admonished, but the girl quickly went on, "He remembers you. You're the hunter's son. He calls you the broken one."
Dean sighed, "That's me." He looked at the old man now, instead of the girl. "I reversed the curse that was on me years ago, but I never undid the second spell, the one that bound my soul to another. Back then, a girl I knew told me that my soul wasn't broken so I didn't think I had to worry about the other spell. But I was wrong and the girl I'm - the girl my soul is attached to is hurting because of it."
The old man just stared at Dean who was looking at him expectantly for an answer. Dean looked at the young girl, but she, too, was waiting on the old man. "Grandfather?"
The man finally replied and the girl translated. "Why do you want to do it now when you didn't before?"
Dean cut his eyes to Sam briefly, but then decided to speak. "I don't really believe all that soul-mate garbage, so when my friend told me I didn't have to do it, and that my soul was fine," he shrugged, "I figured why bother." The old man shook his head and Dean continued, "Then she died, and I didn't see a reason to do the spell. I mean, she's dead, her soul isn't exactly linked with mine anymore."
The man gave another pitying shake of his head, and Dean knew what he meant.
"I didn't care that I felt like shit. The girl I loved just died, I thought I should feel like shit. But then she was brought back."
The girl's eyes bugged out and she momentarily forgot her place. "She came back? From the dead?"
Dean ignored her and answered as if the Elder had asked the question. "A witch dragged her out of heaven and brought her back to earth. I didn't know anything about it until this last summer. I was in a coma and about to die -"
"And she came to you," the Elder finished in English.
"Yeah." Dean bowed his head and spoke very quietly. "And I could feel her. When she held my hand, I felt it. When she and my brother did this spirit walk thing, I felt her then, too. I couldn't feel Sam."
"Willow said we wouldn't be able to touch you," Sam babbled completely in shock over what his brother was revealing.
"Well, she was partly right, I couldn't touch you, but I touched Buffy. I even shoved her back through the portal to you guys." Dean looked toward the Elder with imploring eyes and pleaded, "I didn't know she was alive. I didn't know she had felt so awful or I would have broken the bond. I didn't know. And I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."
The Elder spoke through his granddaughter, "How do you know it didn't work?"
"Because I just saw her a couple days ago and I could still feel the bond." Dean bowed his head. He hated begging for help and he hated having his brother hear all of this, but it had to be done.
"You still love her," the old man said sadly as if he could feel Dean's anguish.
Dean didn't look at the man. "How I feel doesn't matter. I just don't want her to feel miserable because of my mistake."
"If you love her, why don't you go to her? Why aren't you with her right now?" the young girl demanded forgetting her place again. "You're soul mates!"
Dean looked at the girl and tried to smile, but his eyes held too much sadness. "She doesn't, -I don't know if she ever…." He huffed a small breath. "It's just a spell, none of it is real."
The Elder seemed to understand Dean's feelings and began to speak. "Tell me everything you did to break the curse. I will try to figure out where it went wrong."
Dean went on to explain how he used the engagement ring she returned on the night of the new moon, and had followed the incantation to the letter. He knew it didn't work when he still felt a hollowness inside that didn't leave until he saw her again.
~15~15~15~
Sam and Dean left the office with a promise from the Elder to meet first thing in the morning. Dean could feel Sam's eyes boring into him as they walked to the Impala. He tried to ignore it, but Sam continued to stare as he drove to the hotel. "For chrissakes, Sam, stop looking at me like that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"There was nothing to tell."
Sam recoiled against the seat. "You were going to get married, Dean! That's something family usually shares!"
"I would have told you, but she dumped me before it happened. What does it matter?" he muttered.
"You've been in pain since she died. You didn't think that's important enough to share, either?"
"This is why I didn't want you to be there," Dean replied sighing with exhaustion. "Sam, I'm fine. It's not the kind of pain that stops me from doing anything. I'm not crippled. I just want it to stop."
Sam wanted to tell his brother that he was an emotional 'cripple' but he thought Dean didn't deserve to feel worse. "This is why things didn't work out with you and Cassie, isn't it? This spell or curse or whatever wouldn't let you love anyone else."
"I don't know, maybe," Dean mumbled thinking about how Buffy said she knew he moved on.
Suddenly Dean burst out, "Don't go saying anything to Dawn, either. Or I swear I will kick your ass from here to Florida and back."
~15~15~15~
Cleveland - November, 2004
Dean knocked hesitantly at her door. There was no way she'd want to see him and he had no plan as to how he was going to convince her that they needed to do the spell. So, it completely caught him off guard when Willow answered the door. "Sam! Dean!"
Dean swallowed nervously, so Sam stepped forward. "Hey, Willow. Is Dawn around? I was hoping I could see her for a minute or two."
"Sure, Sam." Willow turned and called for Dawn, who came bounding into the room.
"Sam!" She wrapped him in a hug as he lifted her off her feet. "It's so good to see you."
Sam set her down, but didn't let go. "You, too," he whispered. He released her after one more moment in her embrace.
"Dean," Dawn said quietly as she wrapped her arms around him.
"Hey, Squirt." Dean barely relaxed in her arms.
Dawn leaned back to get a look at Dean. "You all right?"
"Of course." Dean's protective shell was firmly in place and he wore his best fake smile. "You think I can see Buffy for a minute?"
Willow looked over her shoulder. Buffy must have disappeared to her room when she heard the car. "She's not available right now."
"I know she doesn't want to see me. That's fine. She will never have to see me again if she doesn't want to. But she and I need to do a spell together."
Willow's brow shot up in amused skepticism. "A spell? Really?"
Dean sighed and was about to explain when Dawn said, "You should come in."
Dean entered, but elected not to go further than the front hall. Willow waited. "Well, tell me about the spell you have to do."
"Remember when Buffy and I were cursed?" Willow nodded, encouraging him to continue. Dean shot a look to his brother and Sam offered a supportive nod as well. "Well, it was a two part curse. The first half drove us apart, kept us apart, and made me sick when I saw her. The second half bound our souls together making us soul mates, so we wouldn't be happy unless we were together."
Willow's condescending smile faded. She remembered that time clearly. Tara was the one who had figured out that something was wrong with Buffy. "So the combination of curses pretty much made it impossible for you and Buffy to be happy."
"Yeah. I broke the first part of the spell that night you found me on the roof of that frat house. But, I was so happy to see Buffy again that I never broke the other half." His voice had grown quiet, and Willow could practically hear his guilt. "Anya told me I had to wait until the next day for the new moon and then Tara said I didn't need to do it because I wasn't broken anymore."
Willow nodded, but before she could speak, Buffy spoke up from her spot in the hall where she had been listening. "You think some spell made us soul mates? Well, I hate to break it to you Dean, but I was in love with you long before that stupid curse. And I -"
"It's why I could touch you in the nether realm. It's why you felt so awful when Willow brought you back. If I had just broken it when I was supposed to, neither one of us would have - ," Dean paused, he had to make this about her if he expected her to help. "You wouldn't have felt as awful as you did. I'm sorry."
Buffy heard the sincerity in his voice, but she feared breaking the bond would mean losing him. Dean didn't know how desperate he had been to hear her say she loved him. He could nearly feel the bond pulling him to her.
Hearing the reason they could feel each other in the nether realm was all the proof Willow needed. She looked between the two of them, neither one seemed prepared to take the next step. "What does the spell involve?"
Dean had been staring at Buffy, momentarily unaware that Willow had asked a question. "We've got everything we need," Sam answered for his brother, "but they have to do it tonight. There's a new moon."
Buffy almost felt like crying. Of course they would have to do it tonight. She wouldn't have an opportunity to change his mind.
Dean wiped a hand over his face. "We need to do this outside." He looked to the window, the late afternoon sun was just beginning to set. "I'll get the stuff from the trunk, if you want to meet me out back."
Buffy nodded and Dean left. She looked from Dawn and Sam to Willow. "Is he right? Have I been cursed this whole time?"
"I know you think he moved on," Sam began, "but this curse is why he was never in love with anyone else."
"Your souls being bonded together explains why you could feel him during the spirit walk, Buffy," Willow answered.
Buffy turned to Dawn. "So much for the 'just needs more time' plan." She grabbed a coat and walked to the back of the house.
~15~15~15~
Buffy had a wrought iron cafe set in her backyard and that is where Dean set the items for the spell.
Buffy wanted more time, one more chance to make Dean see that they belonged together. "Do you think this will make you feel better? Make you happy? I feel a gaping hole inside me. The only time that it goes away is when we're together; when you look at me and I feel like we might have a chance."
Dean averted his eyes. He didn't feel better and he wasn't happy. But, he knew he had to get her to break the bond or neither of them would stand a chance. He took some scissors and snipped a piece of his hair and dropped it into the brass bowl on the table. "I need you to give me a small lock of your hair." He handed her the scissors.
Buffy sighed in defeat. Dean was all business. She clipped a lock of hair, and dropped it into the bowl. Dean took her hand, mumbled a few words, and lit the contents of the bowl on fire. Once the contents had been reduced to ash, he released Buffy's hand.
He almost couldn't contain his grin, but when he looked at Buffy, she still looked sad. Dean ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck. "So, you want to get a drink or something?" he asked quietly as he gathered his things and placed then in the brass bowl.
Startled and bewildered at his question, Buffy said, "What?"
"I asked if you wanted to get a drink or something." He was too nervous to look up.
Buffy wasn't getting over the surprise of his question. "You're asking me out?"
Dean shrugged, "Maybe, kinda depends on what you say."
"Seriously? What was this all about then?" Buffy demanded, pointing to the bowl then looking at him with a perturbed glare.
Dean looked surprised that she didn't understand. "Buffy, because if ..." he took a second to really look at her and fortress around his heart crumbled to dust. "Because if you were going to say 'yes' I needed to be sure you wanted to. I didn't want it to be because some spell or curse was making you do it."
"So, you are asking me out," Buffy clarified.
"Yeah."
"Ask me again."
"Are you going to say 'yes'?" Buffy's only response was an impatient look and Dean began to smile. "Do you want to get a drink or something?"
Seeing Dean actually smile made Buffy feel instant relief. "Yes, especially the 'or something'."
Dean flashed a megawatt grin. "I'm good with the 'or something'."
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. She smiled as she spoke against his lips. "We're great at the 'or something'."
Dean chuckled softly but his laugh dissolved into their kiss. From the house, they could hear cheerful shouts.
For several long minutes the outside world disappeared and all that existed was that kiss. Then the winter wind picked up and leaves skittered across their feet. But everything cold and empty in them had been replaced by the heat and love they found in each other.
Epilogue
Making Cleveland their home base had been a surprisingly easy decision for the Winchesters. They would still work jobs that took them across the country, but, now, there was someone to welcome them home.
Christmas found Sam and Dean celebrating with Dawn and Buffy in Cleveland. After catching Dawn and Sam making out under the mistletoe, Dean jerked his head to Buffy. "When did that start?"
"Uh, 1998, I think," Buffy answered with a grin.
Dean looked back at the kissing couple. "I don't know if I like it."
Buffy groaned. "Here, open this and stop worrying about your brother."
"You said no presents." Dean opened the box and found car wax.
"I know, but that's not for you, it's for the car. And the special motor oil you, she likes is in the garage," Buffy replied with a teasing smile.
"Thank you," Dean said giving her a peck on the cheek. "Though, actually you just gave me more work." Then, he pulled a small box that had no wrapping paper and no bow from his pocket. "This is yours."
"Dean, we said no presents. You weren't supposed to get me anything."
Dean quirked his brow, amused, and paused for a beat. "This isn't a present. I am just returning something." He opened the box and gingerly lifted a gold chain from it. "As far as I'm concerned, this will always belong to you." He re-clasped the necklace behind her neck and gently lifted her hair from beneath it.
Buffy gingerly lifted the new 'charm' to find that it was her silver band but now it had a gold accent that held a princess cut diamond. "Dean, it's perfect." Her breath caught in her throat. "Thank you," she finally managed to whisper.
Sam and Dean raced to Cleveland in an early February snow storm. They finally have a home and they promised two girls they would be there in time for a party.
Dawn paced nervously from one end of the house to the other. How could Buffy be so calm? Hadn't she seen the forecast? The storm made for dangerous driving conditions. She was half way through another lap of the house, when Buffy gently grabbed her arm. "The Impala can make it through this, don't worry."
Dawn was about to protest when the familiar rumble made her face break into a bright relieved smile. She was at the door the moment the Winchesters walked through, throwing her arms around Sam and squeezing tightly. "Thank god, I was so worried," she murmured into his neck as she held him.
Dean rolled his eyes but smiled the moment he saw Buffy's smile. She planted a small kiss on his cheek. "Hey, welcome home."
"Thanks," he grinned in return. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks." Buffy turned away. "Come on in, everyone's here."
The moment she turned, Dean's smile faded. Buffy was wearing a silver cross around her neck instead of his ring. He swallowed his disappointment, as he hung up his jacket. They had only been back together for a few months. Even if he and Sam had been calling this home, he knew that Buffy would be the one to determine how their relationship progressed. He hoped this wasn't a step back.
After 'hello's were exchanged and Xander handed Dean a beer, Buffy asked, "Dean, can you help me with the wine?"
"As long as you don't make me drink it."
He followed her into the dining room. "Can you get those glasses, while I grab these bottles?" she asked pointing to the high shelf.
"Sure," Dean replied, but he didn't move. Instead, he fixated on her hand, finally taking it in his own. "Trying to tell me something, Buffy?" he asked taking his eyes from the ring she was wearing to look into her eyes.
Buffy bit her lip in a play at being shy. "Not really. Just reminding you."
"Reminding me? Of what?" Dean was returning his own playful smile as he edged closer to her.
"That I said 'yes' years ago. I thought it was time to wear it properly."
"Are you sure?"
"I have always been sure of you, of us. It's all I ever wanted," Buffy answered confidently.
Dean's heart felt so full, he thought it would burst. He couldn't remember ever feeling so happy. "Then I guess it's time I got around to asking." He took her hands in his and cleared his throat hoping it would help those butterflies suddenly swarming inside him. "Buffy, would you -?"
He couldn't speak any more words; Buffy was kissing him and whispering "yes" and "I already said yes."
The cheers of their friends and family, who had been spying unnoticed, didn't make a dent in Dean and Buffy's world of happiness.
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None (eventual het sex)
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary: Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love. Set in episode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Never knowing that Buffy was brought back from the dead, Dean doesn't know who or what he is seeing while he is in a coma. With Dean so close to dying, Buffy realizes she needs him in her life.
Master Post
Chapter 15
Parkersburg, West Virginia 2004
After Sam cleaned up from the muddy ghoul hunt, he settled back with a beer (that he stole from his brother - if his brother got a girl, he would at least get a beer.) He went through some emails and fired back some replies. His face broke into a wide smile when he saw that Dawn was online. He sent a quick message, but she signed off immediately. Just as his smile was fading, his phone rang.
Instead of hello, Sam said, "Dawn! I just sent you an IM but you signed off..."
Dawn laughed lightly. "Sorry, I saw you were on, so I figured you must be somewhere with enough civilization for cell reception, so I called. I wanted to hear your voice."
Her admission made Sam feel happy, nervous and a little excited. It was something he hadn't felt since Jess agreed to go out with him. "Well, I'm glad you did. I'm on my own tonight and bored out of my mind. What have you been up to?"
"Just finished mid-terms and a paper for my linguistics class. If you were asking about the slayer side of life, everyone is keeping me out of the loop. They still think I can't handle myself in any dangerous situations."
Sam huffed a small, understanding laugh. "I remember the feeling. Dean and my dad used to treat me the same way."
"Dean doesn't treat you like that anymore. What did you do to change his mind?"
"Grew bigger than Dean. He had to shut up when I could kick his ass."
Dawn laughed again. "I've been bigger than Buffy for years, but the kicking her ass thing? Yeah, I don't see that happening."
"Well, she does have the whole totally unfair slayer ability advantage." At the mention of Buffy, Sam had to ask about her. "How's Buffy doing?"
Dawn groaned. "She claims to be fine, but truthfully, she's been miserable since we left you guys. Though it's not like she shares her feelings with anyone. Where are you guys?"
"Not far from Cleveland, actually. I was hoping I would be able to convince Dean to stop by and see you."
"Really? Dean, too?" Dawn smiled though she was skeptical of a visit from Dean.
Sam had hoped she had wanted to see him more than Dean, but he reminded himself Dawn and Dean had been close. "I think I might be able to convince him..."
"You'll still come, though, right? I mean even if Dean doesn't want to?"
Sam felt reassured and smiled. "Yeah, definitely, but, I'm sure Dean would want to see you."
"Enough about Dean and my sister," Dawn said. "I didn't call you to talk about them."
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
A grin covered Dawn's face. She didn't care what they talked about as long as she got to hear Sam's voice. "Um, did you take any film classes when you were at Stanford? I'm in this class where we're studying Hitchcock's films and I totally love it."
"Sounds interesting. Which movie have you seen?"
As Dawn rattled of the list of movies, Sam relaxed again.
Then Dawn said, "I had no idea a train going into a tunnel meant sex."
"What?"
"I know, I felt like an idiot. But I told the professor that I thought it was obvious they were going to have sex once she entered Cary Grant's train car. I mean, come on, it's Cary Grant, who wasn't going to hit that?"
Sam laughed again. "I think that's what Hitchcock was trying to say with the train and the tunnel."
"I know. I was just saying that it was overkill. The audience totally knows sex is about to happen."
Sam grinned; it felt like he and Dawn could fall into their old rapport as if no time had passed.
~15~15~15~
In the morning...
Dean called Sam's cell to rouse him from bed. Then, he grabbed a coffee from the motel office and waited by the Impala for his younger brother. His eyes would dart back to the room he left behind hoping not to see Buffy looking for him.
Sam found Dean surprisingly quiet. He wasn't doing his usual gloating after a one night stand. He wasn't teasing Sam about his inability to get laid. He wasn't even listening to the radio.
After they had driven across town, Sam couldn't take the quiet any longer. "All right, Dean, what's wrong?"
Dean blinked at his brother in surprise. "What?"
"You're doing the drive of shame away from the motel, but you're not bragging about how you scored last night. It's not like you."
Dean gave him a half shrug. He thought he'd try to leer for a second, but then a detour caught his eye. Instead of following the detour, he drove as far as the road allowed. Before he pulled over, he mumbled, "It was Buffy."
"Buffy? Buffy-Buffy? You spent the night with Buffy?"
"Yeah, that was her in the cemetery last night, taking down the ghouls when we showed up. You know the rest," he mumbled.
Sam was dumbfounded, his head was spinning. "Wow, I gotta say I wasn't expecting that." After a minute he asked, "So, now what?"
"Now, we take a look at those cars," Dean said pointing to several cars that had been carried by the mud into a retaining fence.
Sam followed his brother out of the car. "No, I meant what's going on with you and Buffy?"
"Nothing."
"Dean, you just spent the night with her."
"I've spent the night with a lot of girls."
"Buffy isn't just some girl."
Dean stopped walking so he could face his brother. "You're right, Sam. Last night was magical. We made love and there was music and fireworks and unicorns showered us with rose petals."
Sam shoved him. "Screw you, Dean." He took a step around his brother, though he didn't know where he was supposed to go.
"She did and it was awesome. You want to hear the details?"
Sam spun on him. "Stop being an asshole. I know how you feel about her."
Dean stepped into Sam's space, looking angrier than Sam had seen since John died. It forced him to step back. "Look, I know I fucked up last night. I don't need my brother to shove my face in it." Dean made his way passed Sam and over to the pile of wrecked cars.
Sam silently followed, waiting for his brother to tell him what they were doing there.
In the morning in the motel room Buffy and Dean had shared ...
Buffy told herself not to get emotional. A million things could have made Dean leave that morning. There was one time he had only left to return with breakfast. Buffy stared at the motel room door, silently begging, "Please, Dean, don't do this. Come back."
She let herself wallow in her depression. She didn't understand how she and Dean could be so far from the same page. Did he really feel nothing for her? Last night she thought he was letting her in; this morning his leaving felt like he slammed the door in her face.
The room phone rang, shaking her from her misery. By the seventh ring, she was annoyed into answering. "Hello."
"Were you still sleeping?" Dean asked over a chuckle.
"No. I was up..."
"Good. Tell me you drive a Hummer."
"What?"
"Me and Sam are at the river front. If you drove a Hummer, it's still in one piece and we can probably drive it out of here."
"I drive a mini Cooper. It's red."
"You would drive a toy car." Dean shook his head in amusement. Then he yelled, "Sam! The cherry Cooper over there." Buffy heard some muffled voices then Dean said, "Sorry, sweetheart, but the Cooper is totaled. What do you need from the car?"
It took Buffy a moment to gather her thoughts. "Uh, I have a bag of clothes, a weapons bag, and my purse, which I stuffed under the driver's seat."
"Just one bag of clothes? Never traveled that light when I knew you."
Buffy could hear the sound of metal rending and Sam saying something in the background. "Well, back then I knew you would be carrying my bags," she teased, hoping he could tell she was teasing.
Dean was barking orders to Sam, but finally returned to the phone. "Right, we'll be there in fifteen."
~15~15~15~
On the return trip to the motel, Dean, again, remained quiet He was weighing options in his mind. He felt the familiar pull of Buffy, it would be easy to fall all over again. However, he could hear her say, "I came back wrong" over and over, and he knew he had to put an end to that.
Sam couldn't believe his luck. Buffy was going to need a ride back to Cleveland and that just about guaranteed he'd be able to keep his promise to see Dawn. He decided there was no time like the present to tell his brother about his plan. "It's kinda funny you were with Buffy last night, because I spent a lot of time on the phone last night with Dawn."
"Hm, how's Dawn?"
"Good. I told her we would try to visit her soon."
"What? No. Sorry, Sam. That's not going to happen."
"Dean, Buffy's going to need a ride home and Cleveland isn't far from here."
"I know that Sam, but I've got a job in Wisconsin I need to get to," Dean replied hoping his brother would accept his authoritative tone.
Sam scrunched his face in doubt. "Since when?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Since this morning. I shouldn't even be making this detour to deliver her stuff."
"You didn't say anything about it earlier."
"I didn't really have the chance now, did I?" he snapped back.
~15~15~15~
They parked in front of the room Dean and Buffy had shared, and for a brief moment, Dean wasn't sure he could face her again. A fortifying breath later and he turned on some snark for his brother. "You should carry in her purse. I'll get the other bags."
Sam didn't make a cutting remark in return. He saw his brother take that breath, and knew Dean was struggling. "Fine, I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity that I can handle carrying a purse for ten feet. Yell if you need help with that weapons bag." He strode with confidence to the door and knocked.
Buffy opened the door smiling at him. "Hey, Sam." She hugged him quickly, in case he would pull away. "Thanks for getting my stuff for me." She took her purse from him and stepped into the room to allow him to follow.
"Sorry about your car. There wasn't much left. It was between the fence and a Suburban."
Buffy pouted dramatically. "I loved that car."
"It wasn't a real car," Dean replied as he dropped her bags on the floor. "I'm sure your insurance will cover it."
Unable to get a read on him, Buffy could only agree. "Yeah, hopefully."
Sam could feel the tension choking the room and went to give Buffy another quick hug. "I wish we could stay and help you out, but we've got another job to get to."
Buffy lingered in his embrace as long as he allowed. When he stepped back, he said, "Tell Dawn I'll try to see her soon, okay?"
Buffy nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Sam." Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder as he left them alone.
Grateful for Sam's mention of the pending hunt ahead of them, Dean took a step to follow his brother. "Take care of yourself, Summers."
His hand was on the knob and he was nearly out the door, but Buffy couldn't let him leave like that. "Wait."
He dropped his hand and faced her and saw she looked miserable; he hated himself for making her look like that. He tempered his features to prevent her from seeing her effect on him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I thought you left," she paused unsure of herself, "but you came back with my things. Thank you."
Dean didn't say anything as he studied her expression, but he felt himself begin to drown again. The internal struggle that made him want to push away. He shrugged. "I am the type of guy that would take off like that."
Buffy rolled her eyes. She hadn't been trying to insult him. "Dean, I didn't mean …"
"No. I am that type of guy," he replied plainly without emotion. "You don't really know me anymore. I only went for your stuff because I felt like I owed you. You know, for paying the doctor bills."
Buffy felt a knife slice through her. "Oh. I thought, uh, I'm sorry."
"For what, Buffy? You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why do I feel like I'm being punished?"
"I don't know. I don't want you to feel like that." Dean felt the situation spinning out of control. "I don't know what you want from me."
Buffy turned away from him. He was right, she didn't know him anymore, and she didn't know what she wanted, either.
"Look, last night was great, but I'm not going to kid myself. I know it didn't change anything." Dean stopped talking. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Why did he always let her know she could hurt him? "Sorry, I can't give you a lift to Cleveland, but there's this job." He pulled open the door before he could say something else he'd regret.
Buffy nodded. "Be careful."
"Yeah, you, too."
~15~15~15~
While he waited for his brother, Sam fired off a text to Dawn. He apologized for not being able to see her and informed her of Buffy and Dean's reunion. He added that he didn't think it went well.
Dawn couldn't believe her eyes. She wondered what could have happened. Buffy and Dean always got back together. She wished Sam could provide more information, she knew her sister would stay silent about seeing Dean. Dawn replied that she was sad he wasn't able to visit and to keep her informed about his brother. She promised to do the same.
~15~15~15~
Giving Dawn the excuse that she was exhausted, Buffy went to her room within minutes of returning home. She took the battered box of photos and letters from her closet and sat on her bed. Gently, she lifted the photos from the box and placed them on her bed. One by one she studied them, she could feel her tension starting to fade. She lovingly traced Dean's features in a photo taken when they were in high school when she finally realized something in Dean's eyes had changed. In the photographs, his smile seemed to be lit from within. Last night, Dean's smile never reached his eyes.
He was right. He wasn't the same and maybe she no longer knew him. Had she really hurt him so deeply? Buffy refused to believe the answer that was screaming in her head. She closed her eyes and remembered how perfect it felt to be in his arms and lay her head on his chest. Her hand went to the charm she no longer wore and her stomach twisted.
"Buffy?"
Hers sister's soft call broke her from her misery. Buffy dabbed her eyes and put the photos away. "Yeah, I'll be right there."
When she opened the door, Dawn hugged her. "I know you saw Dean. Sam told me. Tell me what happened."
Buffy let her sister comfort her. "I still love him, but he keeps pushing me away.."
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
"I know I hurt him. In the hospital, I told him I was angry that he wasn't there for you after I died, but he can't think that I'm still angry. Why doesn't he want to try to work things out?"
Dawn looked at the pictures her sister had been holding. "Buffy, do you remember what happened before you died?"
"What do you mean?"
"You and Dean broke up. You thought he cheated on you. You kicked him out. But, really, you were angry with me for getting in trouble at school."
Buffy went back in her memories. She did remember fighting with Dean. But she's certain she said she loved him before facing Glory. Buffy's hand drifted to the missing charm.
"You were mad at him for leaving me, but he was there for months." Dawn picked up another picture, this one was of Tara and Willow. "He took care of everything. Our bills were paid, food was in the house, I was signed up for school. Dean took care of me. Do you know why he finally left?"
Buffy shook her head. "Why?" she asked at a whisper.
"Sam was starting at Stanford, and Dean didn't want his dad hunting alone. He wanted to take me with him. Everyone told him I was better off in Sunnydale than on the road with him. Even I did."
Buffy sighed and again her fingers traced a picture of her and Dean.
"Tara and I gave him these things so he'd never forget you or any of us, not that he would." Dawn's fingers flipped the edge of a stack of envelopes.
Buffy looked at her sister. "So, am I supposed to give him more time? Haven't we lost enough time?"
Dawn frowned at her. "I don't know. I just want you to be happy again. Does Dean make you happy?"
Buffy could feel her lips curve into a smile. "I was happy last night. When it was just the two of us, it was like no time had gone by and we were back in Sunnydale."
~15~15~15~
It was late when the Winchesters arrived at their destination, and Dean still hadn't told Sam what they were doing in Lac Du Flambeau, Wisconsin.
Sam couldn't be quiet any longer. He had spent the day letting his brother sulk, biding his time for the opportunity to get Dean to talk. He had wanted to fly off the handle and make demands the second they left Parkersburg, but something in his brother's expression told Sam to let it be. "Dean, please tell me what's going on? What are we doing here? When did you hear about this hunt?"
Dean looked at the peaceful reservation that lay before them. "Remember about four, five years ago when the tribe Elder told me I was broken, that I had been cursed? I never broke the curse, Sammy."
Sam was stunned. "What? Yes, you did. You and Buffy got back together."
"It was a two part spell. The first part was made us break up, but the second part bound our souls together. I never undid that part of spell." Dean spoke so quietly Sam had to concentrate to be sure he heard every word.
Now Sam was beyond stunned. Dean had always followed orders and had done what he was told. How could he not undo a spell? "What does that mean?"
"It means I have to see that Elder and hope he can help me." He turned to look at Sam. "Because I tried, Sam, I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."
"What does it mean about your soul, Dean?"
"It means Buffy's been suffering ever since she came back, and it's my fault."
Dean began to drive into the reservation only to be stopped by Sam. "Dean, it's after midnight. It's too late to do anything now. Let's come by first thing in the morning."
~15~15~15~
Sam and Dean sat in the anteroom the entire day. The shaman was very old and only saw a few people each day, but Dean waited all day and hoped the man would be strong enough to help him.
Finally, a girl in her late teens approached Dean. "Grandfather will see you now."
After being led into the Elder's room, they waited for the girl to leave. When she took a chair next to her grandfather, she said, "Grandfather doesn't like to speak English, anymore, it tires him out."
Dean nodded. "Okay. Can you ask him if he remembers me?"
Before the girl could ask, the Elder mumbled something. "He understands English, he just doesn't want to speak it." Dean looked admonished, but the girl quickly went on, "He remembers you. You're the hunter's son. He calls you the broken one."
Dean sighed, "That's me." He looked at the old man now, instead of the girl. "I reversed the curse that was on me years ago, but I never undid the second spell, the one that bound my soul to another. Back then, a girl I knew told me that my soul wasn't broken so I didn't think I had to worry about the other spell. But I was wrong and the girl I'm - the girl my soul is attached to is hurting because of it."
The old man just stared at Dean who was looking at him expectantly for an answer. Dean looked at the young girl, but she, too, was waiting on the old man. "Grandfather?"
The man finally replied and the girl translated. "Why do you want to do it now when you didn't before?"
Dean cut his eyes to Sam briefly, but then decided to speak. "I don't really believe all that soul-mate garbage, so when my friend told me I didn't have to do it, and that my soul was fine," he shrugged, "I figured why bother." The old man shook his head and Dean continued, "Then she died, and I didn't see a reason to do the spell. I mean, she's dead, her soul isn't exactly linked with mine anymore."
The man gave another pitying shake of his head, and Dean knew what he meant.
"I didn't care that I felt like shit. The girl I loved just died, I thought I should feel like shit. But then she was brought back."
The girl's eyes bugged out and she momentarily forgot her place. "She came back? From the dead?"
Dean ignored her and answered as if the Elder had asked the question. "A witch dragged her out of heaven and brought her back to earth. I didn't know anything about it until this last summer. I was in a coma and about to die -"
"And she came to you," the Elder finished in English.
"Yeah." Dean bowed his head and spoke very quietly. "And I could feel her. When she held my hand, I felt it. When she and my brother did this spirit walk thing, I felt her then, too. I couldn't feel Sam."
"Willow said we wouldn't be able to touch you," Sam babbled completely in shock over what his brother was revealing.
"Well, she was partly right, I couldn't touch you, but I touched Buffy. I even shoved her back through the portal to you guys." Dean looked toward the Elder with imploring eyes and pleaded, "I didn't know she was alive. I didn't know she had felt so awful or I would have broken the bond. I didn't know. And I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."
The Elder spoke through his granddaughter, "How do you know it didn't work?"
"Because I just saw her a couple days ago and I could still feel the bond." Dean bowed his head. He hated begging for help and he hated having his brother hear all of this, but it had to be done.
"You still love her," the old man said sadly as if he could feel Dean's anguish.
Dean didn't look at the man. "How I feel doesn't matter. I just don't want her to feel miserable because of my mistake."
"If you love her, why don't you go to her? Why aren't you with her right now?" the young girl demanded forgetting her place again. "You're soul mates!"
Dean looked at the girl and tried to smile, but his eyes held too much sadness. "She doesn't, -I don't know if she ever…." He huffed a small breath. "It's just a spell, none of it is real."
The Elder seemed to understand Dean's feelings and began to speak. "Tell me everything you did to break the curse. I will try to figure out where it went wrong."
Dean went on to explain how he used the engagement ring she returned on the night of the new moon, and had followed the incantation to the letter. He knew it didn't work when he still felt a hollowness inside that didn't leave until he saw her again.
~15~15~15~
Sam and Dean left the office with a promise from the Elder to meet first thing in the morning. Dean could feel Sam's eyes boring into him as they walked to the Impala. He tried to ignore it, but Sam continued to stare as he drove to the hotel. "For chrissakes, Sam, stop looking at me like that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"There was nothing to tell."
Sam recoiled against the seat. "You were going to get married, Dean! That's something family usually shares!"
"I would have told you, but she dumped me before it happened. What does it matter?" he muttered.
"You've been in pain since she died. You didn't think that's important enough to share, either?"
"This is why I didn't want you to be there," Dean replied sighing with exhaustion. "Sam, I'm fine. It's not the kind of pain that stops me from doing anything. I'm not crippled. I just want it to stop."
Sam wanted to tell his brother that he was an emotional 'cripple' but he thought Dean didn't deserve to feel worse. "This is why things didn't work out with you and Cassie, isn't it? This spell or curse or whatever wouldn't let you love anyone else."
"I don't know, maybe," Dean mumbled thinking about how Buffy said she knew he moved on.
Suddenly Dean burst out, "Don't go saying anything to Dawn, either. Or I swear I will kick your ass from here to Florida and back."
~15~15~15~
Cleveland - November, 2004
Dean knocked hesitantly at her door. There was no way she'd want to see him and he had no plan as to how he was going to convince her that they needed to do the spell. So, it completely caught him off guard when Willow answered the door. "Sam! Dean!"
Dean swallowed nervously, so Sam stepped forward. "Hey, Willow. Is Dawn around? I was hoping I could see her for a minute or two."
"Sure, Sam." Willow turned and called for Dawn, who came bounding into the room.
"Sam!" She wrapped him in a hug as he lifted her off her feet. "It's so good to see you."
Sam set her down, but didn't let go. "You, too," he whispered. He released her after one more moment in her embrace.
"Dean," Dawn said quietly as she wrapped her arms around him.
"Hey, Squirt." Dean barely relaxed in her arms.
Dawn leaned back to get a look at Dean. "You all right?"
"Of course." Dean's protective shell was firmly in place and he wore his best fake smile. "You think I can see Buffy for a minute?"
Willow looked over her shoulder. Buffy must have disappeared to her room when she heard the car. "She's not available right now."
"I know she doesn't want to see me. That's fine. She will never have to see me again if she doesn't want to. But she and I need to do a spell together."
Willow's brow shot up in amused skepticism. "A spell? Really?"
Dean sighed and was about to explain when Dawn said, "You should come in."
Dean entered, but elected not to go further than the front hall. Willow waited. "Well, tell me about the spell you have to do."
"Remember when Buffy and I were cursed?" Willow nodded, encouraging him to continue. Dean shot a look to his brother and Sam offered a supportive nod as well. "Well, it was a two part curse. The first half drove us apart, kept us apart, and made me sick when I saw her. The second half bound our souls together making us soul mates, so we wouldn't be happy unless we were together."
Willow's condescending smile faded. She remembered that time clearly. Tara was the one who had figured out that something was wrong with Buffy. "So the combination of curses pretty much made it impossible for you and Buffy to be happy."
"Yeah. I broke the first part of the spell that night you found me on the roof of that frat house. But, I was so happy to see Buffy again that I never broke the other half." His voice had grown quiet, and Willow could practically hear his guilt. "Anya told me I had to wait until the next day for the new moon and then Tara said I didn't need to do it because I wasn't broken anymore."
Willow nodded, but before she could speak, Buffy spoke up from her spot in the hall where she had been listening. "You think some spell made us soul mates? Well, I hate to break it to you Dean, but I was in love with you long before that stupid curse. And I -"
"It's why I could touch you in the nether realm. It's why you felt so awful when Willow brought you back. If I had just broken it when I was supposed to, neither one of us would have - ," Dean paused, he had to make this about her if he expected her to help. "You wouldn't have felt as awful as you did. I'm sorry."
Buffy heard the sincerity in his voice, but she feared breaking the bond would mean losing him. Dean didn't know how desperate he had been to hear her say she loved him. He could nearly feel the bond pulling him to her.
Hearing the reason they could feel each other in the nether realm was all the proof Willow needed. She looked between the two of them, neither one seemed prepared to take the next step. "What does the spell involve?"
Dean had been staring at Buffy, momentarily unaware that Willow had asked a question. "We've got everything we need," Sam answered for his brother, "but they have to do it tonight. There's a new moon."
Buffy almost felt like crying. Of course they would have to do it tonight. She wouldn't have an opportunity to change his mind.
Dean wiped a hand over his face. "We need to do this outside." He looked to the window, the late afternoon sun was just beginning to set. "I'll get the stuff from the trunk, if you want to meet me out back."
Buffy nodded and Dean left. She looked from Dawn and Sam to Willow. "Is he right? Have I been cursed this whole time?"
"I know you think he moved on," Sam began, "but this curse is why he was never in love with anyone else."
"Your souls being bonded together explains why you could feel him during the spirit walk, Buffy," Willow answered.
Buffy turned to Dawn. "So much for the 'just needs more time' plan." She grabbed a coat and walked to the back of the house.
~15~15~15~
Buffy had a wrought iron cafe set in her backyard and that is where Dean set the items for the spell.
Buffy wanted more time, one more chance to make Dean see that they belonged together. "Do you think this will make you feel better? Make you happy? I feel a gaping hole inside me. The only time that it goes away is when we're together; when you look at me and I feel like we might have a chance."
Dean averted his eyes. He didn't feel better and he wasn't happy. But, he knew he had to get her to break the bond or neither of them would stand a chance. He took some scissors and snipped a piece of his hair and dropped it into the brass bowl on the table. "I need you to give me a small lock of your hair." He handed her the scissors.
Buffy sighed in defeat. Dean was all business. She clipped a lock of hair, and dropped it into the bowl. Dean took her hand, mumbled a few words, and lit the contents of the bowl on fire. Once the contents had been reduced to ash, he released Buffy's hand.
He almost couldn't contain his grin, but when he looked at Buffy, she still looked sad. Dean ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck. "So, you want to get a drink or something?" he asked quietly as he gathered his things and placed then in the brass bowl.
Startled and bewildered at his question, Buffy said, "What?"
"I asked if you wanted to get a drink or something." He was too nervous to look up.
Buffy wasn't getting over the surprise of his question. "You're asking me out?"
Dean shrugged, "Maybe, kinda depends on what you say."
"Seriously? What was this all about then?" Buffy demanded, pointing to the bowl then looking at him with a perturbed glare.
Dean looked surprised that she didn't understand. "Buffy, because if ..." he took a second to really look at her and fortress around his heart crumbled to dust. "Because if you were going to say 'yes' I needed to be sure you wanted to. I didn't want it to be because some spell or curse was making you do it."
"So, you are asking me out," Buffy clarified.
"Yeah."
"Ask me again."
"Are you going to say 'yes'?" Buffy's only response was an impatient look and Dean began to smile. "Do you want to get a drink or something?"
Seeing Dean actually smile made Buffy feel instant relief. "Yes, especially the 'or something'."
Dean flashed a megawatt grin. "I'm good with the 'or something'."
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. She smiled as she spoke against his lips. "We're great at the 'or something'."
Dean chuckled softly but his laugh dissolved into their kiss. From the house, they could hear cheerful shouts.
For several long minutes the outside world disappeared and all that existed was that kiss. Then the winter wind picked up and leaves skittered across their feet. But everything cold and empty in them had been replaced by the heat and love they found in each other.
Epilogue
Making Cleveland their home base had been a surprisingly easy decision for the Winchesters. They would still work jobs that took them across the country, but, now, there was someone to welcome them home.
Christmas found Sam and Dean celebrating with Dawn and Buffy in Cleveland. After catching Dawn and Sam making out under the mistletoe, Dean jerked his head to Buffy. "When did that start?"
"Uh, 1998, I think," Buffy answered with a grin.
Dean looked back at the kissing couple. "I don't know if I like it."
Buffy groaned. "Here, open this and stop worrying about your brother."
"You said no presents." Dean opened the box and found car wax.
"I know, but that's not for you, it's for the car. And the special motor oil you, she likes is in the garage," Buffy replied with a teasing smile.
"Thank you," Dean said giving her a peck on the cheek. "Though, actually you just gave me more work." Then, he pulled a small box that had no wrapping paper and no bow from his pocket. "This is yours."
"Dean, we said no presents. You weren't supposed to get me anything."
Dean quirked his brow, amused, and paused for a beat. "This isn't a present. I am just returning something." He opened the box and gingerly lifted a gold chain from it. "As far as I'm concerned, this will always belong to you." He re-clasped the necklace behind her neck and gently lifted her hair from beneath it.
Buffy gingerly lifted the new 'charm' to find that it was her silver band but now it had a gold accent that held a princess cut diamond. "Dean, it's perfect." Her breath caught in her throat. "Thank you," she finally managed to whisper.
Sam and Dean raced to Cleveland in an early February snow storm. They finally have a home and they promised two girls they would be there in time for a party.
Dawn paced nervously from one end of the house to the other. How could Buffy be so calm? Hadn't she seen the forecast? The storm made for dangerous driving conditions. She was half way through another lap of the house, when Buffy gently grabbed her arm. "The Impala can make it through this, don't worry."
Dawn was about to protest when the familiar rumble made her face break into a bright relieved smile. She was at the door the moment the Winchesters walked through, throwing her arms around Sam and squeezing tightly. "Thank god, I was so worried," she murmured into his neck as she held him.
Dean rolled his eyes but smiled the moment he saw Buffy's smile. She planted a small kiss on his cheek. "Hey, welcome home."
"Thanks," he grinned in return. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks." Buffy turned away. "Come on in, everyone's here."
The moment she turned, Dean's smile faded. Buffy was wearing a silver cross around her neck instead of his ring. He swallowed his disappointment, as he hung up his jacket. They had only been back together for a few months. Even if he and Sam had been calling this home, he knew that Buffy would be the one to determine how their relationship progressed. He hoped this wasn't a step back.
After 'hello's were exchanged and Xander handed Dean a beer, Buffy asked, "Dean, can you help me with the wine?"
"As long as you don't make me drink it."
He followed her into the dining room. "Can you get those glasses, while I grab these bottles?" she asked pointing to the high shelf.
"Sure," Dean replied, but he didn't move. Instead, he fixated on her hand, finally taking it in his own. "Trying to tell me something, Buffy?" he asked taking his eyes from the ring she was wearing to look into her eyes.
Buffy bit her lip in a play at being shy. "Not really. Just reminding you."
"Reminding me? Of what?" Dean was returning his own playful smile as he edged closer to her.
"That I said 'yes' years ago. I thought it was time to wear it properly."
"Are you sure?"
"I have always been sure of you, of us. It's all I ever wanted," Buffy answered confidently.
Dean's heart felt so full, he thought it would burst. He couldn't remember ever feeling so happy. "Then I guess it's time I got around to asking." He took her hands in his and cleared his throat hoping it would help those butterflies suddenly swarming inside him. "Buffy, would you -?"
He couldn't speak any more words; Buffy was kissing him and whispering "yes" and "I already said yes."
The cheers of their friends and family, who had been spying unnoticed, didn't make a dent in Dean and Buffy's world of happiness.