Ich war's nicht, Isi is Schult!!!

[uena]

 

This Could Be My Last Day

This could be my last day
I let go to feel the fall
And know that I’m alive
I see my breath and think of God
And everything I have

God was a jerk. Dean couldn’t help it. Or, he thought with a slight tone of bitterness, at least the Lord must have a very weird sense of humour. Dean remembered the day when John gave his life to safe him. So what now? Dean was safed only to rescue his brother in return? Not that he complained. He’d been prepared to give his life for Sam’s being four years old and scared to death by the fire that destroyed his home, but the irony of it bore a bitterness too much even for him.

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

One year, and one year only.
A day, a year, did it matter? People died, that was what they lived for, wasn’t it? If you looked at it from that perspective, you might even call Dean lucky. At least he’d been given a dead line, in the full sense of the word, and now he could organize his time left on earth accordingly - if he wished to do so. But there wasn’t all that much to be organized.

I touch your grave it comforts me
Tells me to be true
Everyone’s a burning star
Time is running through

Dean blinked to get rid of the tears, which were burning at the back of his eyes. They would not win. He would not let them. Crying solved nothing, it never had. The words on the stone he was looking at, would never change. And how could they? But still he had been able to change the past. Dean Winchester brought his brother back from the dead. But did he really do the right thing regarding the consequences? He did it because he couldn’t bear the thought of living without Sam. Now Sam would have to face life without Dean. Such an egoistic family they were … He touched the stone, gently, his fingers running slightly along its scars, representing the names of his parents. Both dead. For the greater good. For the life of Samuel Winchester. And now it was his turn.

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

And what would he leave behind, besides a car and some damn good rock tapes? Nothing of importance, of that much he could be sure. Sam would be the only one to remember him, and once Sam was gone - sooner or later he would be gone, he was human after all, much more than he thought so himself - there would be no one left to remember Dean Winchester. At least not the real Dean, the one he only ever showed to Sam.

Everything is fragile
Everything is broken
You were full of living colours
And such a sense of wonder
Prophecy is written
Prophecy is spoken
I wish I could have saved you
But I think I’m going under

All was set and done. There was no way on earth he could be safed this time. And why should he be? He’d never been what would be considered a good person. He drank too much, had too much sex - liked both too much to care - and though he had tried to do his share of good in the world, he’d never had what he considered most important. He wasn’t married, had nobody who loved him apart from Sammy, and although he could never wish for more, since Sam was everything he needed to survive, it wasn’t enough to live.

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

And now he’d never know what it was like - having a family of his own, having children who looked up to him and knew nothing of the dangers of the night - who had no idea that the monster in the dark … the evil thing under the bed was real.

Everything is fragile
Everything is broken
You were full of living colours
And such a sense of wonder
Prophecy is written
Prophecy is spoken
I wish I could have saved you
But I saw you going under
I wish I could have saved you
But I think I’m going under

He would die. He had known all his life he wouldn’t go out the easy way, had always felt it would be ugly and dreadful, but to know he’d die for Sam was kind of comforting. It was what he’d set his mind to do at the age of four.

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

The End