[fanfic] three times the awesome
Title: Three Times The Awesome
Author: silentside
Characters: Bad Friends Trio (and cameos of assorted nations, but AU)
Warning: Unbetad 3 shot Drabbles, Gilbert getting pwnd (awesomely). Bad movie parodies (that involves trios).
Double entendres. Crack. AU setting.
Rating: (But it's still) PG-13.
Summary: So while my ongoing titles are stuck in development hell, retardation of this magnitude happens:
1) The trio went out for a bachelor's night, guess who questioned Gilbert's awesome fashion sense.
2) Arthur set them up and have them banned from the brotherhood, guess what's Gilbert's awesome plan.
3) They got a flat tire while heading towards an international stint, guess why Gilbert thinks its awesome to wear red pumps.
--
01. Bruder in Law
(Gilbo's bro is (finally) getting hitched to Feliciano, so what else could be cool but have some bro time bonding with your best buds in...)
Las Vegas.
And they're going to have the most awesome bachelor's party ever, that what his plan. After all Feli will be his bruder in law very soon and the fact he is letting him move in with them after they get married, this is the least he could do for the guy. So they went for a 2-hour drive to the sin city, along with his two closest buds, checked in to the most expensive suite, all of course under his bruder's credit card.
They relaxed for awhile and within an hour Francis starts reminding them that they'll need to get suited up soon, because he knows a few popular nightspots in the city and it will be unfortunate if he can't make reservations. It did took a while for the suiting up part, not that Gilbert can't find the proper pair of socks to go with his pants (he gave up eventually), but Antonio is proving to be a distraction, walking around nothing but in his tight white underpants (did the dude even heard of boxers?) while trying to calm down his fiancee, the other Vargas brother, on the phone. The Spaniard felt bad he have to lie to Lovi, telling him he is going to be in a conference in Napa Valley for a few days--but if he told him the truth about hanging out with his closest buds in Las Vegas, he will violently rage on him for a week.
So after a good half-an-hour of that, the trio finally got to finally change into their fashionable attire for the night. Francis donning his usual sleek all black suit and an embarrassed Antonio, who to Gilbert's opinion look quite 'awesomely' in anything he put on: the Spaniard admit he didn't bring anything fancy like Francis, but he managed to attract some lustful stares and aroused looks from the all the women as they happen to pass by the hall.
He is wearing a partially unbuttoned burgundy shirt, a white blazer and oh...It could be the form fitting white pants. No ordinary man can pull off a nice look with a pair of white pants without embarrassing himself. Gilbert knows, he tried.
But being the awesome that he is, he decides to look different than his bros--c'mon, suits are too formal when you are going to get smashed eventually. He got into a pair of casual khaki slacks, a shirt with a 'now panic and freak out' print (it will be a good conversation starter) and a rocking pinstripe blazer thrown in for that extra edgy look.
And of course with his favorite fashion accessory. He can't help but proudly strike a pose as they all waited down the hall.
"Mon dieu," the blond gasped, "Why do you have a purse?"
It was the first thing that Francis noticed as he gave the Prussian a quick going-over as they waited for the elevator to arrive.
"It's not a purse!" he stated proudly, adjusting the dull-colored bag to his side. "It's a satchel!"
"It's still a big man purse, no one carries them these days~!"
Antonio snorted, trying to restrain the urge to burst out to laughter. It did make the 'awesome' one stand out among them like a sore thumb.
"Hey, don't go cramping my style!"
"Faux pas~!"
The duo probably wondered why he didn't appear pissed (like the usual) with their bantering as they all boarded the elevator. What that they didn't know is, when Francis proposed a toast earlier to Feliciano before they left the penthouse, Gilbert slipped something little extra into their drinks. It's his little surprise for his bruder in law.
They are going to rock the city tonight!
-
-
This is based off on a popular 2009 movie, so this is a no-brainer.
02. Gilbert-a
(Gakuen Setting? The trio are awesome seniors and runs the social committee of a popular and well-established fraternity in the University, Arthur is the current president of the league who have no love for the trio.)
"Hey guys! Hey, hey!"
"What?!" Francis asked irritatingly, nursing the bruise near his jaw. He is certainly not in the mood to deal with Gilbert's antics right now. Meanwhile, the Spaniard behind him lets out a groan, rubbing his sore behind before rolling to his back on the grassy ground. When Kirkland's lackeys threatened them that they'll throw them out of the frat house, they weren't expecting it soon, or worse, literally.
"That thick browed idiot set us up, ay dios mio!" Antonio groaned once more, rolling to his side as he slowly sat up. "You know I won't steal the group's funds the for this year's social!"
"I believe you, mon ami~ but the safe is in our room, everybody believes it could be any one of us!"
"We need to find proof!"
"But we can't go back now~!"
"Guyyyyyssssss!"
A pair of half-dazed red rabbit-like eyes starts to blink erratically as Gilbert wobbled in front of them. If he was ever beaten up by Arthur's lackeys, he surely didn't feel a thing. With all the booze he is taking, the man is certainly already immune to body pain.
"I---" he belched, rubbing his lips with the back of his palm. "I got an awesome plan!"
"Oh, and pray tell--what is that plan, Beilschmidt? First, we need a place to stay for the night!"
"*erp* Exactly!"
That 'awesome plan' turns out to be either the most clever or the most stupid thing that Gilbert have ever thought of and somehow the duo have no choice to cooperate with him. They were all certainly black listed by Arthur to all the fraternity leagues in the university---but no one said anything about sororities.
And so they found themselves, uncomfortable, in badly proportioned female clothes and wigs as they were accepted by a rival sorority group. They can't believe they even passed as females, pretending to be cousins 'Francine', 'Antoinette' and..
"Gilbert-a?"
A curious red-head looked up from the index card where Gilbert have scribbled his name. He is totally having a bitching hangover that, when they were welcomed into the 'sorority circle' to introduce themselves, he almost forgot he is there pretending to be a woman along with his comrades so they can stay in for the night.
He is planning to write Elizabeth, but then this happened. So he simply scribbled an additional letter to make it pass as a female's name.
He looked up from his blond wig, which is starting to slip a bit. "Um yeah?"
"Can you tell something about yourself, Gilberta?"
"Sure sure..." he drawled, trying to stay in focus. "My name is Gilberta, I'm named after my awesome dad...which you guys obviously know by now, haha! And uh...I live with my younger bro, Ludwig. In his basement actually. My past time involves drinking a lot of beer, chilling out, play video games, get high and touch myself every evening!'
"Uhh---" when he realized the words that drawled out of his mouth, Gilbert is staring back at mortified expressions of all the women. He then darted his eyes around nervously and few feet in front of him by his right side, he can see 'Francesca' facepalming and further on the left he can see 'Antoinette' making silent and violent cutting gestures across his neck, in a vain attempt to signal Gilbert to stop talking, but it's already too late.
It was then he just noticed the thick pillow tucked over his lap. An awesome idea came to mind to turn the embarrassment around.
Raising it over his head, he beaned the girl sitting beside him with all his might, all the while squealing in the most feminine voice he can muster.
"Pillow fight! Pillow fight!"
-
-
This is another amusing movie too.
03. Walk Like a Lady
(The Trio: Are in a Professional Drag Circuit. OTL Antonio and Francis both tied for the coveted role from the previous title holder *coughfeliks* and are heading to Las Vegas for the international competition.)
"Well," he sat up, straightening his palms as he smoothen down his clothes. "It looks like we don't have any choice at the matter, if you wouldn't do it, I will do it!"
"Non!" Francis flicked one wrist in the air. "Like I said mon cher, we wouldn't hitch for a ride!"
"Yeah man, so not safe!" Gilbert echoed, straightening his arms at the back of the beaten-up corvette. "--it's dark!"
"It does not help we are in female clothing!"
"--and we are in drag!"
"You just repeated what I said..."
Gilbert made a face.
The blonde responded by simply rolling his eyes and turning back to face the wheel. Why did they took the unsophisticated brute anyway? Oh. It was Antonio's idea. He can't bear the sight of the 'poor creature' crying miserably by the fire exit. The blond vaguely remembered him from the sea of other contestants, having appeared rushed and almost late when the walk-off was about to start. As if his bad punctuality is not enough, he created quite a scene when he learned he didn't win and stumbling down embarrassingly at the short staircase. In other words, the man is unprofessional, a klutz and not worthy of his time.
And he is stuck with him while their only mode of transportation broke down.
"Oi! But unlike the two of you, I have assets, si?" the brunette said defiantly, wriggling himself out of the beaten corvette, adjusting his wig before grabbing both of his firm round buttocks for Francis to see. "Neither the two of you can rock this look in a mini-skirt!"
The blond gawked and a smirk of satisfaction graced Antonio's lips, the diva have nothing to counter that rebuttal.
"Fine! It's your funeral!" Francis sighed exsparatingly, before slinking back to his seat. He then wrapped his cashmere scarf around his neck and over his head. It's the dead of the night and it's starting to get cold, he does not want the desert elements to ruin his luxurious blond locks. "Don't come running back to us if someone is out to get you!"
Antonio respond by mocking Francis's laughter--the kind that will send shivers in your spine and make you feel violated, but in a good way. He starts to strut his stuff towards the highway, as a wide-eyed Gilbert watches him from behind, wondering if the tanned man will get any luck hitching a ride.
Also, how a man of his stature can fit in that fierce skirt and yet walk gracefully with those pumps.
"Oh hey, those red pumps goes well with my eyes!" he remarked, "Where on earth did he get size 12s?"
"Oh shut up, Gilbert.."
"I'm just asking!"
Barely have 20 minutes passed when the trio saw a pick-up truck slowly approaching by with its bright head lights on. And in a move that almost made Francis nosebleed: The spaniard pretended to have 'dropped' something on the ground and tilted ever so graciously with his round assets prominently shaping tightly against his skirt. The clothing raised a little higher, which prompted Gilbert to ask Francis again what kind of binding tape Antonio used to tuck in his appendage. The blond resisted the urge to hit him at the back of the head.
Antonio's method worked and the truck quickly came into a screeching halt---and they all swore it even almost swerve off the road. But as soon as it stopped, the brunette straightened up and gingerly approached the vehicle as the passenger's window starts to roll open. He can hear people arguing by the front seat.
"Hoola!" He waved, trying to make his voice pitchy and as feminine as possible. He saw an embarrassed brown-headed fellow poke his head out of the window, trying to make out the figure standing in front of them. He looks young, almost boyish in fact. Antonio gushed, even with the dimly lit head lights, he managed to assess the youth's features and he looks adorable.
"Senor, my amigas and I are rushing to catch our flight for tommorrow and we got a flat tire!" he said, shamelessly talking in his natural accent. He approached them, bending lower until their eyes met. The brunette's cheerful green eyes slowly became heavily lidded. "If it's not much of a bother, can we hitch a ride to the nearest town, por favor?"
"S-si!" The boy stammered, "I mean, y-yes!"
"Ohh, you are italian?" he purred. He can almost hear Francis feigning a loud gasp from a short distance. "I can tell it from your accent~"
"Yes! Yes I am!" the boy replied excitedly and was about to continue talking, when a hand behind him shoved his face down to the headboard.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing, you moron?!" Antonio heard a young and angry voice and squinted a little closer. He cannot make out the driver's features until the man quickly switched on the headboard lights. The Spaniard quickly shielded his eyes and as soon as he was able to adjust from the lighting, he can see a redding face and a pair of angry brown eyes furiously staring back at him.
"Ve~" Feliciano whimpered, "You don't have to do that, fratello!"
"You are going to let that hooker in!" the man's brown gaze was unwavering, scrutinizing the peeking figure by Feliciano's window. He have heard her grating accent when she talked to his idiot brother, and for the life of him, Lovino Vargas have never seen hispanic women that tall.
"Dios mio!" The brunette gasped, feigning shock. " I feel insulted, Senor. That's not a nice thing to say to a woman!"
"Don't you even think of using God's name!"
"Fratello..."
"What?!?"
"You weren't exactly respecting God's name when you saw her in the road." Feliciano replied innocently. "You did said, "Oh god, look at that glorious ass' and you got distracted that we almost swe--"
Lovino deemed it fit to hit his brother at the back of his head again.
"You are the one who insisted we stop to take a closer look!" he whimpered once more. "...and its late in the evening! We can't just leave them there!"
By this time, Lovino can feel all the blood rushing to his face so fast that his head is about to burst. The tall brunette by their window have a smug expression written all over her face and if she is only a man, the dark-haired italian could have punch him in the face. Frowning, Lovino then tilted his head slightly to take a closer view of her 'friends', one of them is huddling with her cashmere scarf while the one at the back seat tries to stand up and wave shamelessly towards their direction.
Heavens are they from a women's basketball team or something?
"Fine!" he snapped, slapping the leather of his steering wheel with defeat. The brunette brightened up and so does Feliciano, that bastard. "What's your name?"
Antonio opened his mouth but paused for a few seconds, certainly not his 'stage name'--as he just remembered how scandalous it is when pronounced. So he came up with the first name that comes to his mind.
"Corazon...?"
"Well, Corazon, I guess my idiot brother wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I leave you here." he grumbled, and Feliciano gave him an impish look. "There! Are you happy now?!"
"Ve~!" The younger Vargas chirped, and turns toward the rather tall woman in front of his window. "I'm Feliciano, by the way!"
"Well, Senor..if you are being only forced to~"
"It's Lovino!" he cuts in snipply, very aware he is already blushing scarlet. "Just hurry up and get in before I change my mind!"
"Oh that's great! Gracias!"
"But only you!" He scowled, as Feliciano more than willingly opened the door. He can feel the tires squeak in pain underneath him 'Corazon' stepped inside."I cannot take your friends in, this truck is only good for three people!"
"Four, fratello..."
Four if she is not massive enough dumbass, Lovino puffed in response as he glared down hard to his clueless brother. He hoped that the vibrations he is sending will get through his skull.
Feliciano gave him a pleading look, "...okay, but we will be back for them, right?"
"Yes!"
Corazon was busy trying to get herself comfortable within the cramped pick-up track and Lovino cringed when she happily kicked off her red pumps. Those are really large pumps. Her feet is also damnbly large, which made him wonder if she is on steroids. It seems everything is large with this woman, But she also happens to be large in the 'right places', as she bends over to massage her feet, the dark-haired italian bit his lip as her tight round magnificent rump prominently tighten up around her skirt.
That skirt.
It's so short.
"That ass..."
Corazon turned her head around, and wide cheerful green eyes blinked. "Hmm?"
"--as soon as possible!" he stammered, reddening a new. It does not help his idiot brother is snickering beside him and they're cramped up like sardines in a can. "S-stop moving around like that so we can now get out of here as soon as possible!"
"Okay then if you say so!" she grinned, straightening up. "I will just inform my amigas first, si?"
"Whatever!"
"Dude..." Gilbert watched as Antonio poked his head out of the window and is starting to holler towards them, waving one hand happily in the air before they took off. "--did he took off without us? I don't understand Spanish!"
"Unbelievably, yes!" he fumed, the blond was stunned that the men in the pick-up truck were quickly led to believe that Antonio is a female. He certainly knows that between the two of them, he looks more belivably a female (provided he shaves during the afternoons) but what the brunette lack in the fine feminine features he made it up with curves. "He said they would come back for us, apparently we can't all fit in that thing. But I couldn't care less! Au revoir!"
"You wouldn't get in that 'thing' even if we can fit?"
"Non~!" he waved his hand dramatically, as he gently loosened the cashmere. Francis needs some air and he slowly stepped out the vehicle."I would rather ride in a vehicle where I know I would be be safe! If you haven't noticed, the driver looks like he is about to have an aneurysm by just staring on Antonio's ass~!"
"Well, it seems to be a pretty fine ass to me." Gilbert replied. It was a surprise that the blond decided to ignore his comment this time. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get proper help~! I'll show that air head!"
"But you just said that we stay---"
"Forget what I said!"
He expected the annoying comeback from Gilbert, but as fate would have it, another vehicle conveniently came to their view and the blond quickly lit up.
"--I'm certain you wouldn't do what he did awhile go..."
"I wouldn't resort to such thing, mon cher~" he purred in a softly malicious tone. "Cette maman m'a sophistication et de classe!"
Gilbert rolled his eyes, "Yeah easy for you to say, you are pretty!"
"Merci Beaucoup~"
The vehicle approached closer, they noticed the tell tale blinking lights above it. Ah police car! Ah good, maybe he wouldn't be picky this time. In a move that made Gilbert twitch slightly, Francis loosened his cashmere scarf around his head and set his luxurious blond locks loose.
The vehicle slowed down, and a uniformed man with a flash light stepped out to view.
"Ah~ma'cherie!" he said ever so dramatically, placing a palm over his head. Gilbert cringed on the sudden shifting tone of the blond's voice--it's quite believable. "At last, at long last! Somebody came to our rescue!"
"It's sheriff, madam. Sheriff Kirkland." The uniformed man replied flatly, lifting the flashlight higher to their faces. "Can I see any form of identification?"
"Oh non~ you don't really...?"
"Identification please?"
Gilbert managed to get a clearer glimpse of the officer's face with the blinding light as Francis pouted and made way back to his vehicle to get his license.
Dayum. he thought. Those are some hairy eyebrows.
~= FIN =~
Do you know the feeling when you wake up with a massive hangover and you are suddenly flooded with the embarrassing episodes the night before, wishing it never happened?
THAT'S WHAT I FELT TYPING THIS FIC.
I can't keep a straight face orz.
A/N: If you can guess what the third movie is then brownie points for you \o/ or a free dairy queen ice cream point for you if you are coming to the heta-ph art meet! At any rate, the third drabble is the hardest to write...I have a hard time not head desking because the imagery burns so hard in my head orz. But that movie is golden ;w;b and you will all get why Arthur is the policeman if you watch the movie...the character have the mistake of lifting someone's skirt haha xD
I WANT TO CONTINUE THEM ;_; but I'm bad with continuity, so I leave it as it is :T somebodydoitiwillloveyouforever.
It's also almost 6 am in the morning and I haven't slept yet. Great and awful ideas came late.
Author: silentside
Characters: Bad Friends Trio (and cameos of assorted nations, but AU)
Warning: Unbetad 3 shot Drabbles, Gilbert getting pwnd (awesomely). Bad movie parodies (that involves trios).
Double entendres. Crack. AU setting.
Rating: (But it's still) PG-13.
Summary: So while my ongoing titles are stuck in development hell, retardation of this magnitude happens:
1) The trio went out for a bachelor's night, guess who questioned Gilbert's awesome fashion sense.
2) Arthur set them up and have them banned from the brotherhood, guess what's Gilbert's awesome plan.
3) They got a flat tire while heading towards an international stint, guess why Gilbert thinks its awesome to wear red pumps.
--
01. Bruder in Law
(Gilbo's bro is (finally) getting hitched to Feliciano, so what else could be cool but have some bro time bonding with your best buds in...)
Las Vegas.
And they're going to have the most awesome bachelor's party ever, that what his plan. After all Feli will be his bruder in law very soon and the fact he is letting him move in with them after they get married, this is the least he could do for the guy. So they went for a 2-hour drive to the sin city, along with his two closest buds, checked in to the most expensive suite, all of course under his bruder's credit card.
They relaxed for awhile and within an hour Francis starts reminding them that they'll need to get suited up soon, because he knows a few popular nightspots in the city and it will be unfortunate if he can't make reservations. It did took a while for the suiting up part, not that Gilbert can't find the proper pair of socks to go with his pants (he gave up eventually), but Antonio is proving to be a distraction, walking around nothing but in his tight white underpants (did the dude even heard of boxers?) while trying to calm down his fiancee, the other Vargas brother, on the phone. The Spaniard felt bad he have to lie to Lovi, telling him he is going to be in a conference in Napa Valley for a few days--but if he told him the truth about hanging out with his closest buds in Las Vegas, he will violently rage on him for a week.
So after a good half-an-hour of that, the trio finally got to finally change into their fashionable attire for the night. Francis donning his usual sleek all black suit and an embarrassed Antonio, who to Gilbert's opinion look quite 'awesomely' in anything he put on: the Spaniard admit he didn't bring anything fancy like Francis, but he managed to attract some lustful stares and aroused looks from the all the women as they happen to pass by the hall.
He is wearing a partially unbuttoned burgundy shirt, a white blazer and oh...It could be the form fitting white pants. No ordinary man can pull off a nice look with a pair of white pants without embarrassing himself. Gilbert knows, he tried.
But being the awesome that he is, he decides to look different than his bros--c'mon, suits are too formal when you are going to get smashed eventually. He got into a pair of casual khaki slacks, a shirt with a 'now panic and freak out' print (it will be a good conversation starter) and a rocking pinstripe blazer thrown in for that extra edgy look.
And of course with his favorite fashion accessory. He can't help but proudly strike a pose as they all waited down the hall.
"Mon dieu," the blond gasped, "Why do you have a purse?"
It was the first thing that Francis noticed as he gave the Prussian a quick going-over as they waited for the elevator to arrive.
"It's not a purse!" he stated proudly, adjusting the dull-colored bag to his side. "It's a satchel!"
"It's still a big man purse, no one carries them these days~!"
Antonio snorted, trying to restrain the urge to burst out to laughter. It did make the 'awesome' one stand out among them like a sore thumb.
"Hey, don't go cramping my style!"
"Faux pas~!"
The duo probably wondered why he didn't appear pissed (like the usual) with their bantering as they all boarded the elevator. What that they didn't know is, when Francis proposed a toast earlier to Feliciano before they left the penthouse, Gilbert slipped something little extra into their drinks. It's his little surprise for his bruder in law.
They are going to rock the city tonight!
-
-
This is based off on a popular 2009 movie, so this is a no-brainer.
02. Gilbert-a
(Gakuen Setting? The trio are awesome seniors and runs the social committee of a popular and well-established fraternity in the University, Arthur is the current president of the league who have no love for the trio.)
"Hey guys! Hey, hey!"
"What?!" Francis asked irritatingly, nursing the bruise near his jaw. He is certainly not in the mood to deal with Gilbert's antics right now. Meanwhile, the Spaniard behind him lets out a groan, rubbing his sore behind before rolling to his back on the grassy ground. When Kirkland's lackeys threatened them that they'll throw them out of the frat house, they weren't expecting it soon, or worse, literally.
"That thick browed idiot set us up, ay dios mio!" Antonio groaned once more, rolling to his side as he slowly sat up. "You know I won't steal the group's funds the for this year's social!"
"I believe you, mon ami~ but the safe is in our room, everybody believes it could be any one of us!"
"We need to find proof!"
"But we can't go back now~!"
"Guyyyyyssssss!"
A pair of half-dazed red rabbit-like eyes starts to blink erratically as Gilbert wobbled in front of them. If he was ever beaten up by Arthur's lackeys, he surely didn't feel a thing. With all the booze he is taking, the man is certainly already immune to body pain.
"I---" he belched, rubbing his lips with the back of his palm. "I got an awesome plan!"
"Oh, and pray tell--what is that plan, Beilschmidt? First, we need a place to stay for the night!"
"*erp* Exactly!"
That 'awesome plan' turns out to be either the most clever or the most stupid thing that Gilbert have ever thought of and somehow the duo have no choice to cooperate with him. They were all certainly black listed by Arthur to all the fraternity leagues in the university---but no one said anything about sororities.
And so they found themselves, uncomfortable, in badly proportioned female clothes and wigs as they were accepted by a rival sorority group. They can't believe they even passed as females, pretending to be cousins 'Francine', 'Antoinette' and..
"Gilbert-a?"
A curious red-head looked up from the index card where Gilbert have scribbled his name. He is totally having a bitching hangover that, when they were welcomed into the 'sorority circle' to introduce themselves, he almost forgot he is there pretending to be a woman along with his comrades so they can stay in for the night.
He is planning to write Elizabeth, but then this happened. So he simply scribbled an additional letter to make it pass as a female's name.
He looked up from his blond wig, which is starting to slip a bit. "Um yeah?"
"Can you tell something about yourself, Gilberta?"
"Sure sure..." he drawled, trying to stay in focus. "My name is Gilberta, I'm named after my awesome dad...which you guys obviously know by now, haha! And uh...I live with my younger bro, Ludwig. In his basement actually. My past time involves drinking a lot of beer, chilling out, play video games, get high and touch myself every evening!'
"Uhh---" when he realized the words that drawled out of his mouth, Gilbert is staring back at mortified expressions of all the women. He then darted his eyes around nervously and few feet in front of him by his right side, he can see 'Francesca' facepalming and further on the left he can see 'Antoinette' making silent and violent cutting gestures across his neck, in a vain attempt to signal Gilbert to stop talking, but it's already too late.
It was then he just noticed the thick pillow tucked over his lap. An awesome idea came to mind to turn the embarrassment around.
Raising it over his head, he beaned the girl sitting beside him with all his might, all the while squealing in the most feminine voice he can muster.
"Pillow fight! Pillow fight!"
-
-
This is another amusing movie too.
03. Walk Like a Lady
(The Trio: Are in a Professional Drag Circuit. OTL Antonio and Francis both tied for the coveted role from the previous title holder *coughfeliks* and are heading to Las Vegas for the international competition.)
"Well," he sat up, straightening his palms as he smoothen down his clothes. "It looks like we don't have any choice at the matter, if you wouldn't do it, I will do it!"
"Non!" Francis flicked one wrist in the air. "Like I said mon cher, we wouldn't hitch for a ride!"
"Yeah man, so not safe!" Gilbert echoed, straightening his arms at the back of the beaten-up corvette. "--it's dark!"
"It does not help we are in female clothing!"
"--and we are in drag!"
"You just repeated what I said..."
Gilbert made a face.
The blonde responded by simply rolling his eyes and turning back to face the wheel. Why did they took the unsophisticated brute anyway? Oh. It was Antonio's idea. He can't bear the sight of the 'poor creature' crying miserably by the fire exit. The blond vaguely remembered him from the sea of other contestants, having appeared rushed and almost late when the walk-off was about to start. As if his bad punctuality is not enough, he created quite a scene when he learned he didn't win and stumbling down embarrassingly at the short staircase. In other words, the man is unprofessional, a klutz and not worthy of his time.
And he is stuck with him while their only mode of transportation broke down.
"Oi! But unlike the two of you, I have assets, si?" the brunette said defiantly, wriggling himself out of the beaten corvette, adjusting his wig before grabbing both of his firm round buttocks for Francis to see. "Neither the two of you can rock this look in a mini-skirt!"
The blond gawked and a smirk of satisfaction graced Antonio's lips, the diva have nothing to counter that rebuttal.
"Fine! It's your funeral!" Francis sighed exsparatingly, before slinking back to his seat. He then wrapped his cashmere scarf around his neck and over his head. It's the dead of the night and it's starting to get cold, he does not want the desert elements to ruin his luxurious blond locks. "Don't come running back to us if someone is out to get you!"
Antonio respond by mocking Francis's laughter--the kind that will send shivers in your spine and make you feel violated, but in a good way. He starts to strut his stuff towards the highway, as a wide-eyed Gilbert watches him from behind, wondering if the tanned man will get any luck hitching a ride.
Also, how a man of his stature can fit in that fierce skirt and yet walk gracefully with those pumps.
"Oh hey, those red pumps goes well with my eyes!" he remarked, "Where on earth did he get size 12s?"
"Oh shut up, Gilbert.."
"I'm just asking!"
Barely have 20 minutes passed when the trio saw a pick-up truck slowly approaching by with its bright head lights on. And in a move that almost made Francis nosebleed: The spaniard pretended to have 'dropped' something on the ground and tilted ever so graciously with his round assets prominently shaping tightly against his skirt. The clothing raised a little higher, which prompted Gilbert to ask Francis again what kind of binding tape Antonio used to tuck in his appendage. The blond resisted the urge to hit him at the back of the head.
Antonio's method worked and the truck quickly came into a screeching halt---and they all swore it even almost swerve off the road. But as soon as it stopped, the brunette straightened up and gingerly approached the vehicle as the passenger's window starts to roll open. He can hear people arguing by the front seat.
"Hoola!" He waved, trying to make his voice pitchy and as feminine as possible. He saw an embarrassed brown-headed fellow poke his head out of the window, trying to make out the figure standing in front of them. He looks young, almost boyish in fact. Antonio gushed, even with the dimly lit head lights, he managed to assess the youth's features and he looks adorable.
"Senor, my amigas and I are rushing to catch our flight for tommorrow and we got a flat tire!" he said, shamelessly talking in his natural accent. He approached them, bending lower until their eyes met. The brunette's cheerful green eyes slowly became heavily lidded. "If it's not much of a bother, can we hitch a ride to the nearest town, por favor?"
"S-si!" The boy stammered, "I mean, y-yes!"
"Ohh, you are italian?" he purred. He can almost hear Francis feigning a loud gasp from a short distance. "I can tell it from your accent~"
"Yes! Yes I am!" the boy replied excitedly and was about to continue talking, when a hand behind him shoved his face down to the headboard.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing, you moron?!" Antonio heard a young and angry voice and squinted a little closer. He cannot make out the driver's features until the man quickly switched on the headboard lights. The Spaniard quickly shielded his eyes and as soon as he was able to adjust from the lighting, he can see a redding face and a pair of angry brown eyes furiously staring back at him.
"Ve~" Feliciano whimpered, "You don't have to do that, fratello!"
"You are going to let that hooker in!" the man's brown gaze was unwavering, scrutinizing the peeking figure by Feliciano's window. He have heard her grating accent when she talked to his idiot brother, and for the life of him, Lovino Vargas have never seen hispanic women that tall.
"Dios mio!" The brunette gasped, feigning shock. " I feel insulted, Senor. That's not a nice thing to say to a woman!"
"Don't you even think of using God's name!"
"Fratello..."
"What?!?"
"You weren't exactly respecting God's name when you saw her in the road." Feliciano replied innocently. "You did said, "Oh god, look at that glorious ass' and you got distracted that we almost swe--"
Lovino deemed it fit to hit his brother at the back of his head again.
"You are the one who insisted we stop to take a closer look!" he whimpered once more. "...and its late in the evening! We can't just leave them there!"
By this time, Lovino can feel all the blood rushing to his face so fast that his head is about to burst. The tall brunette by their window have a smug expression written all over her face and if she is only a man, the dark-haired italian could have punch him in the face. Frowning, Lovino then tilted his head slightly to take a closer view of her 'friends', one of them is huddling with her cashmere scarf while the one at the back seat tries to stand up and wave shamelessly towards their direction.
Heavens are they from a women's basketball team or something?
"Fine!" he snapped, slapping the leather of his steering wheel with defeat. The brunette brightened up and so does Feliciano, that bastard. "What's your name?"
Antonio opened his mouth but paused for a few seconds, certainly not his 'stage name'--as he just remembered how scandalous it is when pronounced. So he came up with the first name that comes to his mind.
"Corazon...?"
"Well, Corazon, I guess my idiot brother wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I leave you here." he grumbled, and Feliciano gave him an impish look. "There! Are you happy now?!"
"Ve~!" The younger Vargas chirped, and turns toward the rather tall woman in front of his window. "I'm Feliciano, by the way!"
"Well, Senor..if you are being only forced to~"
"It's Lovino!" he cuts in snipply, very aware he is already blushing scarlet. "Just hurry up and get in before I change my mind!"
"Oh that's great! Gracias!"
"But only you!" He scowled, as Feliciano more than willingly opened the door. He can feel the tires squeak in pain underneath him 'Corazon' stepped inside."I cannot take your friends in, this truck is only good for three people!"
"Four, fratello..."
Four if she is not massive enough dumbass, Lovino puffed in response as he glared down hard to his clueless brother. He hoped that the vibrations he is sending will get through his skull.
Feliciano gave him a pleading look, "...okay, but we will be back for them, right?"
"Yes!"
Corazon was busy trying to get herself comfortable within the cramped pick-up track and Lovino cringed when she happily kicked off her red pumps. Those are really large pumps. Her feet is also damnbly large, which made him wonder if she is on steroids. It seems everything is large with this woman, But she also happens to be large in the 'right places', as she bends over to massage her feet, the dark-haired italian bit his lip as her tight round magnificent rump prominently tighten up around her skirt.
That skirt.
It's so short.
"That ass..."
Corazon turned her head around, and wide cheerful green eyes blinked. "Hmm?"
"--as soon as possible!" he stammered, reddening a new. It does not help his idiot brother is snickering beside him and they're cramped up like sardines in a can. "S-stop moving around like that so we can now get out of here as soon as possible!"
"Okay then if you say so!" she grinned, straightening up. "I will just inform my amigas first, si?"
"Whatever!"
"Dude..." Gilbert watched as Antonio poked his head out of the window and is starting to holler towards them, waving one hand happily in the air before they took off. "--did he took off without us? I don't understand Spanish!"
"Unbelievably, yes!" he fumed, the blond was stunned that the men in the pick-up truck were quickly led to believe that Antonio is a female. He certainly knows that between the two of them, he looks more belivably a female (provided he shaves during the afternoons) but what the brunette lack in the fine feminine features he made it up with curves. "He said they would come back for us, apparently we can't all fit in that thing. But I couldn't care less! Au revoir!"
"You wouldn't get in that 'thing' even if we can fit?"
"Non~!" he waved his hand dramatically, as he gently loosened the cashmere. Francis needs some air and he slowly stepped out the vehicle."I would rather ride in a vehicle where I know I would be be safe! If you haven't noticed, the driver looks like he is about to have an aneurysm by just staring on Antonio's ass~!"
"Well, it seems to be a pretty fine ass to me." Gilbert replied. It was a surprise that the blond decided to ignore his comment this time. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get proper help~! I'll show that air head!"
"But you just said that we stay---"
"Forget what I said!"
He expected the annoying comeback from Gilbert, but as fate would have it, another vehicle conveniently came to their view and the blond quickly lit up.
"--I'm certain you wouldn't do what he did awhile go..."
"I wouldn't resort to such thing, mon cher~" he purred in a softly malicious tone. "Cette maman m'a sophistication et de classe!"
Gilbert rolled his eyes, "Yeah easy for you to say, you are pretty!"
"Merci Beaucoup~"
The vehicle approached closer, they noticed the tell tale blinking lights above it. Ah police car! Ah good, maybe he wouldn't be picky this time. In a move that made Gilbert twitch slightly, Francis loosened his cashmere scarf around his head and set his luxurious blond locks loose.
The vehicle slowed down, and a uniformed man with a flash light stepped out to view.
"Ah~ma'cherie!" he said ever so dramatically, placing a palm over his head. Gilbert cringed on the sudden shifting tone of the blond's voice--it's quite believable. "At last, at long last! Somebody came to our rescue!"
"It's sheriff, madam. Sheriff Kirkland." The uniformed man replied flatly, lifting the flashlight higher to their faces. "Can I see any form of identification?"
"Oh non~ you don't really...?"
"Identification please?"
Gilbert managed to get a clearer glimpse of the officer's face with the blinding light as Francis pouted and made way back to his vehicle to get his license.
Dayum. he thought. Those are some hairy eyebrows.
~= FIN =~
Do you know the feeling when you wake up with a massive hangover and you are suddenly flooded with the embarrassing episodes the night before, wishing it never happened?
THAT'S WHAT I FELT TYPING THIS FIC.
I can't keep a straight face orz.
A/N: If you can guess what the third movie is then brownie points for you \o/ or a free dairy queen ice cream point for you if you are coming to the heta-ph art meet! At any rate, the third drabble is the hardest to write...I have a hard time not head desking because the imagery burns so hard in my head orz. But that movie is golden ;w;b and you will all get why Arthur is the policeman if you watch the movie...the character have the mistake of lifting someone's skirt haha xD
I WANT TO CONTINUE THEM ;_; but I'm bad with continuity, so I leave it as it is :T somebodydoitiwillloveyouforever.
It's also almost 6 am in the morning and I haven't slept yet. Great and awful ideas came late.