[fanfic] the juan and only
Inspired by this ph x ph entry and the silly comments spawned from it.
Also, I never wrote this. This never happened.
Title: The Juan and only
Author: silentside
Characters/Pairing: M!Piri, F!Piri and Alfred (America) and possibly (the still unknown) president-elect.
Genre: Crack, Comedy
Type: ONE-SHOT 8D I did it ;_;
Warning: Unbetad. Sudden outbursts of tagalog mixed with english language. Jejeje.
Summary: After staying for a month in Juan and Maria’s place to observe their stressful elections and eventually witnessing the inauguration of their new boss, Alfred F. Jones realized that there are times he really NEED to know when to stop observing too much on other nation’s business.
--
June 2010
Malacañang Palace
Post-Inauguration Party
“It’s so hot-“ grumbled a young tanned man who looks no older than 21, loosening the collar of his barong tagalog. “I can’t wait to take it off!”
Juan took out his salakot and starts wiping his forehead with his sleeve, he can’t believe he was forced to wear it during the inauguration ceremony and his hair loop has already wilted because of it. He already got the case of the ‘helmet hair’ as his hair have already flattened down to the sides of his face along with his distinct hair loop. It’s not fair really, his other superiors begged him to wear it-they could have bring a carabao in if it’s only possible-after all, he must represent in every inch, the true essence of The Filipino being the personification of the country. It was a momentous event that happens every six years-the new boss being sworn to office by the people and will hopefully usher a new era of peace and great change.
And speaking of changes, he really needs that change right now.
A change of clothing.
“Hey, hey! Don’t fan yourself with your salakot!” came a small furious voice behind him. “Wait till the party is over! May foreign diplomats tayong mga bisita, Mahiya ka naman, kuya!”
Juan glanced over his shoulder, Ah Maria. Despite being sharing the same age, Maria’s height was just slightly above his shoulders.
He frowned, “Heh, tumahimik ka! I can fan myself if I wanted to!”
He observed her; she is fanning herself feverishly with her abaniko and was just as sweating profusely in her stiff terno as he is sweltering underneath his barong. Why does this have to be the national attire? They live in the tropics for crying out loud. He blames Papa Antonio for this-this was part of his (unfortunate) influence when he raised him and Maria.
He probably thinks its cute, but he haven’t worn it in a hot and humid temperature of over 37 Celsius!
“How about you then?”
“I have a fan!” she pouted, scanning the crowd. They are starting to disperse, all heading towards the main hall as their new boss goes up the platform for his dinner speech and to formally close the ceremonies and let the festivities begin. Maria was praying for it.
“Kuya,” she spoke once again, nudging him at the shoulder. “Our new boss wouldn’t be needing us for this right? Let’s go and get changed then.”
“Okay.”
“Our change of clothes is near the backstage, they still have to clean the rooms in the Palace before our boss moves in.”
“Sure.”
Seeing that Juan have spaced out while still fanning himself; Maria smacked him on the shoulder.
“Aray ko! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“Are you even listening to me ba?!”
“Yes, we can go backstage to change clothes. Right I got it.” He replied, still distracted. Maria followed his gaze, their new boss called few important dignitaries to come up onstage-and one of them stood out from the rest, the blue-eyed, blonde, charismatic personification of America, Alfred F. Jones.
She sighed, puffing out a loose strand of hair from her face. No wonder she cannot get Juan to focus. When Alfred waved and smiled to the crowd, her brother’s vision is immediately replaced with sparkles and the glowing letters spelling out “Hero”.
“Can we wait till Kuya Alfred--?”
“No! We change now!”
“B-but!”
“Don’t give me those large begging eyes, Kuya!” she fumed, as Juan gave her the look. “That probably works for him, but you can’t have your way with me!”
“You have his way when he insists in observing our elections!” he whined, “And we don’t allow other nations to do that!”
She starts to drag him, “It’s a different story! It’s complicated!”
“Everything to you is complicated!” Juan whined again, as his sister drags him away from the dining hall. “I just want to see Kuya Alfred say his speech!”
“We could have already fainted from the heat by the time it’s done!”
--
It’s so hot-
Alfred F. Jones squinted his eyes as the cameras flash, while he and other important dignitaries went onstage. He does not know what’s more uncomfortable, to see Juan and Maria’s people going idol-crazy over him everywhere he goes or the fact the country’s heat is killing him.
He always loves to drop by the siblings’ place because of the warm climate and their white pristine beaches-but THIS, this is beyond his tolerance level, it’s so hot that even the locals who is used to the weather constantly complains about it-some even have fainted before the ceremony have even started. Even Juan and Maria looked like they’re going to pass out as they wear their national attires, with the poor Juan having to wear the heavy salakot over his head. But nonetheless, they were all smiles at the entire inauguration as they stand side by side with their new boss as he formally made his oath.
The new president starts to talk, crediting the help and support from the people who ushered him in the highest position in the land. He starts to recall the elections, and how, despite the delays and the technological glitches, happens to be one of the most peaceful elections the country probably ever had for the past years. This is when Alfred starts to zone out, the words are starting to sound dull while his vision blurs as flashing lights blinded him. He starts to distract himself by focusing his eyes at the corner of the stage, he can see a portion of the backstage from there-it’s a bit dark, some furniture, no crazy movements…
Then suddenly, Juan and Maria bustled in, reaching out at small bags perched at one of the dusty shelves in there-Juan got rid of his barong quickly and fans himself, Maria didn’t waste any time and proceeds to unzip her terno.
It was then his small hair loop perked up and his eyes slowly widened, “Oh my sweet statue of liberty-“ he gasped.
Everything comes into slow motion and the blonde can almost hear sexy steamy music playing in his inner mind theater right now.
Maria turned her cute little bottom around to face her brother. Juan, who is then crouching on the floor, is little less than pleased when his sister’s bottom bumped him on the head.
“Kuya, make yourself useful and help me unzip my terno!”
“Susmaryosep naman!” He complained, removing his soaked linen shirt. Juan got up behind his sister and starts to unzip her irritatingly. “This will be the last time I’ll do this for you!”
Alfred can see the zipper moving down, ever so slowly. Juan, who is still sweating from the heat, is half-naked-his tanned skin glistening at the room’s low light, his body pressing dangerously close to his sister as he struggled with the zipper from Maria’s terno.
“It got stuck!” he groaned, jerking it down repeatedly, pressing himself closer to her body as he fought with the bothersome zipper. From Alfred’s view, it looked like Juan is humping her.
“Pucha, that’s it! I’ll just rip it open!”
”Don’t you dare!” she hissed, trying to keep her position still as she held on one of the shelves. "Ano ba, you know the material is expensive!"
"Ehh..!"
"Just try moving it up then pull it back again." She instructed her brother, as she starts to loosen her terno. "No, wait, just let me remove this muna."
"Pfft, hurry up!"
Maria struggled and wriggled her arms off the stiff terno, pushing it away from her body, or at least from the chest up since the zipper is still jammed from her back-she is wearing a thin camison and furiously fanned herself with it. It’s been awhile since Alfred have seen Maria strip-and at that last time, Juan is not pleased. It has something to do with the visiting agreement the siblings cannot agree upon.
“Hay! Ang init!” she exclaimed, sweating profusely, loosening her camison slightly at the front as she fans herself with it, revealing her buxom cleavage every few seconds. Alfred gulped, for a petite woman-he was always inexplicably drawn to those assets, Maria’s virgin mountains-
Oh yeah, he did lots of pilot landing on that.
He was cut off from his reverie when Maria suddenly perked up, as if somebody pinched her behind. He can see Juan turn blue, the zipper having torn off from the terno.
“Ay-“ he squeaked, “It ate through your camison-“
Maria turned her head around, her eyes widening at the sight of the pulled out zipper. “You WHAT?! You-“ she sighed heavily, “-just get me out of this, right now!”
“I’m sorry, geez! I tried!” he grumbled, enveloping his arms around his sister, his hands reaching out to free her from the camison. “I’ll get this out first, now raise your arms.”
Again, everything slowed down in Alfred’s vision: Frowning, Maria obeyed and raised her slender arms as Juan tugs the camison roughly upwards, having no choice but to tear it also from behind. He has wrapped his arms around his sister, fighting to free her from it-he was rubbing himself against her and Alfred can almost feel the heat and friction of their half-naked, wet, slick bodies together.
On the other hand, the blonde can feel those same sensations in his pants.
Juan finally wrestled the camsion out, causing Maria’s ample bosom to bounce unto Alfred’s view. “Hrgghhhthhh-ere you go!”
“Hay naku, finally!” Relieved, Maria bends over to pull the rest of terno down, wiggling her way out. She has to face towards his direction too, her bottom was a splendid view and so was her matching pink underwear. Yes, oh god, she is just in her pink underwear-
“Don’t turn around, I think I need to remove my bra.”
“Do you have to think?!” Juan snapped, “Just remove it!”
“Uhm…”
“It’s just the two of us, it’s not like I didn’t see it before.” He answered flatly, mumbling that it will be the last time he had to help her out of her clothes.
Alfred nearly nosebleeds as the petite Maria did just that. She folded her arms across her chest, which did little to hide her breasts as she rubs her elbows awkwardly.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Juan glanced up and turned his attention to folding his barong neatly into one of the empty bags. Being siblings, the two are already used to each other’s naked bodies, Juan is less conscious about it among the two. “Those look like melons, no wonder Kuya Alfred keeps using the excuse that you are small so he can look down at THOSE-“
Juan was able to dodge a hard wooden bakya that nearly grazed his ear.
“Oy, watch it!”
“That’s not funny!”
“-and I got your change of clothes! You gave me the wrong bag!”
“Give them to me!” she demanded, “I’m starting to get cold already!”
Juan threw her bag across her face.
Maria was about to reprimand her brother angrily as she held the bag in her arms. But suddenly the taller sibling is in front of her, his body leaning towards hers, his chest pressing and rubbing itself over and against her breasts-
Alfred’s glasses suddenly mists up.
“Ahh! Keep your armpit-out of my face, Kuya!” she screamed, trying to shove Juan off her as he tried desperately to reach for another bag at the shelf behind her. “Amoy bayabas ka!”
“Kapal mo ha…then get out of my-way!”
“That’s not the bag!”
Colorful crepe ribbons of the national flag’s colors spilled on both of them instead. For a brief moment, Alfred thought it’s a great turn on-the half-naked siblings, sweaty and entangled to each other with ribbons of their national colors.
“You are so clumsy!” she cried, ridding herself of the mess. Juan struggled for a good few minutes before tearing most of them and throwing it all on the floor. He finally got his bag for change his clothes, while Maria still worries about the mess they have to clean backstage. As he puts on his shirt, he starts scolding her to keep it down.
“Bahala na!”
“But! What if someone else sees this? Nakakahiya no!”
“If you don’t quit your whining, I will slap your breasts!”
“Bastos!”
Juan grinned impishly and slowly approached her, slowly rolling and stretching a towel.
“Subukan mo lang!”
“Talaga!”
Oh sweet mother of mercy!
“Mr. Alfred F. Jones!” the man at the podium gasped, it took a minute before the American finally realized where he was exactly.
“Mr. Jones-does the subject of chaos during elections turns you on?”
“Huh?” he blinked, clueless. “No, war does-wait, what?”
All eyes were on him. Juan and Maria’s boss is as pale as a sheet and the other dignitaries with him onstage are staring at him with great disbelief. The crowd, the press-started to quiet down, but the flashing of lights starts to snap away as fast and as vigorous as before.
Alfred glanced down on his pants.
“Oh shi-this is nothing!” he quickly covered his legs, clumsily running off the stage, his face was bright red. “It’s the heat! It’s the heat, okay!-Crap, I need to go to the bathroom! ”
--
Later during the festivities, Juan and Maria wondered why they never saw Alfred F. Jones come back again, knowing fully well he is never the one to miss a party.
Juan is disappointed as he never gets to have another photo taken with his idol, something he can proudly put on frame and on his desk-
Along with the other one hundred fifty of them, that comes with different shapes and sizes. This number does not include the ones hung on the walls.
Maria later learned from the guards of the palace that their new boss have to retire early for the evening, with Alfred being the one to blame.
When asked why, all everyone can say is
“He did the salute, when it happens to be unnecessary”
THE END
I blame some of you guys for this insanity, srsly XD Now with this out of my system I will....I dunno ||orz
Also, I never wrote this. This never happened.
Title: The Juan and only
Author: silentside
Characters/Pairing: M!Piri, F!Piri and Alfred (America) and possibly (the still unknown) president-elect.
Genre: Crack, Comedy
Type: ONE-SHOT 8D I did it ;_;
Warning: Unbetad. Sudden outbursts of tagalog mixed with english language. Jejeje.
Summary: After staying for a month in Juan and Maria’s place to observe their stressful elections and eventually witnessing the inauguration of their new boss, Alfred F. Jones realized that there are times he really NEED to know when to stop observing too much on other nation’s business.
--
June 2010
Malacañang Palace
Post-Inauguration Party
“It’s so hot-“ grumbled a young tanned man who looks no older than 21, loosening the collar of his barong tagalog. “I can’t wait to take it off!”
Juan took out his salakot and starts wiping his forehead with his sleeve, he can’t believe he was forced to wear it during the inauguration ceremony and his hair loop has already wilted because of it. He already got the case of the ‘helmet hair’ as his hair have already flattened down to the sides of his face along with his distinct hair loop. It’s not fair really, his other superiors begged him to wear it-they could have bring a carabao in if it’s only possible-after all, he must represent in every inch, the true essence of The Filipino being the personification of the country. It was a momentous event that happens every six years-the new boss being sworn to office by the people and will hopefully usher a new era of peace and great change.
And speaking of changes, he really needs that change right now.
A change of clothing.
“Hey, hey! Don’t fan yourself with your salakot!” came a small furious voice behind him. “Wait till the party is over! May foreign diplomats tayong mga bisita, Mahiya ka naman, kuya!”
Juan glanced over his shoulder, Ah Maria. Despite being sharing the same age, Maria’s height was just slightly above his shoulders.
He frowned, “Heh, tumahimik ka! I can fan myself if I wanted to!”
He observed her; she is fanning herself feverishly with her abaniko and was just as sweating profusely in her stiff terno as he is sweltering underneath his barong. Why does this have to be the national attire? They live in the tropics for crying out loud. He blames Papa Antonio for this-this was part of his (unfortunate) influence when he raised him and Maria.
He probably thinks its cute, but he haven’t worn it in a hot and humid temperature of over 37 Celsius!
“How about you then?”
“I have a fan!” she pouted, scanning the crowd. They are starting to disperse, all heading towards the main hall as their new boss goes up the platform for his dinner speech and to formally close the ceremonies and let the festivities begin. Maria was praying for it.
“Kuya,” she spoke once again, nudging him at the shoulder. “Our new boss wouldn’t be needing us for this right? Let’s go and get changed then.”
“Okay.”
“Our change of clothes is near the backstage, they still have to clean the rooms in the Palace before our boss moves in.”
“Sure.”
Seeing that Juan have spaced out while still fanning himself; Maria smacked him on the shoulder.
“Aray ko! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“Are you even listening to me ba?!”
“Yes, we can go backstage to change clothes. Right I got it.” He replied, still distracted. Maria followed his gaze, their new boss called few important dignitaries to come up onstage-and one of them stood out from the rest, the blue-eyed, blonde, charismatic personification of America, Alfred F. Jones.
She sighed, puffing out a loose strand of hair from her face. No wonder she cannot get Juan to focus. When Alfred waved and smiled to the crowd, her brother’s vision is immediately replaced with sparkles and the glowing letters spelling out “Hero”.
“Can we wait till Kuya Alfred--?”
“No! We change now!”
“B-but!”
“Don’t give me those large begging eyes, Kuya!” she fumed, as Juan gave her the look. “That probably works for him, but you can’t have your way with me!”
“You have his way when he insists in observing our elections!” he whined, “And we don’t allow other nations to do that!”
She starts to drag him, “It’s a different story! It’s complicated!”
“Everything to you is complicated!” Juan whined again, as his sister drags him away from the dining hall. “I just want to see Kuya Alfred say his speech!”
“We could have already fainted from the heat by the time it’s done!”
--
It’s so hot-
Alfred F. Jones squinted his eyes as the cameras flash, while he and other important dignitaries went onstage. He does not know what’s more uncomfortable, to see Juan and Maria’s people going idol-crazy over him everywhere he goes or the fact the country’s heat is killing him.
He always loves to drop by the siblings’ place because of the warm climate and their white pristine beaches-but THIS, this is beyond his tolerance level, it’s so hot that even the locals who is used to the weather constantly complains about it-some even have fainted before the ceremony have even started. Even Juan and Maria looked like they’re going to pass out as they wear their national attires, with the poor Juan having to wear the heavy salakot over his head. But nonetheless, they were all smiles at the entire inauguration as they stand side by side with their new boss as he formally made his oath.
The new president starts to talk, crediting the help and support from the people who ushered him in the highest position in the land. He starts to recall the elections, and how, despite the delays and the technological glitches, happens to be one of the most peaceful elections the country probably ever had for the past years. This is when Alfred starts to zone out, the words are starting to sound dull while his vision blurs as flashing lights blinded him. He starts to distract himself by focusing his eyes at the corner of the stage, he can see a portion of the backstage from there-it’s a bit dark, some furniture, no crazy movements…
Then suddenly, Juan and Maria bustled in, reaching out at small bags perched at one of the dusty shelves in there-Juan got rid of his barong quickly and fans himself, Maria didn’t waste any time and proceeds to unzip her terno.
It was then his small hair loop perked up and his eyes slowly widened, “Oh my sweet statue of liberty-“ he gasped.
Everything comes into slow motion and the blonde can almost hear sexy steamy music playing in his inner mind theater right now.
Maria turned her cute little bottom around to face her brother. Juan, who is then crouching on the floor, is little less than pleased when his sister’s bottom bumped him on the head.
“Kuya, make yourself useful and help me unzip my terno!”
“Susmaryosep naman!” He complained, removing his soaked linen shirt. Juan got up behind his sister and starts to unzip her irritatingly. “This will be the last time I’ll do this for you!”
Alfred can see the zipper moving down, ever so slowly. Juan, who is still sweating from the heat, is half-naked-his tanned skin glistening at the room’s low light, his body pressing dangerously close to his sister as he struggled with the zipper from Maria’s terno.
“It got stuck!” he groaned, jerking it down repeatedly, pressing himself closer to her body as he fought with the bothersome zipper. From Alfred’s view, it looked like Juan is humping her.
“Pucha, that’s it! I’ll just rip it open!”
”Don’t you dare!” she hissed, trying to keep her position still as she held on one of the shelves. "Ano ba, you know the material is expensive!"
"Ehh..!"
"Just try moving it up then pull it back again." She instructed her brother, as she starts to loosen her terno. "No, wait, just let me remove this muna."
"Pfft, hurry up!"
Maria struggled and wriggled her arms off the stiff terno, pushing it away from her body, or at least from the chest up since the zipper is still jammed from her back-she is wearing a thin camison and furiously fanned herself with it. It’s been awhile since Alfred have seen Maria strip-and at that last time, Juan is not pleased. It has something to do with the visiting agreement the siblings cannot agree upon.
“Hay! Ang init!” she exclaimed, sweating profusely, loosening her camison slightly at the front as she fans herself with it, revealing her buxom cleavage every few seconds. Alfred gulped, for a petite woman-he was always inexplicably drawn to those assets, Maria’s virgin mountains-
Oh yeah, he did lots of pilot landing on that.
He was cut off from his reverie when Maria suddenly perked up, as if somebody pinched her behind. He can see Juan turn blue, the zipper having torn off from the terno.
“Ay-“ he squeaked, “It ate through your camison-“
Maria turned her head around, her eyes widening at the sight of the pulled out zipper. “You WHAT?! You-“ she sighed heavily, “-just get me out of this, right now!”
“I’m sorry, geez! I tried!” he grumbled, enveloping his arms around his sister, his hands reaching out to free her from the camison. “I’ll get this out first, now raise your arms.”
Again, everything slowed down in Alfred’s vision: Frowning, Maria obeyed and raised her slender arms as Juan tugs the camison roughly upwards, having no choice but to tear it also from behind. He has wrapped his arms around his sister, fighting to free her from it-he was rubbing himself against her and Alfred can almost feel the heat and friction of their half-naked, wet, slick bodies together.
On the other hand, the blonde can feel those same sensations in his pants.
Juan finally wrestled the camsion out, causing Maria’s ample bosom to bounce unto Alfred’s view. “Hrgghhhthhh-ere you go!”
“Hay naku, finally!” Relieved, Maria bends over to pull the rest of terno down, wiggling her way out. She has to face towards his direction too, her bottom was a splendid view and so was her matching pink underwear. Yes, oh god, she is just in her pink underwear-
“Don’t turn around, I think I need to remove my bra.”
“Do you have to think?!” Juan snapped, “Just remove it!”
“Uhm…”
“It’s just the two of us, it’s not like I didn’t see it before.” He answered flatly, mumbling that it will be the last time he had to help her out of her clothes.
Alfred nearly nosebleeds as the petite Maria did just that. She folded her arms across her chest, which did little to hide her breasts as she rubs her elbows awkwardly.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Juan glanced up and turned his attention to folding his barong neatly into one of the empty bags. Being siblings, the two are already used to each other’s naked bodies, Juan is less conscious about it among the two. “Those look like melons, no wonder Kuya Alfred keeps using the excuse that you are small so he can look down at THOSE-“
Juan was able to dodge a hard wooden bakya that nearly grazed his ear.
“Oy, watch it!”
“That’s not funny!”
“-and I got your change of clothes! You gave me the wrong bag!”
“Give them to me!” she demanded, “I’m starting to get cold already!”
Juan threw her bag across her face.
Maria was about to reprimand her brother angrily as she held the bag in her arms. But suddenly the taller sibling is in front of her, his body leaning towards hers, his chest pressing and rubbing itself over and against her breasts-
Alfred’s glasses suddenly mists up.
“Ahh! Keep your armpit-out of my face, Kuya!” she screamed, trying to shove Juan off her as he tried desperately to reach for another bag at the shelf behind her. “Amoy bayabas ka!”
“Kapal mo ha…then get out of my-way!”
“That’s not the bag!”
Colorful crepe ribbons of the national flag’s colors spilled on both of them instead. For a brief moment, Alfred thought it’s a great turn on-the half-naked siblings, sweaty and entangled to each other with ribbons of their national colors.
“You are so clumsy!” she cried, ridding herself of the mess. Juan struggled for a good few minutes before tearing most of them and throwing it all on the floor. He finally got his bag for change his clothes, while Maria still worries about the mess they have to clean backstage. As he puts on his shirt, he starts scolding her to keep it down.
“Bahala na!”
“But! What if someone else sees this? Nakakahiya no!”
“If you don’t quit your whining, I will slap your breasts!”
“Bastos!”
Juan grinned impishly and slowly approached her, slowly rolling and stretching a towel.
“Subukan mo lang!”
“Talaga!”
Oh sweet mother of mercy!
“Mr. Alfred F. Jones!” the man at the podium gasped, it took a minute before the American finally realized where he was exactly.
“Mr. Jones-does the subject of chaos during elections turns you on?”
“Huh?” he blinked, clueless. “No, war does-wait, what?”
All eyes were on him. Juan and Maria’s boss is as pale as a sheet and the other dignitaries with him onstage are staring at him with great disbelief. The crowd, the press-started to quiet down, but the flashing of lights starts to snap away as fast and as vigorous as before.
Alfred glanced down on his pants.
“Oh shi-this is nothing!” he quickly covered his legs, clumsily running off the stage, his face was bright red. “It’s the heat! It’s the heat, okay!-Crap, I need to go to the bathroom! ”
--
Later during the festivities, Juan and Maria wondered why they never saw Alfred F. Jones come back again, knowing fully well he is never the one to miss a party.
Juan is disappointed as he never gets to have another photo taken with his idol, something he can proudly put on frame and on his desk-
Along with the other one hundred fifty of them, that comes with different shapes and sizes. This number does not include the ones hung on the walls.
Maria later learned from the guards of the palace that their new boss have to retire early for the evening, with Alfred being the one to blame.
When asked why, all everyone can say is
“He did the salute, when it happens to be unnecessary”
THE END
I blame some of you guys for this insanity, srsly XD Now with this out of my system I will....I dunno ||orz