(fanfic) Italy and Germany's Naked Adventure!
Yes, you read right.
Title: Germany and Italy's Naked Adventure
Author: Me all over
Characters: Germany and Italy mostly, with a few sexy cameos
Pairings?: None technically, but there is a lot of GermanyxItaly service, and maybe some service for another of my favorite ships if you squint...
Rating: T for innuendo and passing reference to manly anatomy
Warnings: Implication that Germany is Princess Sakura Holy Roman Empire, plus some really awful gay jokes
Summary: Italy's decided to play hooky, so Germany takes it upon himself to find and chastise him. Will Germany get Italy in the end? I swear, this IS rated T!
"Where is he? Surely he's not defecting again?"
Germany was absolutely positive Italy had run off in this direction, but he wasn't finding any more footprints on the sun-parched ground. It was the last great heat wave of the summer, and this sort of heat and humidity even started to wear Germany down. It would seem that Italy had shown a rare flash of brilliance in taking flight that day, being better accustomed to warm weather than his commander, and had slipped away the moment Germany's back was turned.
So this was what Germany's morning had turned into: scouring every inch of the campsite and surrounding woods for his nuisance of an ally. This search had continued well into midday, and he'd decided to consider it an opportunity for high-temperature training.
"Well, he is Italy, right? He has to eat or take a nap sometime. Yes, I'm certain I'll find him soon," the blonde muttered, forming a fist. "I swear...when I find him, I'm going to pound his arsch so hard, he'll be glad he has that white flag on him."
Unconscious of the glaring subtext in that last remark, Germany scanned the area. The trees, the brush, the river, the merciless noon sun...it was as if the whole world was too exhausted to move. Even the birds in the trees had given up singing for the time being. A scene this peaceful would usually be quite pleasant to Germany, but the laziness of the day only served to remind him of his missing squadsman, which in turn infuriated him. Silently assessing his options, he took a sip from his canteen, thankful he'd taken it with him before leaving camp.
His drink very nearly went down the wrong way at the sudden flurry of splashing and gasping from the direction of the river.
"Mission accomplished, ve!" Italy cheered himself on, having just popped up out of the water, nude as Venus on the half-shell, droplets flying off in every direction. "Now that I'm rid of Germany, I'm free to carry out my acquisition of delicious spaghetti and a cute girl to enjoy it with! This has got to be my best idea ever!"
He laughed aloud, slooshing the water around with his hands. "And after I'm done, I'll take a niiiiiice long nap before I head back to camp, and tell Germany I got lost! It's a plan so clever, nothing can ruin my day! ...Huh?"
That one curl of hair on Italy's head, despite being dripping wet, was now jumping and twitching as if it possessed life of its own. His smile quickly vanished, replaced by a look of concern.
"Huh? Why's it doing that now? Usually it only does that when Germany's..."
Looking over his shoulder, Italy yelped in surprise.
At the river's bank was Germany, already shirtless and bootless, scowling at Italy and trying to undo his fly as quickly and quietly as possible.
The brunet froze where he stood.
"Uh. U-uh, uhhhhhh...."
"Come back willingly, and I just might not kill you."
"Umm, uh...."
Germany's pants were now down around his ankles. He was livid, and quite ready to give chase.
"AAAAAAH!"
It wasn't until he was completely stripped, however, that the apparent spell on Italy was broken. Taking a hasty step backwards, he tripped over his own feet and fell ass over teakettle into the water, submerging once more.
"You're not getting away this time!" Germany charged right into the river, ignoring the sting of the pebbles beneath his feet. Nothing mattered more right then than getting his hands on Italy and delivering a sound beating.
Italy resurfaced a few meters ahead, glancing back at his pursuer, then launching forward into a swift breaststroke. They were both good swimmers, but when it came to fleeing for his life, Italy's speed was unparalleled, and Germany didn't seem to be about to do what good-looking men usually do when naked together in fan fiction.
"You...get the HELL back here!" Taking a deep breath, Germany dove underwater, in hot pursuit with a powerful crawl. The rainstorm from the past night had both cooled and deepened the river, but he'd gone swimming in far colder water. Channeling his strength and position into a quick burst of speed, he was barely able to grab ahold of his truant friend's foot, and even then it quickly slipped from his grasp. There was a burst of bubbles, and when they cleared, Germany realized that Italy had doubled over in underwater laughter. Who'd have known his right foot was so ticklish?
With Italy upside-down and breathless, the odds were finally in Germany's favor. He pulled up his legs and attempted to stand, only to be unable to find purchase in the slippery mud and splash down right on top of the curled-up Italy, the cool water slamming against his chest hard enough to effectively knock the wind out of him. Stunned, the force of his fall carried him forward, no longer pinning his escaped subordinate.
On standing, Italy could immediately sense something was wrong.
"Germany?"
He wasn't surfacing.
"AAH! Germany!" While getting caught wasn't all that appealing, Germany drowning would be a lot worse! Without a second's hesitation, Italy knelt and grabbed hold of Germany from behind, straining with all his might to get him up.
Wrapping his arms around his ally's waist, Italy slowly stood, pulling Germany up with him bit by bit. "Oof...You're so heavy!" As soon as the blonde's face surfaced, he started to wheeze, trying desperately to restore air to his lungs. Despite Germany's hacking coughs and inability to stand, Italy held on tight, grunting as he did so.
It was right at that moment Japan burst from the woods at the riverbank.
"Italy! Finally, I found you! Did you know Germany-san was...."
For reasons unknown, Japan's eyes widened, and his face turned very, very red.
"J-Japan! Ngh..." A particularly hard cough from Germany nearly knocked the two off-balance again. "Germany is--uff--he's--"
Japan simply shuddered, doing his best not to look horrified.
"I...I should go. I am sorry!"
...and off he went, bolting at top-speed as far away as his legs would take him.
With another hard wheeze, Germany finally succeeded in drawing breath, and stood up straight, Italy still supporting him from the rear.
"Oh, Germany, I'm so sorry!" With a heavy sob, Italy hugged Germany, arms encircling his friend's strong chest. "If I hadn't run away this morning, you wouldn't have gotten hurt like this. Please forgive me...I won't do it ever again!"
Germany, however, had fallen quite silent. The sensation of Italy's hand brushing against his left breast...what was this feeling?
...
..."Huh? A-are you okay?"
Splashing ungracefully in the river's warm flow, the boy quickly wriggled loose of the girl's grasp, mortified. What had she been thinking, throwing her arms around a boy like that...and it didn't help that neither of them was wearing any clothing!
"Uh...oi. You."
"Huh...?"
"I-I'm going to get out of the water now. You keep playing here, and whatever you do, don't look at me, okay?"
The boy could feel his face burning as he looked back over his shoulder into her lovely brown eyes, the smile gone from them. She wasn't crying, was she? Oh, damn. He couldn't handle it if she cried, he really couldn't.
"Uh. Um. I'm sorry," the girl murmured. "We're still friends, though, aren't we?"...
...
..."Germany, your nipple feels kinda funny."
That strange little scene in Germany's head had completely thrown him for a loop. What the hell just happened? Who was that little girl? And, more importantly...why was Italy groping at his chest?!
"GET off of me!"
As soon as Italy let go, Germany spun around to face him, his look of fury scaring the daylights out of the much shorter and milder nation.
"Uh-um...I'm so sorry, Germany! So sorry! I just really wanted to go out since it was a beautiful day, and don't look at me like that, you don't want to kill me, I'm your best friend Italy, remember? I'm still a virgin and everything! I'll do anything to make it up to you, just anything!"
Watching Italy like a hawk, Germany realized the absolute worst thing about this country he'd allied with: he couldn't even try to get rid of him.
"Actually, I'm quite impressed with how long you held your breath before I spotted you."
"Eh?" Italy was caught quite off-guard on hearing this sort of remark from his gruff friend. "Did you just give me a compliment?"
"Mm!" Germany smiled. An abrupt gust of wind covered the sun with a dark cloud. "Why don't I time how long you can hold your breath underwater? It could come in handy."
"Really? That sounds like a great idea! But wait, you don't--"
PLOOSH!
Italy found himself very suddenly underwater, being held down by a terribly strong hand pressing down on his skull. Naturally, this was cause for panic; not so much because of being unable to breathe, but from fear that having his head pushed on like so would make him even shorter and less capable of hugging Germany. (Plus, his giblets were, like...right there.)
Above the water, the blonde let out a slow, pained sigh.
"Like anyone really believes the virgin line, you cowardly dummkopf."
An all-too familiar mechanical click from the riverbank gave Germany a nasty start. He found himself gazing right up the barrel of a rifle held by a triumphantly leering Brit.
"How now, Germany? To think a simple recon mission would find you like this."
Scheiss! thought Germany, immediately trying to form an escape plan, his mouth now hanging open in surprise. How could I be so careless?! Not to mention that Italy's here, too! Wait...why'd he just put down his gun?!
England had covered his mouth with one hand, trying to stifle his own foppish chuckle. He looked at Germany, then down to the top of Italy's head, then back to Germany, then lowered his hand and burst out laughing.
"If you are going to shoot me, then do it!" Germany growled, having put up with enough of the stupid for one day already. "What in Gott's name is so funny?!"
"As golden an opportunity this is..." England purred, slinging the rifle over his shoulder, "...I'm really not so cowardly as to fire on a man who's having his own gun serviced at the moment. We'll call it a simple truce for today, and when he's done, do give my regards to North Italy."
He then simply turned about and left, snickering loudly.
It took Germany the better part of a minute to realize what England had gotten so worked up about. The moment he did, his face turned completely scarlet, and he removed his hand from Italy's head.
"Ah!" Italy smiled gratefully as he popped up out of the water, thankful to have been released. "How long was that, Germany?"
"Long enough to prevent a humiliating death. Now, find your clothing; we're heading back to camp immediately for some special training."
"Ehh? But the water's so nice today! I could splash around in here forever!"
"That's quite easy for you to say, but you forget the little fact that, while you're getting a lush, deep tan, I will get a burn soon if I don't cover myself. Now, find your uniform and put it on before you find another inventive means of getting us killed!" Frustrated beyond belief, Germany yanked hard on Italy's curl, making him squeak.
"Y-Y-Y-Yeek, Captain! I will!" It was Italy's turn to blush. "But, but don't pull on that thing when you're mad, okay? It kind of..."
"Shut up, Italy."
Germany stared sharply down at Italy for a moment, running a thumb over his hair and wondering just what went through that country's head. Thinking back to the strange scene that'd arisen from an abberation in his oxygen-deprived brain, he wondered if his ally's view of the world around him was that simple as well; just a couple of nameless children playing in a river in the sun. A shy little boy and a sweet, sunny girl.
Damn it; perhaps Italy wasn't the only one soft in the head.
"Um, you're still doi--"
"Please, shut up."
-----
=OMAKE: ALLIED EDITION=
"So there you have it, gentlemen; Germany has been engaged in some manner of clandestine homosexual affair with Italy this whole time. Judging from Japan's presence in the area, he could easily be in on this as well. America, you're not in grade school, so why are you waving your hand about like that? You do remember where the bathroom is, right?"
America pouted at that slight. "Well, I know where it is now! But, I was thinkin', what's the big deal with Germany bein' gay? Aren't all you European guys more into hot dogs than burgers, if ya know what I mean?"
France chuckled aloud at this, while China shrank back in his seat. Russia simply smiled to himself, prepared to watch the meeting go hilariously off-course.
England, however, was quite dumbfounded.
"Did I? Did I really bring you up to say things like that?"
America gave a nonchalant shrug and took another bite of his fried chicken leg, an irritatingly innocent look on his face.
"For your information, America, I am most certainly not a poof."
Cramming a whole biscuit in his mouth, America shrugged again.
"You have grease all over your chin, moron."
=END=
Thanks for reading! The sequel to Stroker Ace is very nearly done, so expect more from me very soon.
Title: Germany and Italy's Naked Adventure
Author: Me all over
Characters: Germany and Italy mostly, with a few sexy cameos
Pairings?: None technically, but there is a lot of GermanyxItaly service, and maybe some service for another of my favorite ships if you squint...
Rating: T for innuendo and passing reference to manly anatomy
Warnings: Implication that Germany is Princess Sakura Holy Roman Empire, plus some really awful gay jokes
Summary: Italy's decided to play hooky, so Germany takes it upon himself to find and chastise him. Will Germany get Italy in the end? I swear, this IS rated T!
"Where is he? Surely he's not defecting again?"
Germany was absolutely positive Italy had run off in this direction, but he wasn't finding any more footprints on the sun-parched ground. It was the last great heat wave of the summer, and this sort of heat and humidity even started to wear Germany down. It would seem that Italy had shown a rare flash of brilliance in taking flight that day, being better accustomed to warm weather than his commander, and had slipped away the moment Germany's back was turned.
So this was what Germany's morning had turned into: scouring every inch of the campsite and surrounding woods for his nuisance of an ally. This search had continued well into midday, and he'd decided to consider it an opportunity for high-temperature training.
"Well, he is Italy, right? He has to eat or take a nap sometime. Yes, I'm certain I'll find him soon," the blonde muttered, forming a fist. "I swear...when I find him, I'm going to pound his arsch so hard, he'll be glad he has that white flag on him."
Unconscious of the glaring subtext in that last remark, Germany scanned the area. The trees, the brush, the river, the merciless noon sun...it was as if the whole world was too exhausted to move. Even the birds in the trees had given up singing for the time being. A scene this peaceful would usually be quite pleasant to Germany, but the laziness of the day only served to remind him of his missing squadsman, which in turn infuriated him. Silently assessing his options, he took a sip from his canteen, thankful he'd taken it with him before leaving camp.
His drink very nearly went down the wrong way at the sudden flurry of splashing and gasping from the direction of the river.
"Mission accomplished, ve!" Italy cheered himself on, having just popped up out of the water, nude as Venus on the half-shell, droplets flying off in every direction. "Now that I'm rid of Germany, I'm free to carry out my acquisition of delicious spaghetti and a cute girl to enjoy it with! This has got to be my best idea ever!"
He laughed aloud, slooshing the water around with his hands. "And after I'm done, I'll take a niiiiiice long nap before I head back to camp, and tell Germany I got lost! It's a plan so clever, nothing can ruin my day! ...Huh?"
That one curl of hair on Italy's head, despite being dripping wet, was now jumping and twitching as if it possessed life of its own. His smile quickly vanished, replaced by a look of concern.
"Huh? Why's it doing that now? Usually it only does that when Germany's..."
Looking over his shoulder, Italy yelped in surprise.
At the river's bank was Germany, already shirtless and bootless, scowling at Italy and trying to undo his fly as quickly and quietly as possible.
The brunet froze where he stood.
"Uh. U-uh, uhhhhhh...."
"Come back willingly, and I just might not kill you."
"Umm, uh...."
Germany's pants were now down around his ankles. He was livid, and quite ready to give chase.
"AAAAAAH!"
It wasn't until he was completely stripped, however, that the apparent spell on Italy was broken. Taking a hasty step backwards, he tripped over his own feet and fell ass over teakettle into the water, submerging once more.
"You're not getting away this time!" Germany charged right into the river, ignoring the sting of the pebbles beneath his feet. Nothing mattered more right then than getting his hands on Italy and delivering a sound beating.
Italy resurfaced a few meters ahead, glancing back at his pursuer, then launching forward into a swift breaststroke. They were both good swimmers, but when it came to fleeing for his life, Italy's speed was unparalleled, and Germany didn't seem to be about to do what good-looking men usually do when naked together in fan fiction.
"You...get the HELL back here!" Taking a deep breath, Germany dove underwater, in hot pursuit with a powerful crawl. The rainstorm from the past night had both cooled and deepened the river, but he'd gone swimming in far colder water. Channeling his strength and position into a quick burst of speed, he was barely able to grab ahold of his truant friend's foot, and even then it quickly slipped from his grasp. There was a burst of bubbles, and when they cleared, Germany realized that Italy had doubled over in underwater laughter. Who'd have known his right foot was so ticklish?
With Italy upside-down and breathless, the odds were finally in Germany's favor. He pulled up his legs and attempted to stand, only to be unable to find purchase in the slippery mud and splash down right on top of the curled-up Italy, the cool water slamming against his chest hard enough to effectively knock the wind out of him. Stunned, the force of his fall carried him forward, no longer pinning his escaped subordinate.
On standing, Italy could immediately sense something was wrong.
"Germany?"
He wasn't surfacing.
"AAH! Germany!" While getting caught wasn't all that appealing, Germany drowning would be a lot worse! Without a second's hesitation, Italy knelt and grabbed hold of Germany from behind, straining with all his might to get him up.
Wrapping his arms around his ally's waist, Italy slowly stood, pulling Germany up with him bit by bit. "Oof...You're so heavy!" As soon as the blonde's face surfaced, he started to wheeze, trying desperately to restore air to his lungs. Despite Germany's hacking coughs and inability to stand, Italy held on tight, grunting as he did so.
It was right at that moment Japan burst from the woods at the riverbank.
"Italy! Finally, I found you! Did you know Germany-san was...."
For reasons unknown, Japan's eyes widened, and his face turned very, very red.
"J-Japan! Ngh..." A particularly hard cough from Germany nearly knocked the two off-balance again. "Germany is--uff--he's--"
Japan simply shuddered, doing his best not to look horrified.
"I...I should go. I am sorry!"
...and off he went, bolting at top-speed as far away as his legs would take him.
With another hard wheeze, Germany finally succeeded in drawing breath, and stood up straight, Italy still supporting him from the rear.
"Oh, Germany, I'm so sorry!" With a heavy sob, Italy hugged Germany, arms encircling his friend's strong chest. "If I hadn't run away this morning, you wouldn't have gotten hurt like this. Please forgive me...I won't do it ever again!"
Germany, however, had fallen quite silent. The sensation of Italy's hand brushing against his left breast...what was this feeling?
...
..."Huh? A-are you okay?"
Splashing ungracefully in the river's warm flow, the boy quickly wriggled loose of the girl's grasp, mortified. What had she been thinking, throwing her arms around a boy like that...and it didn't help that neither of them was wearing any clothing!
"Uh...oi. You."
"Huh...?"
"I-I'm going to get out of the water now. You keep playing here, and whatever you do, don't look at me, okay?"
The boy could feel his face burning as he looked back over his shoulder into her lovely brown eyes, the smile gone from them. She wasn't crying, was she? Oh, damn. He couldn't handle it if she cried, he really couldn't.
"Uh. Um. I'm sorry," the girl murmured. "We're still friends, though, aren't we?"...
...
..."Germany, your nipple feels kinda funny."
That strange little scene in Germany's head had completely thrown him for a loop. What the hell just happened? Who was that little girl? And, more importantly...why was Italy groping at his chest?!
"GET off of me!"
As soon as Italy let go, Germany spun around to face him, his look of fury scaring the daylights out of the much shorter and milder nation.
"Uh-um...I'm so sorry, Germany! So sorry! I just really wanted to go out since it was a beautiful day, and don't look at me like that, you don't want to kill me, I'm your best friend Italy, remember? I'm still a virgin and everything! I'll do anything to make it up to you, just anything!"
Watching Italy like a hawk, Germany realized the absolute worst thing about this country he'd allied with: he couldn't even try to get rid of him.
"Actually, I'm quite impressed with how long you held your breath before I spotted you."
"Eh?" Italy was caught quite off-guard on hearing this sort of remark from his gruff friend. "Did you just give me a compliment?"
"Mm!" Germany smiled. An abrupt gust of wind covered the sun with a dark cloud. "Why don't I time how long you can hold your breath underwater? It could come in handy."
"Really? That sounds like a great idea! But wait, you don't--"
PLOOSH!
Italy found himself very suddenly underwater, being held down by a terribly strong hand pressing down on his skull. Naturally, this was cause for panic; not so much because of being unable to breathe, but from fear that having his head pushed on like so would make him even shorter and less capable of hugging Germany. (Plus, his giblets were, like...right there.)
Above the water, the blonde let out a slow, pained sigh.
"Like anyone really believes the virgin line, you cowardly dummkopf."
An all-too familiar mechanical click from the riverbank gave Germany a nasty start. He found himself gazing right up the barrel of a rifle held by a triumphantly leering Brit.
"How now, Germany? To think a simple recon mission would find you like this."
Scheiss! thought Germany, immediately trying to form an escape plan, his mouth now hanging open in surprise. How could I be so careless?! Not to mention that Italy's here, too! Wait...why'd he just put down his gun?!
England had covered his mouth with one hand, trying to stifle his own foppish chuckle. He looked at Germany, then down to the top of Italy's head, then back to Germany, then lowered his hand and burst out laughing.
"If you are going to shoot me, then do it!" Germany growled, having put up with enough of the stupid for one day already. "What in Gott's name is so funny?!"
"As golden an opportunity this is..." England purred, slinging the rifle over his shoulder, "...I'm really not so cowardly as to fire on a man who's having his own gun serviced at the moment. We'll call it a simple truce for today, and when he's done, do give my regards to North Italy."
He then simply turned about and left, snickering loudly.
It took Germany the better part of a minute to realize what England had gotten so worked up about. The moment he did, his face turned completely scarlet, and he removed his hand from Italy's head.
"Ah!" Italy smiled gratefully as he popped up out of the water, thankful to have been released. "How long was that, Germany?"
"Long enough to prevent a humiliating death. Now, find your clothing; we're heading back to camp immediately for some special training."
"Ehh? But the water's so nice today! I could splash around in here forever!"
"That's quite easy for you to say, but you forget the little fact that, while you're getting a lush, deep tan, I will get a burn soon if I don't cover myself. Now, find your uniform and put it on before you find another inventive means of getting us killed!" Frustrated beyond belief, Germany yanked hard on Italy's curl, making him squeak.
"Y-Y-Y-Yeek, Captain! I will!" It was Italy's turn to blush. "But, but don't pull on that thing when you're mad, okay? It kind of..."
"Shut up, Italy."
Germany stared sharply down at Italy for a moment, running a thumb over his hair and wondering just what went through that country's head. Thinking back to the strange scene that'd arisen from an abberation in his oxygen-deprived brain, he wondered if his ally's view of the world around him was that simple as well; just a couple of nameless children playing in a river in the sun. A shy little boy and a sweet, sunny girl.
Damn it; perhaps Italy wasn't the only one soft in the head.
"Um, you're still doi--"
"Please, shut up."
-----
=OMAKE: ALLIED EDITION=
"So there you have it, gentlemen; Germany has been engaged in some manner of clandestine homosexual affair with Italy this whole time. Judging from Japan's presence in the area, he could easily be in on this as well. America, you're not in grade school, so why are you waving your hand about like that? You do remember where the bathroom is, right?"
America pouted at that slight. "Well, I know where it is now! But, I was thinkin', what's the big deal with Germany bein' gay? Aren't all you European guys more into hot dogs than burgers, if ya know what I mean?"
France chuckled aloud at this, while China shrank back in his seat. Russia simply smiled to himself, prepared to watch the meeting go hilariously off-course.
England, however, was quite dumbfounded.
"Did I? Did I really bring you up to say things like that?"
America gave a nonchalant shrug and took another bite of his fried chicken leg, an irritatingly innocent look on his face.
"For your information, America, I am most certainly not a poof."
Cramming a whole biscuit in his mouth, America shrugged again.
"You have grease all over your chin, moron."
=END=
Thanks for reading! The sequel to Stroker Ace is very nearly done, so expect more from me very soon.