[FANFIC?] Happy Singles Awareness Day
I guess this is kind of like fanfic? My roommate (dripsofmoon) and I have been collaborating on some personal ads after cracking some jokes while going through my fanart gallery. And then throwing them at degrees, who insisted I share. So here's the first... 11. I think we're gonna try to do some more.
Title: Personal Ads
Author/Artist: Red and dripsofmoon
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Russia, Belarus, N. Italy, Greece, England, Poland, France, Hungary, America, Prussia, Canada
Rating: PG
Warnings: A lot of dirty jokes
Summary: ...they're personal ads.
Russia:
"SWM seeking ne1 to be 1 w/me. -_^. Likes: long walks in the snow, sunflowers, murder. Turn-ons include long hair, northern climates, blood, and fear. Would you like to see my stock of missles? Plz call."
Belarus:
"SWF seeking RUSSIA. Let's get MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED.
Or else."
N. Italy:
"SWM seeking strong man 2 take care of me. : D I like food, painting, food, singing, naps, food, pretty ladies, food, pasta, food and pasta. Turn ons: Um... pasta? I don't understand. Am virgin, sry. :C Plz don't hurt me."
Greece:
"Older Medit.M seeks Asian type. Likes rainstorms and elaborate international sporting events. Turn ons: dark hair, lean bodies, cats. Would like to teach you about Spartans. Must love cats. Must."
England:
"Bugger the shorthand. I'm using my blasted grammar. Single. White. Male. Seeking other male for dirty, drunken weekend long term relationship. I like sailing, tea parties (real ones, not like that FAKE one), civilizing other nations, and royalty. My turn offs include greedy, nasty, ungrateful children, indecent exposure (if you've heard I'm into that it's a PACK OF FILTHY LIES), and France. Would you like to see where the sun sets on the British Empire? Ring me."
Poland:
"so, like, I need, like, a man... um... like... gauwd...how do you start these things? oh. right. so, um, swm. I totally need a guy to do shit for me and... idk... like...buy me things... i liiiiiiiiiiike... um, like, shopping and stuff. farming. being independant. and, like... oh my god, SO this one time, and... swear. to. god. this guy TOTALLY tried to invade me, and I kicked. his. ass. and i was like, wtf? no wai! gtfo. and then he, like, didn't... so... i like totally kicked his ass. ^_^ like, totally. legit. like, all by myself and everything. it was pretty sweet. so... like... what were we talking about? oh yeah. uhhhhh... give me a call on my cell, or, like, whatever, and we can totally do something. <3 XOXO.
PS: I helped. -Lithuania"
France:
“SWM seeking… romance. Need adventurous type(s) for good time(s). Likes: wine, roses, surrender. Turn-ons: open-minded individuals. Turn-offs: clothes. Multiple positions available. Considering simultaneous applications. Come storm my beaches.”
Hungary:
“DWF looking for love, sparring partner. Likes cooking, music, delivering severe beatings. Turn-ons: musicians, close-quarters combat, boy porn. Likes 2 watch. Try nething funny & u suffer. Would like u 2 taste my strudels.”
America:
“SWM wants to make ur life a little more AWESOME. I have a SWEET TRUCK. I like FIREWORKS and EXPLOSIONS. I’m friends with a WHALE. Come see my OCEANS and my MOUNTAINS and my AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN. I think there’s STILL A FEW BUFFALO LEFT. Would like 2 take u out for burgers + RACIN’ or REAL AMERICAN FOOTBALL. I am the MAN. I have a PLANE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB? I’M A FREQUENT FLIER.”
Prussia:
“SWM WISHES 2 SEIZE UR VITAL REGIONS. U ALREADY BELONG 2 ME, U JUST DON’T KNOW IT. JOIN ME 4 WARFARE, BLOODSHED, & ULTIMATE GLORY. BE MY NEXT CONQUEST! IT’S 5 METERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
Canada:
“Easy-going SWM seeking some attention. All I want is someone who knows who I am and enjoys my company. Likes: hockey, beer, maple anything. Turn-ons: snuggles and a good memory. Turn-offs: being mistaken for America, being overshadowed by America, being compared to America. DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AMERICA. I just want to be loved… please? At least just remember my name.”
Title: Personal Ads
Author/Artist: Red and dripsofmoon
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Russia, Belarus, N. Italy, Greece, England, Poland, France, Hungary, America, Prussia, Canada
Rating: PG
Warnings: A lot of dirty jokes
Summary: ...they're personal ads.
Russia:
"SWM seeking ne1 to be 1 w/me. -_^. Likes: long walks in the snow, sunflowers, murder. Turn-ons include long hair, northern climates, blood, and fear. Would you like to see my stock of missles? Plz call."
Belarus:
"SWF seeking RUSSIA. Let's get MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED.
Or else."
N. Italy:
"SWM seeking strong man 2 take care of me. : D I like food, painting, food, singing, naps, food, pretty ladies, food, pasta, food and pasta. Turn ons: Um... pasta? I don't understand. Am virgin, sry. :C Plz don't hurt me."
Greece:
"Older Medit.M seeks Asian type. Likes rainstorms and elaborate international sporting events. Turn ons: dark hair, lean bodies, cats. Would like to teach you about Spartans. Must love cats. Must."
England:
"Bugger the shorthand. I'm using my blasted grammar. Single. White. Male. Seeking other male for dirty, drunken weekend long term relationship. I like sailing, tea parties (real ones, not like that FAKE one), civilizing other nations, and royalty. My turn offs include greedy, nasty, ungrateful children, indecent exposure (if you've heard I'm into that it's a PACK OF FILTHY LIES), and France. Would you like to see where the sun sets on the British Empire? Ring me."
Poland:
"so, like, I need, like, a man... um... like... gauwd...how do you start these things? oh. right. so, um, swm. I totally need a guy to do shit for me and... idk... like...buy me things... i liiiiiiiiiiike... um, like, shopping and stuff. farming. being independant. and, like... oh my god, SO this one time, and... swear. to. god. this guy TOTALLY tried to invade me, and I kicked. his. ass. and i was like, wtf? no wai! gtfo. and then he, like, didn't... so... i like totally kicked his ass. ^_^ like, totally. legit. like, all by myself and everything. it was pretty sweet. so... like... what were we talking about? oh yeah. uhhhhh... give me a call on my cell, or, like, whatever, and we can totally do something. <3 XOXO.
PS: I helped. -Lithuania"
France:
“SWM seeking… romance. Need adventurous type(s) for good time(s). Likes: wine, roses, surrender. Turn-ons: open-minded individuals. Turn-offs: clothes. Multiple positions available. Considering simultaneous applications. Come storm my beaches.”
Hungary:
“DWF looking for love, sparring partner. Likes cooking, music, delivering severe beatings. Turn-ons: musicians, close-quarters combat, boy porn. Likes 2 watch. Try nething funny & u suffer. Would like u 2 taste my strudels.”
America:
“SWM wants to make ur life a little more AWESOME. I have a SWEET TRUCK. I like FIREWORKS and EXPLOSIONS. I’m friends with a WHALE. Come see my OCEANS and my MOUNTAINS and my AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN. I think there’s STILL A FEW BUFFALO LEFT. Would like 2 take u out for burgers + RACIN’ or REAL AMERICAN FOOTBALL. I am the MAN. I have a PLANE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB? I’M A FREQUENT FLIER.”
Prussia:
“SWM WISHES 2 SEIZE UR VITAL REGIONS. U ALREADY BELONG 2 ME, U JUST DON’T KNOW IT. JOIN ME 4 WARFARE, BLOODSHED, & ULTIMATE GLORY. BE MY NEXT CONQUEST! IT’S 5 METERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
Canada:
“Easy-going SWM seeking some attention. All I want is someone who knows who I am and enjoys my company. Likes: hockey, beer, maple anything. Turn-ons: snuggles and a good memory. Turn-offs: being mistaken for America, being overshadowed by America, being compared to America. DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AMERICA. I just want to be loved… please? At least just remember my name.”